Song about/for my abusive narcissistic mother, who throughout my entire life has been trying to destroy anything dear to me, any interest, hobby, opportunity etc, just because I care about it (innocent, legal stuff).

It’s always been all about her - claiming my “abominable” life-choices of comfortable, modest clothing, nerdiness, geeky hobbies and interests, aversion to destructive behaviors and “wrong crowds”, and even the direction I peel vegetables (!), rather than “conforming” to shallow standards of “stylish”, revealing clothes, jewelry, makeup, so-called “girly” interest, dating, partying etc, made HER look bad, all the while taking the credit for the few meager, controlled successes she hadn’t deprived me of. She’d keep claiming I’m nothing without her, not even human, that I depend on her and need her to be in charge of me. When I informed her I was moving out, she mocked me and said I wouldn’t survive one day on my own and would come running right back.

Years later, unhappy that despite her relentless efforts she couldn’t convince me to go back to her evil clutches, she kidnapped me, then used her connections as a government official to commission a shrink who never met me to falsely "diagnose" me with all kinda stuff she made up solely based on her say-so, certify me as an invalid in effort to gain conservatorship and control over me. Her plan (which thankfully never came to fruition as I managed to escape before she gained conservatorship) was to lock me up and pump me full of drugs I don't need for conditions I don't have (that way, in her words, she’d “always know where I am and what I’m doing”), all the while reaping my "disability" benefits and praise and sympathy for having to put up with me. (Side note, I actually have a verifiable clean bill of mental health)

I wrote this song while being my mother’s prisoner, having lost all hope of ever being able to escape & rebuild a life for myself. Being an expert liar, she’d keep telling everyone what a loving, caring mother she is and how I’m severely mental and desperately need her help, all she’s doing “for me” etc, getting everyone on her side and I had no one to turn to, no one would listen to me as I don’t have her reputation, connections, credentials, or confidence. She and her pet shrink would keep trying to make me "accept" the "fact" that I’m an invalid and require "treatment" and must surrender to my mother's will as I'm "unfit" to decide for and take care of myself, that my unwillingness to be the person my mother wanted me to be and furthermore my unwillingness to maintain a relationship with her (the toxic beast who kidnapped me and destroyed everything I’d worked for) is proof of “impaired judgment”, and that being a zombie locked up in a mental institution is the only life I'm fit for, that this is who I am and that is all I’m worth and all I have to aspire to. One thing that stuck with me is a time during all those months, when I told about my situation to some online friends (because she had poisoned everyone in my life against me and my distant online contacts were all I had left), and one just replied, “endure”… and all I could think was, what for. This is what this song is about.

Thankfully, after almost a year as her prisoner, I did manage to escape and become a productive member of society.

embracing eye contact

Release Infos : 
Artists : @xiakes
Release date : April 20th 2025
Release name : This is Dubtempo (VA)
Stream/Download : https://fanlink.tv/dubtempo
Original concept and curation by @don-mescal
Label: @cosmovisionrecords
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About this 
We are excited to present "This is Dubtempo", curated by Don Mescal : a groundbreaking compilation that pushes the boundaries of sound. In this visionary project, the timeless essence of reggae and dub fuses seamlessly with the cutting-edge worlds of electronic and downtempo music. More than just a collection of tracks, this compilation is a sonic journey where deep reggae rhythms blend effortlessly with atmospheric electronic beats. This project invites listeners to explore uncharted territories, offering a soulful fusion that transcends genres and redefines the reggae experience in the modern electronic landscape.
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PREMIERE - Xia Ke -  Manifest [Cosmovision Records]

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Through the prisms of mirages

please don't drown, my love

Once upon a time, on a hot, hot summer day... we were standing at the bus stop waiting for a bus that didn't show up, for a long long time, with only a sliver of shade cast by a lamp post. So I just started singing "sliver of shade, oh sliver of shade"... and then at random intervals would just burst into these mostly improvised verses. So here it is LOL.

It's mostly just one chord. It sounded kinda blues-ish so originally I was trying to compose it with traditional blues instruments... I was browsing my drum kits to figure out which one to use, but then I came across this "telephone kit" and I was like, to heck with traditional LOL, it just sounded too awesome together to pass up. So I ended up with this... what, "electro-blues" fusion or whatever? Is that even a thing?

Song and art by Shaunie Littlehawk

Sliver of Shade

♫ Puzzle Bobble - Bust - A-Move Theme (cover)

I'm a big geek who gets inspired way too easily. Right now I'm working on more music and videos, hope I'll be able to post more soon. I write both my own original music and filks to other people's tunes, my YouTube channel has music videos for my songs here. https://www.youtube.com/@MyVoiceRuinsEverything
Also up on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4IMLzsrMVFn94vgHMte1VN

DNR

My Voice Ruins Everything

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