REHEARSAL DEMO

"I think it took him a while to understand
If he felt doubt, he’d just take me by the hand
I know it’s taken me a while to understand
How these swirling patterns took my man

He’s a man I used to be, but in a lot of ways
Is still apart of me
I looked back on the woman I’ve become
But I’m not these loose parts without the sum
All these people and places I’ve lost are still apart of me
In a deadlocked intersection of who I am and who I used to be

I used to laugh and holler and shout and cry
Now I look to my father’s father’s alibi 
I used to look in the mirror for a while
Just to see my man stare back and smile

He may think there’s never a Switzerland
I haven’t seen him in a while, he could even be off
In some coastal land
Remember those hours that coasted by
When we were deadlocked at the light someday past 5
There were all these signs and warnings I was too
Distracted by
There’s all these backwards one ways
Someday I hope he’ll find his way

As for me, I think I’ll do fine
Despite my dramatic gestures of how I’m alive.

I wanted to make things right in some time,
But I know this deadlock is an anger that I created 
These things manifest and spill over
And we hurt the ones we loved over and over

I hope we can take the time."

-
We’ll never get back all of those years
But we don’t have to live our lives stewing in a crowded atmosphere

All these deadlocks and loose ends,

I know he is there waiting 
In all those portraits of the people just trying to get by

DEADLOCKED DEMO

Queer Love in a Fascist State

(iVE BEEN TOSSING & TURNING IN MY SLEEP AGAIN)
iVE BEEN TOSSING AND TURNING IN MY SLEEP AGAIN. 
I THOUGHT IT WAS A BAD DREAM,
NOTHING ELSE COULD REDEEM MY PARALYSIS,
& THEN I THOUGHT OF U IN A PICTURE FAR AWAY,
I THOUGHT OF WHAT COULD B,
WHAT I MIGHT SAY,
BUT HERE IAM AGAIN,
SLEEP WALKING LIKE MY FRIEND,
MY NAME IS NOT MY NAME AGAIN,
BLAND?
& I'VE BEEN TOSSING & TURNING IN MY SLEEP AGAIN, 
IDK WHO I AM ANYMORE,
I'VE LOST MY ONLY FRIEND,
SO DUALITY IS WHAT IT'S COST,
I'M SLEEP WALKING AGAIN,
I'VE FOUND MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM,
WITH A SHATTERED MIRROR ALL OVER MY HANDS.
IDK WHO I AM,
IDK IDK
AM I A MAN A WOMAN?
AM I SUPPOSED TO B A MAN OR A WOMAN?
IDK WHO I AM.
IDK IDK.
I'VE BEEN TOSSING.
IDK WHO I AM.
IDK IDK.
I'VE BEEN TOSSING
& TURNING IN MY SLEEP AGAIN.
AM I A MAN OR A WOMAN?
AM I SUPPOSED TO B A MAN OR A WOMAN?
AM I SUPPOSED TO B ANYBODY?

(please help me, help me.
who am i supposed to be?)

This Queer Feeling (TOSSING & TURNING) [IDK who i am, a man or a woman?]

A cover of Jordaan Mason's song "The Housewife Part Two" from his album Mantra Songs.

The Housewife Part Two

11/30/2018 4:02:23 AM.
1 NEW MESSAGE:

"I don't wanna hear you speak.
Hold me, hold me, hold me.
Take the time.
Hold me, hold me, hold me.
I'll take my time.
Hold me, hold me, hold me.
Take the time.
Hold me, hold me, hold me
On the line.

He won't speak to me.
And I won't speak back."

4AM Voicemail

Billie Holiday- Easy Living (E-Z MIX)

Performed at MANAFEST 20 Solstice December 21st 2019

Valerie

Collecting My Things

CO-PRODUCED BY DOOBIE V

MASTERED BY FLORAVIOLET

4BOOK- MAARA feat Jade Green

"I'm afraid if you look at a thing long enough, it loses all of it's meaning." -Warhol

MX.MRS

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