This is a song I wrote, produced and rapped on to raise awareness about domestic violence for a "Love-In" Concert in Singapore in 2011. Heiwa, a Singaporean NGO, had reached out to me to ask me to write this a song to speak out against domestic violence.
My friend Selin, sang on the main leads of the song. My ex-husband, (boyfriend at that time) Esteban Proaño, did backing vocals and mix and mastered the track. I met them both at UCLA Extension in a course on Audio Recording Theory led by Darryl Swann. Later that year, in 2011, I eloped with Esteban, and Selin was the one witness to our hasty nuptial ceremony. 
The irony about this song is that my relationship with Esteban was riven with domestic violence and emotional abuse. At the time of production of the song, I was dating him, and could never imagine that the would cause me physical harm and break me down emotionally and psychologically. 
He was the epitome of all that I considered to be kind, gentle and loving, and I believed myself to be a strong woman. 
This just underlines how insidious emotional abuse is. It is important to educate yourself on emotional abuse, so you don't get easily manipulated and ensnared in a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship with your S.O, boss or family member or friend. We all deserve better. Lyrics below:

THE AMENDMENT

Verse
I’ve tried so hard to forget this
I think of it each time we kiss
And though I’ve tried to make amends
I’ve got to let you understand 
 
Chorus 1
A melody, a melody 
I love when you sing so sweet to me
Unearthing the hurt that burns so deep
Exposing the wound within that bleeds

Chorus 2
A melody, a melody 
I love when you sing so tenderly 
I hate when you do those things you do
Puttin’ me thru’ the black and blue ≠
	

Rap 1
Babe, I’m sick of pretending 
And I’m tired of living this lie
See I tried so hard to shut my eyes 
As I saw love turn to despise 

I watch our children watching us
And I feel the fear in their eyes
Coz’ all that they knew of innocence
Has now been swallowed by lies

The bruises heal but it can’t conceal
The pain that I’m feelin' inside
Each mark each tear each blow each throw
Each time you break, I owe


Verse
I’ve tried so hard to forget this
I think of it each time we kiss
And though I’ve tried to make amends
I’ve got to let you understand 

Rap 2
Take this shame this pain this blame
And please stop calling yourself insane
I hate these lies that you make believe in
And I won’t be convinced tho’ you keep on insistin’ 

I not your fool and we’re not your tools 
So face yourself: look in my eyes
I love you babe but for now it’s goodbye
We’ll see you again when you’re ready to try. 

Chorus 3
A melody, a melody 
I love when you sing so tenderly
But how can you heal this pain that burns
When trust can’t be bought because it’s earned

Bridge  
And it took me some time to face the music, 
bite the bullet, embrace my fears 
But now I’m walking away my dear
I won’t look behind coz’ I can dry these tears
And words won’t heal this pain
Though you often sang a sweet refrain  
If there was one thing I could give babe
If there was one thing I could give to you

(Back to Chorus and Outro)

The Amendment

What do you allow into your heart? Sometimes people say or do hurtful things, that we then internalise or take to heart. Are we going to let their voices remain in our heads and hearts or do we tell those voices that they are wrong and they need to leave? 

Our hearts are like crosswords puzzles that are reconfigured everyday; what kind of words would you like people to use with you and which words will unlock the secrets to your heart? Are words alone enough to access your heart, or do you need more than words?

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Here's a link to my blogpost: https://wordpress.com/post/meowmeowproject.com/1707

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11 James' Lament Snippet

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Touche

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Recently the bottom fell out of my life, and somehow it has freed me up to revisit the person I was, and the person I want to be. Although this song is far from polished in it's production/delivery, I think that's the point, we live life so far from perfection, but that doesn't make life any less beautiful or interesting or inspiring. In fact, it's often the worst experiences you go through that can be the crucible of change for you to transform into that which your soul longs for you to be.

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I am a singer-songwriter and and writer. Find out more about me here! meowmeowproject.com

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