I wrote this about my relatiuonship with my mother. I was placed in to cps housing because of the abuse, and this is how i feel about it all. Cheers :)

madric1d3

I went to Mexico on a vacation, but my girl and i fought so much that i just left and went alone. during that trip i tried to meet women, to go out and and check out the whore houses (no disrespect), but found maybe i didn't belong there...maybe I lost my youth in prison, and i cant recapture it now. So , there I am in a five star beachfront property , adn Im too paranoid from substances to even go outside. With my ear preaaed to the inside of my hotel door, i tried to write this. Polished it after i snuck across the border haha

Locked_In_Paradise

My father was my guiding light, and he died before i figured out how to stop shooting heroin, and to prison. I finally got sober and i own a tattoo shop in vegas now....but he died and never saw it. For muy whole journey with him, he was selfless, whilei was greedy and thoughtless. While i was doing time, he would come wait in line to visit me EVERY day they allowed visits. A true saint, to a worthless junkie slave

Too_Late_To_Rise

My best friend, Alexandre Tivis-Buehler, died on May 31 2025 from fentanyl, sadly we used it together and he went off to get his own, and died alone a week or so ago. This is what i wrote the day i found out. its sadder then most of my work, and much slower, but I have more than youd expect in me...so lets see how it goes.

white under fire

This is a second version of the same song i posted, just with a different c hord structure, and singing styles, as well as timing. Its about a junkie, loser son letting down his saint of a father, and he dies before he ever sees me get it right. His name was Gary Cole, and he was every bit a saint, to my sinner. This man would line up to visit me in prison or jail, every day they had it offered. Selfless, and i just took, and took, and I am ashamed. Hopedully you can hear it in this song. 

Now i own a very succesful tattoo shop Work of Art tattoo and Piercing in Las Vegas....but he never set foot in it even once. He was gone before i ever got it right. Hence the lyrics

Too Late to Rise_version_radio_play

I ran to tijuana alone, strubng out, and trying to recapture my youth... but the years i lost to prisonand poor choices can never be regained....and i am an older fool now.

Chasing_ghosts_in_tijuana

I am an oil painter, and when my relationship was falling apart at its worst, to process my pain i painted a scene...and i swore if i finished the painting we were  Fucking DONE!! I made it to about four square inches left , but we get along now....so it hangs in my tattoo shop...waiting to see if i will have to finish those inches.

Arsonists Canvas

I trained a boy named Quentin to tattoo(@quenton_art), and in this song he comes back to visit from traveling the world, and Im still there happy to see him come home again...this is a two part song, the next one is the sad version...as in life too we never know which outcome we will get.

needles_and_ink__rise__0a567a27-e17b-4c04-8f8f-dd8bc83f8d28

This is the sadder, realistic version of life, in which my young apprentice gets caught up in his life, and im dead by the time he comes back. Time will tell

needles_and_ink__fall

I took my fathers ashes to Mexico, and every time id open the cigar box i kept them in, id just break down in tears. I never was able to even spread a single handful, because ever last spec is so precious tome, and its all i have left of him.

Incense_and_Regret_

I weaved the name of god throughout this, and focused on frequencies that can be used to center you, and invoke spirits. Let the ritual begin.

YHWH___Mourning_the_Unseen

This is a different version of madricide, with a different rhytm and chord structure.

Madricide VERSION 2

In 2020 something, I had just paroled from my 5 year term in the Nevada DOC , and upon release I found all my friends strung out on speed or opiates (this is before fetty) , and the only thing I was holding onto was a criminals bedtime story of easy money making credit cards in las vegas. We'd rip em all off, stay for free in hotel resorts, party like debauchery hungry jackals, and leave.a wake of cleaning lady nightmares at each boarding spot. For 6 months, I lived like that, until they tackled me at the Westgate Hotel trying to check in again. It was my fourth time at that hotel, and they had my photo up in case i returned. 

Whoops

This song tells that story in vivid images. I scream "rode a silver hound to hell to celebrate deciet" thats cause I used a generated credit card number to ride the Greyhoud from reno to vegas, in the pursuit of ill - gotten gains. 

Hence, Fool's Gold

FOOLS GOLD

This is the same lyrics as the other version, just a reimagining of it to see what was the best version. You tell me friends, you tell me.

Fool'sGold RE-imagined

Im releasing this version under the Crimson and Gold title, as i believe this is the version that is worth the distinction. A culmination, a ritual in suffering for another's amusement. 

Fool'sGold Crimson and Gold

This is a song about my best friend Alexandre Tivis-Buehler who died from an unintended overdose on .....yep, you guessed it: fentanyl. On may 29, 2025 we spent the day together making music and laughing, and may 31, 2025 they found him dead and bloated in his room, aalready turning black from lividity. The line "no hesitation...cuts" is a nod to the shallow, hal hearted cuts a first time, half ass serious suicide attempt will have when they kinda try to hurt themselves. So...no hesitation boys and girls, no hesitation.

From the foil to the flame-FIN

In my struggles, i noticed when I was out stealing and living wrong, all doors would shut to me, and my help would dry up....but as soon as i wasn't just a blackhole taking everything, low and behold every thing i wanted to achieve was mine. know what you want, and the universe will give it to you. Anything your heart ABSOLUTELY craves, it will render unto you.

Unblessed___Faithless_crimson

This is another version of the same soong i released already, and i wanted to see which would be a hit. you tell me....

Unblessed_&_Faithless_crimson2

Ever dated a girl, and its a fucking whirlwind where you guys are great one sec, and the next you are screaming at each other ? Ever get to the point where you just don't care anymore, you've seen this show, you know how it ends, and your done? Yeah this song covers that. SHE LOVES ME NOT

She_Loves_Me__Not

You ever been in a relationship where one sec you are good, and next sec you are screamaing at each other. That merrygo-round gets old, and thats what this is about. 

She_Loves_Me__NOT

Ive always felt like I was born to be a cationary tale: a person doomed so that others will learn from his mistakes, and not die also. Like Pharoah, in the bible (if you are into that) , or Caeser,etc. 

Back_row_saint

I am of the bloodline of the fallen. Each song, is a ritual, meant to invoke spirits and evoke angels. Take my hand, and lets peer through the veil together friend.

N3PH1L1M

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