I felt like a lamb
Being led to a shed
With the great fate
To never be deciding

Any  better ideas
Come off as fatigue
With my melrose t-shirt
And my creepy red lipstick

Buzzing all around me
It seems busy out here

I am attached
And I’m living my dream

Sometimes the world
Closes off ideals to me
Where have I come from
What is my birthright

Ten lambs surround me
And I don’t feel so lonely anymore
My hips become shaped like a peach
You know
All of my doubts about 
Where do I need to be
Who do I trust
Can I feel it in my belly?

I miss you and you 
And your mom, too
Everything I’m feeling
Will be excused
In a minute I will be
Shaven and whipped
On the floor of my bedroom
Sitting stuttershook

My study books teach me
To be fully into it
When I am next to
The sound of his breath
And as soon as I wake up
I cannot rest
Because all of my troubles
Are her troubles, too

busy out here

simple girl

trumpet/recording/mastering/love by Kai Schönewald

at the altar

fruit

every_corner

for hands

silken waves of time and space rolling over my naked body 
as I carry on carefully falling into the in between
it has been calling me

years in front
my lavish heart catches fire on a whim
the line that keeps me sane is so thin today 

back and forth
the silken waves need to go away for me to feel familiar 
with my weeping wounded flesh and bones today

but I begin to burst instead
under my own thirsting head
I’m breaking open, help 
silken waves, go away today

silken waves

Everything turned out so good for me
So why am I relieved 
feeling unhappy again
A step 
I don’t know where to
I want to be gone
This can’t be true

REF
True loving
My heart is
True loving
So heavy
True loving
Catch my
True loving
Soul on a rim

Help me out, someone unfamiliar
Where did my melody vanish to now
What can I say?
I’m not okay, but

REF

I am scared
The sea is so wide
but so far away
I need her today
I am scared
- Of being scared
- Of being loved
- Of loving scared
- Of true loving

I am a true loving soul on a rim

trulo

Hey, I sorted out some shit today
It was deep and dark and blue

Say: Do I seem weird to you?
These days tell me nothing about myself

It’s so strange to be
The wishing well
Back into the eye of The storm

Way over bending backwards
But so very used to it

 I feel you
God, I feel you still between my lips

It’s so strange to be
The wishing well
Back into the eye of The storm

the wishing well

service

my hands are not ready to touch skin
my palms are of paper and dust - they must
fingers emanating the force to kill
I have so much under my skin, my love
you can't take in all that I am within
I am a kaleidoscope full of colors
you are a kaleidoscope full of colors

under my skin

If you wanna be my friend
Fucking hold me 
Hold me if you can
If you can’t, stay away
I’m enough
And you seem grey to me now

Hey, is there a chance
Is there a dance where we can meet
Up in the clouds
Where worlds are gone
Where worlds collide
Where we can fight with passion
The lesson needs to be learned
The hassle’s a drag but I can’t raise my flag yet

So if you wanna be my friend
Fucking fight me
Fight me if you can
If you can’t stay away
I’m enough
And you seem weak to me now

See? I outgrew myself
Where are you now? 
All these lines:
Sweet ass poison liquor that I drank

If you wanna be my friend
Grow the fuck up
Fuck up if you can
If you can’t stay alone
I’m not over
But you seem over to me

grow the fuck up

Bleed out, collect it all, then drink it all up
Ready to fall, scratch open to the bone
plant the seeds, cry upon them
Wait patiently kid, wait excitedly
Please wait knowingly
That all will be great in a second

I don’t care if you nearly die
As long as you share what is inside you
Don’t you cradle, stand up straight
Put your hands to your ribs and breathe 
through your fingertips

Break all your bones, don’t seek salvation
Feel hard, my god, I feel it
Kiss the wound and drink from it
Crush your lungs again and again 
Fuck yourself as hard as you can
Crave as much as you want
You can have it all

fingertips

Past is taking over here
Pictures flashing fragmentary
To the naked eye

Eyes glazed over, unable to focus right
She was gone and you were down
But that’s not lethal, right?
The way you stumbled down the stairs to greet me tired eyed
I thought you caught the flu
I didn’t know you hid away
My sister mumbled months had passed, she barely saw you eat
Your room became your dungeon that you’re paying your defeat
Someone tied to bed
The sheets are white, the floor is grey
Tubes connect the body to devices beaming red
From his mouth escapes a voice that I am not familiar with
The things he says, the things he sees, the insects chasing him
I remember scared to the brim sister and brother crying on him
A man in white who reassures that he will get over this sin
Daddy’s skin is yellow now, shivering but warm
I hold the water to his mouth, but his lips are shaking it up
In his head he’s on a spaceship
On this bed he’s right
Another man, still clothed in white takes all the hope from them
The drugs he gets, he’s so above, he’s slowly dozing off
We hold his hands, we lay with him, but we don’t understand yet
In the morning she calls me
I remember the smell of the air that day
The corpse is cold
It looks like him but I can’t find him there
The smile on his face as if he’d gone in peace on a travel of no coming back
We lift his limbs, we feel his fingers, but we don’t understand

remember

Have I been there yet?
Are you the place I took refuge at?
Are you the womb I bleed from today?
Have I met you yet? 
Are you the last man that came inside of me?
Are you the woman whose eyes are mine?
For how long will I keep falling?
Are you going to find me? 
Will I ever let you take me?
What’s the difference between you and me?

home?

do I need time to recollect, to reconnect
or do I need you to hold me now, to hold me down?

my naked soul is dancing slow

you know
I had sworn to myself that I would never fall again
because I want to feel the life in my veins
I need to feed my love to my brains

when you enter my body
my god I feel those butterflies set free inside of me

and my naked soul is dancing slow

naked soul

Where is my head? 
Hiding under covers
Tied to my bed these days
I don’t remember what life tasted like

Where is my soul? 
Laundry covers my floor
I cannot breathe
I think there’s mold in my core

It is dark inside
My heartbeat has vanished somehow
Vapour troubles my sight
I don’t even try to fight it

Pray with open eyes
Half of me is wishing away
But everything’s gonna be alright
They say with tears in their eyes

My body feels infected
Inflamed and unprotected
Weakness creeps up 
and down my spine

Fuck me I am dead already
Why would I try to deny
Sentimental bullshit singing
I want to vomit  to get it all out now

infected

when you slept tonight
I took a bite and swallowed
what I found between my teeth
suddenly something sweet
appeared under my skin

look at my grin
it's proof enough
that I love to sin

chewing the pieces you left in me
willingly, silently 
you spill the tea over the sheets of me
in blind extasy
see, maybe you're just a bee searching for honey

look at my stare
it's proof enough
that I don't really care to be teared apart

I feel at ease this time
'cause you taste like earth and wine
whatever you are
I'm sure it's fine with me
so come and dine with me

hiding under water
finally back into the womb of my world

listening to the steady breathing of mine
forming my very own lullaby

I am alive
by the life of mine
I am mesmerized

it is hard and that’s alright
healing slow my worn out bones

I am alive
by the life of mine
I am mesmerized

underwater

You know this feeling of feeling a feeling of belonging 
which is fake until you take responsibility? 
This is what it feels like on day three.

Sure it was complicated, but maybe we should have waited a little longer. Sure it felt constipated, but maybe we should have waited for vacation celebration. But if we would have waited (and I cant deny temptation), maybe my soul would have faded by now. By now I feel myself again. Love running through my veins I mean: If we should have waited, then why would it all have ended so well? So very well do I feel, now that I no longer kneel down at your bed. There is a chance I would have found myself with you bound to my hand, but I'm confused and happy sad. My thoughts are tangled in my head. In the end, if we had waited, probably we would have hated ourselves. Our selves got so acquainted, I forgot to be elated by myself. By myself I wish me to the bed your parents made for us, but that illusion that I make of you is surely not the real you. So we should not have waited and although I feel so tainted, I wish I would be better, so that my blame did not matter so much. So much has changed within me and I wish I would have waited, taken time to get to know you right before you fucked me. But I did not.

vacation celebration

You were standing in my way and only that's okay, 
but I was still damned to play after the rules imposed on me. 
And I remembered once again why I decided to stay away 
from romantic relations. These immature temptations 
drive me mad every time. I am easily distracted 
by the comfort of a voice, by the comfort of a kiss. 
And I would not call it choice, because I wasn't even listening 
to my intuition. Lost my inner mission to reveal and protect 
every part of my admission to this life, to my love. 
I can promise you: 
You never got to know my soul. 
There's so many lies you've been told.

lies you've been told

here to disturb the comfortable 
and comfort the disturbed

mo

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