Written + edited by Nib Oswald
Music by Joshy Said
Vocals by Nib Oswald, Michael O'Sullivan and Charmeuse
*
BERNIE
It’s hard to win voters with indifference 
Sitting on the fence, they all show a lack of interest 
They’re scribbling a dick on their ballot? 
You’re gerrymandered with no wealth
Your vote is valid

NON-VOTER
I always love to critique 
When they speak in a debate 
But I’m not keen to cast my vote 
or go to participate
Long live our America
Stars and the stripes
But then Miss Ocasio-Cortez 
Made Left seem so Right
She said:

AOC
I know you love your marijuana 
But for once, can you bother to just vote 
Soon our poll booths will be closed 
And you never seem to go

NON-VOTER
She said:

AOC
Our country’s stuck in a slump 
Greedily, secretly, illegally 
Cutting trees for oil they pump 
Won’t you join the team to fight Trump

NON-VOTER
So I offered her at most 
To publish a Facebook post 
She said:

AOC
That’s benign, jerk.

NON-VOTER
I said:
The vote is always on a working day 
The booth is far away
She said:

AOC
Get in line, twerp!

NON-VOTER
Then I said
“And what about your drones?” 
I saw sweat 
Deflecting this, she said 
She’ll reject student debt

AOC
Free?

NON-VOTER
Gee...

AOC
See!

NON-VOTER
So I thought I might partake

Gosh, am I casting my vote for this? 
I don’t know if I’ve got hope for this 
But this nominee is zealous 
And the party line is selfless

AOC
Vote!

NON-VOTER
Gosh, I still doubt if I’ll 
vote for this
Mine doesn’t count, I won’t 
vote for this

ENSEMBLE
(Please vote for us! 
Please vote for us!)

NON-VOTER
Should I mail it in the post?

ENSEMBLE
(Vote! Vote! Vote!)

NON-VOTER
At the booth, I’m in line 
and they all say

ENSEMBLE
Vote! (Vote!) Please vote for us! 
[x4]

NON-VOTER
I wish I could say it was a fast line
I waited past nine - can’t we do this online?
I stood waiting when a member of the upper senate 
Had some things to settle as the local member 
He said:

REPUBLICAN
Dear Sir, has this election blinded your good self
With their preposterous absurd petitions to spread wealth? 
They claim that we’re all equal and free
But they all suck, agree? 
I have no choice now but to call you a...

NON-VOTER
Cuck?

REPUBLICAN
Uh-oh!
Best shave your hair, chuck on some sparkle
Go hug a tree and type a blog that’s not patriarchal 
And hey, you can keep fighting for work strikes
With each whine and gripe, they’ll tax you even more hikes!

NON-VOTER
I was upset and so ashamed 
I abstain! All your fake news is to blame!
She said:

AOC
Oh, sure...

NON-VOTER
Finessed my apathetic mind 
Leftist with your rhetoric lines

AOC
You non-voter!

NON-VOTER
You were gonna leave me indebted!

AOC
Have you heard of our latest gender?

NON-VOTER
I should have listened to Reddit!

AOC
Help fight the cis-het agenda!

NON-VOTER
Disillusioned!

AOC
We’re progressive and rebellious

NON-VOTER
This is hellish!
How can you choose this?

AOC
Just tick inside the box 
and you can have weed

NON-VOTER
I don’t want to
I don’t want to 
I won’t...

AOC
Whatever you want
Have your say 
U-S-A!

NON-VOTER
Gosh, how does anyone vote for this?

ENSEMBLE
Vote for us!

AOC
Mine!

NON-VOTER
Mine doesn’t count, I can’t vote for this

ENSEMBLE
Vote for us!

NON-VOTER
All you do is whine and yell scared

AOC
Healthcare!

NON-VOTER
Your whole party’s screaming “Welfare!”

AOC
Vo-o-o-o-ote!

NON-VOTER
Gosh, how does anyone vote for this?

ENSEMBLE
Vote for us!

AOC
Now!

NON-VOTER
Now do I make my ink stroke for this?

ENSEMBLE
For us!

NON-VOTER
As I weigh each con and pro 

ENSEMBLE
Pro! Pro! Pro!

NON-VOTER
There’s no party aligned
So I just don’t-

ENSEMBLE
Vote! (Vote!) Please vote for us! 
x4

AOC
Left... Left... Left! LEFT!

NON-VOTER
Can’t vote for this
I won’t promote these twits 
To pick one who swears an oath

ENSEMBLE
(Oath! Oath! Oath!)

REPUBLICAN
Vote?

NON-VOTER
No thanks, I hate you both.

Vote For Us - Hamilton parody

Nib Oswald