made august 27th, 2021

was it someone else
did you just want me to take off my belt
yeah you put me under your spell
until it became a prison cell
love hurts i know it first hand
whyd you have other plans for me
we were livin a damn fantasy
till you took that back from me

so much 4 forever
didn’t think that you would ever
hate me the way you do
what did i do? i’m so confused 

before you i was falling apart
dreaming of being in your arms
but i guess it was just a phase
till everything was okay
until you moved on but i haven’t done the same

now i’m stuck with this haze in my mind
keep on thinking i’ll be fine
then someone takes me just to break me like maybe it’s a sign
can’t say i’m alright 
but you’re doing better and that’s all that matters cause lately i don’t think that i do 

so much 4 forever
didn’t think that you would ever
hate me the way you do
what did i do? i’m so confused

so much 4 forever (diordakid / addtl. nishith)

Can't hold my senses together
When I'm under the weather you're there
And all I ask is some space and you give me a stare
The kind of blank look that makes me think you're not even there

And I can deal with pressure
Maybe I can't
But I'll do it for you
And I'll do what I can
I just hope that my names stays etched
I just hope that they don't forget

Please be proud of me
If not you then who am I prideful for
Be proud of me
Don't forget me when you close the door cause
I can't wait another minute before I break down
So tell me you're proud of me
Before I'm not around anymore

"Wouldn't let it tear you apart the way it did to me"
Cause all these pressure knocked me down now I can't sleep
Thinking all night bout how I let you down every single other day
I'm reminded of it every time I see your face

So pick me up then put me down
Didn't know how cold it would sound
How I froze myself then let it decay
Backstabbed too many times way too many names

But I'm fine with bein yours
As long as you're still backing me
As long as you're not doubting me
As long as you're still proud of me

Please be proud of me
If not you then who am I prideful for
Be proud of me
Don't forget me when you close the door cause
I can't wait another minute before I break down
So tell me you're proud of me
Before I'm not around anymore
Please be proud of me
If not you then who am I prideful for
Be proud of me
Don't forget me when you close the door cause
I can't wait another minute before I break down
So tell me you're proud of me
Before I'm not around anymore

effaced (nishith / quedronol)

short of breath

Thought we were friends
You backstabbed me
And I don't think I'll gain my trust back
Cause I thought we were friends
You backstabbed me
I don't know what to do about that
Thought we were friends
You backstabbed me
And I don't think I'll gain my trust back
Cause I thought we were friends
You backstabbed me
I don't know what to do about that
Yeah I guess that's that

All these bitches now they got a ego
But me, I'm to the side making me dough
They're going to come running back but I don't need them
They used to hate on me and now they think I'll see them
Fuck that I don't need them anyways
Kick them out the backdoor if they're not a friend of me
Check them off the list
Check it twice, do it everyday
Until all of these fakes stop messing around I'mma make them pay

They ask if I'm up but that's nonsense
We know why you hit me up stop talkin
I'm running out of options
They see my ice and they're gonna flock, Baskin Robbins
Left me out how the feelings changed
Now it's mutual you just want the money game
You backstabbed me you think that I wanna play
With you?

Thought we were friends
You backstabbed me
And I don't think I'll gain my trust back
Cause I thought we were friends
You backstabbed me
I don't know what to do about that
Thought we were friends
You backstabbed me
And I don't think I'll gain my trust back
Cause I thought we were friends
You backstabbed me
I don't know what to do about that
Yeah I guess that's that

They all left me for dead

They all left me for dead
I didn't know any better
Always getting left on read
No thoughts on how I was better
Yet at the same time
They all came back after their crimes
No apology they must think I'm really delusional
I hate them with every inch of my

backstabber

I took a photo with you but I learned the camera's off
Still don't know why I hate you, hear your name, I brush it off
So many memories, deleted them, we let them go
And now it's back to what I was doing before
To tell you the truth, I'm quite lost without you now
If I had to die, I'd die for you
It's hardly been two weeks without you, how?
You lied to me then removed the truth

So much for happy ever after, that's a stupid phrase!
I hear the cameras flash again, but I was blurry faced
I asked to take another photo but it's all a waste
Smile, the camera's on
Yeah, the camera's on!

Smile, the camera's on
Yeah, the camera's on!

Smile, the camera's on
Yeah, the camera's on!

You rented rooms inside my mind (inside my mind, mind)
So you could break it from inside (from inside, side)
It took me years to gain the photos back
And even though they hurt I still look back and think "I'm over that!"
(You never got over her)

I'm not in any of the photos sitting in your room
I wonder if you still remember me at 22
Forgot so easily, it's like I was never really there
It honestly seems like you never even really cared

So when you told me that you loved me, was it real?
When you said it, I didn't know how I could feel
Ran right over me like I was built of steel
My last attempts all failed so I resorted to deleting all those memories away!

Smile, the camera's on
Yeah, the camera's on!

Smile, the camera's on
Yeah, the camera's on!

the flash was off

Message, blowing up on my cellular, I see you
Pictures, swiping through on my cellular, I need you
You sat in my heart, like a settler, I feel you
Baby, let it be true
You're the only one on my phone that I can't see through
Why's it so hard for you to play along?
Song after song, what did I do wrong?
Message, blowing up on my cellular, I see you
Pictures, swiping through on my cellular, I need you
You sat in my heart, like a settler, I feel you
Baby, let it be true
You're the only one on my phone that I can't see through
Why's it so hard for you to play along?
Song after song, what did I do wrong?

"No, I can't be asked anymore, you're just a bother"
Please shut the fuck up, I just hope you didn't call her
Yeah, it's coming slowly and your dreams are getting farther
You're never gonna call her
I don't even know what I'm supposed to do
When everything around me has been turning blue
If you're by my side it'll be a different hue
If you hit my phone then I know it's true

Message, blowing up on my cellular, I see you
Pictures, swiping through on my cellular, I need you
You sat in my heart, like a settler, I feel you
Baby, let it be true
You're the only one on my phone that I can't see through
Why's it so hard for you to play along?
Song after song, what did I do wrong?
Message, blowing up on my cellular, I see you
Pictures, swiping through on my cellular, I need you
You sat in my heart, like a settler, I feel you
Baby, let it be true
You're the only one on my phone that I can't see through
Why's it so hard for you to play along?
Song after song, what did I do wrong?

cellular

Pipe down
At this point I feel like giving up right now
I never wanted all of this but now I might drown
Swimming back to the surface hoping that I'll survive
Hoping that I'll be worthy next time
Keep holding me back but now its too late
And I got way too much on my plate
You play with me you play with fire better back down
Thats how I gotta act until nobody's around

Fuck it up every month
Then come home and go to sleep do it again it's not enough
Every day feels like another burden never any peace
Man the pain gets keeping worse antisocial make it work
Can't make a conversation start uh and still I end it
Let the bodies fuckin drop uh every second
I'm insane go away mentally I'm not okay
Every second left dreaming that I never found this place
Yeah they keep me on a pedestal I'm not the guy you want
All my memories rush back and my past comes back to haunt me
Was it worth it hardly
Wishing she would call me
Wishing they would talk to me
Wishing that I didn't ruin the lives of all my friends
You ask me who's the man bitch I'm him/them
I'm the man for bein everything my parents never wanted
Man I'm so exhausted was I this unwanted

Pipe down
At this point I feel like giving up right now
I never wanted all of this but now I might drown
Swimming back to the surface hoping that I'll survive
Hoping that I'll be worthy next time
Keep holding me back but now its too late
And I got way too much on my plate
You play with me you play with fire better back down
Thats how I gotta act until nobody's around

playing with fire (coprod. baredex)

all caps

undercover w/ wonder xo & brokitz (nishith)

surprise! presave it on streaming: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/nishith/stance

the end of the route103 era <3

stance

w/ @quedronol on guitar!!


prod. nishith x quedronol
mixed. nishith
written by nishith 

lyrics:
hope that i don't crash again
i let myself down again
you found someone better than me
knew it would happen, but it hurts still
and i'm running from my issues on a treadmill
i let myself down again
don't know how i found you then
you found someone better than me
knew it would happen, but it hurts still
and i'm running from my issues on a treadmill

fell right in love, you stole my heart and then you ran away
couldn't care less, was more surprised by how you let me stay
looked in your eyes, it was hypnotizing
man, i saw the light, and yeah, it was blinding
and you gave my heart away but you still stayed inside my mind
sitting under your trance, man, i was way too hypnotized

and you're calling me crazy, no i can't take it
adrenaline rush, my mind's never vacant
you always fill it, and i was just chillin'
when you came along and you paid me a visit
now its hearts broke, months go without a text
imma' chase forever, no i couldn't rest
so it's all a dream that i made up in my head
but would you give me one last chance, no

hope that i don't crash again
i let myself down again
you found someone better than me
knew it would happen, but it hurts still
and i'm running from my issues on a treadmill
i let myself down again
don't know how i found you then
you found someone better than me
knew it would happen, but it hurts still
and i'm running from my issues, issues, issues, issues
hope that i don't crash again
i let myself down again
you found someone better than me
knew it would happen, but it hurts still
and i'm running from my issues on a treadmill
i let myself down again
don't know how i found you then
you found someone better than me
knew it would happen, but it hurts still
and i'm running from my issues on a treadmill

cardiotherapy

called it home

everything i did

shades of us (cover)

@xaev thank you for the beautiful mel :) 
https://ffm.to/remindment // https://socializingmusic.com/#nishith


i gave you my second chance and you blew it away
you broke my heart again i can’t even catch a break
i was looking at the sky and it fell on me again
reminded me of how you would push me away

think for a second my heart goes before my gut
i needed someone to help me get out of this rut
keep coming back its a cycle that won’t ever end
stuck in this cycle with my shoelaces tied in the bends 

i wish i never felt your love it hurt me 
i wish i never trusted you you fooled me
it all reminds me that it’s done 
so imma throw my towel in for the night 

i wish you didn’t lead me on this early
so you could tear me down i thought you were for me
it all reminds me that it’s done 
so imma (throw my towel in for the night! throw my towel in for the night! )
throw my towel in for the night!

remind me (nishith + xaev)

thank you all so much 4 an Amazing year <333, heres a cover i didnt finish in like october that i thought fit the end of the year

something comforting (cover)

bitch, we up
came in this shit out the mud
yeah, i been dealing with tough luck
nobody's saying enough
freeze in the dark, man, i'm fucked up
hoping i'll never see none
trigger finger don't got patience
think i might've jumped the gun

bitch, we up
came in this shit out the mud
yeah, i been dealing with tough luck
nobody's saying enough
freeze in the dark, man, i'm fucked up
hoping i'll never see none
trigger finger don't got patience
think i might've jumped the gun
not having fun
bitch, you are dead to me
not gonna buy what you're selling me
i'm my number one enemy
i don't even think my friends can see
i'm taking care, gotta fend for me
hiding myself, an anemone
i'm taking care, gotta fend for me
the melatonin's just to cope with me, can't go to sleep

i need the truth
i put myself in the pocket
i ran for a pick-6 then i fumbled
man, i saw the end but i lost it
antagonize myself every time i fail
cause who else could've caused this?
i'm my number one enemy, like
don't know how they fell for me
pressure almost turned me to steel
cracked under it true colors revealed
wish i wasn't under his heel
coping with stress i didn't know how to deal
overdosing on that serotonin
but it wasn't motive
made me crash in the end
i got rid of my melatonin
staring at the ceiling
till the morning
stayed in my bed, but fuck it, i'm gone

bitch, we up
came in this shit out the mud
yeah, i been dealing with tough luck
nobody's saying enough
freeze in the dark, man, i'm fucked up
hoping i'll never see none
trigger finger don't got patience
think i might've jumped the gun
not having fun
bitch you are dead to me
not gonna buy what you're selling me
i'm my number one enemy
i don't even think my friends can see
i'm taking care, gotta fend for me
hiding myself, an anemone
i'm taking care, gotta fend for me
the melatonin's just to cope with me, can't go to sleep

forgot what it's like to feel
cameras off when the curtains revealed
had no proof i wasn't made of steel man
don't know how i can ever feel real
my number one enemy is me
i never have time to kill
i'm too busy beating myself up
mentally bruised but i'll do it still
forgot what it's like to feel
cameras off when the curtains revealed
had no proof i wasn't made of steel man
don't know how i can ever feel real
my number one enemy is me
i never have time to kill
i'm too busy beating myself up
mentally bruised but i'll do it still

self antagonism

fireflies (cover)

nishith @ Poser Week 2023 (SHORTENED)
nishith - Baby Keem wears a tux and a briefcase into the club
nishith - Victoria Justice joins PC Music for a change!
nishith - FLYANA BOSS finally escapes Hip Hop Twitter's hatred... or did they?

Corporate mishaps 101: Last-minute measures

originally for ANV8
https://ffm.to/pintm <- on streaming!
go follow quedronol as well! @quedronol

wrapped in your ivy
poisonous to touch
i felt so damn tiny
it’s fine as long as you don’t judge

but you said it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing to me
it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing to me
it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing to me
it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing

something struck over me
the currents dragged me in
you kicked me out so to speak
my bruised beaten skin

but you said you don’t care, you don’t care about what i think
you don’t care, you don’t care about what i think
i won’t move a muscle, i won’t even blink
there’s always an issue, i feel like i’m sinking

but you said it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing to me
it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing to me
it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing to me
it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing

poison ivy (nothing to me)

links:
https://ffm.to/c210 
https://socializingmusic.com/#nishith

-------------------------------------

i got in the car
the heat on, cause it’s 56 outside
i told you i fucked up
you acted surprised
you said i keep making the same old stupid mistakes
and i said i hadn’t but Iim pretty sure i lied

take me by the hand, take me by the hand and never let go 
squeeze me super tight, squeeze me super tight and keep me close
cause i can’t lose you again 
it’s like hide and seek, cause i’ll count to ten
and you’ll be gone 

it’s been getting colder, and the leaves have been falling down
but i’ve been wearing a sweater since the start of march 
walking 'round the harbor sweating bullets but i’ll keep it on
what do i know?
i’m still just a kid

take me by the hand, take me by the hand and never let go 
squeeze me super tight, squeeze me super tight and keep me close
cause i can’t lose you again 
it’s like hide and seek, cause i’ll count to ten
and you’ll be gone

count to ten

bye bye 2023!

it’s 6am go start your day
no point in tryna fight it 
look in the mirror check myself 
who cares if i don’t like it 
don’t know how i live with this
nothing underneath i’ll get rid of it
delete all the proof all the evidence
cause i can’t be remembered looking like this


there’s broken glass
all over the floor
i see my face on the pieces
and i just wanna break them more
reflecting just hurts 
cause my reflection gets worse 
but i can’t take it back anymore
my self confidence gone 
when i’m seeing it all
i felt vulnerable with all my clothes still on 
i stepped on the glass again
my foots bleeding out 
still see my face in the fractures
i’ll never be proud

nishith

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