(This manuscript was found in 1833 in Rome. It was lying next to the body of a Catholic bishop found just outside Vatican City. To this day his murder is still unresolved.)

destroying the queue
author unknown

OCTOBER 30th, 1603
Ten days, three hours, and thirty-three minutes. That is how long I have been without sleep, food, or water. I do not know why I cannot bring myself to eat or drink, but I would give all of my possessions for a little sleep.

I lay on my bed and watched the walls of my room get smaller and smaller. The only sound was the ever slowing tick of the clock. The dim light outside my window grew brighter and brighter until i feared for blindness. My head began to swim with the light and the unforgiving boom of the clock. i looked at my bedside table and saw two books and a quill. The first book was bound in black the title, as old as time itself, printed on the cover. The other was a small journal bound in black leather. The cover was as blank as the pages it contained. Almost without any conscious thought, my left hand reached out for the journal while my right hand found the quill. i looked again at the cover and saw “the great queue” was now printed on the front. i do not know why i began for my choices had been taken from me long ago. None-the-less, i began to write. i wrote of the pain and suffering i have caused, as well as, the pain and suffering that has been caused me. i wrote of the pain and suffering my brothers and sisters have caused, as well as, the pain and suffering that has been caused them. i wrote of the sins of my fathers and the sins my children had yet to commit. i wrote of all Man’s despair placing it in queue to be dealt with in an appropriate manner. Or to remain undealt with still. This choice was also not mine to make. i wrote and i wrote and i wrote always anticipating an end that never came. All the while, the journal grew larger and larger and larger.
 
All at once, i found myself in the middle of a small wooded clearing the journal still clutched in my arms. i was, however, not alone. Her figure emerged from the shadows with all the grace the earth could afford. Her movement was fluid, like water emerging from a spring. Her hair was as black as the night we were in and her lips as red as blood. She was beautiful. She was beauty. i asked her name although i already knew it. She did not answer, but a voice whispered in my head, “Love and Hate, Joy and Sorrow”. i looked down and saw that the pages of the journal had turned to stone. The weight of which was too much for me to bear. “the great queue” fell to the ground at my feet. She moved silently always remaining a part of the shadows around her. She came to me. Her arms, strong yet loving, embraced my now limp body. i felt her lips, firm and soft to the touch, as they caressed my skin. i felt her breath, hot and sweet, on my neck as she whispered, “Do not be troubled my love. It ends tonight”. Then, the bite. i welcomed that sweet sweet bliss. i needed it.

Again i found myself in strange surroundings. A huge cavern engulfed me. my quickening breath echoed with the enormity of the cavern. The only light was that of an unseen fire flickering on the walls. Surrounding me in the air were the pages of the journal. They moved and danced with the rhythm of the unseen firelight. As the pages moved closer, they began to bite, tearing my flesh from its bone. i cried out, although i knew not who i cried out to. Some would think a great light came to my rescue, making all wrongs in the universe right. This was not so. The darkness surrounding me darkened and grew. It moved slowly, like molasses, enveloping all it touched. Eating. The darkness ate the cavern walls. It ate the unseen firelight. It ate all of the pages from the journal. Then … the darkness took me. 

When i awoke, i lay on the ground in the clearing, still in her arms. She whispered softly into my ear, “Shhhhh”. She held me. As i regained my strength, i returned to my feet. Gain’s mistress turned, as if to leave, and whispered, “Come”. i fallowed. i would fallow her until all that existed was no more. i would fallow her forever. She led me to her castle and then to her bed. There she loved me. Fore the first time I felt strong. For the first time I felt whole. For the first time I felt peace.

It feels like ages have passed since that night, and since that night, I have learned many truths. However, none are more important than this: with every new beginning there must be an end. Since that night, my eyes have not again fallen on the pages of the journal. Although I know it still exists somewhere, I feel it no longer. All I know is that I no longer thirst for meaning. I no longer crave for sleep. However, I am very hungry …
And now it is time to feed!  


Michael Henderson 30