Attempt two.

*Lyrics*

I think I'm at a point where I'm searching for clarity,
A state of mind where mental stability would come easy.
This feeling of sinking deeper beneath the sea,
where the waves are like ravenous wolves with teeth bared salivating at my feet.

It took a single moment for me to pause and take notice,
i was resonating with each and every machine's lack of autonomous purpose,
It dawned on me like fluorescent lights;
gently reflected off a softly bright porcelain surface

at best, i feel disconnected
at worst, I'm...infectious?
it hurts living life like i was born to die,
i try.
i cry.
i smoke each day by.

my mind feels..light years away
after that night,
the synapses in my brain never quite fired the same
Lexapro and dopamine,
mirtazipine and misery,
fluoxetine for the bad dreams,
couple shots for the anxiety.

self-inflicted asphyxiation
self destruction, my fixation
if i could only learn to iterate,
out pour a more structured way to clearly enunciate,
that I'm sick of feeling like a degenerate,
what i'd give for a fucking cigarette.

An unhealthy emotional outlet,
for my life's regrets for sure,
but the panacea's synonymous with the poison when you're poor.

if i could just breathe through these cravings,
I'm collapsing inwardly,
like there's a collapsing star inside of me,
why are there so many rules and limitations to our framework<
am i just an aberration, an unimportant exception borne with cognitive defection,
the dust in the nooks and crannies of my childhood attic has become nihilistic-ally thematic
I've searched encyclopedic tomes, searching for the proper diction and punctuation, so that i may confess my guiltiest moments and perish in the confrontation

i tire.
I tire of watching the rats scurry across the creaking floorboards,
clambering to claim their prize,
because they always escape in the end, into my walls to feast away the night.

HELP (Prod Nick.exe)

First attempt. Mixed a little bit sweeter i think.

Out0fPhase

*Lyrics*

~Here i am caught between, the devil and the deep blue sea
but you still just keep calling me
another fucking pathetic cry baby

The woman cried out
All alarms blaring
The train driver froze
But motion kept moving
Just a single moment,
i was released,
captivity broken,
but i guess now I'm deceased..

There's a catharsis in my souls release,
a certain comfort that comes as my lover buries me,
to see her tears, the truth in her fears,
so close to the surface,
Was it ever fucking worth it?

i find it funny,
the complexity in what we say,
a sentence so simple can cause our resolve to sway,
i used to love the way,
the rain would cascade down your face,
until your makeup fell out of place,
but you just kept dancing in your own headspace,
now that rain has been replaced by the sullen despair on your face..

and I'm so sorry.

i feel my best when I'm a mess,
I manage shit when i self-medicate,
the doctors keep dancing around my decisions,
but there's no cure for feeling empty like a quick incision,

The burning in my lungs could sing a fucking story to a goddamn stethoscope,
It's been at least a year or so since I've foregone all hope,
so goddamn young,
genetically high fucking strung

What was it that god said about life meaning something all along
Because Ive been sitting here trying to write my song
but despite all my cadences and perfections,
no one wants to fucking listen,

but i guess it's the same for all of us,
we have no fucking trust left in us,
what could be left for people like us,
creatures so weak and so weary,
born straight outta the dust.

Of the Devil and the deep blue sea

Just practising mixing and writing.
thought this was kinda bumpin

*unfinished*

Flex

*LYRICS*

Yo i just had an up and go,
So lets up and go,
I don't even know,
Am i gonna blow

Murder

Yo don't even bother dignifying this verse with a response,
Id hate to be vilified spitting shit during my renaissance,
See i took a good look and listen to each and every one of your goddamn songs, Bro your spittin isnt sizzlin and i see you forgot your tongs haha

See, im another kind of breed,
Lightspeed off far,
Never met a guy like me, 'm a freak,
Not like jeffrey dahmer,
I preach a passive perspective like i'm the freakin dalai lama,
Ain't about angsty aggression and havin a look like lady gaga,

I do my chores and i work out,
Cuppa joe, laughing at cha crowd,
Spammin the cloud, beggin for clout,
Suckin the D on the gram,
Oh wait,
That doesnt rhyme,
Oh damn.
i maybe kinda friendly,
but this mouth don't come empty,
it's loaded with a fretly message that'll catch you unpreparedly
Are you that you're aware my minds a toxic medley,
Cocktail mix two parts deadly
The other one parts raw crazy

So take and maybe i'll grant a page of truth to thee,
See i'm just tryna be the alphabetic prophet, follow me
Or become a threat
Follow me or become a threat

Bitch i see you fightin
On the front lines
Got my feet up,
Fork in the pad Thai,
Who needs Netflix and chill
When i facilitate flow, I'm ill
Yes, here's the bill, leave the money in the till,
Don't mind me baby, i just found my thrills
The air in my lungs reverberates,
As the drugs kick in,
Pupils dilate,
Step by step, feet accelerate
Got a death-wish and a need to violate
My fist have teeth, they break through your skin,
this whole rotten world just sings out a hymn,
For the rats to converge upon the weak and the sick
While the privileged sit safe and splurge on pointless shit

While theirs people like us with no place to sleep,
But as long as those at the top keep raking it in,
The line up to salvation continues to grow,
And we're told to have hope
Our benefits cant sustain and we're going to blow

And i aint got the guts to tell her that im broke
My guilt continues to grow till
It turns tangible
I guess life has played me for the bigger fool, some silly tool writing hooks on his stool
Cant afford anything but gruel

Just a small boy
With a large heart
Parents always yelling at him
Don't start
And he just didn't get it
Why would two people come together,
Only to fall apart and regret it

So hes thinking back in time,
With his crazy red bloodshot eyes,
Right on his face sits a forced smile,
But in the iris, predatory vibrance
To recollect all the moments,
His mother so earnest,
"Want mum's heart, then earn it"
Write the words condemn the man,
Who helped raise you and left again

Left again.
Oh shit.

YouTube beat.

Murder

Made a better mix since we hit 200 listens on some random track i made when i was going through a tough vibe haha.
This is all for fun but that's kinda cool so dope.
Go check out the dude who made the beat please if you read this.
I'm just using sound cloud as an outlet for creativity.

Of the Devil and the deep blue sea        (better mix)

Quick. felt like something more conversational

Melt like watercolours

This was fun.

One of the more aggressive ones

Got the beat from you tube :)

Lyrics

Did he see the overturned picture frames,
Sitting on our bedside table?
as his fingers slyly found their way;
to that place; just past your navel.

Did your bodies move with rhythm?
did you feel your hearts connect..?
When you made the first incision,
when his lips found your neck.
i take a hesitant step towards the wrong direction,
leave my feelings wide open for your thorough dissection!

I know I've been losing weight, ever since the day you left,
when you told me all my symptoms,
"Baby it's in your head"
did the geometric planes of my frame not appease,
'said you saw diamonds in my eyes, THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE!?
I ASKED why you loved me, A soft pause filled the air,
"Your eyes look so fucking pretty when they're full of despair".

...I'll remain where i was always meant to be,
a faded footnote on the pages of your fucking story

you can leave me in the dust,
because I'm half the man i was,
we innovate then we decay,
Amalgamate then we degrade
Better to industriate then to fade away in some dismal ditch beside a bin,
y'know I'm the kind of guy, who now and then, doesn't mind letting his demons in,
There's enough room in here, and sometimes we're even friends,
and you know Disney taught me that your friends are to the end,
i guess, someone should'a told you,
the miserable state of this dude, cuz in the end
now he's locked in here with you.

Call me oni,
like the Japanese demons,
black tides rising,
got an AK47 in the boot behind me

I awoke to the sound of her broken body pounding fists into the ground,
she just wanted to be loved, to come face to face with desire,
but i failed her like all the others, curse this heart, formed from circuits and wires
A few fucking traumatic situations and I've been left perpetually tired,
over-caffeinated, anxious, I'll keep self-medicating till I'm wired,

My mother, she loved to shout,
was it because of her personality,
or perhaps the TV was just too loud,
or was it the sip of wine she swirled around her mouth,
or  because when my father looked at her
he dreamt of messing about,
with the other snakes,
who lived within, the grass that always grew too thin,
around the middle class family home,
that hole in the ground,
i want to shout,
i want to shout
because i can't remember!
my own mind erased the events in my life i wasn't strong enough to face

i learned to love the look i see in your eyes,
i saw the fear, it was mixed in with some kind of wild desire,
we sat aflame and held each other as we burned,
the chemicals washed away the memories,
all washed away.

An Open Letter To The Past

(Yo, felt like using one of my own beats for once.
I built it around a portion of the piano for Simple and clean. by Utada Hikaru
Just something about how much can change from the nostalgic view of your past to where you are now.
I'm not a good vocalist, but if anyone wants the beat, hmu

*Unfinished demo, uploading for a time capsule, as with every other upload*)


Lyrics: 
Simple and clean
Like when we were kids,
Mountain dew, no caffeine
Grouped round the ps2 tired eyelids, the crew
What happened to those days when we were friends,
Time made us growup colder, since we all grew older, less bolder, in the end
Used to worry when we did wrong in my parents basement
Now you wont see any of us less theres a bong, thats kinda amazing


Like kingdom heart's sora,
My heart can only grow stronger
Often late at night i ponder, can i carry our kingdom's light with darkness yonder

I miss the adventures on our streets, practising our capacity for imagination, our different dreams for who we could be
infinite possibilities life held before we grew old and lonely,
Before i doubt if even my homies  still know me,
Before a bad itch, replaced the ones who held me closely,
Replaced the places i'd associate with warm n homely,
Replaced the face of the girl i'd been beggin to get to know me
Replaced my hate of the parents who left me languished, lonely
Replaced this heart of mine within the breast of my chest with circuits and wires toxic desires n regrets, ill regress, back into the dark at the worlds behest

Simple And Clean (Prod.Nick.exe)

Hey friends.
this is the beat i made the other day.

If y'all want it, send me a message and i'll send it to you at whatever point.
Just want to be acknowledged if you do.

I just like to know when my music gets bumped, helps me keep going

~Simple and clean~ Prod-Nick.exe(Free beat)

Heard this beat on Shogun's VULCAN and i was like "DUDE i love that beat"
so here we are.

CRT (prod)

Lyrics: 

We fell into
that navy blue
hole in the ground
The perfect hue to gaze into
while this flesh feeds the vulture.

Its like im drowning in a sea of my own fucking grief
and my thoughts are the sirens pulling down at my feet,
and just for a change, i'd love to see you be the one who drown's amidst the waves

So stitch me up and let the sutures sing,
cuz man, these pills must be really kicking in
they got me carving laser-red razor lines deeper into my skin,
in a desperate attempt to appease the hunger within.
An irregular nebula of sutures coming undone,
all surgeons blare sirens,
a flatlines, the operating room's song.
I'm contemplating just decaying instead of failing at amalgamating
and disappointing the ones i've strung along

man these pills must be really kicking in,
cuz i'm tracing iridescent illustrations on the edges of the horizon,
Will i ever wake and be able to breathe again,
I've been having a lot of fucking trouble letting people in

Something critical has snapped in my frame.
and now i lay awake at night stressing out each syllable of your name,
So i'll imbibe formaldehyde to hide decay in my neural space and ethanol to numb the pain of Nicotine's vile crave
i dreamt of the sound of her breaking down amongst the mist pounding her very small fists into the ground,
each impact hit so loud
each outburst i output it was fucking drowned
i collapsed within that airy shroud above the ground
She just wanted to be loved or instead join those above
to come face to face with desire,
But i failed like all the others,
curse this heart formed by circuits and wires

I wish the world was a simulation in which i could control the parameters for my own stimulation,
so tired of always being in a state of consternation,
i try to fight it, but sometimes feels like my life could be illustrated,

We fell into
that navy blue
hole in the ground
The perfect hue to gaze into
while this flesh feeds the vulture

Syntax Error 404

I make/record vocals over stuff and get nervous about it.
If you find you enjoy any of it, that's tops. thank you! :)

Nick.exe

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