When your mate decides to bring in the Winter Solstice by recording a concept EP, which he dedicates himself to with complete enthusiasm, performing Celtic/ Pagan rituals and massively fucks up, filling his house with spooks, spirits and dead comedians. This is what happened to our friend Will. Consider this a word of caution, should you decide to dabble in dark magic and weird behaviour in the name of making records...

William Isn't Well (Demo)

One tiny studio.
A selection of Awful Equipment.
Three men with vast tuna truncheons.
Plus COCKos Reaper.
These are the results.

Spanner Head - Unprofessional, Unpolished, Unashamed Version

One tiny studio.
A selection of Awful Equipment.
Three men with mighty mackerel mallets.
Plus COCKos Reaper.
These are the results

Arsehole - Unprofessional, Unpolished, Unashamed Version

One tiny studio.
A selection of Awful Equipment.
Three men with colossal kipper clobberers.
Plus COCKos Reaper.
These are the results

Proper Version:

https://open.spotify.com/track/2efAUW7lQuwsDM4fpZrv4D?si=1f3ca79250184d64

Drinking By Myself - Unprofessional, Unpolished, Unashamed Version

One tiny studio.
A selection of Awful Equipment.
Three men with vast lemon sole slappers.
Plus COCKos Reaper.
These are the results

William Isn't Well - Unprofessional, Unpolished, Unashamed version

Have you ever been cheated on? Ever allowed a parasite into your life? 
Well life is meant to be difficult and eventually you realise you're better off without the vampiric little slug. 
Especially when they end up going out with people they used to constantly speak about in derogatory terms because they need to be using someone at all times. Cheer up and crack a beer. There's plenty more vaginas in the sea.
This is a quick, self-recorded demo we've fired together for our upcoming EP. 
100% Punk Rock (for old times sake)

Years Wasted (demo)

My psychiatrist is the only woman for me. She'll never hurt me coz I have her trussed up like a Christmas turkey.

Fallen in Love with my Psychiatrist (Demo)

This song's for anyone who tries to say that Nicola Sturgeon's not a real man.

T.G.S.O

G'day mate!

this is a li'lle numba I wrote when I was just a li'lle nippa constantly full of Fostas on the lookout for dingoes and Tazzy tigas! Me ol' man used to put 'is 'and down me pants coz he wasn't roight since his cawk got birren off by a bleedin' crocodile! 

CRIKEY!

ROFL HARRIS AND THE BABY EATIN' DINGOES - TIE MA KANGAROO DOON

A tune about the most over-rated venue in Glasgow where all the Hipsters, hangers-on and deluded and hopeful Indie scum go in the hope they will follow in the worst cover band in history; Oasis' footsteps and get "discovered" there just like their talentless, song-thieving heroes from twenty years ago! Frequented by such absolute mundane and safe bands as the View and Biffy Clyro; I really would rather have my balls chewed by someone's pit bull terrier than set foot in the place again! Fuck you King Tuts... Fuck you!

the Performance Enhancing Suppositories - King Tuts Is Shit

Here's our little "fuck you" to the spineless Glasgow Punk Rock bands who tolerate racist, Nazi idiots at their gigs because the extra person in the gig/ Facebook "like" is more important to them than standing up for what's right! This was a lot of fun to make and I can't wait to release it properly!

"ANGIE'S ALRIGHT ANGIE'S ALRIGHT GONNA MEET HER AT THE GIG TONIGHT
RACIST GIRLFRIEND OF A PUNK ROCK BAND BUT WE DON'T CARE COZ SHE'S OUR BIGGEST FAN!!!

THEY CRAWLED OUT OF THE SHADOWS INTO A FRIENDLY EMBRACE
THE ADOLFS OF THE GLASGOW SCENE HAVE FOUND THEIR SAFE PLACE
AND NOW YOU'RE FUCKING SURROUNDED BY REPROBATES SO VILE
YOUR PUNK ROCK SCENE IS GOING DOWN AND DOING SO WITHOUT STYLE!!!

AND THE BANDS DON'T FUCKING CARE IF THEY GET PATS ON THE BACK
THEIR BLOOD AND HONOUR FOLLOWING BUILDS THE CONFIDENCE THEY LACK
AND IF YOU QUESTION THEIR ACTIONS THEY'LL JUST FUCKING LIE
CALL YOU A BULLY, SPIT OUT THEIR DUMMIES AND CRY!!!

HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE IAN STUART DONALDSON HIT A TREE
IN HIS CAR HE DIDN'T GET FAR COZ HE'S NOW DEED
HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE IAN STUART DONALDSON HIT A TREE
VERY POOR DRIVER FROM SKREWDRIVER SHOULD HAVE WATCHED HIS SPEED
HA HA HA HEE HEE HEE"!!!

the Performance Enhancing Suppositories - Angie's Alright (Demo)

An acoustic diatribe towards the biggest cancer of the 21st Century... Social Media! You've all been turned into whiny, flaky zombies; too caught up in your pointless Facebook arguments to look out the window and see what's really going on! We can't wait till the internet dies and you all commit suicide because you can no longer feed your pathetic online addictions and you have to communicate with people face to face! Fuck Facebook and fuck you, stinky!!!

New pass-time for the dull
stupid, average numbskull
If you thought TV was wrong
Start your computer.... Log on
Social networks haunted by
Stupid opinions, trolls and lies
Misinformation from the misinformed
Online fuckin' idiot swarm!!!

I won't go on my knees
For this social disease
I will not be hurt
By the social JERKWORK!!!

It's a plague but nobody sees
Long term friends become enemies
Over a difference of opinion
Abuse 'em, delete 'em, block 'em, bin 'em
All I can do is take the piss
Out of you Facebook egotists
Bonded to your virtual reality
Mental health problems and misery!!!

CHORUS AGAIN!!!

And now you're an insect caught in the world wide web
Living with a modem plugged into your head
Can only say what you mean if it's contained in a meme
Taking retarded to a whole new extreme!!!

ABSOLUTELY RIPPING GUITAR SOLO THAT YOU COULDN'T EVEN DO ON AN ELECTRIC GUITAR NEVER MIND AN ACOUSTIC! JIMMY HENDRICKS COULDN'T EVEN DO THIS... HE'S DEAD!!!

Social media's a joke here's why
The person you pretend to be is a lie
Now your whole entire life
revolves around views and likes
A pathetic need to be praised
For an online persona that's fake
Is what people now see as reality
Worldwide psychosis is on it's way!!!

LAST CHORUS!!!

Now fuck off!!!

The Performance Enhancing Suppositories - Social Jerkwork (Acousdick)

After years of attempting to make society crumble it turns out that all we had to do was cook up a batch of mum's old recipe bat soup and everyone goes positively MAD for the stuff! It takes off faster than Reggae sauce without us even having to go on some reality TV parade with a ukulele and before you know it  the whole country is at a halt and Boris is on his death bed! That's what happens when you harvest your bats from Hunterston but they glow in the dark so they're a doozy to sneak up on whilst they're roosting! Anyway... If anyone wishes to thank us for your extended holiday please just send alcohol to

Mr M O'Donnell
2nd Skip Behind the Corner Shop
Next to the Really Old Dog Turd
Scumbagton
Scotland
G82 666

Bat Soup -The Performance Enhancing Suppositories

Recently Tommy Robinson; the bam who pretends to be a working class hero to convey a very obviously racist and attention-seeking agenda, has been threatening to leave the UK! As it so happens the Performance Enhancing Suppositories have had plans to ship him off to a desert island for quite some time! When society crumbles over corona and we have to step up and take over because you are all too busy wetting your panties to get things done it is high up on the agenda! We're going to send Attenborough and a BBC team out to film the consequences! 

Let's see his Great British culture get him outta this one then! 

BBC 2 Friday night at 9PM hosted by Ant and Dec!

the Performance Enhancing Suppositories - Tommy Robinson Crusoe

From a dreary, impoverished dump of a town in Scotland comes the world's most despicable band! Whatever you've got we're against it and we don't care who we upset on our drunken Rock 'n' Roll journey to self destruction and masturbatory death scenarios! See you in Valhalla baw bags!!!

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