God look what I have done!
I've gone and fucked right up again
Now i can't tell the difference between love and a gun
Now it's creeping inside of me
Raping me violently
As it blocks out the sun
Then I look into her eyes
And everything I have tried to hide
Has just spilled out of my lungs
Then this feeling grabs hold of me
It's taking control of me
Until I believe you're the one

You're not the one i think of
You're not the one i dream of
You're not the one that I want
Just everything that I  need

And now i have come undone
I can't erase the promises i have made
And the price i have paid
So why do I run
To her arms so helplessly
And beat myself endlessly
Just to believe you're the one?

You're not the one i think of
You're not the one i dream of
You're not the one that I want
Just everything that I  need

You know you're not the one
And I don't know why
Or what this is
That I am feeling inside
You will NEVER be, you will NEVER be "her"
So I guess, So I guess I am moving on!

You're everything that I need...
You're just a fuck, to me...

Nero Riot

The One (2019 Older, Yet No Wiser Mix)

This song tells the story of two twins - one dark, one light.
The light twin leaves the dark twin to go off and find friends, happiness and a life. This song is from the point of the dark twin, who doesn't understand why the light twin would want to be separated from him if it meant that they suffered and felt pain.
I had been watching a lot of Stranger Things at the time so I used words like Eleven as a reference for light and upside down as a reference for dark.
All of this probably stems from the fact that I hadn't slept properly in days and felt like I was losing my fucking mind.

I look into your eyes
And something starts happening
I fall away inside
And the darkness starts growing
You bless me with a lie
And a numbness to my pain
But you mouth a name that is not mine
And my mind starts to win again!

This game!
This torture of mind!
Leaves me lost, dishevelled!
This Pain!
This torture of mine!
Leaves me dust, Eleven!

Pushed into the upside down
You spin me fucking round
And drag me to the ground
Like i'm fighting gravity
Then you let go of my hand
In the darkness where I stand
My blood drips from your hands
And it all starts happening!!!

This game!
This torture of mind!
Leaves me lost, dishevelled!
This Pain!
This torture of mine!
Leaves me dust, Eleven!

Am I doing this to myself??

Crawl away inside.
Crawl away to hide.
Crawl.

This game!
This torture of mind!
Leaves me lost, dishevelled!
This Pain!
This torture of mine!
Leaves me dust, Eleven!

It leaves me dust...

One and one.
We're one.
Eleven...

Upside Down

I am Man
I am born of skin and bone
Deep within
Screams a voice from a place unknown
I have been
I have seen, I have become
I am Man
Now watch me come undone

In my hands I hold a box
That keeps all that I have lost
That I can never see
Cos' I don't hold the key
Locked up for my own good
I'd open it if I could
Of all the things that could have been
They are buried inside of me

Here I stand
With this hand clenched in a fist
I pretend
That I can handle all of this
I believe
That i'm enough to survive without you
I am Man
Now watch me come unglued

In my hands I hold a box
That keeps all that I have lost
That I can never see
Cos' I don't hold the key
Locked up for my own good
I'd open it if I could
Of all the things that could have been
They are buried inside of me

Now so much is left aside
And I have paid the price
Now that everything is gone
You can watch me come undone
There's no room for pain
And love has gone away
Just a numbness that appeared
When I forgot to feel
If I could only say
something to take it all away
If i could only see
But I don't hold the key

Is there anything inside of me???

A Brand New Fucking World

Cube2 (2012 RAW Mix)

Hey Kid
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
I didn't want to lose you, no
You were the one who said goodbye
(and i told you that I wouldn't hold on...)

I guess I fucking ruined your life this time
Didn't I?
I guess I fucking ruined your life this time...
This time...

Hey Kid
I hope you know I was happy once
I guess it's time to move on
I only hope you're happy now
I only wanted what was best for you
(I forgot what was best for me...)

I guess I fucking ruined your life this time
Didn't I?
I guess I fucking ruined your life this time...
This time...

Hey Kid...
I never knew you'd be a junkie
I never knew you'd be a whore
I only tried to cleanse you
I only tried to help
(But I just couldn't help myself...)

I guess I fucking ruined your life this time
Didn't I?
I guess I fucking ruined your life this time...
This time...

I guess some things never change
You know, some people never change...

Hey, Kid (2012 Mix)

I'm out of love
I'm out of time
I can feel this pain
Tearing up my spine
Yeah, I've come off my rails
And it all falls apart
I feel it eating away at my mind
As it tramples my heart
I think I'm losing my sight
Yeah, i think I'm losing my grip
I think I'm losing control of my mind
Fighting so hard just to make a fist, because...

These walls are closing in and there's nothing I can do
I'm suffocating in here and there's nothing I can say
I'm fucking falling apart until there is nothing left of me
I'm just fading away in here so why am I so happy??

I'm just giving up
I'm just gonna lay down
I close my fucking eyes but
It still won't go away
I feel it under my skin
I feel it behind my eyes
I'd fucking pry them out but
It still won't go away
I could cut at my flesh
And watch the blood drain away
Watch the world fucking crumble down here
But it still won't go away, because...

These walls are closing in and there's nothing I can do
I'm suffocating in here and there's nothing I can say
I'm fucking falling apart until there is nothing left of me
I'm fading away in here so why am I so happy??

I find my pleasure in my misery, baby
I found my pleasure in your misery, baby...

Do I want to change, Or am I afraid??

The Unseen Cause (2012 RAW Mix)

Well I have become attached
To all the things I never had
You know it might sound bad
But it's just my fucking life
When there is nothing left
Well, you take what's best
And if it doesn't work out,
Then at least i fucking tried...
Isn't that right??
NO??!!
Well I guess I thought it was!!
Well, I guess I was wrong!!

You know, Sometimes I feel bad
When i think of what I could have had
Don't misunderstand and think,
That I never wanted what I got
If it all could change
(But it didn't work out that way)
I would have stayed
And been your bitter God.
Isn't that enough??
NO??!!
Well, I guess I thought it was!!
Well, I guess I was wrong!!

I'm not alone but it,
Doesn't mean i'm not lonely.

To All I Have Known (2012 Mix)

Darkness falls
On Your Garden Of Eden
The wine cracks open
And pours it's tears right into your heart
The memories of what was taken
And the injustice done
Make living - for her - so damn hard

And, I know
That you feel it
'Cos looking back is  just so tough
And if it means, your reverence
Then live your life with no regrets
And I know,
That you need it
'Cos the memories are just too much
So if it means, your happiness
Then, I'll stay dead...

And now she cries the tears of an angel
Hiding the eyes of the devil
And never letting go of the dark
Every night it's the same old prose
A eulogy for Tennyson
Her coldness drowning out her love

And, I know
That you feel it
'Cos looking back is  just so tough
And if it means, your reverence
Then live your life with no regrets
And I know,
That you need it
'Cos the memories are just too much
So if it means, your happiness
Then, I'll stay dead...

Stay Dead (RAW)

Sick... Sick... Sick... Sick...
Something crawls down deep inside
Looking for a place to hide
This anxiety becomes a life
In ruins...

Sick... Sick... Sick... Sick...

And i'd sell my soul just to feel alive
I'd give anything, if I could only smile
Would it even work if i ever tried?
Or do I just stay here and slowly die?

Sick... Sick... Sick... Sick...

Swallow my disease down like pride
Keep it down and out of sight
Cos' the truth could bury them alive
So i'm all torn up on the in and the outside

Sick... Sick... Sick... Sick...

And i'd sell my soul just to feel alive
I'd give anything, if I could only smile
Would it even work if i ever tried?
Or do I just stay here and slowly die?

Sick... Sick... Sick... Sick...

Yet, nothing is wrong,
Nothing is wrong with me!

Sick

I fucked myself up again last night
Cos I noticed a fire inside your eyes
I'm swallowing pills to help me sleep
Cos' I know that your fire doesn't burn for me
I wrote myself off again last night
Just to try to get out of my own mind
Try to silence the riot that I feel inside
Cos' I know that it will fucking burn me alive.

And I'm trying so hard to forget you
Cos' you don't even know i'm alive
But I've come too far down this hole
Now there is no way out in sight.

If only I could make you see
What would this fucking world think of me?
Would the darkness of this hole cover up the lies?
Or would the truth bury us both alive?
Drug myself so that I can sleep
My only escape from MY reality
Run to my dreams to escape this life
But you're always there, behind my closing eyes!

And I'm trying so hard to erase you
And these broken feelings I hard
Because the reality of US just pains me
Cos' you don't even know i'm alive.

And I'm trying so hard to forget you
Cos' you don't even know i'm alive
But I've come too far down this hole
Now there is no way out in sight.
And I'm trying so hard to erase you
And these broken feelings I hard
Because the reality of US just pains me
Cos' you don't even know i'm alive.

Just one look,
Was all I stole.
And you buried me,
Down this hole....

Down The Rabbit Hole

Sweet Horror (Blood Red Mix)

I write music as a form of therapy, not to become famous.