A song written for the movie podcast The After Movie Diner www.aftermoviediner.com 
Silly, fun and rockin', the perfect album for the movie geek in all of us!

Steven Seagal's Not Expendable

This song about the awesome Brit kicker was written for the movie podcast The After Movie Diner www.aftermoviediner.com Silly, fun and rockin', the perfect album for the movie geek in all of us!

The Jason Statham Song

I have got this thing 
I have worked it through 
I have nothing else to do 
each angle covered 
each corner locked 
unhelpful messages have been blocked 

all the kings horses 
and all the kings men 
couldn’t put me back together again 
this was something I had to do myself 
hang the picture 
put up the shelf 

sweet relief 
sweet refrain 
a momentary pause 
in pain 
no more judgements 
no more distain 
you’ve dug yourself 
another lane 

I don’t mind the weather 
I don’t mind the commute 
I found the town that fits like good looking suit 
get out now if you don’t like the music 
I got no time for folks who refuse it

Sweet Relief

Drifting typewriter starts on the cobbles 
the ladies all gasp at the caravan 
handkerchiefs waving and bells in the air 
bustling market with meats in a can 

doth of the cap to the undertaker 
bristling moustaches on bended knee 
cafe tables filled with berets 
and here we’re not very far from the sea 

I don’t think you’ve got a single clue 
nobody ask about you and if they did I’d say who 
you really can’t say you’ve got it made 
till your shirt sleeves are rolled and you own your very own spade 
and you’ve dug up the garden and winked at the sun 
until then we’re all just on the run 

hurry gurdy warden one too many ales 
the organ grinder invested wisely 
and the monkey went travelling to the south of france 
I’m so glad you’re staying close beside me 

dirty cups in the sink, their own terrain 
bin man got a tip on the horses 
startled news anchor by late breaking events 
this teacher’s teaching one too many courses 

I don’t think it’s the right way to go 
this path is littered with memories and way too slow 
you really can’t say you’ve got it right 
till it feels like home in the middle of the night 
and you’ve opened the curtains and winked at the sun 
until then we’re all just having fun

Winked At The Sun

don’t hold your cards so close to your chest 
don’t take offence at a different opinion 
most of us are just trying to get through this mess 
without bumping into the furniture or bringing down the curtain 
too soon 

you lost a friend and what did you gain 
some high ground and egotistical value 
I can’t believe you didn’t see there was pain 
shipwrecked me in the city well how’d you 
do that 

of course I forgive it, life’s too short 
I even congratulated you on your news 
but there’s been no response, no kind of retort 
I’m guessing you still have the blues about something 

All I did was say that you can’t buy into the lie 
you can’t put all of your eggs in one basket 
life is what you alone make it and it quickly flies by 
and if you don’t like the answer to the question don’t ask it 

I hope one day we look back and laugh at that moment 
but somehow sadly I doubt it 
living with only one immovable belief is not good 
and I think you should do something about it 

but what do I know… 
I’m writing an album in a weekend
credits


The Incident

this place 
this place is hard to get to 
this place is tucked away 
this place isn’t on gps 
this place isn’t open every day 

this place is a labyrinth 
this place is often cold 
this place has rooms I’ve never been in 
this place feels very old 

this place has been a home 
this place has been prison 
this place has been vandalised 
this place has been foreclosed on 

this place is likely haunted 
this place is mostly dark 
this place you have to feel your way through 
this place is my heart

This Place

Hold up the torch light down in the cave 
when you’re looking for buried treasure 
and don’t worry about what you can’t see 
they’ll leave you alone if you just let them be 

grab what you can from the ancient casket 
and run out into the daylight 
and don’t worry about what’s behind you 
don’t stop for a moment whatever you do 

and don’t worry I can run for miles 
I’ve heard that up ahead there’s a diner 
and there’s nowhere you can’t go with wind in your sails 
and right here there’s nowhere finer 

when you’re trapped in the bazaar cornered by swordsmen 
and your damsel is in distress 
fight for all your worth with whatever’s to hand 
never think about the fact you’re outgunned and outmanned 

and don’t worry I can fight for hours 
I think I’m on the winning side 
and yes there’s still more clues out there for me to find 
I’ll embrace the adventure rolling in with a new tide

The Salvation Of The Gentleman Explorer

it don’t take much to please me baby 
I ain’t asking a lot 
just like to watch all sorts of movies 
with a big bowl of snacks and some tea in the pot 

it don’t take much to make me happy 
I ain’t a picky man 
like to travel and like New York City 
and going out to diners whenever we can 

I don’t know why it’s been so hard 
I don’t know why you think I’m a troubled soul 
I’ll do your dishes and I’ll clean your carpet 
if you just hold my hand till we get old 

it don’t take much to put a smile on my face 
I’m a simple guy 
just like dive bars and old blues juke boxes 
and long walks, Tom Waits, baseball, beards, podcasting, comedy, album making, bad clothes, movie collecting, honesty, dancing and a good meat pie! 

I don’t know why it’s been so hard 
the reasons are probably many 
but I will entertain your friends and cut my toenails in the bathroom 
if you wrap your arms around me on the staten island ferry

It Don't Take Much

Marty broke his promise over your head 
better meet up for drinks instead 
the service is good and the atmosphere is rare 
but it’s small and you stand out, when you’re in there 

and I don’t think I will be running home again 

Now he’s in the village and he’s night time bound 
another hero died today and we lost another sound 
there’s a nip in this new york air, so rub your hands together
one more rejection on the corner, it’ll get worse before it gets better 

and I don’t think I will be standing here again 

and in this cold water 
they are splashing about 
as if someone turned the lights out 
and in the darkness 
there’s nothing to do 
but to keep on holding on to you 

down in the subway there’s a delicate balance 
the sinister the smart and the silly are accepting the challenge 
and in the wings the stage hand screams silently 
when everything’s gone but the world carries on, don’t come crying to me 

and I don’t think I want to hear from you again 

and up in space 
the vehicles sing a song 
as if someone turned the lights on 
and on this bright morning 
there’s nothing to do 
but breathe in and start the day brand new

Again

with your long hair 
and your big beard 
you’re bringing the company down boy 
you’re bringing the company down 
with your opinions 
and your attitude 
you’re bringing the company down boy 
you’re bringing the company down 

We need a team player 
We need a taste maker 
someone who tows the line 
We need a good faker 

with your cheap clothes 
and your big nose 
you’re bringing the company down boy 
you’re bringing the company down 
with your logical ideas 
and lack of fear 
you’re bringing the company down boy 
you’re bringing the company down 

We need a non thinker 
We need a yes man 
someone who keeps their mouth shut 
we need a meeting plan 

Company men don’t grow on trees 
They got weak chins and weaker knees 
their tie matches exactly with their shirt 
they’ll step on your neck while their dishing the dirt 
and we’re so sorry boy that just ain’t you 
you bring this company down with all the things you do Boy

Bringing The Company Down

They say no news is good news 
well we haven’t had news now for years 
all we’ve got is the jowly and the ignorant 
trying to further their million dollar careers 

I knew a man he moved to Indiana 
to open up a pet store on the outskirts of town 
his wife and children left him, taking his favourite plates 
but that man I knew he never wore a frown 
He really likes pets 

and I wish I could be just like him 
yeah I wish I could be just like him 

Old Binkie Muffins ran racket for the greeks 
got them free tennis equipment in exchange for food 
he’s dead now and they still smash crockery at his grave side 
and it always puts them all in a good mood 
they hate crockery 

and I wish we could all be like them 
Yeah I wish we could all be like them 

but the water’s slowly rising 
all the animals are dying 
we should be eating vegetables 
but we’re all deep fat frying 
but honestly that tastes better 
and I’ll be dead long before it gets too bad 
so shut up your wining and eat a big fat cake 
that will never ever make you feel sad 

I knew a lady she had lots of hats to wear 
and could never choose which one to put on 
then she lost them all in a fire and decided to travel the world 
she didn’t even care any more that they were gone 
It freed her up to go travelling 

and I wish we could all be just liker her 
Yeah I wish I could be just like her

Just Like Them

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