Internalised is a song about the fear of “coming out” to yourself, drawing on our personal experiences as queer women.

We wanted to explore the manifestation of internalised homophobia within a relationship, highlighting the guilt and shame it can evoke, as well as the inner turmoil with regards to gender expression. In this song, we share our story in in the hope that it will help bring solace to other queer people going through a similar experience.

// Lyrics //

Not sure who I am
Know who I’m meant to be
Which story today
It’s getting harder to breathe
Long hair, flowing dress
Am I the woman society wants me to be?

Is the threat real
Or is it in my head?
I wish I could read their minds
Come clean
I’ll set me free
Is it all internalised?

Girlfriend
A word I can’t get off my tongue
Can I call you my friend
What does it matter anyway?
Drop your hand
Look the other way
Too many years of hiding in the shade
Wrapped in shame

Is the threat real
Or is it in my head?
I wish I could read their minds
Come clean
I’ll set me free
Is it all internalised?

I want to leave my head
Tear down the walls
Hold your hand in mine
Out in the light

And for the first time in my life
I’m proud to call you mine
For the first time in my life
I’m proud to call you mine
To call you, to call you mine
To call you, to call you mine
(I feel the shame melt away
I feel the shame melt away)
To call you, to call you mine
To call you, to call you mine
(I feel the shame melt away
I feel the shame melt away)

I feel the shame melt away
(Hold me close)
I feel the shame melt away

---
(DE)HUMANISE EP released 7 May 2021
℗ & © Naz & Ella 2021
Written, recorded & produced by Nasreen Toorabally and Ella Patenall
All live instruments and vocals performed by Nasreen Toorabally and Ella Patenall except cello in ‘Flux’ played by Polina Kermesh
Drums programmed by Dan Lucas at Anchor Baby Recording
Mixed by Dan Lucas at Anchor Baby Recording
Mastered by Charlie Francis

Internalised

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Produced by: TM88 & OuttaTown

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Fusing a gritty, grunge-infused aura with traditional folk-inspired musicality, Naz & Ella channel their anger and frustration at the world through tightly wound harmonies and intricate guitar riffs.

Blending influences such as The Cranberries, Nirvana and PJ Harvey, the north London-based duo’s raw and intimate sound captivates listeners, with their delicate but defiant vocals front and centre.

Internalised

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