Plans made, unfulfilled
For a life not lived
We dared to believe it was real
But it wasn’t to be for us
What we grasped for a moment turned to dust
Fleeting perfection, swiftly crushed
Now I survive, because I must

What do I do with the pain
To live life again
To remember is hard
To forget is even harder
We’re together alone
I cry but you won’t
I’m weak and you’re strong 
But who will fall the hardest?

Do you remember before
The darkness came to call
And took away the dream
Now I yearn for those days
To not know, not feel this way
To be ignorant, to be free
To unsee what I have seen

What do I do with the pain
To live life again
To remember is hard
To forget is even harder
We’re together alone
I cry but you won’t
I’m weak and you’re strong 
But who will fall the hardest?

Please listen to me
I’m here and I need you 
We’re different I know
Let me in and I’ll show you
Love can exist with pain
And weakness is a strength
Together we’ll find
I’ll ease your hurt and you’ll ease mine

What do I do with the pain
To live life again
To remember is hard
To forget is even harder
We’re together alone
I cry but you won’t
I’m weak and you’re strong 
But who will fall the hardest?

Who Will Fall?

I don't know how I feel
I should be happy, but I'm not
The slight wasn't real
I know you simply forgot

But why am I not in your field of vision
Why am I not all you see? 
And why does confusion 
Play a part in how you feel?

Time to leave
I can't mean less to you 
Than you do to me
Can't you see
Your indecision set me free
No need for apologies
It's time for me to leave

It's nothing that you did
At least not intentionally
Your focus drifted
Too far away from me
It's plain to see 
That the cracks were present
Right from the start
But I didn't care to see them
I was following my heart

Time to leave
I can't mean less to you 
Than you do to me
Can't you see
Your indecision set me free
No need for apologies
It's time for me to leave

Don't feel bad
There's nothing to forgive
But I deserve so much more
Than you can give

Time to leave
I can't mean less to you 
Than you do to me
Can't you see
Your indecision set me free
No need for apologies
It's time for me to leave

Time To Leave

With huge thanks to Bruce on bass, Ian @Rosarius on lead guitar and Johan @Jambrains on drums and baritone guitar.. 

A moment of clarity like a lightening bolt
A flash of fear and a hopeful jolt
Maybe this is the moment that we all fear
A soothing voice that tells you the end is near

Life turns on a dice, turns on a dice, turns on a dice.

And then my child, the one who was born the first
Puts her head on my shoulder as I fear the worst
Mama, she says, why are you looking so pale
And why do your eyes seem so far away

Life turns on a dice, turns on a dice, turns on a dice.

What will I change if I see the dawn?
Will I live my life differently at all?
Will I see that perfection is already here?
I have all that I need and there's nothing to fear

Life turns on a dice, turns on a dice, turns on a dice.

Life (turns on a dice)

Huge thanks to Iano @Rosarius for the guitar parts and to Bruce on bass... 

Are you ghosting me? Is that your deal?
Is that what this is and how it feels?
And how the hell does that work for you?
Is there guilt, do you have no clue
How it feels to love and care and trust so much
And share your dreams and fears and such
When suddenly …. There is nothing

Chorus
And I think I’ve been mistaken
Are you sick, have you been taken?
Any cause to ease my shame
Cos I really cannot take 
That the mark I left could be so faint 
So easy to erase
Like I vanished without trace

Verse 2
Emptiness, no sound, no sights
A void once filled with excitement
The thrill of the pace and hunger
Their absence strikes me repeatedly
Not once, not twice, with every ping on my devices
Messages not from you scream the truth
You’re not coming

Chorus
And I think I’ve been mistaken
Are you sick, have you been taken?
Any cause to ease my shame
Cos I really cannot take 
That the mark I left could be so faint 
So easy to erase
Like I vanished without trace

Verse 3
I scroll sometimes through the words
Your wrote to me when you saw my worth
No warning of the savage cut
One day warmth, the next day none
Hours of laughter, not pretending
Now a story with no ending
And I swear that I'll delete them all but don't 
Once more succumbing

Chorus
And I think I’ve been mistaken
Are you sick, have you been taken?
Any cause to ease my shame
Cos I really cannot take 
That the mark I left could be so faint 
So easy to erase
Like I vanished without trace

M8
What does that say about me?
That I could be such a fool
What does that say that 
You could be so cruel

Chorus
And I think I’ve been mistaken
Are you sick, have you been taken?
Any cause to ease my shame
Cos I really cannot take 
That the mark I left could be so faint 
So easy to erase
Like I vanished without trace

Vanished Without Trace

Eggshells and rollercoasters
I don’t know which I fear the most
Just waiting for the explosion
It comes even when not provoked
You sidle up to me
And bury your head in my chest
Your arms, they pull me
Even sleeping, you’re not at rest

Rollercoasters, the highs and lows
Confounding what you think and what you know
Nurture the spark, let it grow
You are my soul

Your laughter flows through me
Makes me happy like nothing else
Those who know, those who knew me
See a softness I never possessed
You’re the blinding sunlight
That peeps through the hole in the fence
Your light you like to keep hidden 
A perfect line of defence 

Rollercoasters, the highs and lows
Confounding what you think and what you know
Nurture the spark, let it grow
You are my soul

Hold tight, hang tough
You are enough
Hold tight, hang tough
You are enough

Rollercoasters, the highs and lows
Confounding what you think and what you know
Nurture the spark, let it grow
You are my soul

Eggshells & Rollercoasters

Recorded in Transmission Rooms studios with my dear friends, The Durtburds. Reeling is sung by the wonderful Mia Wolkert.

Chorus:
Reeling when you’re healing 
And you’re dreaming that you’re feeling again
Reeling when you’re dealing
And you’re feeling like loving again

Verse 1:

Rolling up and rolling down
Trying hard to be around
Trying to show that nothing's changed
Nothing's lost and nothing's gained

Show me then and now
Show me why and how
How you put the pain aside
So that you feel alive

Chorus:

Verse 2:
Do you remember before
The sun shone and you adored
Time marks your soul
And your body, every bone

It put out your spark
And left you in the dark
Lost in your thoughts,
Did you think that we forgot?

Bridge:
We’ll help you find your way again
Slowly push away the pain
Baby steps and gently pace
Though we know we can't replace her

Reeling

An early Durtburds recording in Orion Studios.

Everywhere looks different
I’m told it’s not, It’s where I spent
My waking hours before we broke up 
Sleeping hours before I woke up

I used to shy away from trying
Things I didn’t know and now I
Think I want to try it all I 
Care less if I fly or fall

Chorus 1:
It’s like everything has changed
Transformed and rearranged
But I realise the world’s the same
And it’s me, it’s me who’s changed.
I’m like Alice in a maze

Secret games and secret smiles
Things have started to grow wild
What was dull is getting brighter
What was dark is getting lighter

Perception paints my picture out
Perspective changes things about
What was grey is now in colour
What was empty now is fuller

Chorus 2:
I’m like Alice in a maze
I’m confused and I am dazed
I kind of think I know this place
But the mirror shows me an unfamiliar face, like Alice in a Maze
I’m like Alice in a maze

Bridge
I have changed
I see that so clearly now
Opportunity abounds
My feet won’t touch the ground

Alice in a Maze

Verse 1
As I touch your trembling shoulder
I say love shouldn’t be this hard
You’re afraid to look at me
Scared I'll start
To make you talk, to make you think
Join the dots, find the link
You know that I won’t rest.. until I…

Chorus
Heal You, separate reality from myth
Heal you, be your rock, erase your sins
Heal you, starve the loss, and feed the wins
Heal you, heal you…

Verse 2
It’s not the nail, that’s all you see
So hand that hammer straight to me
You think that you've all the answers
But I know that you are wrong
So I will fight you, I will bite
I will find a way to prove what’s right
You know that I won’t rest…..until I…

Chorus
Heal You, separate reality from myth
Heal you, be your rock, erase your sins
Heal you, starve the loss, and feed the wins
Heal you, heal you...

Verse 3
I know you turn onto yourself
Silence every cry for help
Let darkness kill the pain
It did before, it will again
But I am here to disabuse you
Of that notion, of that cure
And my kindness might feel cruel
Because it’s new to you and I will….

Chorus
Heal You, separate reality from myth
Heal you, be your rock, erase your sins
Heal you, starve the loss, and feed the wins
Heal you, heal you…

Bridge
I know it’s hard to surrender
It’s hard to be helped
But sometimes you have to accept
That you can’t fix yourself

Chorus
Heal You, separate reality from myth
Heal you, be your rock, erase your sins
Heal you, starve the loss, and feed the wins
Heal you, heal you…

Heal You

I see your silver hair and your smile
So proud yet all the while
Pleased to lead from behind
You always took the time
To let us speak our minds 
So sure that we’d shine

Like glowing embers, I still remember
Love warm and tender
Home was to be near you
That twinkle, that mischievous wink
But gone in a blink
I miss you, I miss you

So many nights, by the phone
You said never walk alone
So you ferried us home
Not a harsh word from your lips
Just the same sound script
And a hug and a kiss

Like glowing embers, I still remember
Love warm and tender
Home was to be near you
That twinkle, that mischievous wink
But gone in a blink
I miss you, I miss you

Now I’ve kids of my own
I see them through your eyes as they grow
You’d have loved them, I know
So I bring you to them instead
An extra kiss to the head
As I put them to bed

Like glowing embers, I still remember
Love warm and tender
Home was to be near you
That twinkle, that mischievous wink
But gone in a blink
I miss you, I miss you

Glowing Embers

I call to talk but I have nothing to say
I just want to hear your voice
I act like I don’t have a care in the world
And that not being yours was my choice
I wanted to tell you that I can’t stop thinking
Of you, your face, and your ways
But words once spoken can’t be reclaimed
So I play the role of friend instead

False friend, there’s no end to my deception
False friend, better longing than rejection
False friend, in the order of what matters
Better dreams untapped than shattered

Your touch is accidental
But it hits like an lightening bolt
My face is a mask, I’ll never show
The feelings you evoke
Are you really not aware
Of the chaos you create
When you’re not here, I’m clear of mind
But one look and I can't think straight

False friend, there’s no end to my deception
False friend, better longing than rejection
False friend, in the order of what matters
Better dreams untapped than shattered

I rest my hand on your seat
When I travel alone
You’re a ghost in my days
Presence felt, never shown
Not a chill, but a warmth in my bones
Like a secret, comforting shawl

False friend, there’s no end to my deception
False friend, better longing than rejection
False friend, in the order of what matters
Better dreams untapped than shattered

False Friend

All arrangement, instrumentation, production, mixing and magic dust by  the astoundingly talented and very patient @jambrains  

Verse 1:
You think you know what's going on but you don't 
You call it out so that I hear but I won't 
Never learn don't you see you've gotta let it be 

She's mine you've got to see that it's so
She's fine I swear it's time to let go
When will you realise that we all know you’re spreading lies 

Chorus:
Hands off she's mine
Really she's fine 
Go find yourself a new obsession 
Take your love away
Take your love away
Cos it’s not helping 

Verse 2:
We've reached the point the damage is done 
When will you see that she's can’t be won 
Divide and conquer was your aim it was a losing game  

They’re so united it’s hard to break in
I know you tried but you could never really win
Can't break the bond, it's too strong

Chorus:
Hands off she's mine
Really she's fine 
Go find yourself a new obsession 
Take your love away
Take your love away
Cos it’s not helping

Bridge:
Couldn’t you be happy with what you had?
You had to push and push and push and make me mad
Step away now
Step away

Hands Off (She's Mine) feat. Jambrains

Again @martimedia has taken my tracks and worked his magic on a mix. Bruce plays bass....

Verse 1:
You catch me unawares
As I listen again and again
Your words touch me deeply 
In a way that I don't comprehend

I didn't know what I was feeling
Till I found you
I was blissfully melancholic
My sadness unassumed


Chorus:
If I don't know I'm hurting
Does it mean that I'm fine?
And if you don't know I hear you
How can I make you mine?


Verse 2:
Push past my defences
My sword and my shield
I was fooling myself so completely
With lies ingrained and lies believed

Pierced by the weapons you wielded
Your words and your voice
Pared away my illusions
And exposed my every choice

Chorus:
If I don't know I'm hurting
Does it mean that I'm fine?
And if you don't know I hear you
How can I make you mine?


M8
I can't turn you off again
Now you're playing in my head
You can't unsay, I can't unhear
The things you said


Chorus:
If I don't know I'm hurting
Does it mean that I'm fine?
And if you don't know I hear you
How can I make you mine?

If You Don't Know

Another @jambrains special! All production, arrangement, instrumentation courtesy of the wonderfully talented @jambrains.

Verse 1
Do you remember the words you said
The hurt they caused, and the fears they fed
When nobody mattered to you but you
My best deeds would never do 

Verse 2
Do you remember the casual way 
You passed off insults that would stay 
Embedded in my self esteem
They served their purpose it seems 

Chorus 
Now your smiles belie the truth 
This current version is a kinder you 
I loved you then though you made it hard 
Don't play it now don't play that card 
Don't play that card, don't play that card 

Verse 3 
Do you remember the way you pushed 
For what you wanted in name of us
Justification an excuse away
Just an excuse away 

Verse 4
Do you remember how you stole my pain
Took my story made it yours and then
Came for comfort to my grieving head 
Refused to hear the words I said

Chorus 
Now your smiles belie the truth 
This current version is a kinder you 
I loved you then though you made it hard 
Don't play it now don't play that card 
Don't play that card, don't play that card 

Bridge
Make me understand 
Why so underhand
Does it make a better tale
If dishonesty prevails

Chorus 
Now your smiles belie the truth 
This current version is a kinder you 
I loved you then though you made it hard 
Don't play it now don't play that card 
Don't play that card, don't play that card

Don't Play That Card feat. Jambrains

All fab guitar and bass tracks provided by @rosarius (guitar) and Bruce (bass). 

Verse 1:
Not deep and meaningful just real
A chance is lost to tell you how I feel
As I cover up the gaping hole you miss
My smile is just a curving of my lips

Pre-chorus:
The great pretence
My last defence
You see I'm hiding
And every day
Is a chance to say
Please come and find me

Chorus:
And I'll open up a crack
Let a little sadness out
Not enough to push you back
Just enough to show you what I'm all about
Look in my eyes
And you will see this time
You knew me only half as well as I knew you

Verse 2:
As I carry out my daily work by rote
The date passes yearly without note
A testament to being in control
You assume the loss it, took so little toll

Pre-chorus:
So bloody hard
Not to discard
What won't define me
And every day 
Is a chance to say
Please try and find me

Chorus:
And I'll open up a crack
Let a little sadness out
Not enough to push you back
Just enough to show you what I'm all about
Look in my eyes
And you will see this time
You knew me only half as well as I knew you

Open Up a Crack

I heard your news today
Felt your world peel away
And your heart was crumbling fast
I wish I could tell you it won't last

I was there 
Right between darkness and despair
And everywhere I looked, I saw what I'd lost
Taken for granted at so little cost

Chorus 
Hold those memories close
That they're all you have hurts the most
Specks of time, magnified, playing like a movie
Inside your mind
Playing like a movie, inside your mind

I can tell you this my friend
Slowly the pain becomes a little less
It never leaves, it deserves to stay
You won't give her rightful place away

Chorus 
Hold those memories close
That they're all you have hurts the most
Specks of time, magnified, playing like a movie
Inside your mind
Playing like a movie, inside your mind

Step by step by step by little step
Every day you grieve leaves one day less
Lean on me, and I'll lean on you
And maybe together, we'll both get through

Hold those memories close....

Hold Those Memories Close

BVs by the lovely Emma J

How could you do it right in front of me
You told me I was special that you'd never leave
You took her hand so gently as you dropped mine like a stone
You promised me forever yet I'm sitting here alone

Cold hands, cold hands, cold heart
Cold hands, cold hands, cold heart
I never saw the change in you until we were already apart
Cold hands, cold hands, cold heart

What changed in me for you to see me differently
To dull the wonder in your eyes when you look at me
To silence all the compliments that came so easily
Are the promises you keep for her the ones you broke on me

Cold hands, cold hands, cold heart
Cold hands, cold hands, cold heart
I never saw the change in you until we were already apart
Cold hands, cold hands, cold heart

The shock has faded now at last
You're a feature of my past
I wouldn't believe it
If I hadn't seen it
The person you've become is one you swore you'd never be 

Cold hands, cold hands, cold heart
Cold hands, cold hands, cold heart
I never saw the change in you until we were already apart
Cold hands, cold hands, cold heart

Cold Hands

For Eva...

All your life I've had my hand on your shoulder
To guide you on your way and catch your fall 
And now that you're that little bit older
I know it's time for you to walk alone

And I'll hold on tight as I let you go
I'll burst with pride but you'll never know
I'll play it cool, won't let it show
You're my fearless, independent soul

I remember the first time I held you
The months I'd waited couldn't have foretold
The feelings that overwhelmed me
You took my breath, you took my heart, you took my soul

And I'll hold on tight as I let you go
I'll burst with pride but you'll never know
I'll play it cool, won't let it show
You're my fearless, independent soul

Fearless

I'd go anywhere in the world for you
I'd abandon best laid plans for you
Maybe do the things I thought I couldn't do
To be with you

I'm like putty in your hands
I relish your demands
And welcome every feeling you invite 
I'm enthralled and I'm transfixed
Love never felt like this
So maybe this time we got it right

I'd go anywhere in the world for you
I'd abandon best laid plans for you
Maybe do the things I thought I couldn't do
To be with you

I told you once in a flash of truth
I love the bones of you
With such intensity it almost hurts
And I still feel the same
I'm like a moth to your flame
And I don't care if I burn

I'd go anywhere in the world for you
I'd abandon best laid plans for you
Maybe do the things I thought I couldn't do
To be with you

Be With You

Big thanks to Emma J on drums and Bruce on bass.. 

Watch all the good people
Try to survive 
Cheerfully pushing through
Their struggle disguised

Watch the lonely 
As they say goodbye
Their gentle smiles that hide
The pain inside

Open your eyes
You might be surprised
At all the trouble
Hidden in plain sight
If you open your eyes

Watch the childless
As they pass you by
Empty arms that ache
For what they're denied

Watch those left behind
They might seem alright
With a hole that can't be filled
No matter how hard they try

Open your eyes
You might be surprised
At all the trouble
Hidden in plain sight
If you open your eyes

What you want is what you don't have
You want the silver lining but never the cloud
Show me love and I'll show you pain
Maybe the sun shines only after the rain

Open your eyes
You might be surprised
At all the trouble
Hidden in plain sight
If you open your eyes

Open Your Eyes

All songs on channel are original and copyright of Karen O'Mahony (c). 

You'll find me also here in my collaboration project with Johan Alm https://soundcloud.com/ashesfordreams

MonnoDB

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