Sad boos

much like me, this song is built entirely of metaphors

unscramble them to find the truth

@tomcbumpz

i don't crave death, i just crave peace (prod. tomcbumpz)

fine (prod. killedmyself)

@mt-marcy

LYRICS:
i'm sick of trembling in fear at the idea of death
since it's always on my mind i just hide in my bed
"everybody's scared of it" is what my therapist said
but my case seems worse, when i've barely been fed

because the kitchen's too far to desire the steps
it'd take to make it down the stairs and try to find a baguette
or something similar that wouldn't make my stomach upset
it doesn't feel like this is real, yeah, my mind is a mess

the only times it seems clear is when music is played
some relatable creator says i'll soon be okay
or when reading poetry trying to soothe the dismay
and i can lose my insecurities in cute little sayings, like

"why frown when the sun goes down,
if you'll wake in the morning to such nice sounds
when the nighttime creeps, well your eyes might weep
but that's just moonlight tryna find nice people"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, just make it through this"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, you can make it through this"

meurte

such nice sounds (prod. mt. marcy)

@south.vb

emo shit for ya ears;;;

soft in my soul, resting in the seas
drowning in the waters of investing in beliefs
questions never answered in the never-ending speech
of bewilderment and pills that sent me headed for my sheets
wanna sleep away the days that pass like blades of grass in fall
follow old news like goku would chase them dragonballs
while school got me used to the taste of adderal
i was singing songs of "well, i wouldn't say it's that involved"

i'll just make it past the climax and cry back to may
might pass the days while my flight path decays
hide passing phrases in my tattered brain
need to get the bigger picture like imax displays
in 3d, you don't really need me
y'all just need my cd's and ep's to keep peace
and that's a fucking fact no matter how much i contort it
sorta follow sordid forces out into my orbit

while the skies are turning pink approaching sunset, my unrest is fear
and though the path is home to packs of vultures, one step can steer
this ultimatum that i'm facing when i'm undressed in mirrors
of "do i wanna leave or do i stay here?"

do i stay here?

merry Bhristmas

severance package (prod. south.vibe)

merry christmas, everyone <3
thank you for an incredible year

shout out to everyone who worked on this:
@yungestbae (thanks for the godly beat <3)
@iamsamsa (if you need track art, hit him up)
@atwoodotj
@ibr
@chriswright53
@toccimc
@hheadhaunter
@boof-radley
@offthejump

no one ever said (feat. samsa & the otj crew) (prod. yung bae)

FEATURING @BARRENWASTE
PRODUCED BY @KILLEDMYSELF

...and the days will continue coming (feat. barren) (prod. killedmyself)

...and the days will continue coming

first part produced by @flayvors @smwun, second part produced by me

LYRICS:

coffee in the mornings
afternoons i lay awake
and hope that something's out there
something that can take away
my breaking state of mind
breaking state of hatefulness
it happens all the time
it happens

having coffee in the mornings
afternoons i waste away
and hope that he returns soon
smiling with patient grace
and makes sure that i'm fine
makes sure that my mind is calm
it happens all the time
it happens

it happens, it happens
it happens, it happens

like a plane crash shark bite, i know that the chance is low
but i'll be waiting here until the day that you can stand to go
where i am, 'cause i'm not a patient man
but i could wait forever for another chance to take your hand
and dance in place, break a manic state and start to feel again
drift through space, kiss my bliss away inside a helix spin
wistful hate, self-inclined and self-inflicated lately
i'm no help with livin', dear, i'm just a selfish fucking baby
and that's too real... far too real to ever say it
so i'll rewrite this verse again and strike all the cursive penned
and think of something better, a bit less detrimental
my life is still in beta... my hit-reg existential
for now, at least, i cower in my coward speech
happiness is out of reach whenever you are out of reach
i'd give it all away for just a single hour each
where both of us can come to terms with our off-balance feet
and learn to walk again

bottom of abyss or bottom feeding bottom-barrell staring
old apparel wearing, take the ferry in to bury him
sanitarium i spend my days and my nights quite
often, off it, talking toxic nonsense
common knowledge brought straight to the tables
stray from the fables, play through the cables
so the sound resonates in every nook and every cranny
read the book and popped a xanny every crook i got uncanny
at the last of it, taxing your passages, rapping a masochist
back to the past a bit, adamant savages, mad at him
hold the talisman above my fucking head like a trophy
and hold your head up in the air like a talisman
no battles or second chances around if you tattlin
all these snakes when they rattlin turn to vacancies after it's said and done
no rest for a setting sun, so impressed that you've never done
what you claiming... fuck the game and the statements, i've said enough

peace

IT HAPPENS // DIRT

@aimless-beats

hey, everyone is someone at least a little bit different online
don't be scared to be honest, okay?
love you
<3

LYRICS:
we all got internet personas
internet personas we hide behind
we hide behind

we all got demons deep inside us
demons deep inside us we try to hide
we try to hide

i forgot who it is i truly am long ago
but i'll keep searching for it while i can

i knew a boy who could outline a shape in a second
that's display was eclectic in a way that was second to none
he had a hand than swam like fish in the seas
and a penstroke that'd bring any critic to his knees
it was beautiful, flowing like the blood inside my artieries
he painted hearts as targets and was practicing his archery
mastering the artistry he carried in his chest
until at best it was a godsend, and worst, it was a part of me
'til suddenly... things began to seem different
moods dissipated into blue and grey pigments
but surface-wise his screen names were never inefficient
as a method to communicate that happiness was with him
so a couple thousand people saw a perfectly inoccuous complexion
while i was tryna talk him through depression
the lesson to be learned is that your heros aren't invincible
just normal folks who often need expression, so pause and leave a message...

if you want; they'd probably appreciate it...

...internet personas
internet personas we hide behind
we hide behind

we all got demons deep inside us
demons deep inside that we try to hide
we try to hide

i forgot who it is i truly am long ago
but i'll keep searching for it while i can

i knew a person who could cultivate the words that they aligned
in a way that could coerce a train to fly
a perfect state of mind in which to learn creative rhymes
until their person was emburdened by the verses they designed
and they began to lose their touch...
the little quirks in all their writing became terse and uninviting
and ingesting any lettering they surgeoned into life
instead of being entertainment was inert and just absurd and all the work was fucking tiring
and suddenly... they were writing less and less
in spite of their success they saw no light and second guessed
the creativity they harbored in their heart
there's only so much fucking artwork you can make 'til you forget the way to start
so a couple million people saw some dipping in the frequency
of music while they fought idiosyncracy
that slept as mental illness... and woke as some peculiar train of thought
that masqueraded as a symptom of a hindering deliquency

i hope that all these words have made you think of me

internet personas, internet personas
we all got internet personas, internet personas (x7)

internet personas (prod. aimlessbeats)

internet personas (prod. aimless)

with @nevermending

lyrics:

fading out
i can't see

something is breaking me
taking my faith and replacing it slowly
with what i don't know as my own
please point me back to my home

'cause i'm so trapped
in this god damn house

and i should be grateful
and swallow my pride
but i can't seem to stop all the longing inside
for whatever it is that i found when i left for you

your hand finds mine
and then we shall shine 

but i might not be
there for you this time

sorry to be
the bearer of bad news
but i can't do this 
you've got me blue

parking garage sesh

download <3

trapped

with @nevermending

lyrics:

i turned 19 three months back
and i still can't fathom how to act
'cause this adult shit's kinda whack
i'd rather lay inside and read
and treat my life like a weekend

and all my friends will slowly
move away and change
and i'll be left here feeling strange
with all my comrades out of range
for me to reach

it seems so odd to have to
redesign yourself
'cause you're so much of someone else
that they feel like it's unhealthy

but i guess it's part of life
to surrender what you like
in favor of the things you have to do 
and there's so much i have to do
these days

these days

i'm turning 18 in a month 
going off to art school is coming up 
and i'm scared for what's going to happen

i'm going through a breakup 
and i only cope with things i shouldn't 
i get myself into trouble too much 
lately

all my friends are anarchists
and i don't know what i think 
things are too complicated 
and the world is full of shit 

my inner pessimist is out 
full of anxiety and doubt 

i'm not ready for what's next

i'm not ready

hey, thanks for 50k <3

additional rock stuff at the end by me :~)

lyrics:
thank you for every moment shared
for every hug and kiss when i was stepping over there
to visit you... some might not think it's fair
but all the time i got to spend as yours and all the care
was more than i could ever ask for
you treated me respectfully and that's more
than anyone else... but now i'm sat sore
caught up in my panic like a task force is breaking down my back door

and i hope to see you thrive, to see you thrive

'cause i'm lying in my bed
with my pillow held over my head
wishing that the weight of all this stress
could hold it down and stop my breath

we must go our seperate ways
i know that is the truth
i wish that i could travel back
to the moments spent with you

and freeze time and space in a silent place
to appreciate your smile for a little bit longer

i'll try to be stronger than i am

a wistful remembrance

stronger than i am (prod. mt marcy)

hey, thanks for 50k <3

lil vocal acting by my homies jake & marcus <3

lyrics:
i think that now i'd call myself a wordsmith
but not because of talent of ability
it's more that i can balance the facilities
of living as a human, while i'm sittin' here decal-ing my sililoquies
and i guess it makes sense, in that regard
i use my brain as a capture card
inhalin' every word i stumble upon
to try to catalog 'em all before the rapture starts

so you can tag along and follow all the wacky antics
like all my stupid problems that relapsing can't fix
"keep your head up out the sand, stop scratching that wrist
before you turn into another anxious ativan kid"
well i guess it's too late... a couple hundred panic states passed
and my broken self ran away fast
feels like i lost my body in a hand grenade blast
with all this absence in my soul, and i can't evade that

so i'm stuck... trapped in a painting of myself
that was made before i changed how i felt
i'm hoping that my other friends can break out and help
but to be honest, it seems like they've greyed out as well
i constantly remember back in high school
sneaking out to kick it with no pay stubs
everything was simpler then, i guess
i only feel free when there's something to escape from

so i'll keep writing songs of longing for the olden
looking to the future for my confidence and boldness
it certainly isn't here, and neither am i
but i think that we've established that enough to decide
that it's time for a change; or, rather, time to revert
'cause we all sorta miss the designs that we were
and maybe nowadays what i write's more diverse
but the patrick years back didn't understand hurt

and that hurts

wordsmith ii (prod. purpan)

i miss u

yea

LYRICS:
maybe it's the question, maybe it's the answer
i don't know the reason now
and maybe it's your eyelids, maybe it's the moonlight
but something beautiful sticks out

and i'm in my bedroom, watching through the window
stare at the sunlight, wonder where the time is going
you're in the bathroom
crying with your shirt undone
now we're on the freeway, speeding past a cop car
stole your mom's van, and took it for a test drive
and you're sat in the backseat
looking at your best friend's hair

i wanna be more than a cheat day in your diet plan
you can be the lungs, baby, i can be the diaphragm
just breathe, just breathe, and you'll be fine
just breathe, just breathe, it happens all the time

CHEAT DAY

it's never enough </3

lyrics:
i'm prodding around this vacancy
this empty hole you left in me
i thought i'd fill it soon
with someone else's skin and you would too
i'm sorry for you how feel
i know you see that swerve behind the wheel
you see yourself inside the ground
and i know i can't fix you with sound

but i can try

if you'll open up your eyes
and i'll show you the way i dive
into this ocean of dismay
this terrifying grey in which i sleep
and there's no disguise
i just wait for my demise
as it comes towards me
it can't ignore me...

anymore

and i'll keep losing friends
whether it's to death or to the wind
it's such a passing trend
being a breathing and living person
at least it seems that way these days
with how often my loved ones slip away
i'm growing concerned for my safety...

i hope i'm not next
i'm too scared to die
the concept is frightening
but still i can try
and i hope you're not next
i love you too much
everything you say
i use as a crutch

so open up your eyes
and i'll show you the way i dive
into this ocean of dismay
this terrifying grey in which i sleep
i know the void
all my patience is destroyed
when i start panicking again
and start ignoring all my friends

but i hope i'm not next
i'm too scared to die
the concept is frightening
but still i can try
and i hope you're not next
i love you too much
everything you say
is never enough

NEVER ENOUGH

produced by me, featuring great vocals from @smrtdeath

i don't know
where i am
i'm searching for something
to replace your hand and

i don't know
where you went
i just want you back
in my arms again

fix this (feat. smrtdeath)

produced by @aimless-beats
art by twitter.com/ahahamadork

back at it again

i write inside of the eye of the storm
with a hyphen-divided title that sidles by in the shadows
hyper-drive when you trying to ride beside in the morn
with that iodine on my clothing, i wash it out with the form
no pauses, no breaks, and i don't talk to no fakes no more
they all snakes, no more of that
i could write a gorgeous rap and probably make a quarter sack
but i would rather throw it like a quarterback

motherfuckers hoarded that style, and now they bored of it
i'm bored of y'all, i wish half these cats in my tapestry acted more involved
i wish they'd address me as majesty when i tour the mall
and i wish all the haters that message me could afford it all
it's kinda sad, i don't know what it's like to rhyme that bad
i don't know what it's like to be that kind of mad
i do know what it's like, to sit looking back at the times they had
in passing, but i'm focused on pressing pencil to writing pad aptly

and i don't mean to end abruptly
but i seem to be disgusting all the people here to judge me
and that's lovely, while y'all are obsessing over some painted nails
i'm hopping the safety rails, exiting while the train derails
and this is patience, stale as ever in the passing sense
frail as ever, such a fragile wimp to battle with... yeah
and i don't mean to be a masochist
but after all the shit y'all put me through, i'm kinda glad ya' did

'cause i don't really care for the world these days
the world these days
i got too many homies out here seeing early graves
seeing early graves
and everything is dull when the world's such a boring gray
such a boring gray
i got too many homies out here seeing early graves
seeing early graves

early graves (prod. aimless)

emo emo emo emo

lyrics:
halfway down the street from my front porch 
i watched you puke 
too drunk, passed out, hoping you could find 
something to do 

i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home or not 
i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home 

and maybe it was my fault 
so afraid, slam my fist into the drywall 
so high, i see the crimson in your eyeballs 
i just hope you pick the phone up when i call 
and maybe it's the highway 
but something's feeling really fucking weird tonight, eh 
i just hope you listen to me now when i say 
i'm not ready to lose you 

and maybe it was my fault 
so afraid, slam my fist into the drywall 
so high, i see the crimson in your eyeballs 
i just hope you pick the phone up when i call 
and maybe it's the highway 
but something's feeling really fucking weird tonight, eh 
i just hope you listen to me now when i say 
i'm not ready to lose you 

i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home or not 
i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home 

halfway up the block from where you sit 
i'm looking weak 
back then, past times, you and i would wander 
through the streets 

i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home or not 
i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home

WORRIED

this is a song about dissociating 

produced by fats'e 
soundcloud.com/youngburial 
twitter.com/youngburial 

art by ghostly pixels 
twitter.com/ghostly_pixels

lyrics:
laying alone, i dissociate 
laying alone 

i saw a pictureframe 
and it turned out to be a mirror 
my reflection's so much clearer 
when i'm not aware it's me 

i saw a maple tree 
it was growing in my head 
when everybody else was dead 
and i climbed up it just to see 

i saw myself again 
but i stood outside my being 
i could understand that being 
isn't all there is to be 

i see the future now 
got too distracted by the present 
to remember that my head is 
not a vehicle for fear 

and it's a long way down if you fall 
and it's a long way up if you don't 

and it's a long way down if you fall 
and it's a long way out, so 

i sit in the center 
and i ponder my disinterest 
for it all 

it's a lot easier 
to imagine ending things 
(to imagine ending things) 
when i'm watching myself 
from the third person 
(from the third person) 

it's a lot easier 
to imagine changing things 
(to imagine changing things) 
when i'm watching myself 
from the third person 
(from the third person)

dissociate (prod. fats'e)

@southvb

more like GAYboy lmao RT

lyrics:
i just want my hand held, i ain't talking gameboys
and i ain't been in magazines, but me and you can play, boy
i'm looking for the same joy, the same touch and smolder
that i get when i lay my head down on your shoulder
that's real... i always wanna know how you feel
you bring me out my great depressions, i think you're the new deal
i'm staring at you in the mirror like fucking blue steel
wide-eyed, smiling, i'm just tryna help your mood heal

so if there's anything that i can do
to help the weaker side of you
just lemme know and i can move
my schedule up and down

i'm sorry if i haven't been
the best at how i'm managing
the problems that i'm handling
my head was in the ground

and truly, it's a miracle
that you are even near me, whether
fruitless or endearing
i'll be happy you're around

and if you're feeling terrible,
your sicknesses unparalled,
your headache is unbearable,
just step into the sound

i don't mind at all
my ibuprofen and my tylenol
are yours at the sound of your sirens' call
'cause i ain't letting you hurt tonight at all
tonight at all

i don't mind at all
my ibuprofen and my tylenol
are yours at the sound of your sirens' call
'cause i ain't letting you hurt tonight at all
tonight at all

handheld (prod. south.vibe)

@youngburial

pretty fucking emo so here's this

lyrics:
put up a facade and you saw right through it
told me i was worthless but i already knew it
i don't care how i die as long as i do it
don't care how i die as long as i do it

put up a facade and you saw right through it
told me i was worthless but i already knew it
i don't care how i die as long as i do it
please close your eyes, i don't wanna put you through it
at all

hair in my eyes, i can't see straight
drugs in my veins makes me knees shake
baby, won't you hold my hand while i limp through the hall
feeling trapped in my mind, need an escape

every day is just a mess of depressive episodes
panic in my room over never letting go
singing songs you've never heard about that seven-letter word
this anxiety gon' place me in the wreckage in the snow

i'm tired, so tired all the time
this stress on my back's been severing my spine
no, i'm never doing fine

put up a facade and you saw right through it
told me i was worthless but i already knew it
i don't care how i die as long as i do it
don't care how i die as long as i do it

put up a facade and you saw right through it
told me i was worthless but i already knew it
i don't care how i die as long as i do it
please close your eyes, i don't wanna put you through it
at all

Sad boos

Narwhal Lax