A stripped down version of my song, "Come Back To Me"


Come Back To Me (live acoustic)

I'll Always Be A Stranger (live Acoustic)

A person's perception of you shifts when you disclose that you battle with some sort of mental illness. Because of this, I have kept my personal struggles behind closed doors. Yet, the struggle is a daily battle, and my mind is always trying to work against me. It almost felt as if some of the urges my mind was soliciting to me were not my own. I felt as if these tendencies were a separate entity, and it has been a daily struggle to not let this darkness I was born with permeate into my "reality." 
Last year was the most turbulent part of my life and I could not handle the magnitude of trauma and hardships that were coming at me in a downpour. My spirit dwindled, and I succumbed to self-harm, slicing open my legs, leaving deep scars that have left a white stain over time. It was when I put a gun to my head that I was put on suicide watch by a therapist and had to sign a contract that I agreed to be hospitalized if I displayed additional harmful behavior to myself. It was awful, I felt crippled by my own mind, depression and anxieties. 
Looking back at it now, I am no sure how I crawled out of that mental state. Some of the most precious people in my life left during this chapter, even when they knew I needed them the most. There is something about depression, where when you really need someone, a lot of people find it as "annoying" or start to see you in a weak light. Yet, for anyone who has struggled with this, you know that walking alongside this darkness, it takes tremendous self-awareness and strength to persevere through it.
So, in honor to all those who struggle with mental illness and in honor of suicide prevention month which is just around the corner, I thought I would share a glimpse of my story. That I live with depression, anxiety and bipolar-disorder. There are times that it is a struggle, and I wrestle with it, and other times it serves as my greatest creative catalyst. 

I wrote this song within minutes after having a panic-attack and a nervous breakdown during college. During this time I was self-harming and self-medicating with alcohol. This was the scratch recording I did to remember the song. I was 20 or 21. 

<3

Missoni Lanza