Open you heart to put the pacemaker in,
Open your veins like the doors of perception,
Open your mind like the whores of Babylon,
Like a furry at the comicon,

Expand your mind like a child with encephalitis,
Offer your hand like a child in need,
Feed your head like Jack Kennedy,
Just like rigor mortis keep a stiff upper lip,
And keep your mouth closed while you're chewing on shit,
Dedicate yourself to the service of others,
Cause you can eat your cake but you can't have your druthers,

God is love and love is a battlefield,
Revenge is the best served dish,
Teach a man to flirty fish,
Nature gave each human its cross to wield.

Open Up

The Butcher (Leonard Cohen Cover)

Everybody smokes,
We stand outside with our cigarettes,
Talking about how everything is the same,
How it isn't fair,
We wish we weren't here,

We aren't supposed to smoke,
In the parking lot but the boss does,
So we park our butts errantly on the blacktop,

Everybody poops,
But when they don't for three nights or more,
We jam some drugs into them,
Against their will,
It's for their health,

Everybody dies,
And when they do they slowly fade from memory,
They blend like brush strokes in an impressionist painting,
They say stay with me,
They say help me,
And then they are silent,

Everybody smiles,
As they walk into the building,
Don't forget your name tag,
The state might come today,
I held a woman's hand as she sighed in exhaustion,
I held a woman's hand as she drifted off to sleep,
I held a woman's hand moments before she died alone.

Everybody Smokes

I Fell in Love With a Dead Boy (Anohni Cover)

Sometimes drinking buddy sometimes sponsor,
I'll sponsor all your escapades no matter what the cost,
I only hope with all my heart that it won't cost your liife,
The grass we're laying on feels like the sharp edge of a knife,

You try to play it straight but you keep breaking edge,
Wish I could pull you away from that ledge,
Say you don't want to get better but you're anxious when you're dying,
Sometimes telling the truth sounds just like lying,

More than friends less than lovers,
Sometimes spouse and sometimes brother,
You say that you don't want to feel,
I hope I'm not smothering you too much,

Sometimes you tell it straight just to avoid telling the truth,
I did that much moore myself in my youth,
I know it's hard when life is gay and "It gets better" can be a lie,
But letting out your feelings in fact will not make you die,

Never honed the skills of living,
Sometimes boyfriend sometimes sibling,
I'm unsure of the love I'm giving,
Here's hoping that love might make you feel better,
Despite the fact that you don't want to feel,

Chatter at me endlessly I'll hang on every word,
Someone ought to pay attention anyway,
I'll throw a few in edgewise though we both do sound absurd,
We'll keep it light although we dwell in darkness,

You try to play it straight but you keep breaking edge,
You wake up cold and barefoot in a hedge,
You don't want to get better but I hope that you'll keep trying,
It's selfish but I'm tired of the joys in my life dying,
Sometimes telling the truth sounds just like lying,
But letting out your feelings only feels like dying.

Straight Talk

She's a lost child in her eighties, 
Wandering forgotten wastes,
Take my hand her sullen eyes say, 
Take me where I ought to be,
Every once in a while she has the prettiest smile,
She's usually just angry or scared,
And a blankness in her eyes never comes as a surprise,
It's hard to know if anyone's there,

Her wordless mouth speaks another language,
Communicated in the tones it portrays,
She says everything in the nothing she says,
Even when her thought train strays,
One day a hand just might take hers and,
Lead her through the gates to oblivion,
You can tell by her gait and by her rapid loss of weight,
Some part of her just can't take the living anymore,

Oh the ecstasy and the agony of a mind unstuck in time,
The present is a memory and her mood swings on a dime,
And as I lay her down to sleep I pray nothing her soul to keep,
For if she dies before she wakes 'twould be a miraculous mistake,

Her wordless mouth child another language,
Communicated in the forgotten wastes,
She says everything in the sullen eyes say,
Even where her thought train strays,
Every one day a while just might take her smile,
Even through the gates to oblivion,
You can tell by in her eyes and by her rapid loss surprise,
Some part of her if anyone's living anymore,

Take me where I ought to be.

Lost Child

Manson says that home is where you are happy,
If this is true I've always been homeless,
But you who've wandered streets and gone penniless,
You've found your home in others' tenderness, you privileged fuck,

Those who support and adore you,
They condemn and abhor me for they find,
Your freedom of expression much more palatable than mine,

I'd give you my last cigarette,
Divulge to you my greatest regret,
But you can see through my pursed smile,
Sad eyes staring all the while,
I'd walk with you that last long mile straight to Hell,

Manson says that home is where you are happy.

Manson Says

No one's gonna notice that I'm high,
No one's gonna notice I want to die,
No one's gonna notice the imperfections in my braids,

No one's gonna notice it's all wrong,
No one's gonna understand my song,
No one's gonna notice the imperfections in my brains,

And it's a long way down,
But there's always further to go in this town,

No one's gonna notice I'm a boy,
No one's gonna notice I'm a girl,
No one's gonna give a fuck that I can't procreate,

No one's gonna play nice iwith my toys,
No one's gonna share a shred of joy,
No one's gonna notice the synthesis of love and hate,

And it's a long way down,
Heart infections fester in this town,

It's hard to parce nature from nurture when everyone's the same,
Hard to know which stones to throw when everyone's to blame,
It's east to give up on life and fantasize about death,
But it's really hard to kill yourself when there's folks who love you left,

And it's a long way down,
But friendship's embers flicker in this town.

No One Knows

Shuuga (Mass of the Fermenting Dregs Cover)

I can't believe in ghosts as an aspiritual satanist,
And even if they did exist the fact would remain meaningless,
But I know you're haunting me, don't need to see it to believe,
But when I talk to you, you've nothing more to say,
I rarely picked up the phone before, it used to be the other way,
Wish I could pick you up but even if I stole my mother's car,
Unliving now, you're living far too far,

For now you're in a place where noone goes,
Before the beginning and after the end,
My lovingly adversarial friend,
Oblivion so far and yet so close,
I can't believe you're nothing but a ghost,

I can't worry what you died thinking, you stop thinking when you die,
Wish I thought you were in a better place but we know that's just a lie,
I didn't really want you to leave, I didn't know when you would die,
In the day it's a relief but at night I cry and cry,

For now you're in a placce where noone goes,
Before the beginning and after the end,
My lovingly adversarial friend, I might've loved you most,
But you were nothing but a ghost,

Now you're in a state that noone knows,
Nothing holding you down but you're still not free,
I often missed you even when you were with me,
Now my last nerve's exposed, but to an incorporeal ghost.

Ghosted

It wasn't a joke, it was purely suffering,
It didn't matter but it mattered to me,
It had a name and a life nobody would understand,
Because it wasn't a woman nor was it a man,

And just like Mrs Bovary this human cut and run,
Confusion, fear and loneliness, the tragedies were done,

I hope you saw the world burnng as sight did leave your eyes,
It hurt so much that possibly it did deserve to die,

Was it the heroin that finally did it?
I know you liked that stuff,
Must not have been like laughing gas,
Those chargers are never enough.

A Thing Called It

I hit a bottom once that felt like rock,
But I've slipped deep through its cracks since,
Like Poseidon's daddy I cleave down through the foamy depths,
To find where I ca sink no deeper.

I pulled myself out too before, Stayed afloat for a bit,
To suffocate in the open air with those other happy fish,
What will it feel like when the true rock bottom iis the one I hit?
Can I hit it?

Rock Bottom

Medley of Old Age, writtent by Kurt Cobain with Courtney Love's lyrics, and I'm So High by Hole

Old Age/I'm So High (Hole/Nirvana Cover)

I don't love you like the others,
These still waters run deep,
But I'm a creep,
And I'm a weirdo,
All I need is some sleep,
And a warm glass of draino,

And I see it in your eyes,
That look of curious surprise,
You recoil with a warm smile,
But it doesn't help the pain though,
And you don't know what it's like,
Baby you don't know,
All I need is some sleep,
And a warm glass of draino,

Well I'll wait for you as long as you're around,
Don't have to talk about it I won't make a sound,
And you'll stay with me until I'm in the ground,
You're etched in my brain so,
All I need is some sleep,
And a warm glass of draino.

Sleep And Draino

Don't care if there's nothing to do,
I'll lie around and watch you use,
While the sky like a wound turns black and blue,
Cause when I'm with you it's the truth,
There's nothing here but you,

I know the grass is greener six feet underground,
There's only dead end jobs and substances around,
I know that life is getting harder in this town,
You want to burn it down,

Don't care if I'm the only one,
We're all just out here having fun,
But at the party everyone,
Else is a mannequin,
There's no one here but you,

My craving worsens as this planet slows its turn,
The pain will go away when our bodies are interned,
Another dose or two and I will surely learn,
You always leave my system with chemical burns,

With every failure we resist the urge to quit,
Seems like our physiology just doesn't fit,
And when your frail and failing body turns to shit,
You want to burn it down,

You may need to escape this life,
Can't change the rhythm of the tides,
I'll love you even if you die,
But I dread being left here alive,
With everyone but you,

Can't force you into life but I beg you to stay,
The substance of your mind carries an awesome sway,
Another dose or two and I will surely say,
I like the taste of chemicals that burn ths way,

There's nothing here but you,
You want to burn it down.

Chemical Burns

Oh I'm ashamed,
Yes I'm ashamed of myself when I smoke,
Oh I'm ashamed,
Yes I'm ashamed of myself when I smoke,
My spirit is sore,
My spirit is soaring,
My spirit is so raw,
And I ain't,
I ain't got no soul,

Lord I'm ashamed,
Sweet Satan I'm ashamed of myself when I tell mean jokes,
Am I doing what wilt,
Or am I just wilting in Hell?
My spirit is sore,
My Spirit is soaring,
My spirit is so raw and ragged,
And I ain't got no soul to lean on.

Shame

We're living on stolen time,
Taken lives and highjacked economies,
A value system based on borrowed ideologies,
Lady Liberty is a welfare queen,
Her torch, it used to shine,
But envy turned it green,
Lady Liberty is a welfare queen,

The greatest couuntry's not the best,
We rob Peter's East to pay Paul's West,
Jarheads stealing valor, destiny maniifest,
Uncle Sam wants you like a sex pest,
And if it was up to me, I'd tear down this empire,
And replace it with democracy,
'Cause Lady Liberty is a welfare queen,

Bring out your poor, your huddled masses,
Exploiitation tastes sweeter than molasses,
Even better if your ass is tan,
Or if you're a victim of a travel ban,
'Cause al the grass is greeener when you don't take no one's side,
Democracy never lived here so how can we say it died?

Three cheers for the red white and blue,
MLK had a few nightmares too,
Sadly it's those reveries that have been coming true,
Mostly brown folks in prison,
But we don't call it racism,
Rhetoric is the force deepening our social schizm,
Nationalists are Nazis, withhout the socialism.

Lady Liberty is a Welfare Queen

A song about a woman I used to work for. Although there is an element of ridicule to this piece I truly still have a whole lot of sympathy for this person and I hope that that comes through as well in the lyrics.

Her back injury was a hard pill to swallow,
But not her morphine,
Her ambien had her living the American dream,
And the products she bought on the government's dime were a testament to all her ambient schemes,

Strewn round the house were remnants of nightmares,
She lived each day as if it were her last, in misery,
And Jesus and Limbaugh explained all the mysteries,

Her third and fourth lumbar were crushed in the fall,
But she still found the strength to spend time at the mall,
And her sad, estranged husband, insufficiently tall,
Carried her on his back until he threw her,

I can't help but feel sad for her, lying awake,
Thinking 'bout all them problems she just can't take,
Her pretension, her cross, her vampire stake,
Shen she's pissed, I see clearly, right through her.

The Ballad of Big B

Life can be easy when you have no hope,
The air is warm and breezy when you have nothing to do,
You sit around watching TV and smoking dope,
Cause life can be easy when you ain't, ain't got no one loving you,

Say, life can be happy when you ain't got a chance,
You droppped out of college and have stains on your pants,
You giggle for a while and resume your, your torrid dance,
Cause life can be happy when you ain't, ain't got no one loving you,

When the world is grey cause some man put sunshine in your eyes,
Look away, look away, direct your regard towards the skies cause,

Life can be worth living when there's nothing, nothing to live for,
And vision is always obscured when piercing through an open door,
Imagined hope, yeah, that's what really makes me hit the floor,
My life would be so easy, without you.

Life Can be Easy

Well this dirty old nursing home is where I care for folks,
The staff are mean to the residents and the administration's a joke,
I want to give it all the love I got but all I got is fatigue instead,
I don't want to die but I wish I was dead,

Well he tells me he loves me but soometimes I just don't know,
Hey you might feel anxious too if you've been where my mind goes,
And though our silence, it speaks volumes, I can't stand leaving things unsaid,
I don't want to die but I wish I was dead,

Sometimes I feel a deep despair like my parents when my brother died,
That's why I would feel too much shame to commit suicide,

In a dirty old nursing home like this one day I will lose my soul,
They'll feed me trash leave me in filth and stick drugs in all my holes,
With all these people dying 'round me I guess it's easier done than said,
I don't want to die but I wish I was dead,
Yeah I'm afraid to die but I wish I was dead.

The Wish

Compensation (Nina Simone Cover)

I was burned again by hope,
Like a moth to a flame,
Get your name out of my mouth,
Your face out of my brain,
My body out from under yours,
Where I languished in fleeting eternity,
Like a pinhead raised from Hell,
Pleasure begets all pain,

I hope I didn't trigger a relapse,
That night it did for me,
A shot of heroin for you,
Anxiety is my DOC,

I couldn't figure your expression,
I was gazing at my shoes,
How do you like my imperfections,
Why can't I have some more to lose?
Put your sorrows on my heart,
Your voice into my ears,
Some laughing gas to fill our lungs,
Fleetingly quell all fears,

You desecrate your holy blood,
Flirt with eternity,
My substance use is poly too,
But angst will one day leave me blue,
For all the times that I've OD'd,
Disquiet will make me cease to breathe.

Mama,
How did you ever get so cruel?
What happened to the days when you proclaimed the golden rule?
You take a swing at me and nearly fall,
Cursing out the shadows on the wall,

It's hard to describe what's in your eyes,
A wild, animal, exhausted craze,
A look so personal that drifts a thousand miles away,
Whose features do you see upon my face,
You look through me with such contempt, who put your mind and body in this place?

Will you remember me when I leave this room?
Who will I become when I return?
The malice in your eyes, it burns like cheap whiskey in your throat,
Like some craven drunkard's hard breath,
Like caustic chemicals on brain cells,
Like the shrinking of cerebral bloodways,
It burns like the memories of kids gone away,
Memories vanished yet always at the cusp of conscious knowing,
Delusions in their stead and in my place where they are showing,

You take a swing at me and nearly fall,
But you've already fallen and I fear that you cannot get up,
I forgive you unconditionally but I can't vindicate your cruelty,
I know it's not truly directed to me,

Mama take a rest now,
You're too worn out to see,
I'll have you don your oxygen and me my PPE,
"Dawn!" You exclaim, "I love you!"
And I hope you'll hear Dawn love you back,
But the shadows on the walls they won't reply,
Perhaps not until the last braincell dies.

Mama

To Love Somebody (Bee Gees/Nina Simone Cover)

When I look in the mirror,
Sometimes I see you there,
In the clothes you picked out for me,
And the braids that you often wear,
I paint my eyes with that smoky look,
The way you did it can't compare,
You've gone away from me for good,
But in the mirror you're always there,

My eyes confront yours through the glass,
Beaming rage and sympathy,
Insecurity and vanity,
I gave to you and you gave to me,
And all these feelings I've amassed,
All that vengeance, shame and pity,
I paint them on my face like contour,
And see them on you in the mirror,

I'm so sorry, I forgive you, I declare,
Alone in my room, speaking to you in my chair,
The room you occupied when our friendship died,

I look in the mirror and I see,
When I forgive you, you forgive me,
Maybe my eyes are just playing tricks on me.

Reflections

Amateur singer/songwriter of usually morose yet sometimes uplifting songs difficult for me to define by genre. 

All music written (unless otherwise specified) performed recorded and produced by myself. Rhythm and synth programmed on FL Studio.

Love is the law. 

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