interlude
produced by @oakscreen <3
additional production by me

[lyrics]

forever affection
im bad at accepting
keep taking a breath in
keep making my head spin

get lost in the tension
follow your directions
your heart as a weapon
u know im defensless

baby i know that u dont care about me
im all alone theres nobody around me
am i dead or just sleeping soundly
ill never get how you ever found me

eyes blue but your head is cloudy
i too dont want to be lousy
i dont think that i can live without you
baby could u ever live without me

i feel so tender (without me)
you hold me tight (without me)
like burning embers (without me)
youre full of light (could u ever live without me)
always remember (without me)
the way youre like (without me)
could write a letter (without me)
youre the love of my life <3

act like im happy
im good at pretending
im in the backseat
and my journeys ending
baby my last (heart) beat
it wont be depressing
cause ill take it gladly
and i can accept it

vanish (oakscreen)

@blxty

[mental]
i could never hate u
doesnt matter what u do
i know that u hate me
usually i hate me too
tired of complaining
but idk what else to do
tired of explaining
every wrong move i choose

feels like ive lost every reason
nobody else to believe in
think ive got too many secrets
so i keep sleeping and dreaming
that once for a change i could feel something else
and it pains me to stay with the cards ive been dealt
i could keep moving forwards and look for some help
but id rather exist with just u and myself <3

[blxty]
so bby tell me what hits harder den my words
i'm sick n tired of explaining so u first
i still cant find it so i cant tell u my worth
so bby would tell me would u feel the same..
if u were hurt
Like wud it work?
wud u find me useful?
or wud i b like dirt?
and maybe it's just a process
One that i can not process
bang my head n the wall
and u wont tell me i lost it
pls jus tell me i lost it

https://open.spotify.com/album/5dkyRFb1yJPEI0MDEtQi8v?si=7obS22PkQE-X6LH4oxsTHA

after you feat. blxty

scene (maknae & waifu)

@mental 

i couldnt hide when i fall
you're like winter suprised at the cold
i could never be fine all alone
i try my best not to cry when you're home

i wouldnt lie cause im better than that
tired all the time im just letting it pass
even after everything im still glad
twisting my heart think im getting attached

im feeling things ive never felt before
if u were far away to reach u i would teleport
i found the meaning but idk what u said it for
i would do anything that i had to

make u feel okay
u wont ever feel the same
my feelings couldnt be erased
if i tried
so i wont try

https://open.spotify.com/track/2nL40bqG6Cix9hlw9HXnu3?si=5747a5924eaf4c36

attached (mental)

@blxty
@1yugenn

i feel like im better alone
is something wrong with me?
i feel like im turning into
what i don't want to be
tell me everything is alright
i need your honesty
tell me everything will be fine
just keep reminding me that

just be honest, do u hate me?
its all that im thinking bout lately
everyday feel like im going crazy
pushed me to the edge yea u made me
wanna talk ima let it out
all these thoughts inside my head need to get them out
im not happy when you're not around
not a smile its an upside down frown

i hate when i see that you're down
you know when i keep to myself
i cry but im hiding the sound
its a lie coming out of my mouth

honesty (blxty yugen)

everything by me @mental

[lyrics]

i just wanna vanish
when everybody leaves i feel so panicked
you do the same to me
i couldnt manage if it were up to me
its doing damage i lost too much hp

theres a hole in my heart
theres a hole in yours too
getting close to the stars
theyre warm just like you

dont want this to be over
thinking makes me cry
looking hard i need closure
i cant sleep at night
if you wanna be my friend
you could help me - open up
leave me when you're done
swear im close to giving up

id pretend
if u wanted i could play it cool
tell me what u want me for
ur who i adore
and its nothing new

closure

everything by me @mental

[lyrics]
you couldnt tell me that u dont
feel the same way
u know ur perfect
u know ur perfect

u couldnt lie i know it hurts
when you fake it
i swear ur perfect
ur f*cking perfect

i cant try my best
sometimes we dont fall apart at night (:
i wanna vanish from your eyes
touch my arm relax my mind
i know its hard but its alright
you just have to give it time
anything is possible
you dont believe it close your eyes

and ill show u
anything u want
no matter what the cost is
id even sell my heart
id even be forgotten
we dont have to stop
i swear to god and promise
but that wont keep me falling

every day is way too much
i cant fall in and out of love
everything u tell me punches
me i feel it in a rush
i dont wanna feel your touch
tell me something make it up
tell me that u hate my guts
try my hardest not to blush

*letting it all out*

skylight

produced by @kuraiiii

[lyrics]

moving effortlessly
its so serene
you're the hope i need
so just keep holding me
i can never listen
its controlling me
i want our souls to meet

i can try my best to keep it inside
every day feels like im living a lie
keep a smile on the inside i cry
i was running but i wanted to hide

bad thoughts in my head im sick
no other feeling like it
you're my medicine
im just tryna be enlightened
but i dont wanna keep on fighting
new day another L
im tired of crying

i feel your presence and it pulls me in
dont have my heart right in your hands but you're controlling it
really i just wanna go home again
(dont have my heart right in your hands but you're controlling it)

[@7serene]

keep it inside (kurai)

prod me @mental

@kairo6k
@mitsooya
@blxty

https://open.spotify.com/track/437O0RBtvtzqE4U5OtPv7Z?si=e641fde85d4f4777

jeans feat. blxty (maknae & mental)

@taylor
@sainttomorrow

i was living my sorrow but now i can live my life
i thought you were an angel and youd grow wings in front of my eyes
im obsessed with escaping theres no reason i cant fly
when you tell me you love me i dont know how to cry

everydays the same i can never get a break
know you wanna change but you're still stuck in your ways
keep making mistakes but youll never take the blame
im afraid of everything not being the same

i was complaining you were erasing the thoughts in my head
you're contemplating the things that you said
im concentrated on not being dead
its complicated but theres nothing left

im giving up im just way too too tired to try
you said you hate me but i know that shit is a lie
i couldnt tell you the truth if you looked in my eyes
im too afraid of the words that live in my mind

how to cry (taylor morgan & saint tomorrow)

last song of 2021 :)
love u guys <3

raspberrys cant compete
ur the sweetest thing that ive ever seen
i think they all hate me cuz they love to leave
i been having dreams like its just u and me
lately i been trapped im stuck
idc ab no money but i add it up
i was down as hell last year but now im passed it bruh
and the people who looked down i swear i passed em up

stab me in the back turn that love to hate
i need a method on how to feel okay
why am i awake im a waste of space
look me in the face my problems erased

strangers say they love me it dont feel the same
i been going thru this almost every day
i dont wanna wait yea its such a pain
everything u say it gets in my brain

if u want ill go away
ill wrap my feelings in the cellophane
u said some things that i cant say again
misread what u said i thought that we were friends
dont know if it ever ends
sorry that im not good at playing pretend
i dont really think i can
dizzy and im weak i cant feel my legs

like a raspberry

@mental
@lilac

i just want to be here forever
i dont think you really know how it hurts
every day goes by like a blur
tried so many times nothing works

so ill fall apart
and break without a warning
i think for me the hurt was warming
theres something sweet about the burning
so ill fall apart
just leave while its still tempting
i think for you the love was empty
it might be sweet but its not healthy

i feel like death
its deep in my heart again
seeking the warmth of
someone who cares
theres nobody there but
the wind in my hair
the sun turns to moon
and suddenly you care

apathy [mental + lilac]

everything by me @mental
featuring @gnde

https://open.spotify.com/track/2HkysUlkqHuFLpt71lECl4?si=27e8105b95da441a&nd=1

lyrics:

im aching
i feel my body fall apart
make my walls collapse
im crawling back
to somewhere i can start

wish they would talk to me
i feel them watching me
its almost constantly
its hard to fall asleep
wake up and walk between
hate me and want to be
i cant keep promising
that this is all ill be

i feel dead
til they tell me that they love me
i feel better
every day im losing friends
i can barely even walk on my own legs
like im floating
or maybe falling instead
but im not
its not that bad
i start feeling lost
ill hold ur hand
havent smiled since december
it might be like this forever

yea its aching
body shaking
i cant fake it
the conversations
got no patience
i cant take it
the violations
vile cadence
i am faded
the constellations
got me jaded
ive gone manic

with life on my back its just got me in panic
all of my friends they just went in and vanished
and i always felt like a monster thats banished
and all of my life i just felt like a menace

all of my time has been wasted again
trying to keep all my friends in my head
but i rather have noone there and depressed 
cuz all of these people they used me and left

i want a chance just to be by myself
cuz all of you fakes want to drain all my health
and i have been trying to fix how i felt
but all of this time and u wasted in hell

ache feat. grandee

https://open.spotify.com/track/2osiAqYqbnUp9oyXeXlvjk

everything by me @mental

lyrics:

broke my heart like 1000 times
been in so much pain dont even realize
i dont even think that this is real lifee
tryna find the courage will u be mine?

say whats up,
heavy hearted thats enough
i depend on hollow love
feel the weight and like a bug,
im crushed (x7)

i feel like im dying everyday
i dont wanna lie girl, im feeling scared
its not rly like me 2 be awake
every single night, when ur walking away
tell me everything that u want me to say
cause i could never say every word on my brain
i put my back in this art and my soul in ur heart
and u still wouldnt even do the same...
think i gtg :/

like a bug

@blxty
@januaryyy

lyrics:
back up
they showin me fake love it gets to my head
back then
i was alone in this i aint have no friends
im like back up
u want a verse from me so gimme some bread
im like back up
baby just pls back up

i dont even wanna talk to u
too many things that i gotta do
too many ppl who watch my moves
too many fakes who could plot on u
too many times ppl lied to me
wake up im feeling anxiety
i know that they wanna silence me
you said u fye thats some irony
yeaa
yeaa
yea
im the wrong and im right
and im smokin gas getting high yea
we getting high as a kite
i wake up and i wanna die yea
im having a terrible night
they laugh at me throwing some punches im dodging i told u i dont wanna fight
yeaa yeaa
tell me go up and im on it
run to the bag like im sonic
told em im getting that bag if i want it
my music spread like bubonic
they know my name when they hear it
every i felt this pain in my heart
i get so high that i cant even feel it

high
get so high i can't feel it
and you don't even know my name
so why the hell u be trippin?
they wanna live how i'm living
i don't think that they can
that boy just a fan
suitcase for bands
yeah
me n mental on tour
we goin 2 egypt
working out all my plans ya
i play this game strategic 
he tryna sell me an amv 
tell that lil boy i don need it
so gone i can't feel it
tell me girl do u feel it?

back then feat. blxty (jxlyy)

@maknae

lyrics:

don't wanna live i wanna die
u make me hate being alive
all of these things they on my mind
wish that i could leave them behind
oh oh u told me u hate me like
no no i still don't believe it let
go go i'm so tired but still i
know know everything will be okay

it feels like this every day
made me wanna put a couple in my brain
im so tired i don't know if i can stay
every day is getting worse my mental state decays
try my best i wont succeed
i need some rest i'm gonna sleep but
its a test my inner peace is
breaking and now i'm falling into pieces

[@7serene]

rest (maknae)

everything by me @mental

lyrics:

dont know how to live without ur touch
got me feeling like ive never been enough
i was helpless but i still thought i was lucky
i gave up thinking about giving up
doesnt matter even if i try my hardest
it wont ever be the way that it was
and i made my circle smaller than ur heart is
idc im prepared to collapse

every time i think, its a burden to me... keep my mind in silence
i miss every night when we talked bout nothing we still laughed and smiled
but i guess that ur onto the next thing i just dont wanna be alive
and i thought u were never gonna lie but u said u were never gonna let me cry

it was a waste of time when i crumpled up into pieces
fake smile hope they believe it
i know they rly hate me so im bleeding
heart broken crying and screaming
hole in my chest idk how im breathing
new pain but its not for a reason
new day and another ones leaving
idk how to cope with these feelings

homesick

feels like its luck that i met u,, so idk how ill live without Uu :<
@sanriorose
@lil4c

https://open.spotify.com/track/615H5I2U2RVL5Wrl1XSojr?si=-WkeVha0QTGSr8sfvo0wDw

luck feat. dolly (lilac)

adore (odel & mariette)

weakness

@4amxx

https://lyricallemonade.com/p/better-mental

better (4am)

@blackwinterwells

for my friends

[lyrics]
it feels like a waste of time
im so tired i don't wanna go outside
they tell me it's not as bad but i still hate my life
and i guess it could be worse but that don't make me smile
make me smile

i think that you're perfect in ur own way
i avoid the things that make me okay
you tell me im stupid "thats what they say"
you get kind of angry i stay away

ive always been wrong but i think im in the right here
know ur not alone, if u need someone im right here
i been down for way 2 long, but u helped me get my mind clear
i just wanna go, but ur still up in my nightmares

yeah i tried to be ok, but it always ends up bad
shouldve known that you were fake when u stabbed me in the back
but i think i'll be okay, i can never go back
can u look me in the face can u tell me (tell me)

smile (mental & wells)

@blxty
@15elias

[mental]
you broke my heart its bleeding out
i cry for help i scream and shout
i need ur love i need it now
u broke me all my walls torn down
rip me apart im shattered
make me think i never mattered
i cant deal with all this damage
burn me turn me into ashes

[blxty]
going back to my patterns
im falling in
if u told i mattered
would it b pretend
feel like dolly
tell her that she still miss me
she don't miss me she only miss blxty

lets see how far all these drugs will get me
2d only see the part where u leave
its crazy how everyone wanna be me now
covered up in blood feel like a hound

[mental]
they all wanna be me
i wish i was someone else
live my life on repeat
secrets i can never tell
everybody leaves me
i know that u will as well
i know u dont need me
moving onto someone else
look up at the stars
fall into ur arms im safe
broke into my heart
everything is falling into (place)

shattered feat. blxty (elias & mental)

micro-edits & mixing by grandee

@angelus7k
@gnde
@blackwinterwells

monster feat. angelus & grandee (blackwinterwells)

https://open.spotify.com/track/30qOE3LSUCmV2ImcHJzjFF?si=m8xQlUZvRem3OTc2BMHoew

@kuraiiii
@176s

[lyrics]
im stressed u help me calm down
still i cant let my guard down
my heart always gets knocked down
so i keep it in lockdown

u make me calm down (you make me believe in me)
im still in lockdown tho
cant let my guard down (you make me believe in myself)
cause u might knock me down

free me
take me away
love, u
cant say the same
im trapped
inside my brain
hate almost
every day

u make me feel a lil bit better
when im down and under the weather
i can come to u for attention
hope u know u hold me together

protect (kurai & waifu)

ignored (kurai & winter)

@sanriorose
prod me

(mental)
i hope u dont hate me
lotta words that i'll never let escape me
oh oh
yea u drive me crazy
made a bag spend a rack on the daily
oh oh
everyday im having bad thoughts
everyday im tryna get lost
everyday i get so pissed off
everyday they told me kick rocks
everyday i try to get up
everyday i wanna fall off
everyday i try to bring up
that ur not the one that i want

i get too defensive i kno it
hurt cant show it
eyes wide open
second chance but ik im bout 2 blow it
in the background treat me like a token
im not saying sorry
i dont got a reason
tell me that ur lyin
dont even wanna believe it
sillyteam yaa its our season
lookin at my opps yea i gotta get even

(dolly)
treat me like a dummy but u kno i need it
butterflies all in my tummy i hope u dont see it
n i saw u running i guess im the reason
n u learned it from me gotta watch what im teaching
every day i have a bad day
i feel like a dead man walking
i did what i did its ok
u treat it like it was nothing
u did what u did its ok
i treat it like it was nothing
i jus wanted it all the same
ur lying if u say u want me

[@1sillyteam]

repeat feat. dolly (mental)

@twikipedia

@prodelxnce
@kuraiiii
@vinsoignatius

mental

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