Counting Sheep #DONE

H - I be up late at night, thinkin about ma songs, how I want them ta sound/
Kinda funny people fuckin wit my music now/
Nightmares keepin me up so fuck a nap, & fuck sum beauty sleep/
Drugs in ma system, shit, I see ma PO inna boutta week/

I got restless legs, curse dem opiates dey are ma demise/
Beggin overdose, yeah I tried more than couple times/
Cold sweats, old memories still flooding my head/
Trust me I kno I made this mess wit my own foolish hands/

Prolly wouldn’t ever get no Grammy, I’ll help u understand it, I won’t deny my God/
Whatchu gotta do ta get the motha fuckin public nod/
It’s true ever since I can remember I knew I needed to get off the drugs/
I wanna say sorry to the people I hurt when I could not stop/

V - I’m not into freaky shit, I’m inta normal shit, I’m into let’s fuck around and get married/
I met my wife the day that she got baptized and ever since my favorite pass time is prayer/
I was back in addiction and fresh outta prison I admitted I was still shootin up fetty/
Wish I could tell u that I’s doin better, that all of dem months all alone made me get it/

I started ta worry that my mind was compromised I didn’t think I’d be able to stop/
Took a deep breath, wait shut up, pause, how could I think that’s how problems get solved ?/
There’s nothing alone I can do without God, the same God that knows, when each sparrow falls/
Tried ta swallow my pride like a 5 course meal, shouldn’t of answered my phone when the Devil called/

He said “Son you are talented, you have potential, jus get on your knees, and call me your king”/
As I thought, about what he said, remembered the one, that died for my sins/
Everything, I thought I knew, all just a blur, do I even matter ?/
I opened my Bible, to Matthew 9:9 I was born on 9/9 hol up it gets better/

I’m sick of liars, I’m sick of fakes/
I wish y’all would actually live what you preach/
I wish y’all would actually be in the streets/
I wish y’all would ask the opinion of me/
I been thru sum shit, of this I assure you/
I swear that I’ve overdosed dozens of times/
Leavin the oven on all winter long/
Nothin but worry when I look at mom/

H - I got restless legs, curse dem opiates dey are ma demise/
Prayed for an overdose, yeah I tried more than a couple times/
Cold sweats, old memories dey flooding my head/
Trust me I kno I made this mess wit my own foolish hands/

Prolly wouldn’t ever get no Grammy, I’ll help u understand it, I won’t deny my God/
Whatchu gotta do ta get the motha fuckin public nod/
It’s true ever since I can remember I knew I needed to get off the drugs/
I wanna say sorry to the people I hurt when I could not stop/

V - I got some sad stories, I’d be willin ta bet, that you prolly wouldn’t believe/
Whole life been wondering like what the fuck is wrong with me/
Baby mom still thinkin that I chose, the drugs, over my family/
I’ll prove her wrong, because my son needa kno who his daddy is/

Truth is I never chose to leave you/
Truth is she wouldn’t let me see you/
Truth is I would call on your birthday tryna talk and she said you dint need to/

Truth is I really thinkin she be evil, so I gotta pray for her too/
Hopped in the car told em “spin the block, I got 30 years in each shoe”/
Used ta hit the mall, in the bathroom stall, shootin fentanyl in Duluth/
Look to the sky, and say to my God, I give all my problems to you/

I was hungry, I was famished, I was starvin for truth/
Said fuck the drugs, I choose my family, there’s nothing my God cannot do/

H - I be up late at night, thinkin about the after life & where I will go/
Gave my life to the one true God so I think I kno/
They don’t fight fair good thing I’m tough, and I keep ma knuckles up, they’ll wish they never met me/
But the crazy part is when they find out I’ve been set free/

#Music-Project

Counting Sheep (unmastered) prod. by blueberrylove

A YEAR AGO

V - I’m overwhelmed it’s, hard to explain I think I’m sick/
I need sum help wit, all of my tendencies many negative habits/
Like methamphetamines & heroin, xanax/ Yes I’m an addict/

Chasing the perfect high, I’ve tried everything ta feel nothing/
I’m in ma chest tonight & I bet if u can relate u a junkie/
Started wit facin blunts, I was tryna drown out all of my problems/
To be honest really Imma monster, but I don’t stay inna closet/

Went to the joint as a child, I touched down February/
I needa shout em out, this for my guys who still in it/
My heart is witchu now, I can’t wait till u out here wit me/
Told me ta slide to the City, Vi La Vi till they kill me/

It’s me versus myself, cuz I don’t see no better opponent/
I’m Cash Money Middleton like I be playing small forward/
Won’t catch me at the mall, I’m in this bitch still recordin/
I won’t ignore what I’m posed ta do, no hoe in my priorities/

Onna mission dawg, could call me Salvation Army/
I had dem bricks on board, & a couple bruddas wit shotties/
I gotta hit the sto, & drop a couple xans in a Faygo/
Not supposed to don’t tell my PO okay bro ?/

We got what dey want, & I ain’t never been on Tik Tok/
Smokin marijuan, prolly rock like 3 or 4 wrist watch/
Want an Audemar, but right now this Armani is fine/
My wife so solid thank God, she down ta ride for the cause/

Remember on the yard, had ta learn ta practice my patience/
Errybody swear they hard, but all they be doin is arguin like bitches/
Few years behind dem bars, spent most my time contemplating/
I’ll make waves when I’m able, no longer chained to my failures/ 

Not On This Earth Long don’t waste it, told her plz take my name/
I was jus incarcerated, who woulda thought I’d be married/
I’m saying “pinch me” it’s crazy feel like yesterday pinching bags/
Praying Lord shine your face on my family when it rains”/

No hook, prolly what I’m best at/
I’m talkin no look, hit chu witta crossover step back/
Y’ll trust in Facebook, that’s why I wonder where yo head at/
Man I ain’t saying I’m any better, my God is King I been trying tell you/

I can’t stand ignorant judgmental Bible thumpin ass fakers/
Need super raw, honest, loyal people not tryna change me/
He been there all along, I’m talkin about your Creator fool/
No mistakes He don’t em make em dude,
look my debt has been paid in full/

You don’t kno whatchu got, until it’s taken away from u/
Mistakes ? I’ve made quite a few, my son prolly hate me too/
Said change was impossible, but look what my God can do/
Tried everything else now what could u possibly got ta lose ?/

Born for addiction jus hoped one day I could kick it too/
Life always felt like playing myself in peekaboo/
All I knew were the drugs I used, & the freedom dey made me lose/
Been remade & renewed, He yearns ta take your pain too/

A Year Ago

V - You won’t believe me 10 minutes ago yeah I jus died/
But my homie he saved me, thank the Lord he was by my side/
Gotta lotta demons, they win no matter how hard I tried/
Me verses the needle, I ain’t won a single time/
Ain’t won a single time, my son don’t see his daddy/
Angels been on my side, somehow I am still standing/
& all to thank but I, my dumbass just keeps relapsing/
In the blink of an eye, your life just went from great to tragic/
My baby lost his parents, even tho both of us alive/
It is quite apparent, I really don’t know your mom/
Can’t vouch for what she wearing, she callin it “self love”/
Always been transparent, like what a joke huh ?/
I think your mother’s joking, I mean she has to be/
What a joke right, you don’t kno the half of it/
Friend or foe tonight, depends on what time it is/
It’s like you love to fight, you right & I’m wrong once again/

H - I’m wrong once again, prolly will forever be/
I got this heroin, finally makin me feel right/
Pain gone fuck that bitch, I OD like once a week/
Gray rocks in my syringe, silence please jus let me die/
Please tell my mom I ne, ver ever meant to leave/
All of the shit I did, never was done outta spite/
I’m on needles & pins, better let em settle in/
Promise you’ll not forget, the times we spent before I died/

V - It’s always been just me, nobody by my side/
I lost everything, you shoulda seen me then/
My closet got some fiends, I’m boutta end they lives/
I fought endlessly, but I could never ever win/
My mama said to me, don’t let no one decide/
Who you want to be, really it should come within/
I got some felonies, won’t ever have no rights/
Servin amphetamines, won’t ever do that shit again/
Why you still knocking me, they must be mad tonight/
Really not what you think, they never let me repent/
The problem’s more than me, & I know that you’re surprised/
Man even fuckin junkies, deserve a second chance/
I thought I’d lost it all, I fell for every trick/
Claimed she was my ride or die then one day stopped believin in me/
I couldn’t stop the drugs, how hard I tried to quit/
Feel like forever I’ll be pickin up the broken pieces/
Really I jus wanna nod, but they beggin me to quit/
They always say they love me till they see sum evil in me/
I been right all along, I’m just a piece of shit/
My one regret is my shorty don’t see me like he need to/
I sold my very soul & in return I live wit demons/
No I’m not very old but don’t let my youth be deceiving/
I’ve been down many roads and almost all have led to grieving/
I’ve always said for those with hope to never stray from Jesus/
My goal was stay afloat & then I found how poppy’s healing/
Why go thru pain alone cuz drugs IV’d can stop that feeling/
High lows became the norm cuz you dint kno you needed treatment/
Withdrawals break your hope still you keep thinking bout that needle/

H - I’m wrong once again, prolly will forever be/
I got this heroin, finally makin me feel right/
Pain gone fuck that bitch, I OD like once a week/
Gray rocks in my syringe, silence please jus let me die/
Please tell my mom I ne, ver ever meant to leave/
All of the shit I did, never was done outta spite/
I’m on needles & pins, better let em settle in/
Promise you’ll not forget, the times we spent before I died/

Needles & Pins

Dear glass, my piece of ass, for like the last 5 years
We had our laughs, & rough patches but without you it gets hard to feel
Last chance, relapse, why u gotta go reinvent the wheel
Don’t gotta act overdramatic, it’s not that drastic from what I hear

where to begin, what should I mention, she’s changed me so much
my vein where she likes to swim, & I tend to give her what she wants
Many would say she’s my weakness, that I’m in denial cuz I’m lost
Been way too long since I put distance between myself & meth rocks

None the less I stand here on front lines to battle my heart
My tendency ain’t been abstinence so now’s a good time to start
Amphetamines come right back again how you gon defend your house
I second guess then it drags me in all it needs is your doubt

I’m well aware if I don’t quit I’mma lose all I adore
More felony charges they pending but soon be settled in court
Member each time I entrusted you to help me not feel remorse
Of course you say ‘just one more,’
you’ve never held me so close

The likelihood I be able to kick it, once & for all remains low
Gotta fight the urge man I’m itchin, the only way that I cope
Ain’t got no fuckin experience, my biggest fear is dyin alone 
My mind like the eye of the storm, I decide if it’s violent or calm

Yeah that’s some power to hold, to change the direction I’m going
Might just allow myself to go give a shot at actually being sober
Not a single drug in my system, for me it’d be a lot you don’t know me
If I could possibly go one day without bangin rocks to feel normal

All I want is to be okay, but I can’t process my emotions
Yeah I’m awful, I talk myself into tossing out my morals
Once you start you can’t stop please God make me strong when I’m broken
Because up till now my problems haven’t caused no commotion

Up till now nobody cared that I might feel lonely
They say if you trust in the process you’ll end up where you are posed to
But the drugs, still they call & part of me wants to go do some
That part doesn’t go away so control becomes crucial 

Can’t be neutral, gotta choose, so again I’m comin off the meth
It seems like each time I choose to, I jus wanna be dead
You will connect, no Bluetooth, it comes from under your chest 
All your regret you’ve been used to, you can learn to forget

I concluded when I thought it would be best if I died
Rock bottom has a basement with plenty of space to reside
I am only a human, I’ve made mistakes my whole life
Once you can love you for you the last thing you’ll do is get high 

Now I wake up first thing I do is look my wife in the eyes
I mostly avoid mirrors, been hard to build trust with that guy 
Do you remember that one night, you shot that guy & he died
Never told no one about it, till the nightmares wouldn’t stop
 
I think expectations make us mostly sad & depressed
Don’t expect nothin from no one and you won’t ever be sad
Trust me I learned this the hard way jus tryna save you the sweat
One day you might even thank me & save somebody from death

‘I’m proud of you,’ he said, damn I must be dreaming again
I would kill for my father to know that I’ve tried my best
Kept it real even after all that I loved she up & left 
I never squealed on nobody cuz I know how that shit ends

Someone who you called your brother is who informed the police
Confidential informant I hope you know what this means
Swear on the soul of my mother you gon wish you didn’t speak
When it’s over the only thing left of your corpse is your teeth
From the pigs

Pending Cases

H - If you could go anywhere, where would you go ?/
My answer is my own funeral/
Who is in attendance ? I would sure like to kno/
Chemical dependence finally took my soul/
Searching for the answers prolly search till I’m old/
Auntie died of cancer how I miss her so/
People still demanding I fit into they mold/
Just because it glitter, do not make it gold/ (face it tho)
Reality can sometimes be harsh/
Plenty people finish before they even start/
Evil in the corner, think the room getting dark/
Weakness getting stronger, overcoming my heart/ (had a silent alarm)
No wonder I didn’t wake up/
Everybody hate you till they want what you got/
Lovin what the drugs do, how they making you numb/
Everybody love you till you run Outta Love/

V - 
Don’t say happy Father’s Day to me, I ain’t been much of a father/
Even though I fail and fail time and time again, I’m trying my hardest/
Used to havin my head on a swivel, paranoid, like who the fuck watching ?/
Now Ion care who be watching, go take a picture last longer/
I show my face oh so rarely, might as well go call me the Loch Ness/
In my heart I feel sincerely, I have become monster/
Give me whatever title you need to, already considered a goner/
Lost cause what they call me, only one still believes is my mama/
But that’s okay fuck the odds, forever dey been up against me/
Ain’t gotta prove shit to nobody other than me that I’m worthy/
I’ll take my chances, quick learner, that’s what I been since the nursery/
I’m the man they ain’t heard a me, till I pop out and murder shit/
I did my time waited patiently, with none but goofies surrounding me/
I prayed ta God wit complacency, begging He’d get me up outta there/
It took me a quarter of a century, to see that I got some problems/
They deep inside of me solvin em, taking more than I thought it would/
This go out to my son I fall short on God, yeah I know I do/
One day I’m make it up to you, be the dad I’m supposed to be/
Tell you the reasons yo mama was so convinced I was bad for you/
Tunnel vision’s a sad disease, ask yo mom who your daddy is/

H - If you could go anywhere, where would you go ?/
My answer is my own funeral/
Who is in attendance ? I would sure like to kno/
Chemical dependence finally took my soul/
Searching for the answers prolly search till I’m old/
Auntie died of cancer how I miss her so/
People still demanding I fit into they mold/
Just because it glitter, do not make it gold/ (face it tho)
Reality can sometimes be harsh/
Plenty people finish before they even start/
Evil in the corner, think the room getting dark/
Weakness getting stronger, overcoming my heart/ (had a silent alarm)
No wonder I didn’t wake up/
Everybody hate you till they want what you got/
You jus love what the drugs do, how they making you numb/
Everybody love you till you run Outta Love/

Outta Love

first day out (freestyle remix)

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