Hello readers.

Just last night, a thought occurred to me. Often I've promoted my creative pursuits amongst the local groups of our town, but never had I thought to involve those outside of Night Vale.

I arrived at this thought as I watched the shivering, wailing figures beyond my window, and the ever so soothing swirls of motion danced throughout the sky. The community station played something that sounded unfamiliar during their weather report. It was something that could never have originated from our small, humble town, nor could it have come from somewhere as tasteless as Desert Bluffs.

I queried the library but left wholly dissatisfied with the lack of information they could provide and treatment by the staff. The post office was much the same, simply causing me to lose my bearings through it's black depths.

I am still left answer-less on how to purvey my creations elsewhere. So, if you, dear reader, know a solution, please contact me.

Another Night In Nightvale

DREAMS.EXE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED
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... Oh. So those sirens ar-
SECOND_THOUGHTS.EXE HAS BEEN SET TO REALTIME PRIORITY
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YOU'RE HOW OLD!?

I am the last of my people. They spark the flame from within, revealing the path before me. Their hues light these tunnels as they so made them. Their disagreements block my way but their voices will inevitably usher me through.
The exiled still chase me, but I must go on to free them from their eternal torment. I must protect what remains to bring us back from ash.

Made at the Global Game Jam 2014 in Perth for Carry The Fire (http://www.skybreakergames.com/carry-the-fire/)

Cling To The Light

Reggie's voice thundered as his icy stare pierced Miyamoto's heart, 'Miyamoto! Stop trying to make 'Gameboy' happen! IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!'

He contemplated Reggie's words before the next press meeting. It was his turn to speak...

"Why should Mario get to stomp around like a giant? While the rest of us try not to get smushed under his BIG FEET. Whats so great about Mario? Hmm? Luigi is just as smart as Mario. OK Luigi is just as cute as Mario. People totally like Luigi just as much as they like Mario. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody???!? Huh!? Because that's not what Mushroom Kingdom is about! WE SHOULD TOTALLY JUST STAB MARIO!"

Reggie was hit by a blue shell two days later.
The Gameboy was released to critical acclaim.
Miyamoto was pleased.

[More messing around on the Gameboy. Shit is weird, man.]

Gameboys Are So Fetch

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Phew, saved.

down a a left up down democracy  right b b left a start left b anarchy left up right left up b down a left start up up anarchy up left up start right right a right left b b up down left down anarchy start b right left b start a up democracy  up start b anarchy right up start start a left up right b left down up b down down start up a anarchy democracy down right start...

Red! Listen!

Gabe, a man, a C-E-O
Valve, the company he runs
Steam, a store that is on-line
Source, with long, long loading screens
Hats, a trader's on-line cent
Gun, A thing to match your hat
Sale, a time of joy and praise
They will not make Half-Life 3 (three-three-three)

[First post-Game Jam song. Not entirely sure how I feel about it overall, but hey, it exists... Right? YEAH. CRANK DAT CHIP]

Do Re Me Fa So Half Life 3

AH HA! AH HA HA HA!!! FINALLY, YOU'RE MINE!!!

After 20 years of searching, jumping from continent to continent, planet to planet, era to era, my search is over! At first I thought you were in Russia, Vietnam, or maybe even Argentina, but you were smarter than that... Oh yes, you knew long before I caught up to you that I'd find you there. It was too obvious for you, too simple, too crude of a solution to have me discover.

You ventured into space, finding solace upon The Moon, Mercury, Pluto, skipping from asteroid to asteroid like a cheetah escaping poachers. But it wasn't enough for you, was it? There were only so many clouds on Jupiter for you to hide behind, too few canyons to hide in on Mars, I'd seek you out sooner or later.

... Later. That was all that mattered. Your discovery was inevitable, but you could make sure the inevitable never came. You had to change the outcome, but that would require changing the events of the past, so that's where you went... But you couldn't change it, could you? Perhaps it was the laws of the universe, some deterministic probability of events outside of your control, or maybe the ACME training was too far ingrained into your very psyche to allow you to alter the events of the past to mould your perfect future.

You resorted to hiding once again, ducking behind ladies of The Victorian, commanding slaves of The Egyptians, leading armies of The Medieval, and taming creatures of The Prehistoric. You could hide in plain sight, no one realised what your appearance hid from them, no one but me. Space, in all of its enormity, was still privy to my eyes. You wanted something beyond that, somewhere no one could find you, but I knew. If you went back in time, I could never follow, but you underestimated my determination.

I fished with The Mayans, cursed with samurai, and even performed for Genghis Khan until I realised what a fool I had been. Simply going backwards in our universe too close for comfort. If the inevitable were to occur, it would only occur here, in this hypersphere of existence. But elsewhere, the same rules didn't apply. It seemed only logical to travel through the very fabric of our universe into another, you could hide outside of perception like a neutrino barely touching what it flies through.

But neutrinos could still be spotted, and I was still alive. There were only so many quantum defiances you could make before ending up violating uncertainty. Every step you took, every move you made, every breath you felt, everything was torn asunder in each new dimension you gained and lost. Time became motion, motion became space, and space went flat to compensate you. But I saw you in every colour.

Your form may have changed, your elementary composition an amnesic relic of your original, but your topology remained. No matter where you jumped, you were Carmen Sandiego, and I would find you. But the multiverse was too effortless, like a Rubik's cube with no answer. You would be no where and everywhere, something and nothing at all times of your being. You had to elude me in every universe you went to. Me.

And that was it. I was who you were running from. You had planned it all along. There was no way to catch you if there was no you to catch. I had been turned into a spy with no mission, a gun with no ammo, a goldfish without a bowl. You were me and I had found you, one with myself and void of purpose. I had learned hundreds of languages, discovered countless planets, altered my state infinitely over, only to realise that we are the same condensed point of consciousness as everything else.

Well played, Carmen. Well played.

I Finally Found You, Carmen Sandiego

Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance.

Inwardly: alone. Here. Living under the land, under the sea, in the belly of society, whom we created because our time was badly spent and we must have known unconsciously that he could do it better.

Academically: nebulous, like an airless cavity suspended from dust, that no man or woman or gay or lesbian or binary or dimensional or erotic or demented or lifeless or Tumblr could decipher.

He was speaking for all of us.

I Have No Mouth, And I Must Voice My Opinions On Gender Normativity's Pitfalls

Despite receiving critical acclaim, the show did not receive high enough ratings to allow its renewal for a 16th season. The shows creator, Michaelaglorargh, did not take the news well, leading to his divorce and subsequent troubles with sewers.  Hellbent on revenge, Michaelaglorargh moved to the little known country of Japan, hoping to find solace amongst the ninjas he had described intimately in his works.

In his new book, 'Splinter Me Timbers: Why ninjas are the key to global warming and the economy', Michaelaglorargh describes his experiences as "both [horrific] and deeply [satisfying]". I got a chance to meet up with him and discuss his experiences as he saw them.

Jooce: "Hi Michaelaglorargh, how are you?"

Michaelaglorargh: "Heh. How. That's always the question, isn't it? It's never WHAT are we, it's always HOW? How is it that we continue to exist in such a chaos ridden space? How do we continue given what we've already done?"

Jooce: "Ha ha, absolutely! So tell me, how has 15 years training with the Glargle clan taught you?"

Michaelaglorargh: "Aw, you know how it goes. Swords, stitches, boards, bitches..."

Jooce: "I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with the phrase."

Michaelaglorargh: "It means exactly what it sounds like, but inclusive of the native owners of the land, the mole people."

Jooce: "Fascinating. Have you ever thought of what kind of impact you would have had if you ever became a scientist or engineer?"

Michaelaglorargh: "Every day. I quit my job at the age of 17 because I wanted to pursue my dream of astroturfing. As you can see, it went just great for me."

Jooce: "Ha ha! Seriously though."

Michaelaglorargh: "Yeah, yeah... Well, no. Actually, before you mentioned it, never. I was a bit focused on being a ninja, really."

Jooce: "Do you have any regrets?"

Michaelaglorargh: "Each day that goes by the executive that destroyed my life is allowed to breathe is a regret."

Jooce: "Very true! I'm afraid that's all we have time for. Before we part ways, may I ask who your next target is?"

Michaelaglorargh: "Well, if I told you that, what kind of serial killer would I be?"

Jooce: "Ah ha ha! Thanks again for your time."

Michaelaglorargh: "Pleasure."


Jooce is made up word from Perth, often feigning sentience in order to make sounds that are perceived as music to a select group of individuals willing to humour this strange, immaterial life form.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Murlocs

I look in the mirror, and there I see
A delicious animal staring back at me
A pristine orange shine to my overripened head
Accentuated by fur protruding from my legs

I wonder what I taste like given my smell
Perhaps I'm juicy inside, I just can't tell
I'm not a cannibalistic monster by any means
But I'm sure you're curious about the taste of your spleen

I could boil myself up, rub me in herbs
But that's a bit weird and involves getting burned
And to pull that off what be quite the show
Since I have hooves for hands, so... No

Of course, none of this matters you see
Since I quite enjoy being me
Pumpkin for a head, moose for a body
Noble as fuck, like a really old tree

I'm the best there ever was and the best there'll ever be
My name is Pumpkin Moose, come the hell at me

Pumpkin Moose

Imagine having a smartphone in your face. And a mohawk.
Cyberpunk. It's the best.

Adapted from music made at the Global Game Jam 2015 in Perth for Operation Redacted (http://globalgamejam.org/2015/games/operation-redacted)

Cyberpunk (Literally) In Your Face

NO STEEL CAN CRACK THROUGH ITS CARAPACE INTO ITS EMPTY (spiritually speaking), FLESHY HUSK. IT HAS EYES ONLY FOR DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. NOT EVEN E3 WAS SAFE FROM ITS TERROR.
Made in MilkyTracker

GIANT ENEMY CRAB

Australian chiptune maker and scientifically validated narcissist.

Milk Jooce

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