After my Mum died and before I was evicted due to falling behind on bills due to being incapable of coping with the loss. The struggle of trying to deal with a shit landlord when not able to cope with basic day to day tasks.

Without Water - Nicky Longthorne

A poem about the struggles of being in a relationship when having mental health challenges and the pressures it can bring.

I Gave You Everything I Have - Nicky Longthorne

A poem about the time I spent with Mum after she was diagnosed with a brain tumour. We made sure we talked about all the things that needed to be discussed while she was still alive. It would be too late afterwards and I wanted to avoid having regrets about things that were never shared. We always used to stay up chatting until the early hours seemingly taking it in turns to have one last cig or cuppa before finally turning in for the night.

One Last Cigarette And Endless Cups Of Tea - Nicky Longthorne

A poem written a year after Mum died. I cut out drinking and smoking weed to enable me to feel the pain of Mum dying and wrote several poems about my experiences with her when she was dying from a brain tumour. This is one of those pieces.

Uncomfortably Unable To Be Numb - Nicky Longthorne

Mum dying left me traumatised and ultimately led to me having a breakdown. I still get badly triggered when I see photos of her. This poem was written about one of those occasions and details the painful feelings it brought back to the surface.

Picture Of Health - Nicky Longthorne

This is a poem about my experiences with Mum when she was dying from a brain tumour. The last two weeks of her life she went into the Hospice and died there. At that point she'd had enough and hearing her asking to have her life ended was heart breaking. I felt powerless and very angry to see the decline in her health and the loss of dignity as cancer stripped away every part of her until all that remained was the shell of her body. 
Voluntary euthanasia remains a hotly debated topic for many. This poem gives a little of my opinion on the subject through first hand experience.

Inhumane Treatment For The Sake Of Existence - Nicky Longthorne

I was the passenger in a car accident back in 1994. We were all very fortunate to survive the crash. Upon waking in the hospital the next day alone, confused and vulnerable a man in the next bed angrily snapped at me that I was a Bastard who deserved to be dead. I had no idea who the guy was at the time. I turned over and went back to sleep. Later I was informed it was the father of the other driver, who had been a passenger in the other vehicle.
Despite knowing that I was not responsible for the accident I carried that with me for decades. I have held a lot of anger towards the man for the damage he caused me. What kind of person verbally attacks and blames a 14 year old who was a passenger in the back seat? I'll let you make your own mind up about that.

This poem was like drawing a line in the sand and saying no more. Too much pain and damage had been caused over the years. I have had therapy in recent times to try to help cut through the long held negative beliefs from the trauma of the accident and the aftermath. It has massively affected my self confidence over the years and kept my self esteem and self worth at rock bottom.

From The Boy In The Bed - Nicky Longthorne

Written after reading about a story in the local paper about a man who was found to have committed suicide, I worked backwards to try to piece together what may have happened that led to that incident. This piece is an imagined journey by a man who sadly takes his own life. It leaves those behind wondering why it happened.

For anyone who is suffering and/or considering ending their life. Please seek some help, speak to someone. There are people who care and you will be missed, even if it doesn't feel like it.

Challenge the stigma.

A Million Questions Unanswered - Nicky Longthorne

I wrote this over a decade before Mum ever got sick and before cancer ended her life. It describes the struggle of a young carer looking after their parent. 
Years later after being Mum's carer towards the end of her life I could relate to aspects of this poem. There were definite parallels with how I felt at certain times, even though I was an adult and much older than the character the poem is based upon. Written through the eyes of the young carer describing their day to day struggle caring for a sick parent.

Too Young To Care - Nicky Longthorne

Written during one of the lockdowns on an occasion when contemplating life and the future. It got me thinking about how happy I was to be single and without the potential hassles brought about by being in a shit relationship - the only ones I seem to keep finding myself in.
I decided to start valuing myself higher and began believing I did actually have some self worth. I thought long and hard about what I wanted in life and more importantly what I wanted to keep away from my life. 

This is a very tongue in cheek poem reflecting on some previous experiences and giving a mention of what I would actually be looking for in the future.

Looking For Something More Meaningful (The Tale Of An Old Romantic) - Nicky Longthorne

Poet/Spoken Word Performer
Half of Northern Grit Collective - responsible for hosting and organising poetry events in a variety of settings in and around the Leeds are. Delivering opportunities for new, emerging and established performers.

Co-Host of ChattingShit at The Grove Inn, Leeds
Co-Host of UnleashThe Speech at The Better Days Bar, Leeds

If you are interested in becoming a feature/headline performer at a future please contact via email along with relevant footage/links to sites online

Contact via northerngritcollective@gmail.com

Nicky Longthorne

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