i finally managed to record an okay recording of the extended version and now i have a migraine so i hope it was worth it

(this is a love song to every polar opposite of me. love you guys and i wish you stayed forever)

lyrics:
you smoke and i can't stand the smell
you're show and i'm tell
you're the moon and i'm the sun
you hate wearing sunglasses and i'm too bright

but it just so happens
there's no escaping it
it just so happens
there's a cool little rule

no matter what happens
we're all partaking in it
this is the truth
and it says:

opposites attract
opposites attract
you can never change the fact
is that opposites attract

i'm sensitive to sound but you've checked out every club
i'm below and you're above
i'm a candle fiercly burning
while you're water overflowing 

every single day
needs to be replaced by the night
every dusk in the morning
comes with a dawn at night

you know what they say
there is good in all evil
there is light in the dark
there is day in the night

you and i
me and you
both teach other something new

at the end of the day:
opposites attract
opposites attract
opposites attract
opposites attract

i get everywhere on time
but i guess every time it's early
since you always keep me waiting
for when you wake up late

i love you like a dog
you scratch me like a cat
but it's not ever worth waiting
if you don't get out of bed

still i love you
"you're indifferent to me"
i need you
you're letting go of me

you don't care, i care too much
you're living change and i won't budge

opposites attract

this is a song i wrote in november 2019. well, at least the one verse + chorus i found. the rest, i wrote today. pretty cool stuff that the essance of my music hasn't really,,,changed one bit. is that a bad thing, though? not sure.

in the recordings i found, i always sang it an uncomfortable octave higher, but i get it. i only started practicing my lower range years later. sentimental hours are over (for now), i hope you enjoy this!

thank you for listening to me venting in rhymes for 4 years straight!!!

lyrics:

you say: "they are real,
they won't just disappear",
"it's absolutely clear
that they are really real"

"they'll be here for me
whenever i will need
them to, they'll stay right here
they'll really stay for me"

but do you wanna know the truth?

they have your back
when the day is bright
but they disappear 
at night

they have your back
as long as the sun's out,
but they won't stay up
all night

does that sound far-fetched to you?

you always think they're real
until they disappear 
beat yourself over it
but still you fall for it

you're overly trusting
for others' sake adjusting
thinking cheating's disgusting 
but still you let it slide

it always ends the same for you, somehow...

can't you see-

they have your back
when the day is bright
but they disappear 
at night

they have your back
as long as the sun's out,
but they won't stay up
all night

so get some sleep yourself
so you won't be so tired
won't have to ask for help
and deal with being undesired

sure, trust in friendship is required,
but fakes are easily acquired

really real (2023 extension)

ever feel like a bit too much? that life is just a waiting game for when people discover the truth about your overbearingness? that you don't belong? do you push people away? do you worry about the wellbeing of others a bit too much? scared of spiraling out of control? then you're definitely a fireplace, that used to be a candle. awaiting to finally become a wildfire and destroy everyone they love ... basically, you might relate. that's what the song is about 

lyrics:

i started off a gentle candle
warming up your frozen hands
and as you tended to me
i have turned into a fireplace

a safe point, a small nest
where you could lay yourself to rest
but you're tired now
and i'm burning out
who shall take care of me the next?

won't you put the fire out,
to get rid of your worries?
i'm red, i spread
and i'm a danger to your skin

won't you put the fire out
before saying goodnight
for good?
aren't i wasting all your wood?
i'm doing more than you thought i could

when you fall asleep
i'll try so hard to keep you warm
i'll overwork my form
and soon begin to spread

i'll climb over the walls
and soon i'll reach the second floor
i'll burn your house down
but at least your corpse will never feel the cold

won't you put the fire out,
to get rid of your worries?
i'm red, i spread
and i'm a danger to your kin

won't you put the fire out
before saying goodnight
for good?
aren't i wasting all your wood?
i'm doing more than you thought i could

a candle that turns to a fireplace
shall soon become a wildfire
and along with you
it will destroy all of your friends

once you figure me out
a clear image shall form in your head:
i cannot be trusted
if i can't control my flames

won't you put the fire out,
to get rid of our worries?
i'm red, i spread
and i'm a danger to you all

won't you put the fire out
before saying goodnight
for good?
aren't i wasting all your wood?
i'm doing more than you thought i could

and i'll turn all of you to dust
there is nothing of me you should trust
i'll turn your ashes into dust

fireplace

the tale of romanticizing living to a painful, unhealthy extent — but what is there to do, when it never seems to go your way? it's your last resort, but everything else has failed, so it's in place.

you see it often with people suggesting that their lives are movies or books being put out, blaming the casting teams and the writers themselves for being put through pain. it's a coping strategy that's been around for a few centuries. 

lyrics:
no matter who it is,
they don't seem right for me
it seems that the sorrowful werther
was just like me

i find it hard to leave my room
every morning
so i'll blame every bit of depression
on poetic melancholy

my parents were hardly there for me growing up
it's fine, no main character was ever loved
it's all part of my development anyway
it doesn't hurt when you romanticize the pain

if all of this is just a part of
a very tragic roman
then it makes me a relatable
romantic hero

every piece of media can be
beautiful in a way
if people find meaning in what they read
if pushed astray, then i shall say
it was a tragedy way before its time

i'm feeling my worst,
so i will write about it
put my pain into pretty words,
make the song cheery and happy

even when putting my feelings out for
everyone to see i hide
in layers of metaphors and allegories

if all of this is just a part of
a very tragic roman
then it makes me a relatable
romantic hero

every piece of media can be
beautiful in a way
if people find meaning in what they read
if pushed astray, then i shall say
it was a tragedy way before its time

i'm home alone
looking out the window
despite it being 5pm
the moon's all out and clear

the voices in my head lead
a monologue most naturally 
isn't it just so beautiful 
how meaningless the sky can feel

when you stare off into the distance 
of the bustling city
the lights causing pollution 
overshine it

it feels like i'm looking at a cheaper copy
and i'm no one, in the universe 
no one in society

nobody sees, nobody hears,
no one wants to know
don't ask, don't look,
do not perceive

if all of this is just a part of
a very tragic roman
then it makes me a relatable
romantic hero

every piece of media can be
beautiful in a way
if people find meaning
in what they read
if pushed astray, then i shall say
it was a tragedy way before its time

i'm done.

a very tragic roman

a silly poem i write about not being what you seem & replacable accompanied by a simple piano melody. 

(this is for all those who find it exceptionally difficult to accept the praise they so desperately seek)

"full moon"

i am not the sun.

i am the moon in plain sight
while you live in the night,
you have yet to discover
what shines even brighter.

those living in the night
long for the light,
and they couldn't care less
by whom it's expressed.

you fail to see
the hidden of me.
i deliberately hide,
so you see me shine.

but the darkness is there,
you're just not aware
you're admiring a reflection 
of what's not in my possession.

i've never shined bright,
you've only lived in the night,
thus you latch onto whatever
blesses you with light.

full moon

a song i wrote 3 years ago about trauma flashbacks. not from my own experience, i was just really into psychology at 13 years old, lol,,, i have a whole potential EP for painting imagery, so i might share even more. this, along with "paint" is my favorite track. hope you love it <3

lyrics:

the fact that i’ve met you
i now regret
about that event
i couldn’t forget
oh, i couldn't forget

i’ve waited for years
the thought is still there
as hard as i tried
i couldn’t forget
no, i couldn't forget

why do you make me
relive this dream
over and over and over
on repeat

i want to pour this dirty water
into the sink
but then i trip
and the water gets spilled

it’s on my clothes, on my feet,
on the floor, on my mind
repeating in my head
all the time

memories running
like water in the cup
want to refill the glass
but the water won’t run
no, the water won't run

but you make me
relive this dream
over and over and over
on repeat

i want to pour this dirty water
into the sink
but then i trip
and the water gets spilled

it’s on my clothes, on my feet,
on the floor, on my mind
repeating in my head
all the time

brown as the dirt
green as the grass
you’ve already heard
it shatter like glass

so remind me
remind me of how
damaged my mind is
what you did to me
and my body

remind me of that dream
you make me relive
over and over
and over and over
and over and over
and over and over
and over and over
on repeat

i want to pour this dirty water
into the sink
but then i trip
and the water gets spilled

it’s on my clothes, on my feet,
on the floor, on my mind
repeating in my head
all the time

dirty water

a simple song about not wanting to be anyone special, but others still deem you that way, making you feel bad for not working harder, because you don't have to. 

this one is (at least in terms of flow) probably my peak work as a lyricist, lol

lyrics:
you've never really had to try
always doing everything first try
just seeing how well you do
makes me want to cry

everyone wants to adore you
but your talent did everything for you
and all the rewards on your shelf
have never taught you to come out your shell
and do the right and honest work yourself.

everything you do is flawless
everything i do is a broken promise
how can i not compare myself to you
when to you effort is nothing more than a wasted youth

every take you take is perfection itself
i'm nothing more than a perfectionist that failed
to live up to the expectations their family had for you

you can be what you want to be
and you can be whoever you want to be
but the problem is you always wanted to be nobody that you could be

why don't you try just a little harder?
a little more and you could rule the world
why don't you just try your best
to reach success it only takes about-
oh but i digress

everything you do is flawless
everything i do is a broken promise
how can i not compare myself to you
when to you effort is nothing more than a wasted youth?

every take you take is perfection itself
i'm nothing more than a perfectionist that failed
to live up to the expectations their family had for you

you can be what you want to be
and you can be whoever it is you want to be
but the problem is you always wanted to be nobody that you could be

and you're living the dream
the dream of everyone else
the dream of me, that of yours friends and your family but you're different

the one you want to be
is like everyone else
it's so discouraging to not try and still reach heights unreachable

why get out of your bed
when you could just lay down instead
and still be adored for not your success
but the core talent you possess, ah

so hopeless, ah
ah

shall the path to life
not find you any day
so you have to go,
you have to try

and do it yourself.

do it yourself.

a song i made in 2020 as part of 'color palette' the EP, touching on the subjects of self-harm and hiding it.

your bruises will heal,
but your mind remains the same
they’re not here forever, for real,
they'll be gone faster than they came.

the scars on your arm
are just a bunch of little stripes,
but your tormented mind
is scarred for life.

do you enjoy making up stories about your pain ?
did you burn and cut yourself while cooking again ?
you know, it’s not blood.
it’s paint.

your burns will disappear
your body will be crystal clear
you’re gonna look brand new,
but your thoughts are still blue.

do you enjoy making up stories about your pain ?
did you burn and cut yourself while cooking again ?
you know, it’s not blood.
it’s paint.

but where did your brush go ?
there’s no way you would do that alone.
your mind’s tainted forever now
oh, i wonder how
you’re gonna to wipe the
paint away now.

or do you enjoy making up stories about your pain ?
did you burn and cut yourself while cooking again ?
you know, it’s not blood.
it’s paint.

now there’s no blood,
just pain.

Paint (DEMO)

pretty sure this is my longest track yet, lol. part of my EP in works called 'color palette'. much like myself, it's up to your own interpretation

lyrics:
pale white
cheeks lacking their rosy color
strings tight
'round my limbs, controlled by another

blossom
of a budding flower to be
a path to stardom
led by an artist's creativity

i've been born blank
and without a purpose
my meaning's in your hands

make me into your perfection
i'm up to your own interpretation 
give me skin to bear

cover me in brushstrokes 
splash me with color
make me into something beautiful 
the ocean sparkling in summer

hang me up on your wall
like an art exhibit
admire me all day long
as the painting you've created

paint me in the image of your muse
picture me in your favorite hues
i'm a blank canvas waiting to be used

let me
become the greatest painting 
that you've ever
dreamed of

eyes
painted with watercolor 
a curse in a blessing's disguise 
this dependent demise

of being born blank
and without a purpose
my meaning's in your hands

make me into your perfection
i'm up to your interpretation 
give me skin to bear

cover me in brushstrokes 
splash me with color
make me into something beautiful 
the ocean sparkling in summer

hang me up on your wall
like an art exhibit
admire me all day long
as the painting you've created

paint me in the image of your muse
picture me in your favorite hues
i'm a blank canvas waiting to be used

so go on,
use your fantasy
i can be
whatever you want me to be

i could be a raging storm
just tell me what you're asking for
i could be a wildfire
if it's what you so desire

i can be a gentle drop of rain
i only exist for your own gain
i could be the ever-tidal wave
my dear, i have long become your (slave)

cover me in brushstrokes 
splash me with color
make me into something meaningful 
an artwork quite like no other

hang me up on your wall
like an art exhibit
admire me all day long
as the painting you've created

paint me in the image of your muse
picture me in your favorite hues
i'm a blank canvas aching to be used

by you

blank canvas

i feel like i've evolved to a porcelain puppet to a music box ballerina. this song is about that precise feeling.

(cover illustration by me)

lyrics:
up down up down
left right left right
i shall spin with
all my might
right?

i'll awake in ballet shoes
tip toe on my way to school
and i'll spin around
i'll spin around
i'll spin around
i'll spin around

put on my most sparkly dress
performances are the best
and i'll spin around
i'll spin around
i'll spin around
i'll spin around

dance atop with endless grace
stopping now would mean to break
malfunction is your only escape

keep a smile on your face 
keep on dancing through your days
a ballerina's music box
is her own grave

(i'll spin around)

i'll be kind all through and through 
i will never burden you
and i'll spin around
i'll spin around
i'll spin around
i'll spin around 

stretch your arms
and bend your feet
it should be an easy feat
a ballerina never stops spinning 
from the beginning 

(i'll spin around)
(i'll spin around)
(i'll spin around)
(i'll spin around)

"look at her go" oh
"she's stunning, aw" oh
"no strings attached,
yet she won't say no"

i'll dance without breaking down
i'll sleep in my mother's gown
and i'll spin around
i'll spin around
i'll spin around
i'll spin around
i'll spin around

ballerina

16 ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ she/they
silly music by a silly stranger online

timidnat

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