Nothing is usual, nothing is expected, Nothing I ever make is good, but I am proud of this one. However, like my other EP's... eventually, I will forget this also. 

This EP is NOT FOR PROFIT. It features free beats by the following producers:
Aaron Kates, Broke Boi, Kiyoto, nategoyard, Marow, llouis. 

02/08/2020 THE WORLD IS FUCKED UP BUT WHO ISN'T?

Eventually, I Will Forget This Also

been sitting on this project for a while; intended to re-record some vocals and add tracks, but I lost motivation for my music for a while and it felt wrong going back to finish it in a different headspace. I'm still happy with the tracks and it seemed like a waste not to release them in a little rough ep,

big thanks to the folks on production: Dj Re:Code, nᴀyz, ilysm and MF Zeph
artwork by me
March 2021

SPACE JAG

DOUBLE EM - demos 2021
Partially Mixed and Unmastered 
January 2022

last year was rough. I ain't been makin shit. everything fell to pieces but
somehow I scraped thru that shit into a better place than before. 

here's a bunch of demo mixes representing my attempts at music in 2021.
I still don't think these turned out how I'd have liked, but time has made me appreciate them somewhat. as a practice in letting go and hopefully approaching my music from a place of strength this year, they just gotta be dropped.

peace to whoever fuck w this

shout outs the folks on the beats.. //badfantoma//doin' fine//stoic//maxmizacion//nategoyard//

demos 2021

Double Em - wildflowers
June 2024

After a slew of EPs followed by a long hiatus, wildflowers marks the first new Double Em material since Jan 2022, as well as the most fully realised version of the sound I've been cultivating since I started making music. 
It is the culmination of almost a years worth of gradual, yet steady work.

This time around I wanted to commit to a fuller completion of concept, and I think the result is a record I can be proud of: catchy hooks, consistent atmosphere, and the steady development of personal meaning. 
This album is about my life, my growth, my trauma. It's about my place in the trans rap scene, a relative wallflower amongst the audacious talent that surrounds me. It's about the richness of life as an adhd/autistic plural system, but also the tenacity that requires. It's an album about making albums, and the emotional unfolding that comes with that. 

At it's core, I hope 'wildflowers' expresses these themes honestly, but with some humour and warmth. I tried to bring a unique personality and vocal presence to the lofi pop rap sound that I was working within. It's melancholy and hopeful and the same time, and I'm very proud of it. 

Huge thanks to my wonderful partner Kim for collaborating with me on three of these tracks, without which the vibe just wouldn't have been the same. Thanks also to the folks who made the beats (Kiyoto, ghowste, Yukogi, Stoic, FourD, remdolla, wtfbennie). And thanks to YOU for listening, it means the world to me.

- Em

------------------------------------------------------------------------

'wildflowers' is a not-for-profit release
THE GHOST TAPES PT 1

wildflowers

Double Em - pot pourri

This record came together slowly and organically across the course of 2024. Originally, during the wildflowers sessions, I was feeling the need to mix up the sort of openess, focus and effort that the album needed with some different energies on songs that may not have fit well on the final album. So I had the idea of working on two tapes simultaneously. I just wanted to make a bunch of music and see what made sense on wildflowers. I planned to put whatever didn't fit on a sort of b-sides tape, pot pourri. 

Subsequently many of the songs on this album were already recorded during the wildflowers sessions, some with lyrics dating back even further. I came back to the project in October and decided to flesh it since I was excited about how the tracks I had at the time seemed to work well together, but I kept the philosophy of taking it less seriously; just having fun and not getting too caught up in overworking each track, trusting myself more and collaborating more. 

Although its somewhat connected to wildflowers, the result is a totally different sound: much rougher with sillier, over the top bars and punchier beats. There are some downright stupid lyrics on this thing and I'm so glad I let myself keep them in. If wildflowers was an album where I wanted to refine and cultivate the best version of my sound, then pot pourri is an album where I wanted to let go and get weirder, and I'm happy with the result. 

I hope it's as fun to listen to as it was to make.
I love you, Merry Christmas everyone. 
-EM

____________________________________________________

Also, a huge thanks to everyone who let me use their beats for this record or recorded feature verses for it, anyone who encouraged me along the way, anyone who has supported me despite my quiet disposition over the years, anyone who listens to my stuff and those which it connects with, thankyou all, so much.

____________________________________________________

'pot pourri' is a not-for-profit release
THE GHOST TAPES PT 2

pot pourri

Bubbles (prod. Badfantoma)

green flecks (prod. nategoyard)

Sailor V (prod. doin' fine)

AUSSIE NERVOSO (prod. maxmizacion)

sussin' (prod. Stoic)

LYRICS

I’m that weird bitch, lurking at the edge of your scene
I’m that fierce witch, serving Double Em, she supreme
Fuck a neat stitch, baby I’m a raggedy Queen
Make her knees twitch, way I got her screaming on stream
(I’m that weird bitch)
Lurking at the edge of your scene,
I’m that fierce witch, serving Double Em, she supreme
Fuck a neat stitch, baby I’m a raggedy Queen
Make her knees twitch, way I got her screaming on stream
(let’s go!)

Plastered in my Asics 
Bitch I’m double dosing estrogen 
Slapping patch mark residue 
My blood be full of titty juice
I see them pull up on me
Soon you’ll wonder if they’ll breathe again
Swag hours baby, I been bumping dexamphetamine
Life is full of little holes
Been leaky faucet kinning
Cos my drip is consistent
Making classics every weekend
Bitch, I’m diving off the deep end
I don’t even have to try
Lexus with the Beams, I might end your whole life
Fuck!
Lil’ bitch I never carried all those packages
You incorrectly state it to debase my very character
But Soundcloud rappers always mumble through their adages
Hazardous
The way I twist wrists, and provoke damages
You mad at us?
Take another stab at us
Trust, can’t adapt to us 
Bitches is cantankerous, fuck
I don’t stand for that 
I just have my cats, 
And I’ve just got my house 
And I just have my Lexus, guess my life worked out
You ain’t got this swag yet 
I just got a bag, ‘aight bet, I’m gonna grab that
Smoking on a girl blunt
Problems, bitch I have none
You wish you were worth something
I already earned that, cunt

I’m that weird bitch, lurking at the edge of your scene
I’m that fierce witch, serving Double Em, she supreme
Fuck a neat stitch, baby I’m a raggedy Queen
Make her knees twitch, way I got her screaming on stream
I’m that weird bitch lurking at the edge of your scene,
Fierce witch, serving Double Em, she supreme
Neat stitch baby, raggedy Queen
Make her knees twitch, make her knees twitch
Way I got her screaming
Way I got her screaming

neat stitch - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥. 𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘴𝘵𝘦

LYRICS

I been smoking so much ‘erb, I feel these rotten lungs
Tryna push up air, to speak words with this hollow tongue
For about a year, dependant on just staying buzzed
No amount of love compels me to create these songs
Look
I got fragile bones
But I got agile foes, so
I rap in pastel tones, the movements seem to overflow
You cannot dim this glow, I’m faded, but I never flicker
Yet I still stretch my reach beyond the edges of my picture

Bitch I be swaggin’, ain’t like these has-beens
These bitches be mad, cos I’m ALL CAPS with fashion
Been whippin’ no cap, got the Beams, got the strap
Simple matter fact: you ain’t on team, you ain’t on track
Y’all got me worried
Oh what a story;
She’s back but she’s bitter and better than ever
You bitches want kitty? 
Then start knitting sweaters 
The pleasure of twisting the knife 
Think I play nice? Roll those dice, cunt
I’m betting it all for a vice, cos what’s left for me? 
I never take my advice, I’m depressed and shit

If y’all could just stay quiet for like one fucking moment…

I’m like a torrent, planting my seeds through your modem
Hoping I’ll grow, and not fall to the current
I’m fucked off my face with narcotics
Feeding the well of emotion with something erotic
What’s the problem? 
Emmie show teeth at the notion, your shit misophonic
Tally the totals, I’m beating the odds
You just beat yourself off, it’s ironic

hollow tongue - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥. 𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘴𝘵𝘦

LYRICS

It’s been a while
I’m off the weed and the wine
I’ve been planting seeds hoping they grow towards the light in time
Cos my brain really full to the brim with the fright
And I’m battling demons that’s beyond your sight
Bitch, I’m one with the night 
Estrogen teeming, I’m feeling divine
I got evil inside, but I’m bigger than this
I’m really beaming, I’m feeling alright
But I bet y’all be hoping a bitch really miss 
I’m a disappointment, so I get to crafting hits 
Bet my life I’m soaked in fucking talent, and it’s bliss
Celestial as shit!

Buried deeply, story unfolds
Secrets untold, I’ve been caught on hold so long
Day breaks, leaves sway
Sweet and forlorn 
Wildflowers begin peeking, rising steeply
Betwixt the thorns
So long I’m gone
Swaying

Coulda done better yeah I should’ve done better 
Double Em a real go getter
Lately I been down though, tangled up in sweaters
Waiting for the warmer weather so that I can grow
Wildflowers taking root in my soul
My decay be the fertilizer 
Time ain’t wasted if you getting wiser 
Emmie older, only getting finer 
I am impressed that I made it this far
So many times thought I may as well end it
Truly, I’m stupid and selfish and reckless
Truly I’m sorry if you is my friend 
Still tryna heal, yeah I’m still tryna mend
I’m off the booze
I’m no longer dependant on things that inhibit my sense of progression,
I’m on a mission to lessen the tension
Out of the minds eye and into the fire
I’m with my bae and she sound like a choir 
Down on my luck and I’m down to the wire
But I’m staying on track, flyest on god
Lyrebird voice on god, these bitches can’t match my style
Can’t catch a break
I’m a real freak, it’s so inspiring, scream it if you relate!
Bitches can’t match my taste, I’m not a regular case
Emmie been bashful, fragile, magical bitch from outer space
I’m waxing lyrical, bask in it
Wildflowers weave classics
Kim got my back and I’ve mastered it 
Pass me the mic, I make classy shit

wildflowers (𝘧𝘵. 𝘒𝘪𝘮) - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥. 𝘒𝘪𝘺𝘰𝘵𝘰

LYRICS

Emmie shy, I’m just pariah in this clique 
Psilocybin, I been tryna take some risks
Got ‘em tripping way I’m shadows at the fringes
Vision misty, my body twisted
Can’t list every single spirit in my system
How they dripping through the cracks, it make me sick
Bitch I’m stacked
Got the knack back finally
Spit vibrantly 
In my bag of tricks

People tell me that I’m such a work of art
I just tell ‘em that this shit come from the heart (and it do!)
Couple years but now I’m back to where I started
Couple fears defeated, shining bright like stars is
And the pain don’t stop, but you better fucking know
When this shit gon’ drop, fuck, I don’t really know
And the rain slow up, but you wetter than before
Penship on god; luck? I don’t think so


I heard you dreaming
Pink like I’m steven
Girl shit, really
Baby do you feel me?
Sticking to the ceiling
Spying on my demons 
Let it go, let it go, let it go

It’s a cold cold world, trans people ain’t treated equal
Put our souls on hold, we overcoming these evils
And I’m old now
Transform my soul, how it go now?
Came back so strong, they don’t know how
Under pressure make the denser petal 
Emmie sent to rap so gentle over instrumentals
Your raps rental, your music ain’t essential
That’s bitch shit, get the fuck up out my mental

pariah - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥. 𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘴𝘵𝘦

tgfa2 [$UPREME]

Constrictor w/ doin' fine [neas]

SPECIAL !! [nayz x toasty digital]

LYRICS

Bitch I woke up feeling breathless, I guess life is like a sport
In my dreams I’m dealing with some things, remind me life is short 
I was scratching at some itches that ran deeper than the source 
Recently, it seems like everybody wanna be a ghost 
See, I feel each day like I been treading water just to float 
But the current pull me under, guess I’m not really the host 
Of this system that be constantly switching the goal post
Rearranging my trajectory, doing the utmost

But I don't feel no shame
Hoping that all of my parts feel the same
I don’t exist on material plane
So I don’t do shit for material gain
But I been willing to change 
Shakin’ it up like mischief made
Fanning the flames, passing the blame 
None of it ever been good for the brain, huh?

Well
Guess I been looking at it sideways 
Fuck off with those expectations, I’mma do shit my way
Watch your fucking step, I’m coming faster than a lightwave 
And I’m phasing through your form, I leave your atoms scattered
Bitches ain’t got substance if they play this game the right way
I got so much talent treat the scene like its just foreplay
Sucker!
And I don’t even make a sound
Didn’t notice cos your head stuck in the ground, bitch

When I ‘m alone,
Didn’t wanna, but I gotta let you know
Returning home, 
To a place that you ain’t ever seen before

Bitch I woke up feeling breathless, I guess life is like a sport
In my dreams I’m dealing with some things, remind me life is short 
I was scratching at some itches that ran deeper than the source 
Recently, it seems like everybody wanna be a ghost 
See, I feel each day like I been treading water just to float 
But the current pull me under, guess I’m not really the host 
Of this system that be constantly switching the goal post
Rearranging my trajectory, doing the utmost

sideways - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥. 𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘴𝘵𝘦

plurality /CORAZON ALT/ [ava online]

LYRICS

I’ve been stuck tryna relax
Between the binary mask,
And my form now free from it’s grasp
Feeling so at home
Dysphoria float away
I need to heal from my past
To free my form from it’s traps,
And my body changing so fast, 
Feeling more it’s own 
Euphoria hold me

Since 16 known I’m different
I been wishing that I’d grown a little more quickly
Face too prickly, hips too thin
I was giving too much of a fuck about how they perceived me 
16 more to respect my reflection 
Working every day to see my gender represented 
Working on my voice, stressing over the inflections 
Didn’t have a choice, I had to mitigate the tension
And I reckon it was destined, 
Bad ass bitch, non-binary transfeminine
Lil’ witch business, switching positions, shit
I’m a goddess, I’m a furry, I’m autistic, woah
I’m the prettiest, wittiest, mystic sibilance, vividest experience, heaven sent 
Blissed out, sadomasochistic 
Whether I’m a Dom or I’m a sub,
Quantum physics!

Space traveler, I been mapping out a couple galaxies
Rapping ‘bout my travesties, killing it
Don’t matter cos I keep on, 
I’m the wrong t-girl to put the heat on 
Play life like I really got the cheats on 
Roll dice like I only got a D4
I write better when I think freeform, 
Late night, tossing and turning like I’m a seesaw 

It’s ok!
Better these days ‘til I’m in my grave 
Know I ain’t waste time, I just make waves
I embrace change like I’m on the next stage
Double Em level up,
It’s ok!
Better these days ‘til I’m in my grave 
Know I ain’t waste time, I just make waves
I embrace change like I’m on the next stage
Double Em level up, yuh!

I’ve been stuck tryna relax
Between the binary mask,
And my form now free from it’s grasp
Feeling so at home
Dysphoria float away
I need to heal from my past
To free my form from it’s traps,
And my body changing so fast, 
Feeling more it’s own 
Euphoria hold me

Way back when this journey started
Second guessing my own heart,
And distance grew between my parts 
The way that trauma shaped my arc 
I was tearing myself apart, unsustainable
Made who I wanted to be unattainable
Had to find a person I could relate to
In order to become more capable, changeable
Once I had a role model, I was unshakeable 
The inspiration grew and the feeling was unmistakable
The gender roles I grew up with started to feel replaceable 
Reclaiming the feminine self clearly became favorable
They finding me so confrontational 
Bitch, my existence not debatable

free form (𝘧𝘵. 𝘒𝘪𝘮) - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥. 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘪𝘤

affinity /ALLNITE ALT/ [wtfbennie]

LYRICS

Bitch get it accurate, flow is immaculate, Emmie spectacular 
Really been using specific vernacular
All of my songs got some depth to unpack in ‘em 
And as we nearing the end of the album, I try to amalgamate lyrical alchemy 
Fibrous stem, weave a wildflower tapestry
This ‘bout my journey to overcome agony
I write my shit like a classical tragedy, finna untangle my family trauma
And manage to wrangle it down into something resembling order 
They all been in awe of my aura!
I feel the call of the muse taking over, this music is sobering, literally
Standing my ground like Antigone; I don’t fit into this industry easily
Know what it mean to me, taking my grief and I make it a symphony 
I got no need to be treating it fiscally; forever deathly afraid of publicity, shit

But I know that it’s quite contradictory; sick of the poverty, sick of the bigotry
All I really need is one trans person listen to me feel affinity 
All the scene really need is more trans folks taking space eagerly
I don’t mean to sound bitter, but I ain’t quitting that easily

Care not what they speak of me
Only share what pleases me
I got a reason to live, seeing a little more clearly
Making time for what I hold dearly
Cos I’m older now, I’m free
Album really ‘bout ME
Everything about ME
Everybody love ME
In the pocket, that’s ME
Emmie got the fundamentals, get experimental
That’s just how I BE

affinity - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥. 𝘸𝘵𝘧𝘣𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦

LYRICS

I was waiting for a reason but a reason never came
Guess it’s just fate, no pain no gain no fame, ok
I don’t wanna play no games, I just wanna delay my growth ‘til the seasons change
Wait, hold up
Fuck that frame of mind, never too late 
Thought they was all hating on me, never could relate 
Thinking I was damaged, I was living through shame 
Goddamn!

Sick of waiting for some secret cheat code (cheat code!)
To escape all of the trauma that I deal with on my own
Never make it ‘til I take it in my hands then break it down
Shifting sands slip through my fingers to the ground (turn around!)
I been starting at these mirrors too long (not a sound)
Learn to listen to the feeling in my bones (‘til I found)
Secret ways to circumnavigate the smoke and come out, 
Shake it off, scream, shout, bare my soul, fuck it up!

Never had no patience
Never could show no graces
I was all alone, y’all so close still I close my phone
Never understood how I could fit into community, ruin me
I was used to being treated with a lot of scrutiny, 
Usually hide myself away to gain immunity
I was just scared though, truthfully

Rapping ain’t really that new to me! (no!)
But chatting is totally new to me (yeah)
Bragging is certainly new to me (huh!)
Like how y’all been doing this fluently? (how?)

Grandstanding, cos there’s nothing to show
Reprimanding anybody who dont
Swagged out, like whatever bro
Least I got a soul, y’all be selling yours

Sick of waiting for some secret cheat code (cheat code!)
To escape all of the trauma that I deal with on my own
Never make it ‘til I take it in my hands then break it down
Shifting sands slip through my fingers to the ground (turn around!)
I been starting at these mirrors too long (not a sound)
Learn to listen to the feeling in my bones (‘til I found)
Secret ways to circumnavigate the smoke and come out, 
Shake it off, scream, shout, bare my soul, fuck it up!

cheat code - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥. 𝘠𝘶𝘬𝘰𝘨𝘪

LYRICS

Try to shine so brightly 
Still I don’t know how to speak 
All my life I’ve tried to find it 
A way through the roots to the leaves

From the womb to the tomb, gotta bloom
Pushing through the soil under light of the moon
Through the doom and the gloom, gotta bloom
Salutations, know I’ll see y’all very soon
I been calculating chances, plucking petals, chasing love
I mean I’ve come too fucking far to give shit up, is it enough?
And I’ve sowed so many seeds that with some luck would sprout from mud,
Only way I see the wildflowers bloom
Is to trust 
SO LET ME KNOW

Do I stay or do I go?
I’ve been through it all before
(so let me know!)
Do we ever really make it out the storm?
Least I’ve learnt each time, I make it back to shore
So, do I stay or do I go?
I’ve been through it all before
Need to break out of the cycle and explore
Made a home out of my sorrow, close the door
And I’m gone

And now I’m really out the thick of it 
Scrapes and grazes decorate my legs up to my knees
But think I’ve finally caught the gist of it
Never as insipid as it seems when you still live with it
Always spit the realest shit!
Future full of miracles 
Past provide the nutrients
I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, so now I’m used to it
Recognise that my potential wasted if I snooze through it 
Like once I was so clueless, now my hubris got me proving:
I CAN BLOOM

I can bloom, I can bloom, I can bloom..

Try to shine so brightly 
Still I don’t know how to speak 
All my life I’ve tried to find it 
A way through the roots to the leaves

Try to shine so brightly 
Don’t know how to speak 
All my life I’ve tried to find it 
Through the roots to the leaves

…LET ME KNOW!
Do I stay or do I go?
I’ve been through it all before
(let me know!)
Do we ever really make it out the storm?
Least I’ve learnt each time, I make it back to shore
So, do I stay or do I go?
I’ve been through it all before
Need to break out of the cycle and explore
Made a home out of my sorrow, close the door
And I’m gone!

bloom (𝘧𝘵. 𝘒𝘪𝘮) - 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥. 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘪𝘤

plurality w/ space jag [ava online]

~interlude~ [yogic]

CREATURE OF THE NIGHT [ghowste]

lost on me [prttygrlskmfck]

My set for Kibble Fest Bloom 2025, for this set I incorporated the audio from my performance of the songs back into the original mixes, hence the set is titled 'semilive'. Track 1 'drown' and Track 6 'tgfa' are more extensively reworked, featuring new mixes. 

Huge shoutouts to the folks over at the What's In Your Kibble youtube channel, Clem, Zach and Patch for letting me be a part of this awesome event. 
You can go watch the full stream here: https://youtu.be/An0djBtlSY4?si=Oy2iuBm7x_NJ9GiX

Full tracklist:
1. drown (prod. DJ Re:Code)
2. green flex (prod.nategoyard)
3. neat stitch (prod. ghowste)
4. Creature of the Night (prod. ghowste)
5. free form (prod. Stoic)
6. tgfa (prod. nategoyard)

semilive@kibblefest2025

カシオとセイコ w/ PK Shellboy [emily fisheye]

BANPRESTO [fishdinner]

pristine [doin' fine]

outro skit [tgfa reprise]

choc mint sundae w/ kit. [wtfbennie]

Produced by Kiyoto
Lyrics by MM

MM - LESSEN EP
Oct 2019

After spending two months making my mixtape 'Cartoons' and struggling with improving my producer chops along the way, I decided I needed a refresher project and to focus on improving my lyrics and delivery a bit. So this entire EP is done with free beats, producers include: Sun God, Kiyoto, Purple Six Beats, Ricci
As a result, this thing that I spent 2 days on is arguably better than 'Cartoons' so FML haha

TRANS RIGHTS

SHAMELESS (prod. Kiyoto)

Resurrection Flex (prod. DR.F)

It's MM, Bitch! (prod. Lethal Needle)

Drug Problems (ft.Space Jag) (prod. Aaron Kates)

transgurlfuckanthem (prod. nategoyard)

Sunday  (prod. Kiyoto)

untitled-nonsense-28-6 (prod. Broke Boi)

Premature Dirge (prod. Marow)

FEVER DREAM (prod. RiCh LoSeR x ShyGuyMadeIt)

free throw (prod. Stoic)

ALL NIGHT QUARANTINE DISCO feat. campfire.mesh (prod. Dj Re:Code)

Produced by Dj Re:Code

Lyrics by Double Em

drown (prod. DJ Re:Code)

feelin' aight? (prod. MF Zeph)

rap caracal (prod. nᴀyz)

produced by ilysm
w/ bass by Double Em

Lyrics by Double Em

u ok, homie? (prod. ilysm)

THE REAL RAP CARACAL. SPACE JAGUAR. LOFI GODDESS.
~almost a good rapper & non binary angel~

31 || They/Them/She/Her

@crashblossomsclique

Double Em

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks