Have you ever stopped to consider what the shows you're watching are subconsciously telling you? Why are the things that are okay to talk about and not okay to talk about okay and not okay?

In the first episode of NXT GEN, I am accompanied by guest John Ritondo as we talk about the positive and negative possibilities of media normalization.

NXT Gen Podcast Episode 1: Media Normalization

Link: https://lonerwolf.com/victim-mentality/ Hey guys, welcome to this episode of the NXT Gen Podcast. Today I want to talk about the Victim Mentality/Identity. So pretty much everyone in life is going to go through some tough stuff: breakups, getting fired, major fights with friends, etc. And it’s normal for people to feel bad about themselves for a ltitle bit, I mean we are only human. But humans are also resilient and sooner or later, get back up and go about their lives. People that have a victim mentaility don’t. Wikipedia defines it as “an acquired personality trait in which ap erson tends to recognize themselves as a vitiom of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances. So, what in layman terms, does this mean? I think the easiest way to explain that would be to listen to the following phrases that someone with victim identity would say:  You don’t take responsibility for things. You bring people into your life that complain or blame life also. You one up people when it comes to traumatic experiences You put yourself down all the time You say things like “you don’t understand how hard it is for me” or “I can’t.” Complaining  So if you strongly resonated with those, you probably have a victim mentality. Not owning up to things and saying things like you don’t understand how hard it is for me is probably the ones that I struggled with in the past, but have thankfully realized and worked on. I think the one that literally everyone can relate with is complaining. Now because you’ve complained before does not automatically mean you associate with this mentality, but I think it’s something to keep in mind. The reason why complaining is on this list is the same reason why all the other ones are on there as well: to run away from taking charge what’s happening to you. Not to worry, it is possible to change. IF you didn’t really relate with those things, I’m sure you can think of someone in your life that does. I think the growing dark humor that our generation has is really a warning sign, it seems to me like its an unconscious act of normalizing victimism. A lot of the memes I see are usually very gloomy in nature, with self-insults and self-depreciation a reoccurring theme. Before we get into how we can change someone that has a victim mentality to more of a survivor outlook, lets talk about why people would have this in the first place. From personal experience, I think the number one reason is that it’s easy. It’s so much easier to blame someone else, the weather, traffic, whatever than it is to own it. This allows you to complain, instead of actually doing something to change the situation. In fact, when I was doing research for this podcast the pattern of victimism seems to revolve avoidance. Avoiding confrontation, pain, responsibility, and hiding behind being the victim. In fact one of the articles I read said that one of the perks of being the victim is that you’ll never be sad because you’re spending too much time being sad. And yeah, there are perks. Everything in life has ups and downs. Other perks of being the victim include people being less likely to call you out, getting what you want, not feeling bored because you have so much drama going on, and feeling interesting with all the stories you tell people. Admittedly, some of those perks are kind of satire, but still. I think the benefit of not being bored is not worth constantly having drama in your life but that’s just me. So now that we’ve talked about some of the characteristics and the perks of being a victim, lets talk about the cons. Straight off the bat, the one that sticks out to me the most is the lack of growth. IF you’re spending all your energy complaining, shying away from the source of drama, pain, whatever in your life, you’re stagnant. Pain is a constant in life. So is change. Failure to embrace either means...

Episode 17: Dangesr of a Victim Mentality

HBR Report:  https://hbr.org/2016/12/research-why-americans-are-so-impressed-by-busyness Washington Post:  https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2015/03/17/six-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-use-the-b-word-so-much/?noredirect=on Hey guys, welcome to Episode 18 of the NXT Gen Podcast. Today we’re going to talk about a pet peeve of mine: when people say I’m busy. We need to stop saying I’m busy. When you ask anyone how they are, usually the answer is I’m slammed, drained, exhausted, or some other interesting variation of the fact that you’re busy. The thing is though, everyone is busy. And its only likely people are going to get more “busy.” With new things being created every day competing for your attention, the perpetual pressure of “grind and hustle culture,” the increasing competitiveness in school and in the workforce, studies have shown that not only have hours typically increased, but it’s become harder to balance work and life due to technology. Not helping with the situation is the fact that people seem to say “I’m busy” as almost a low key badge of honor. Don’t take my word for it, a report by Harvard Business Reports studied why Americans see having a loaded schedule as such a status symbol. The HBR talks a little about some participants that they took from Italy and found that lei sureness was still seen as the mark of higher status individuals. This may be due to some other factors, like social mobility beliefs, but its very interesting to see that the research suggests that this is an American problem, and not one associated with Western culture. Even without the scientific studies, look to social media. People are always stories and updates about going to work, “getting the bag,” “grind,” and there’s even quickly rising Instagram influencers within this niche of people with 6 side hustles flexing in their Lamborghini. But going into the science, HBR says it’s probably due to the trend of having a knowledge-intensive economy. With so much manual labor being automated, it’s becoming more about what you know, then what you can do. Thus, people typically expect that people in demand within a knowledge-intensive economy are in short supply, and therefore in high demand. Then, the connection between demand and busyness can be seen but is not the case. &nbsp;Being busy can be seen as being needed, valuable, etc. But don’t confuse motion and progress, as the saying goes. But the thing is, everyone is busy, so no one is impressed. And if anything, you’re negatively affecting relationships with the people you care the most about. I’m a firm believer in the fact that people make time for what they care about. So, when people tell me they’re busy, I immediately read it as they’re too busy for me. And I’ve gotten better about it, if someone tells me once that they’re too busy, I’ll think okay, so today they’re busy. Like the actual term, I’m busy isn’t bad. It’s that it’s become a default response for many, and there’s no thought behind when people say it anymore. It’s funny, I’m using Grammarly to check this script for grammatical and fluidity errors, and it’s highlighted every time I’ve used the word busy, with the error “Repetitive word.” What this means is that the word busy is not only overused in everyday speech, but also in written English as well. (Going back to) But if they don’t offer an alternative, and they repeatedly tell me that they’re busy, that in my mind is a surefire way to know that you’re low on their priority list. Saying you’re busy, and then going into detail about what exactly is taking up your time is a broken record and doesn’t really help improve a person’s perception of you. Despite what they say about wanting to hang out, or whatever, another firm belief of mine is that actions speak louder than words. In fact, I even got it tattooed in Korean on my right forearm. So now that I’ve talked...

Episode 18: Stop Saying "I'm Busy"

Hey guys welcome to Episode 19 of the NXT Gen Podcast. Today we’re going to talk about Procrastination, a topic very near and dear to all of us. I mean the reason why this podcast is out so late (it should’ve been released like Sunday) is because I bought a new game and literally ended up doing that instead of doing anything productive. Like literally I think I logged 15 hours into that game this weekend, so yeah. Procrastination. 20% of people are chronic procrastinators, and there’s different mentalities that lead to people to putting off things so there’s a lot more to it than just people being lazy. Research form the American Psychological Association states that college students, so like the main demographic I’m targeting with these podcasts, between 80-95% of us procrastinate. So this message is even more important for us. SO while we all are pretty familiar with procrastination I’d imagine, let’s go over it once more for those that have been blessed with not having to struggle with it. Procrastination and strategically delaying are different which is important to recognize. The difference between intentionally putting something off and procrastinating boils down to intention. When you are holding off on making a decision, you are typically waiting for more information, weighing the options, otherwise making productive use of the time with objective to do better on whatever it is that you had delayed. With procrastination, completing the task isn’t why you put it off. Typically, we procrastinate as a form of avoidance, and outcome of whatever action that has been delayed. Interestingly enough, there are different reasons why individuals may delay something despite knowing that they will perform worse on it. One is emotion. If you’re depressed or performing the task would bring a lot of pain (emotional or physical) it makes sense as to why someone would hesitate on acting. This kind of procrastination would also fall inline with anxiety procrastination, where when something makes you nervous, you put it off. Think of getting a shot, dumping someone, and things like that. Quick side note, when I’m writing these I don’t try to always include something about relationships. I feel like something is mentioned in every episode but I think it’s a very relatable action. The other school of thought is what caught my eye, and is that we procrastinate for different reasons due to our personality type. Depending on where you look, there are different number of relevant personalities. I’ve seen 4, 5, or 6. Here I’ll talk about three that I personally relate to and think that you guys can too. So the first and probably most relatable for me is the perfectionist mentality. This kind of thinking states that perfectionists procrastinate as they fear falling short performance wise for whatever it is. IF not that, perhaps they spend ages planning the process, and end up using all their time tweaking to get a “perfect” plan but never executing. Like Voltaire said, best is the enemy of good. And by some miracle they get started on a task, perfectionists can waste enormous amounts of time making sure every tiny detail is in place. And I definitely see this most apparent in my Korean studies. I’ll continually look for the best learning resource, learning method, whatever, so I can learn the language in the most applicable and fastest way possible. But it’s very easy for me to get swept up in the planning and never actually get around to studying. In short, it would be better to make progress with a sub-perfect learning plan than it would be to spend all my time finding a perfect learning plan, because there’s no such thing as perfect. Another relatable situation in which we procrastinate is when we have a task assigned to us but we have an excessive amount of time to do it. Like when teachers assign summer reading assignments but we all know that we’re going to be waiting until the last week, last 3...

Episode 19: Procrastination

Episode 20 Hey guys, welcome to the NXT Gen Podcast. In this episode, I want to talk about why you should be taking cold showers. Even in the winter. This is going to be a shorter podcast, especially with me still having to catch up on work I missed from going to Disney. Not surprisingly, I got the idea for this while taking a cold shower. While there are a plethora of physical benefits for actually doing this which I’ll discuss later because honestly I think they are secondary, I’d like to talk about the primary reason why I do this. Cold showers most powerful benefit is the change in mental attitude: by taking them you are training your brain to voluntarily submit itself to uncomfortable situations, which is something I have talked about in a previous podcast episode. Being able to voluntarily make yourself uncomfortable is a surefire way to make sure you’re continually growing in all aspects of life and can even help with procrastination. Forcing yourself to take a cold shower routinely in the beginning require willpower and self-control, and both will improve because of this. Tolerance for discomfort also increases, allowing you to stay calm under situations that are stressful. Self-control improves by your resistance to noy immediately turn up the temperature or just jump out of the shower altogether. This then applies to when you need to stay focused on a task, say no to that cookie, or anything else like that. And weirdly enough, it brings a lot of clarity. Once you get over the initial shock of the cold water, I find a sense of really good clarity if I try meditating in the shower. Just closing my eyes, watching my breathing, and just feeling the cold water on my skin. In a way, when you stop resisting the inevitable, which in this case is the water, and start to accept it, you kind of get a sense of peace. This also applies to many situations however, Buddhists believe that the source of all human agony is clinging onto what is continually changing. So if you can learn to accept the inevitable in any situation, you’ll be a step ahead of the rest. Now that I’ve talked about the mental benefits very briefly, lets talk more about the physical benefits if your still not sold. Perhaps you don’t really buy all of the mental benefits, you should still give cold showers even if its purely for the physical improvements. And from literally everything from cancer to depression, cold showers are really magical actually. The first one you’ll feel is that you’ll wake up. It doesn’t matter if its first thing in the morning or after that 2pm slump, I think cold showers is more effective than espresso or power naps. And because I don’t drink coffee and sometimes don’t have time for a 20 minute nap, a 5 minute shower will do the trick. This happens because the cold water is shocking, and typically you’ll breath a lot more at first. The rapid intake of oxygen suddenly combined with the cold water jolting your nervous system proves to be an incredibly effective way to wakeup. Many people looking to start waking up 5am everyday typically pair that habit with taking cold showers to get rid of the grogginess when we first wakeup. The second is that it improves circulation. Because the body wants to maintain homeostasis and a stable body temperature, your heart pumps faster when its cold. Circulation improves everything from clearing blocked arteries, lowering high blood pressure, to even improving recovery time from illnesses, sore muscles, injuries, etc. Cold showers also have cosmetic properties because it can help you lose weight but also improves the health of your skin and hair. Let’start with why it can make your skin and hair look better because it’s the longer one to explain. And by longer, I mean not really. Essentially, the cold closes up your pores, and keeps dirt out. IT also allows both your skin and hair to retain natural oils for longer, making it softer and shinier. For losing weight, the...

Episode 20: Cold Showers

episode 22 &nbsp;Case Kenny's Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/new-mindset-who-dis/id1383599078 Hey guys welcome to the NXT GEn podcast. In this episode, let's talk about why&nbsp; people need to stop being fake. I'm also going to talk about why you need to stop worrying about if people like you, and similair trains of thought. Two-faced, not real, ingenuine, there all different ways of saying fake in a negative connotation. Brownie points, brown nosing, being a kissass are all the ways of saying it positively. Regardless, lets talk about why its better and easier to just be yourself all the time. First of all, what is being fake? I think we all can sort of recognize what is fake and what is real, but to really put it to words is a little more difficult. The most common reason why I've seen people be fake is to gain favor with someone else. Whether its with your boss, a teacher, or just people you don't really talk to but see everyday like coworkers or classmates that you aren't particularly close with. While we have a reason, I think the root cause for why we act fake is because we are insecure. We don't think people will like what our true selves are like so we put up this front that we can control and mold and tailor the to that person. And here’s what I say to that: if someone doesn’t like you for the way you are, you’re honestly better off without them. And I know that’s easy to say and hard to practice, especially when that person is someone that you really want to impress like a cute girl or some professor, but I think what’s more respectable is if you show someone who you really are and stick to your guns. Being the real you is easier because you don't have to keep up mentally with anything. There's no mental gymnastics of thinking so she doesn't like this person or this band so I have to make sure that I act accordingly when I'm around them. And what's the point? Why do you want to impress or spend energy on people that you are naturally not going to align with? Wouldn't it make more sense to reroute that energy in developing new or existing relationships with people that like the same things you do, and that you can truly be yourself around? Being fake is not enjoyable either. I remember situations where I pretend to act interested in what my teacher is saying, what my boss is saying, or whoever. It’s absolutely boring. My mind is wandering, anywhere but there, and its not fair to the other person as well. I’d rather someone not associated with me so I could spend time with people that are enthusiastic to be around me. Pretending to like music you don't like, doing things you don't like doing, can you really enjoy someone's presence if you're spending all of your time tolerating their habits or hobbies? If it were me, I would rather know accurately if someone disliked me, then for someone to fake liking me. You and I have a limited capacity to give and time everyday to spend with others, and we owe it to ourselves to only allocate those resources to the ones truly deserving of our love and attention. And flip the situation: what if you were the one that had to deal with being surrounded by fake people? How much worry would you have that what people said was truly what they were thinking, or if their actions were done because they truly care for you or if there was an ulterior motive? I couldn’t live in that state of constantly worrying about what the people closest to me were doing or thinking. Don't get this confused with wanting to try something new: by all means go for it. But the difference between trying something new and tolerating something for the sakes of getting others to like you is again the mindset: one is you are motivated by what you want, and the other is motivated by what others may think of you. Trying to get everyone to like you is not only extremely exhaustive but is literally impossible. And in the midst of doing this, you lose your identity in the process. True...

Episode 21: Stop Being Fake

Episode 22 Hey guys, welcome to episode 22 of the NXT Gen Podcast. In this episode, I want to talk about delayed gratification. So for those that don’t know, delayed gratification is the concept of passing up on an opportunity that would give immediate reward for something that would reward us more handsomely in the future. This was topic in my list of ideas for podcasts and articles that I write in whenever I have a movement, but what really brought it to my attention was a little connection I made in my head today. So as some of you guys may know, I’m going back to South Korea next year. IF all goes well, I’ll leave January 1st, and be back August 10th. With that being said, January – around early march is COLD in Korea. So my dad was talking about buying me this really nice wool coat as an early Christmas present. And it’s a nice jacket. It’s this grey color that’s gorgeous, the wool is made from a certain breed of sheep for extra warmth and water resistance, and its just overall nice. So the store we went to today had it on sale, so we went there today with the purpose of trying to buy the jacket. Unfortunately when we got there, they didn’t have it in my size. The soonest they would be able to order my size would be Monday, which then I would be in New York which I really wanted to wear it for since it would be super cold. They did have another nice jacket available in my size. It was a different color that was still nice, but it wasn’t AS nice as the jacket we had originally intended to purchase. Yet I remember thinking, yeah we might as well as get this one anyways. Thankfully, I didn’t get that jacket. It would’ve been nice but it wouldn’t have been as nice as the other one when it comes in, and ultimately I know I made the right decision waiting until Monday. Or okay, forget the jacket. Think about how we used to be when we got $100 when we were a kid. Our first thought wasn’t to go put it into a savings account or a stock market where it could earn interest and we would have more money to have at a later point, it was to see how we could spend it on whatever our latest desire was at that moment. Or why people would rather buy something in the store and pay tax when they know they could buy it online and wait 2 days for shipping to get it free. Flipping on the other extreme side of the spectrum, I even think this way of thinking is why premarital sex is so common, even though studies have shown that virgins have the happiest marriages, as sexual partners before marriage has negative effects. We’re wired to want what is good now. This is true even if delaying would bring more rewards, or even more importantly, if secondary consequences are negative. Second order consequences is a topic I should briefly discuss as well, as the two go hand in hand if you want to effectively make better decision. It’s a concept that people when they hear it go “duh”, obviously, but I fail to see being used on a consistent basis. Essentially, it’s the consequence after the immediate consequence, because things in life hardly only have one effect. I’ll give an example of a positive and negative second order consequence. A positive second order consequence would be getting in shape after working out. When you’re working out, and even after a couple of workouts you’re not going to see a difference. But if you stick with a program, you’ll definitely add muscle mass, lose some fat, and be healthier. An example of a second order consequence that is negative would be drinking. I’m guilty of it too, I would be in Seoul drinking at clubs and not getting home until like 6 am or something like that. And don’t get me wrong, it’s a lot of fun, and it definitely can be. But the second order consequences? Throws off your sleep cycle. Add in the opportunity cost of losing that entire next day means you can’t go explore Bukhansan mountain or go to a cool café in Hongdae. For those weaker than I, I...

Nigel Dollentas