Thirsting, flirt with the fellas (fellas)
 Stop kissing! Couples make me jealous (make me jealous)
‘cause I lack any male interest
Every guy in town, turns out gay or has a new missus, right (Sigh)
You don’t want no chapped lips like this? (Huh?)
Sloppy clothes up in the club, plus wide hips (Ha!) 
Got no dates, got no boo, got no kiss
I’m still humping pillows like a spinster cuz of this (Now I’m pissed!) 
Take me on a dinner date, where the place at? (Hello?)
Tube top, yet I’m single as an 8-track (What?)
Still I’m look-ing, where the babes at?
Damp stains spilling from my waist gap
I'm so antsy - in my bed alone
Hot silky panties… but where is my Romeo?
I’m so antsy - got no mate to hold
My embers aflame, on my owwwwwn

I thought maybe I’m Clueless, my efforts seem fruitless
Can’t find no daters, they shun me like lupus
Them hos get bombarded, but me: disregarded
Begging for Cupid to come stop by my apartment
To get a honey of mine, I’m stuck as one of a kind
A lack of men up here puts more sour wine grapes on my vine
Nobody wanting to dine, I’m far too clumsy each time 
I get a “Sorry” from blind dates when they are *actually* blind 
I guess I’m too fat, too fat… nah, screw that, screw that
I’ll bring a photo album showing off my new cat, new cat
I’m a B-I-D-D-Y, not some dame or ho 
Still a virgin, get up in here and help change that, bro!
I'm so antsy - time for quid-pro-quo
I’m really randy, ride me like a rodeo
I'm so antsy - all the way below
Each Valentine’s Day, I’m alooooone

Such a slow spell; have no fun getting intimate
It’s my own fault; spend all day on the internet
Men keep on spurning my love
Every year single, I won’t give it up
Fill… up… all of my box
Plastic extension toys up in my crotch 
Wow!

Screw partners, who still want that?
Got my Rabbit Pearl pleasure when I buzz that
Toes curl - no beard, no nutsack 
Never deal with sweat drops dripping from his buttcrack
Don’t have to be a wifey, nuh
When you could try positions with a vibrator 
Never yearn for husbands
Play with dildos, four fingers and I’m done, like

I’m so antsy - what a libido
I’m getting handsy, ‘cause no man will poke me, no
I’m so antsy - with my pink taco
Cucumber, no shame, here I gooooo…

Ooh there, ooh there! (My peachy pie!)
That’s soothing, soothing! (G-I-D-D-Y!)
Ooh there, ooh there! (Wh-wh-why need a guy?)
Oh-oh-ohhhhh

Ooh there, ooh there! (My peachy pie!)
That’s soothing, soothing! (G-I-D-D-Y!)
Ooh there, ooh there! (Wh-wh-why need a guy?)
About to blowwwww

I'm So Antsy - Iggy Azalea Parody

Nib Oswald