if you got head problems I feel bad for you son
i got 99 problems but this pitch ain't one

now my rope is clipped never did overgrip
may as well check this route off my ticklist
not an ounce of fear crept in up here
stamina's strong and my focus clear
if you got the issues up in your thinking
then i understand why you envy me
i mean if you were me and i was you
i would probably wish i could climb as smooth as me too
now what i hoping to gain from this
is to teach you a thing or two about leading
so listen up, buckle up, lean back
grow some balls and grab your rack
now it's time to get on the stone make your presence known
go crush the doubt finally finish the route
but you want me to lead because you're too damn dumb
i got 99 problems but this pitch ain't one

if you got head problems I feel bad for you son
i got 99 problems but this pitch ain't one

year's '95 and the crack is wide
this idiot's trying to fit his whole body inside
it won't be long before my patience breaks
all i'm hearing is "ahh, ahh, take"
i lean back, reel in the slack
hoping this poser gives up on this crack
but there he is hanging, dangling is space
"i almost had it, i was only 2 feet away"
jesus are you stupid or delusional kid
it took 25 minutes for you to move an inch
your technique's sorry, your lead head sucks
it'll take 2 hours to get to the crux
i'm not the guy who's gonna wait around
just to see your stupid ass get shut down
you got 2 choices i can lower you off
or you can pull yourself together
and get your ass to the top
he wasn't trying to hear it
starting throwing little fits
screaming and yelling and kicking at shit.
clipped into a cam, said he'd stay all day.
i unclipped my belay and i walked away - see ya!
you got some time maybe you'll figure it out
or maybe your smart-ass will figure a way down
1 more thing before i leave you son
i got 99 problems but this pitch ain't one

if you got head problems I feel bad for you son
i got 99 problems but this pitch ain't one

sunday morning hiking the cliff line
wondering what trouble i'll get into this time
around the corner i see a kid on a route i put up
not moving, he looks kind of stuck
yelling down "i can't do the moves"
his friend is telling him all the wrong things to do
i interject, some friendly advice
not an ego thing i'm just trying to be nice
he's like "don't help me man i climb 5.12
you better check yourself before you wreck yourself
it all looks easy when you're on the ground
let me see you get up here then you'd get shut down"
shocked! i didn't know what to say
i was in a good mood now you ruined my day.
calm down man, don't do what he did.
f**k that, i'm gonna rip this kid.
look scooter you little punk bitch,
i hiked this 10 years ago i'm the 1st ascent.
i was in gym shoes only had 1 cam
and i didn't have to have half a roll of tape on my hands.
just for that i'm going to sit right here
wait til you bail then i'll steal your gear.
you ain't even to the crux, man it's just begun
i got 99 problems but this pitch ain't one

if you got head problems I feel bad for you son
i got 99 problems but this pitch ain't one

nosexwithoutmonkey

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