what i remember
your face
and spiders in your hair
your smile
as distant
as fireflies from alaska
your fingers
on the back seat
of a bus entwined with mine
no one can ever
see you
as i did when we were young
we were young
and so dumb
we were the perfect mess

what i remember
fishing for wishes
on the rooftop of your house
in the summer
past midnight
when the stars came out to fall
in your lap
if you wanted
i could've tried to catch them all
for you
if only
it wouldn't have been such a cliché

what i remember
the winter
two minors drinking in the park
together
like lampposts
freezing in the snow
now i know
it takes two
it takes two to freaking tango
but i don't know how
to dance
i've always rambled solo

no one can ever
see you
as i did when we were young
we were young
and so dumb
we were the perfect mess

no one can ever see you as i did when we were young

searching for the meaning i found that i had lost
the game of life and love i never knew i played at all
my apathy has kept me from dropping off the race
a senseless consolation i'm trying to replace

you dismiss my dreams as they aren't big enough
but the taller you stand, the harder you fall
and the hits i've taken have been a bit rough
the hole in my heart is the size of a football

the bandages won't fix the bruises 
pills just numb the pain
but there's nothing to take these memories away
my amputated soul 
still hangs on a phantom thread
i wish i could be honest 
i wish i didn't care

anything can change the world but anything's not all
the end of something isn't necessarily a start
i want you to want me but i don't need you to
i've been breaking my heart since before it was cool

dismissed

i broke my own heart
against the shattered pieces of yours
during the song to which
you made love
to another

for i was not named
as the cry on your lips
not known
as the one in your throat
not called
by the sigh of your breath

i broke it in secret
when the band finished playing
and you fell silent between my arms
one day you'll realize that
i am not
your god

of c&g

on igatsus
või nostalgia
viirastumas sinu pildiseerias

tänavaid mida mööda sina
oma silmi sead
ei ole mina iial

kerge šokk 
see kaugus
ja fakt et
minu teed kõik
jooksevad vaid liiva

kui kõik - ka sina
nüüd -
on nii võõras
nii talumatult võõras

ja mina 
sinu fotodel või silmis
olen kõigest
taustamüra

taustamüra

i'm seducing you 
in the park
i've got spiders
in my pocket in a box
collected from the windowsills of my heart
breathing still
we walk in the dark
in this decaying air
leaves are falling from the lanterns
before they kiss the ground
before i kiss
you
you plead me to release
the spiders 
from the box
i'll release
release
and give you a taste of my blood
and my thirst and my heart
amidst decay neon signals
feelings released from a box
automatic human mechanisms
homunkuli in the park

homunculi in the park

kui tõmbaksid mu naha omal ümber
tõmblukuga alt üles
käiksid ringi minu vereringes
hoides eksind kassipoega süles

kui suruksid end küünarnukini mu ajju
juuriks välja umbseks kasvand rohu
astuks veidi sisemusse välja
süütaks tule kui hingel hakkab nohu

kui puuriksid mu silmadesse aknad
huuled vastu marrastusi
tahes kindlat hetke ebamäärast
sõrmeotsad punuks unistusi

kui naerataksid naeru taha hambad
mille kõla oleks kodulõhna täis
oma südame annaks sinu kanda
kui see aint poleks jalutama läind

mängiks kodu


some sense of dullness comes with age
and drinking through it all
if i'm a player and the world's a stage
then where's them oysters gone
the disappointments do not hurt
i'm drinking through it all
the cloudy thoughts that hang around
seep in like fog in early fall
the forgetfulness that comes in waves
i'm drinking through it all
can't count the amount of different ways
love's left me feeling raw

i see the changing of the lights
when i can't breathe
when i can't breathe
i see the colours changing shapes
their taste on my tongue 
like spasms 
vivid 
and gone
lingering
taste like desperation
asphyxiation
smell like hope
the slight grasp of burnt meaningness
can't breathe when i
can't breathe when i
feel the lights
feel the life 
flickering

flickering (0.5 version)

i see the changing of the light
slight grasp of burnt meaningness
when i can't breathe
when i can't breathe
i see the colours changing shape
their taste on my tongue 
like spasms 
vivid 
and gone
lingering
taste like desperation
asphyxiation
smells like hope
can't breathe when i
can't breathe when i
feel the light
feel the life 
flickering

flickering

sometimes the sun shines when the moon is yet to hide
just the same i'm always off my time
i'm off my game the one i don't know how to play
and today is just another everyday

sometimes i want to be by myself
sometimes i crave for someone else's flesh
sometimes i dream of the illusionary love
i always want what i can't have

sometimes it rains when the sun is yet to hide
leaking thoughts encased in formaldehyde
preserve through drudging the mundane
so i feel safer in the shade

sometimes i give up way before i even start
sometimes giving up is too hard
sometimes i lie too much
i'm ok i'm all right all is good and such

sometimes i want to be by myself
sometimes i crave for someone else's flesh
sometimes i dream of the illusionary love
you always want what

sometimes

I never asked for anything
Just one to call my own 
Before I even learned to scream
I had desire in my bones

For years I searched for something
My heart was full of hope
I had reckless faith in happiness
Now I'm simply broken

But soon the storm is fading
The dawn is bright but cold
Were you really joking saying
Dream fast we're getting old

I never knew what I wanted
Until I saw your face
From that moment on I was haunted
Addicted to your grace

You thought I was bleeding
I was only thawing out
If love is all that we're needing
Why isn't it enough

So please come and take me
Let's wear our feelings thin
Stuck beneath your fingernails
Bite marks on my skin

misfit creep

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