Two sailors who had just finished a long voyage went home to their village and decided to have a few drinks in the bar there.When they had had enough, they came out into the street to look for something amusing to do.But it was a very quiet place, and nothing interestingever happened there, so they could not find anything. But at last, while they were standing in the market-place outside the bar, they saw a village boy coming slowly towards them.He was lending a donkey by a rope, so the sailors decided that they wouldhave a joke with him.
"Hullo, one of the sailors said to the boy."Why does your brother have to have a rope round his neck when he goes for a walk with you?"
"To stop him joining the navy," the boy answered at once.

unit 36 on Tuesday night

A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life."My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other.We have no complaints and no arguments".
"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"
"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that".
His friend was surprised "Oh?" He said."And what do you consider important decisions then?"
"Well," answered the man."I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that".

unit 65 on Wednesday night

John was the only son of a wealthy American businessman.Usually he was taken to school by the chauffeur in his father's beautiful car, before the chauffeur took John's father to his office.One evening his father told him that he had to go to the airport early the next day, so he would need the car at the time that John had to go to school. He said that John's mother, who possessed another car, would still be in bed at the time he had to leave the house.
"Well, how will I get to school if you need your car and Mummy is still in bed?" John asked. His father thought this was a good opportunity to teach him a lesson about how hard life was for the less fortunate people of the world, so he answered, "You'll go in the same way as every other child in the world goes, in a taxi".


unit 66 on Wednesday night

At the entrance to a big office in London there was a book which all employees had to sign when they arrived each morning.At nine o'clock, the manager's secretary, who lived in a small flat above the office, had to draw a red line under the last name in the book, and anyone who came after that had to explain why he was late. Whenever there was a thick fog in the city, the first person to arrive late usually wrote "Delayed by fog" under the red line in the book, and then everybody else who came after that just put "ditto" underneath. 
But one foggy morning, the first man to arrive late wrote "My wife had a baby early this morning" instead of "Delayed by fog" under the red line in the book.Twenty or thirty people who came after him put "ditto" underneath as usual.

Unit 67 on Wednesday night

Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful, modern bicycle which cost 54.99 pounds, so he went to the shop which had put the advertisement in and asked to see one of their wonderful bicycles. The shopkeeper was very happy to show one to Tom, who examined it carefully and then turned to the shopkeeper, saying, "There isn't a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement".
"Yes, sir," answered the shopkeeper, "but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It's an extra". "Not included in the price of the bicycle?" Tom said angrily."But that's not honest if the lamp's in the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave here".
"Well, sir," answered the shopkeeper calmly, "there's also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, but we don't supply one of them with the bicycle either".

unit 76 on Saturday night

In the United States, gifts by a company or a person to a charity which is approved by the government, can be used to reduce the company's or the person's tax.(This is, of course, to encourage people to give money to charities).One day the secretary of a world famous charity had a telephone call from a tax officer, who said, "A certain gentleman who says that his name is Howard Vine claims to have given your society 15.000 dollars in gifts last year.I am telephoning to find out whether he did in fact do so".
"Howard Vine, did you say?" Answered the secretary of the charity cautiously."Wait a moment please.I'll have a look in our records".
After half a minute, the tax officer heard the secretary voice again, "Mr.Howard Vine hasn't given us 15.000 dollars yet," the secretary said delightedly, "but he's going to now!"

unit 77 on Saturday night

David was a young man who worked in an office in a big city.His hobby was fishing, but he did not often get a chance to practice it.
Then one summer he decided to have a holiday in a beautiful place in the mountains where there were a lot of streams."I ought to be able to have some good fishing there," he said to himself.
The first morning after he arrived, he walked to the nearest stream with his fishing-rod. He saw an old man standing beside the water, so he asked him whether it was a private stream.The old man answered that it was not, so David then said to him, "Well, then it won't be a crime if I catch some fish here, will it?" 
"Oh, no," answered the old man, "it won't be a crime, but it will certainly a miracle".

unit 78 on Saturday night

A potato farmer was sent to prison just at the time when he should have been digging the ground for planting the new crop of potatoes.He knew that his wife would not be strong enough to do the digging by herself, but that she could manage to do the planting; and he also knew that he did not have any friends or neighbours who would be willing to do the digging for him.So he wrote a letter to his wife which said, "Please do not dig the potato field.I hid the money and the gun there".
Ten days later he got a letter from his wife.It said, "I think somebody is reading your letters before they go out of the prison.Some policemen arrived here two days ago and dug up the whole potato field.What shall I do now?". The prisoner wrote back at once, "Plant the potatoes, of course".

unit 46 on Monday morning

A man was driving along a road in his motor-car when a policeman on a motor-cycle stopped him and said."You're only allowed to do eighty along this road". The man had to go to court, and there he told the judge that he was not driving at more than eighty kilometres an hour, and that he never drove at more than sixty-five. The man's wife had been in the car too, when the policeman had stopped it, and she said to the judge, "My husband was driving at only fifty kilometres an hour when the policeman stopped him".
Her sister, Ann, had been in the car too, and she said to the judge, "We were hardly moving at all when the policeman came up behind us".By the time, the judge had had quite enough."Stop now, " he said, "or you will finish by hitting something behind your car".

unit 45 on Monday morning

Joe was going into his usual bar before lunch when he saw a poorly dressed man fishing in a small pool of rain-water about five centimetres deep outside it. Joe stopped and watched the man for a few minutes. He saw that most of people who passed by him believed he must be rather mad.Joe pitied the man, so after a few minutes he went up to him and said kindly, "Hullo, would you like to come into the bar and have a drink with me?". The fisherman was delighted to accept his offer, and the two men went into the bar together.Joe bought the fisherman a few drinks, and finally said to him, "You've been fishing outside here, haven't you?How many did you manage to catch this morning, if I may ask?""You're the eighth," the fisherman answered merrily.

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