after i'll tell you this rose poked me with its thorns,
is it an insult if i call you my flower?
you don't know how much power you possess...
you hurt me, what are you running for?

i don't understand your puzzling logic
you're crying on the floor when you have the audacity to
slit my heart with your thorns...
you're still beautiful & beauty gets a rose.

i can feel your voice when it echoes my room.
it reminds me of spring's bloom.
it is not news that you bring certain doom.
both you & i know that's true.

i still can't understand your puzzling logic...
your petals are healthier than my leaves will ever be
yeah, you want to wither down to the soil...
just... like...me; just like me.

[BREAK]

i don't understand your puzzling logic
you're crying on the floor when you have the audacity to
slit my heart with your thorns...
you're still beautiful & beauty gets a rose.

i gave you a rose despite your thoughts of me

this only existed cause this was an option to do for my english summer assignment.
~
LYRICS:
[VERSE 1]
All warped up like New York dreams
Girls stuffed in New York parties
Scrunching up, I can't breathe 
Who knew this would end in more bleeding?
-
When you try to call my phone,
all you're getting is a dial tone.
I'm raining down my bougie clothes
I'm dying alone, but I know you won't

[VERSE 2]
...
They want my cynicism to be dressed up pretty (at least)...
But pretty makes me worried into melancholy 
-
Senses tell me I can only choose one fig
I can't choose! I can't choose! I need to make a decision!
Oh, now they're all rotten. Now I am stagnant
Under my house; they can't find me under my house.

...

[CHORUS]
"How you doing now? Are you doing well?"
I'm feeling all loopy like a carousel; I feel like hell
Before, in the mirror, I didn't see myself
Just a creature stuck in its dwell
"I sent roses & a letter..." 
Material things aren't making me better
Forget about my scars,
I'm distorted in a bell jar.

The Bell Jar [SUMMER ENGLISH PROJECT]

5 OUT OF 8 in Fake Trust MIXTAPE

LYRICS:
i just crashed a car and threw the keys in the lake
throwing glass from the roof just to hear it break
tryna erase that im making many mistakes
i'm drowning myself once it gets to the weekdays
...
it's transition now and im not ready for it
...
i'm tryna make them proud
yeah im not ready...

when i was born, i was suppose to be going up
it aint bad luck, i just didnt care enough
im going numb; i cant feel the passion
im going dumb; i cant stop the crashing
"will she ever know?"
all i do is hesitate, all i do is contemplate
"will she ever know?"
i cant control my fate, but im still tryna elevate...

"it's a
contest
of the
highest.
am i
a bump
or mount
everest?
land of ashes,
call me wilson
tryna get a cut of money,
not my skin."
im balling up all cause i was late...
yet im strong when i see my father disintegrate...
all my lifetime i acted tame...
i'm a basket case tryna act okay!
stuck in the same place!
soon, i'll be a showcase...

ELEVATE

1 OUT OF 8 in Fake Trust MIXTAPE

LYRICS:
i know my mind ain't right
these are moving when i'm not looking
i imagine my insides being tied
i know it doesn't happen, but just: 
what if?

i'm terrified of my life
i need to think, i need to think
or something to distract me
-
i keep my mouth shut tight
i need to breathe, i need to breathe
but i'll say another lie

drip, drop; it attacks, but i don't react
when it hits the floor, i hear a laugh
i tried to be clean, but i'm dirty again
but this hot shower comforts me just like a friend
-
i can't clutch on puddles down the drain
it reminds me of why i have a messed up brain

SHOWER

2 OUT OF 8 in Fake Trust MIXTAPE

LYRICS:
i've been on your case, yeah, i've been on your case
i knew what you play, i knew
cause my mom told me all about it
she calls it my father's side that's why we quit
seeing them anymore
when he was gone, they tried to take his car
i don't want that at my death but
i'm just like him, i'm just like
him...

i've been on your case, i've been on your case
dont act like the prey, dont act like the prey
all i know how to do is stay
im frozen cold when you finally say that
i want to stay away from you
oh...
oh...

i've been on your case, i've been on your case
i got no trust, only anxiety
call it paranoia right in front of me
and here your sleeping on why
i'm gone by the end of the conversation
why i'm the only one in this house with some patience
why i talk to God when i don't claim a religion
maybe it's because i stay
hidden...

(i saved you from all of that talk)

FAKE TRUST

8 OUT OF 8 in Fake Trust MIXTAPE

LYRICS:
i flip through a photo album
under my tv, i see pictures of me
looking like nothing is wrong at all...
yet i only knew how to crawl then
...
-
i wonder why i'm saying i'm dead in a
suburbia
it doesn't make sense to my little head
but i cant seem to convince myself
otherwise
i believe my own stories so i ask you

do you believe me too?

i'm not trying to impress girls anymore
i've shut the door
left the phone ringing
in favor to check my own
self and my mental health; 
how i react to people in front of me,
what i think about this reality...

do you believe me too?
do i speak of truth?
am i confused?
do i have a clue?

DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

6 OUT OF 8 in Fake Trust MIXTAPE

LYRICS:
suicide car: welcome to the ride
to the best part of my life.
i'm turning dark not cause it's night.
i'm making my mark, are you ready to die?

i'm in all black, looking like the reaper.
looping the same track so the time seems longer
before we crash...
we hit a hundred miles an hour!
i'm in power!
i turn the music up much louder!
i'm really coming home...
not to that house where i'm all alone

[CHORUS]
-
i know i am imagining such dark things
exaggerating...
what am i saying?

i'm sobered up from my rage,
my demon's locked up in its cage.
yeah this is up for debate
i say i didnt act on my hate
so i didn't commit any mistakes
i'm gonna try to prove that i'm okay
okay?
imma take a breather
unless someone breaks procedure
...LET ME THINK THIS ONE TIME!
i'm trying to think of a reply!
keep talking, you got my tongue tied!
all your talk got me losing my pride;
oh now you've crossed the line

[CHORUS+]

is it you or is it me?
you'll choose what you're gonna believe.

SUICIDE CAR

3 OUT OF 8 in Fake Trust MIXTAPE
LYRICS:
i wish there was a compromise
but you're all like i don't wanna try
this anymore; i'm on the floor
feeling exposed
because you know things about me others don't

forget about the times you saw me cry
and i'll forget all your lies, no questions why.
i'm going from high to low tide
this is the start of the divide

i swear i will
take over!
catch me acting up,
i'm testing my luck
i swear i will
take over!
i'm not doing too much
i am losing touch
-
i know this is not what i'm suppose to be
don't need a doctor to say anything
i know i made this all about me
because i have no piece to make me complete

enjoy telling all your new friends
i cling on like a leech on your head
i speak in concepts you don't wanna understand
i feel regret, i feel unrest
like i'm terrified this whole night
if only like our movies i could just...
rewind

forget about the times you made me cry
and i'll forgive all your lies, don't ask why
i'm going from high to low tide
this is the divide.

NO COMPROMISE

4 OUT OF 8 in Fake Trust MIXTAPE

LYRICS:
face plant on the floor
i don't know what for
i am weak, i am sore
call me a bore
close my eyes and i travel to a different world
to a different world
to a different world

i see only flashing from cameras
i am queen, looking good in some designer
i don't worry about family dishonor
cause i work solo, i'm a loner
i'm a goner like my father
i'm not one to bother
with competition i slaughter
take their place, i'm a robber
take their place, i'm in power
with power, i get dollars
with dollars, i'm a monster
but a monster who conquers

[CHORUS]
-
why do i see that girl again?
why do i see my old best friend?
why do i see my mother; they all say that they love me
do they love me?
is that something i believe?

i'm in love with my dollhouse imagination and its plastic acquaintances
i feel just like a kid
i don't like admitting it
cause i'm suppose to be grown and ready
not zoned and messy
yeah...
it's all my fault
i didn't care at all
i am so appalled
i caused my downfall

DIFFERENT WORLD

7 OUT OF 8 in Fake Trust MIXTAPE

LYRICS:
i didn't become my friends from before
did they transform or did i become bored?

i didn't know that this could happen
childish me thought love was everlasting
now i'm nothing, i'm nothing

i was a heart of gold
til i understood the world
now i have turned to stone
when i looked in its eyes
i've seen the light
but i can't fight
back.

i am nothing like my mother
hypocrisy & impatience moved me farther

i didn't know that this could happen
they say that you're like your parents
now i'm nothing, i'm nothing

[INTERRUPTING CHORUS]
i'm tryna break
i'm tryna break out

HEART OF GOLD

working on different project
inq - nattyvirachack@gmail.com

natty virachack

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