thank you to @sewerperson

bates:
im alright
but id be better if i could just step inside
and i took the reigns
just tryna take control back of my life
but its too much to fight
i reach back and swing, i try
i gotta wet my knife
said it to my face and lied
im too mortified
entrances stay fortified
i dont want advice
trust ive heard it a million times
i cant take in sights
swear that my fuckin brain is fried
such a lonely night
i cant say it but i'll try

i kept the worst all around me
now you'll know better than to fuckin doubt me
its been way too long
i can hear the shadows call
more than writing on the wall
reaching forward and i fall

yeah its terrible
absence of words just happened to say it all
it got way too much i just couldn't go out and face it all
its all my fault
give into misery, lean in and i drop
couldn't find the words
looking back and i seem to know it all

sewerperson:
tell me twice
first time i was mummified
i'll abide with anything u say is right
in the dark we all turn to lesser life
candle light saves me in these lonely nights
war inside ur head is purely natural baby
once i say my grace i turn to animal baby
pray for me cause i been out my head as of lately
tables turn and friends turn into heathens that hate me
i feel i'm the perfect candidate in this purge
i got shackles on my ankles while i pick at this dirt
i guess i dont got my angel looking down on my state
cause if they were then i'd be subject to a numbing of fate
as time goes by i could feel me rot
the light cuts thru me and it tears me up
i apologize for the pain i had caused
i know it doesn't make it right but at least i fought

bates:
yeah its terrible
absence of words just happened to say it all
it got way too much i just couldn't go out and face it all
its all my fault
give into misery, lean in and i drop
couldn't find the words
looking back and i seem to know it all

hindsight bias ft. sewerperson

bitch i stomach shit you couldn't fuckin dream about
mental lacerations split my vision
drape the scene in doubt
i can see intentions 20/20
all you want is clout
vapid every way
you set your name and try to push it out
cheap talkin
its been all out war up in my head
i never stall it
i cant stop the pressure
see my future always walled in
you out chasing fame
and im just tryna be enough for anybody
see em walkin out
throw it out, throw it out
like nothings ever good enough
the feelings all around
watch me fade up into smoke 
and no one give a fuck about it
got a handle on my shit
no i dont need nobody else
decades long winter
but one day the ice will melt
and i know i'll be ready for it
i don't need to sell it
and i'm learning how to play
the shitty hand that i've been dealt
lasting interjections
far too long that i've been dwelling on it

dwell

dusk to dawn
ive been falling with no end
another night ive been caught second guessing
features blurred i cant seem to comprehend
laying in the street
now these walls are a blessing
days pass, nothing changes, its a blur
i live out the same day
endlessly it turns
i make all the same mistakes
i can never learn
we all hit the same grave
buried in the dirt

sinking down
i fall in a familiar frown
standing out
i cower in
with darkness bound

total shade to blinding light
its not a remedy
breaking points i hit
wont skip a beat
in lacking everything
volatile mind
i feel it crumble right from under me
branded on my back
could never get behind the make believe

its a toxic fucking train of thought
guess i saw that i can pull it off
watch my face melt
into fractals overhead
its a new feeling
like time will never end
i got days wasted
a thousand in my belt
see it from a mile away
the poison, yeah i felt it
this shit holds no price to me
i could never sell it
i see how they lie to me
fantasies so desperate

sinking down
i fall in a familiar frown
standing out
i cower in
with darkness bound

total shade to blinding light
its not a remedy
breaking points i hit
wont skip a beat
in lacking everything
volatile mind
i feel it crumble right from under me
branded on my back
could never get behind the make believe

nothingwillcompare

its a balance act
spit me out with no soul attached
all ive learned is to watch my back
met my maker i lit the match
i said fuck it i'll just do this shit myself
ground up built this shit with no ones help
i got no product, got nothing to sell
i just dont like you its not that deep
i'll just stay silent til i leave
assign dissension onto me
dont mean shit dont mean a thing
fuckin talk and talk is cheap
i hope you find yourself at least
leave that spite behind i dont need it

trapped inside a feeling
its too much, too much to release it
and my heart inside still beating
barely alive im barely breathin

harm done and my words flip to the sun
had to re-think so much shit
i had to mend it up
tied up, hung around after the smoking gun
i cant stick around no longer 
crawlin out the mud
im terrified
not too good at reading through the lines
future tragedy in sight
its all night
all i see is vanity disguised
the depravity alive

trapped inside a feeling
its too much, too much to release
and my heart inside still beating
barely alive im barely breathin

harm done

thank you to @softhert

im just tired im not feelin right
just tryna catch my breath
pullin down the lights
facing a feedback loop
crawlin tryna catch you
i let all the doubt through 
i couldn't lie

i reach over empty space
see how far i take it
even with all in the way
wake up to the same
it's the same shit every day
i got water to my waist
but thats just the price i pay

ive been way too focused in on all the minutia 
glarin at me feeling like they lookin right through ya
recurring dreams of running from the pain
staring at the ground because i don't know what to say
with my hands tied up, feel it fade out, numb
i don't do enough before i have to give it up
so keep it up it's not too far
i fall through it isn't hard

empty space ft. softheart

lyrics:

just gotta slow it down
terrified of the future
scrape my brain
try to pull it out
i cant escape the doubt
and im running from the past
dug a hole straight into the ground
it always hits me when i lie down
ive been way too distant
i dont know whos on my side now
ive seen it a million times now
ive mastered descention
strapping in and take a ride down
learned it all the hard way
i just keep my mouth shut
all feels way too hard to say
bursting seams just trying to find a place
im asking "now what"
why does it always end the same
watch it turn to dust
i pour my life into a project
then i give it up
nothings ever good enough
i cant make it up
always have to sabotage myself
i hate who i've become

a familiar feeling

@jolst @taurs

outta sight
bring it back n vanish
got the feeling right
mortified
placing your posessions 
under blinding light
i cant manage expectations
so i fall right through
its all set and setting
try a day in my shoes
face on ice
feel the days pass by
im not clutchin dimes baby
i dont fuckin mind
get my shit together
i could try what i do
im not feeling better
my investment overdue

its alright
i got my timing lined out
i dont stomach lies
i got no fear of logging out
facin years of misery i got em in my belt
got a taste of destiny its mine
i know i felt
watch em go
i internalize a heart of stone
friends turn to foes
feelin froze
accepting that you never know
path that i chose

overdue (jolst x taurs)

thanks to @sendflowrs

prod by fonkyfake
https://www.beatstars.com/fonkyfake

just dont speak to me if ur telling lies
never been too good at reading through the lines or compromise
i got the shadows reaching for my life
tell me one more time im lookin down n reaching for my knife
see em all shootin daggers wanna come straight for my throat
theres some shit i'll never say
you'll never know
spent too long just waiting
dancing on my toes
just know now i finally understand
think i'll listen?
try to tell me what i can and what i cant do
i left my whole life back in the dust n now its past due
ive been workin every single day to cut this path through
just dont speak my name you dont know shit about it

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