just a freestyle of me letting out some grief over a friend who recently passed

MEMORY BOX

She always looked me in my eyes
Asked if I was alright

With tears in my eyes
The pain does not subside
Nothing is right
Don't blame her for exiting life

The hanging balloons carried her away to a better place

And here I remain, I'll tend to the Grave
I'll carry the name

Until my throat is caught in the same way

Grief comes in waves
I try to find my place
In the midst of a mass grave

Souls you can't replace
Time you can't retrace
Hanging Balloons that wear my face

Death comes easy these day
Appealing, and affordable rate

too lost in my own brain

to detect the radiating pain

Who am I to say it could have gone another way?
Who am I, but a container for souls to remain?

After they left this place, I tried to do the same
Reached hard for that balloon, but it mocks and evades
Then re-invades my space 
The reaper taunts me in such sly ways

She left yesterday, up and floated away
I carry the weight, balloons staring in my face
Funeral in two days, got places to be, got a song to make

But if she had my number saved

I would have fucken raced

I would have cut the rope, and led her away
From this infested place

I don't sleep, so I know I was awake
When she passed away

I didn't hear a goddamn thing
I didn't see a goddamn thing
Until the next day

under the weight
A hanging balloon
Is floating my way

And I make my escape

HANGING BALLOONS (PROD. R3DQX)

this is a story about a person who killed someone they loved. crime of passion, emotional escalation, heat of the moment kind of thing. i don’t mean to say that he killed her in a literal sense, but there were specific moments: things he said while hurt or reactive that cut deeper than any physical wound could, moments of crisis when she needed his support and affection and yet he was detached or even cold. little moments over a long timeline that added up to the slow murder of the light inside her. even years later, he still ruminates and writhes in his torment and self-loathing over this realization. he documents his attempts to slowly kill himself as revenge for snuffing out the light of his life, so as to be reunited with her in the same sunken place he cast her to.

“i carry you with me always,” he tells himself, “i am never alone.”

-

SUNKEN PLACE (lyrics)

you’re not here 
you are alone 
watch me burn 

my furrowed brow 
my pitiless gaze 
strong enough to burn you there 
stuck in place 
frozen frame
until my attention fades 

did i construct for you a shrunken space 
left you writhing in a sunken place 
with my apologies well out the way 
is it selfish to say ive repayed the pain?

indebted to replay your face 
would it help to see it’s myself i hate? 
that self-mutilation is my daily fate?
i think i’ll stay silent, and slowly sink in place 

tried to die to slowly fade away 

made your bedroom feel more like a tomb

can’t you see? it’s myself i hate
i pace the mirror day by day 
my furrowed brow, my pitiless gaze 
turn inward in a funhouse haze 
stuck in place, frozen frame
but my attention never seems to fade 

i can’t turn away from this cage i’ve made 
tried to die to slowly fade away 
but it’s myself i can’t seem to escape 
diamond heart shattered in blinding rays 

the abyss inside, that fire rage 
you tried to warn me too,
“avert my gaze”
cause it pours back in at an alarming rate 
a poison that’s destroying the vessel in which it is contained 

left you writhing in a sunken place 
won’t you pull me down
tear my face 
it’s me i hate, it’s me i hate 

find me burning in the sunken place 
come find me burning in the sunken place

SUNKEN PLACE

An ashtray for the songs you won’t find on spotify 🖤

Prince Ashtray