Modular Synthesizer Dreams

a beautiful, hurtful life: chapter 2/30
read more about the song on my website: https://revenantmusic.net/#at-the-end-of-time

connect with me:
soundcloud: @revenant-edm
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audius: audius.co/revenant
lyrics: genius.com/artists/Revenant-ishraq-choudhury

connect with Parable Collective:
soundcloud: @parablecollective
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art credits: me

In 2020, I lost a close family friend due to COVID-19. The last time I saw him was when he visited my family and me in late 2019. At the time I was studying for exams and didn't give him the time he needed and that was the last time I saw him.
In the past, I lost my grandparents in a similar manner.
'at the end of time' is an attempt to convey how I feel now. All the work did pay off, but at what cost? I could have everything I could ever want but would lose everyone in the process.
It taught me about how unfortunately anyone at any time could disappear, and that I should remember to put these people first and give them the love, time, and care they need.
Everything else in this world is temporary.

at the end of time
The family friend and my grandparents were some of the sweetest people that could ever have existed. They would always encourage me with everything I did, from music to my studies and would always make me feel like I was special.
My paternal grandmother was the last grandparent to live, and she passed away before I got a place at medical school, something that all of my grandparents dreamt of and encouraged me to pursue. At the time of writing this, I have finished my fifth year of medical school, done well in my exams, and won a scholarship, but they're not here to see it.
I wish you could see me now, I know I would've made you proud and I'm sorry I didn't give you more time. If you're out there, wherever you are, I hope you can see what I'm doing. This is all for you and I will be the best I can be for you.

lyrics:
[verse 1]
at what cost did i succeed?
by giving into my own greed

i didn't give the time you need 
and now you're no longer here

[bridge]
but now you are gone
and i keep thinking it's my fault 
i couldn't give you all my love
i don't know if i can keep going on

[chorus]
and i'll keep running away
so many things that i've wanted to say
i know that i'm to blame
i can't look back because i am ashamed

and at the end of time
i'll finally feel alive
nobody by my side
it's the end of a beautiful, hurtful life

[verse 2]
i want a way out
i hate how you're not around
i wish you could see me now
i know that i would've made you proud

[bridge]
but now you are gone
and i keep thinking it's my fault 
i couldn't give you all my love
i don't know if i can keep going on

[chorus]
and i'll keep running away
so many things that i've wanted to say
i know that i'm to blame
i can't look back because i am ashamed

and at the end of time
i'll finally feel alive
nobody by my side
it's the end of a beautiful, hurtful life

a beautiful, yet hurtful life

at the end of time

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/////////

Water Memory began as an imagination of the feelings that are floating through the natural world around us. It morphed and cycled and gained memories of my own which are now contained like those in all bodies.

Water Memory 1

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Modular Synthesizer Dreams

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