Name: SCP Foundation Orientation Tape by Nick D'Alberto in scp data base
Duration: 10 min 48 s
Description: Leaked orientation tape for new employees of the SCP Foundation.

scp data base

SCP Foundation Site RF

A friendly reminder from the people at S&C Plastics

Site-87 Announcment

( I apologize the audio is very glitchy and often cuts little parts off, this is because to post it
to soundcloud I had to convert it to an mp3 which often times turn out glitchy,, the final product won't do that though )

I decided to try my hand at this
I plan on reading ALL of the entries on this document and posting it to youtube

1. Dr. Bright is not allowed to feed anything with peanut butter to Kain.
2. Telling new researchers that you can tame SCP-682 with a rolled up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out.
3. No longer allowed to challenge Able to unwinnable games like tic-tac-toe. It was three weeks before Able conceded a draw.
4. SCP-018 is not to be taunted!
5. Giving 113 to Diogenes is just plain pointless.
6. Attempting to disprove 343, to 343, is a horrible idea. Agents are still studying the resulting paperweight, supposedly so heavy that 343 should not be able to lift it.
7. While it is true that "No one expects the SCP Inquisition!", that is only because there is no such thing.
8. Dr. Bright is not king of anywhere. Or queen. Not even while in drag.
9. SCP-963 is not to be used for recreational or procreational purposes.
10. Although it is entirely possible to use SCPs currently under control of the Foundation to create tentacle monsters, no.
    - Not even if Dr. Palmer asks nicely.

11. There is no market for SCP brand pornography. ( Although I'm sure obsessed fangirls have made some )
     - No, not even in Germany.
     - It probably would generate a great deal of revenue if sold in Japan but still, 682 on Granny, Jesus Christ man.

12. Should not replace the buckshot in Dr. Clef's shotgun shells with any of the following: birdseed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or sexual lubricant.
13. Should not replace Dr. Rights' lamp with a "novelty" lamp shaped like a marital aid.
     - Should not replace Dr. Rights marital aids with a 'novelty' aid shaped like a lamp.

14. The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for dealing with containment failures from horrible eldritch artifacts sold by Marshall, Carter, and Dark.
15. Dr. Bright must never come in contact with anyone under the age of 18. 
     - Let him contact them. It's the only way they'll learn. 
     - Just because it is a learning experience, does not mean anyone needs to come in contact with Bright.
16. Any requests by Dr. Bright to utilize SCP-212 for enhancement are to be denied, due to several requests being submitted with the research goal stated as "to stick my privets in it and hope for the best."
     - This includes requests to use it for enhancement of other organs. I don't care how awesome you think it would be, Bright. You should not be allowed to have telekinesis.

17. Victims of SCP-217 are not toys.
18. Dr. Bright is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their "souls" if they are unaware of SCP-158.
19. Don't let Dr. Bright get a sample of SCP-379. Let my laptop be the last victim.
20. Not allowed to go off my medication.
     - Not allowed to pretend I have any medication.

21. May not use any form of the word 'accident' as an excuse.
22. Violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.
     - No matter how many times you say please, Dr. Bright, we won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.
     - Nor are you allowed to create and wear hats made using or out of various anomalous objects. We understand that your SCP-894 top hat collection has some tactical value, but that is not a valid reason to wear them in the presence of other researchers.

23. If an SCP file says never to do something, it is not because we want to control your mind. 
     - Yes it is.
     - No, it's not, and Dr. Bright may not edit this document.

24. SCP-437 is not to be handed out as weaponry to unsuspecting new researchers.
25. [DATA REDACTED ON O5 REQUEST]. Not even for recreational use.
26. Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam email to the Church of the Broken God.
27. Not allowed to lead a Mobile Task Force against the UIU under any circumstances. without inviting Dr. Clef at all. In fact, just stay 500 feet away from any Mobile Task Force at all times.
28. Not allowed to end reports with lyrics from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air".
     - But is allowed to end with lyrics from the Safety Dance.
     - The interpretive dance routine, however, is forbidden until he gets lessons for the foreseeable future.



The Things Dr Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The SCP Foundation ( WIP Posts 1-28 )

Leaked orientation tape for new employees of the SCP Foundation.

SCP Foundation Orientation Tape

Nick D'Alberto

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