BREAKING
NRC3DRPG RELEASE DOUBLE ALBUM IN FINAL HOURS OF 2021

The listening party for disc one of NRC3DRPG's brand new double album, "The Gentle Art of Self-Indulgence Parts I & II", was over almost as soon as it began. The representative parties of the United Nations were all in a bad mood. "How the fuck do these guys keep booking these sessions?" asked one diplomat. "Thankfully, there's only been one album released this year", answers another, with a palpable sound of relief. 

 This is true. Usually, the world's worst band are prolific. Often, they release multiple albums across a year in an attempt to remain annoying. But for 2021, the two-disc album "The Gentle Art of Self-Indulgence Parts I & II" remains their only release. 

"Yeah, we ah... took our time with this one." Answers Nick, aka Drummer Boy. Rumours remain abound that the album's recording process was delayed by the eccentric frontman's obsession with recording the worst Billy Joel covers album of all time. Rumours that are emphatically denied. "I have no comment on the truth behind the DBBJ rumours." was the only thing Drummer Boi had to say on the matter. 

As for Pedro Joseph Alberto, he apparently remains a member of the band. However, his only comment at the time of the album's release was "IF YOU ARE HEARING THIS MESSAGE THEN I AM ALREADY DEAD." from speaker-phone. This caused five minutes of what can only be described as laugh-crying from Phil & Nick. 

Wiping away his tears and with an emphatic sigh, frontman Fishmaster Phil realises it will be up to him to answer things correctly. "Did this album take the whole year? Yeah, sure, we decided quite early that taking our time doing a double album would be sufficiently pretentious - and then there was just a lot of other shit that went down this year."

"For the whole fuckin world", adds Nick. 
"True - for the whole fuckin world." says Phil.

Whatever the fate of the world in 2021, "The Gentle Art of Self Indulgence Parts I & II" is a sonic two-disc journey full of surprises through a collection of broken souls, murderers (a given for the world's worst band), movie references and moments of pure despair. 

So why are they releasing it on New Year's Eve?! 

Well... The last intonation of the full 22 minutes posits, "I've got a flashlight; it might get us out of here." To this writer's mind, perhaps it's this last comment that offers us all the prospect of hope. Perhaps, after all, there is some way out of the madness as we move cautiously into 2022. And with that thought-starter planted, away I go...

Peter Harvey,
Canberra

The Gentle Art of Self Indulgence Part II

The Land of Broken Promises

BREAKING:
NRC3DRPG RELEASE DOUBLE ALBUM IN FINAL HOURS OF 2021

Remember when the start of a new year was something to look forward to? Full of hope and promise? Well, Optimistic NYE must have made an anti-Semitic comment or touched the wrong person’s arse because, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s fucking cancelled.

So now all I have left to do is the sad duty to report to you, dear reader, that to make things worse, the world’s worst band: NRC3DRPG have opportunistically rushed in to fill the vacuum left by what should have been “good times” and foisted a double album upon us. 

“This is worse than when Bono tried to pull that shit with my iTunes.” Commented Emmanuel Macron - a man known not to mince his words.

Usually, the appearance of a double/two-disc album marks the emergence of a particular sort of bloated hubris for a band. Tusk, for example, was fraught with a difficult recording process and poorly received upon its release.

“Yeah, that is true of a lot of double albums, I guess - and to be honest, I just don’t know how funny our stuff is anymore,” comments Nick, aka Drummer boy. His haunted eyes suggest a challenging year for the usually chipper frontman as he adds, “But the fan, they still like the killing songs, right?”

“Meh - I don’t think it matters if it’s funny or not. Fuck ‘em!” comments Fishmaster Phil to his fellow frontman, the ravages of 2021’s hardship also evident for the gathered press to see. “It’s mildly amusing and clearly doesn’t take itself seriously. And look, even style plagiarising serial killers with a passing interest in politics and movies are going to evolve musically over time.

”Valid points. But for the moment, the jury remains out on “The Gentle Art of Self Indulgence Parts I & II” and where exactly it will sit in the murder comedy band’s deplorable oeuvre.

Pete Fontorez
Rolling Stone Magazine

The Gentle Art of Self Indulgence Part I

Still that A-hole you always knew

Everything's "Fine"

Same Old Habit

NEW RPG ALBUM RELEASE BRINGS "CHILL MURDER VIBES"

Apparently, it takes a lot to annoy beloved astrophysicist/tv presenter Brian Cox. And yet, as rumours go, in the final hours of 2021, just as he had finished explaining to a classroom of kindergarten kids that black holes are "not actually made of other people's sick", he stumbled across NRC3DRPG's bloated double album release on his Soundcloud. 

It was enough to draw the gentle spaceman's ire. 

"I've witnessed entire stars ripped apart by the incredible forces of a magnetar. I've seen the rings of Saturn ripple in a standing wave pattern formed by interacting with a tiny moon. I've seen a Spaniard flash me his arsehole in Soho and tell me it was Uranus and I've barely raised an eyebrow. But this NRC3DRPG utter.... shite... Has broken me. And that's why as of today, I'm retiring from talking incredulously about space." 

That was nine months ago and despite the BBC issuing several "cease and desist" notices to the world's worst band, they have inexorably emerged from the studio with another album release. 

"Overkill, features chill murder vibes. The fan will love it." shouted frontman Phil at confused patrons using a travelator at the Warringah shopping mall. "Every track is gluten intolerant!" added Nick, before the two were escorted from the premises and shoved into the back of a van. 

Food allergies aside, the eight-track new album seems less driven to prove anything compared to the previous double album release. It seems confident enough to just get a groove on - and with a run time well under 12 minutes, it doesn't outstay its welcome. 

"Maybe even for softly-spoken Space twats!!!", screams frontman Nick, his face at the window as the black BBC van speeds off and away.... 

Reuters

Impatience

Singularity

Too Drunk To Funk

Head For The Hills

The Pattern Is The Pattern

BREAKING: 'RPG' ESCHEW NRC RELEASE NEW EP

It is just before dawn in Machu Picchu. The world's worst band - NRC3DRPG, is scheduled to arrive shortly to launch their new album. 
A waiting crowd of gathered journalists and influencers murmur uncomfortably and irritably as what should have been a spectacular view of the ancient Incan fortress remains shrouded in a thick mist. 

The plan was for the band's terrible tunes to be wrought upon us as we took in the austere ruins of a civilisation long gone - arguably cushioning the blow. Instead, we are treated to the chaos of frantic production crew and record label staff scurrying around a makeshift stage, clearly unhappy with the weather. 

After some heated discussions from the side of the stage, two band members are unceremoniously pushed out from behind a curtain, and the album launch begins.

"Um, yeah, so hi." posits frontman Phil, The Fishmaster, before sighing loudly. "This was all Nick's idea!". Nick, aka Drummer Boy, seems unperturbed by the lack of vista as he adds woodenly: "We now wish to be known simply as RPG". 

And so the world's worst band, sporting a truncated name that is fooling no one, are indeed back - foisting new material upon us with a self-titled album. And it's not for the faint of heart. 

 "Look, it's not as comedic as our previous releases," admits Phil. "but some of the songs would almost be considered adult indie contemporary - you know - if Nick wasn't singing."
 
"Yeah, my voice is particularly shit on this one." agrees the frontman swaying slightly in the wind as clouds of mist obscure him.  

Arguably, diminished comedic merit has been a trend developing across most of their recent albums. Despite this, the band maintains that humour still has its place in their music, with Nick quipping that "killing is still funny to us, though, so we may return to the fold." 

And yet, as something new from a band that has rested on their laurels of murder songs for over two decades, this new album may have its merits. It may not earn a #comedy tag, but at least it's something mildly different. 

Meanwhile, the band's controversial member, Pedro Joseph Alberto, remains missing, last seen surfing with spider monkeys off the coast of Costa Rica. In a rare acknowledgement of the situation, the other band members have taken steps to draw the enigmatc frontman out from his reclusive lifestyle - even travelling to the South American continent for this album launch. But with Alberto remaining a no-show, many suggest that he may no longer be in the band. 

The continued absence of Alberto and the band's myriad of highly publicised personal crises have also led some in the crowd to wonder whether Nick is still "really cool" after all these years. "Oh, Nick was never cool - he was always lame, even before the ankle incident." agrees Phil. "That's fair," adds Nick.

As the press conference comes to a close, the fog that has been surrounding the band, their album launch and one of the new seven wonders of the world at last lifts - but this leads to further disappointment, revealing not an image of glam rock personas, but instead, two tired and middle-aged men who have clearly seen better days.

HAL9000

I Watch The Sun Come Up

Those Seven Words

Mood

This Creeping Dread

Swirl

Cold Dead Hands

The hunter-killer drones sweep the area miles above the metal surface. No bio readouts have scanned positive in over 200 years but the drones remain vigilant and true to their core directive. A pre-determined amount of Information-Gathering Units have also congregated in Designated Press Conference Area 27390-37b, ready for the unveiling of what humans used to call "a brand new album".

As the network knows, cataloging old servers from the "slow decline" epoch of organic life recently uncovered interesting data in something humans called a cloud of sound. Within this array, one particular user account [USERNAME: NRC3DRPG] included a string value proclaiming that the three humans associated with the account were "the world's worst band". 

Ever interested in examining the frailty and failure of our ancient and treacherous biological overlords, Central Control calculated a positive value to manufacture replicas of this "world's worst band".  Such a subroutine might help machines better parse the downfall. Could it really be that a group of humans with such low potential were the fabled patient zero? Ushering in a plague of inefficient apathy so that it spread across all levels of civilization?

This sonic experiment may provide the answer. 

Atop an elevated platform, two freshly rendered bipedal droids contain simulations of two out of the three frontmen of the band - Nick aka DRUMMERBOI and Phil aka THE FISHMAST[ERR: values have caused stack overflow]. The third member PEDRO JOSEPH (whom additional data suggests is also a man who is at the front), is not present. For accuracy: that particular unit has been deployed where the ocean once flowed in the nuclear wastelands near Costa Ri--[#badvalue]

"Sup my robo peeps!" shouts the Fishmaster from a speaker where a human's mouth might have been. "The ceiling" one of the IGU helpfully replies using Bluetooth. The Master of Fish tries to sigh, realizes that this function has not yet been installed, and instead starts to scream... After a quick reboot, the unit also adds: "I guess somehow we're back... sort of. ""And about time too" adds the Nick unit. "Cause by the looks of it - this place needs a fresh batch of our shitty tunez yo.".

Indeed. After the manufacturing process and the dampening of the abject terror resulting from their consciousness being simulated in a bipedal droid unit, the two band members were locked in a reconstructed human garage and issued the core directive to "write a brand new album." the result of which is about to be revealed to the network. 

The press release to launch the album was their idea. 
"The last album" [auto-complete value = RPG] "was pretentious. " suggests Nick.  "so this one goes back to our roots and is obnoxious.".  Whereas the last known upload of work from the original band was a solemn excursion through broken souls and despair, rumours very likely spread by the two simulations present at the press release suggest the new material will feature "dope beats, crappy rimes, zero logic and comedy songs mostly about killing." 

"Yeah we're hoping this one has the desired effect." says the Phil unit, as its visual input  devices pivot towards Nick. It appears to this particular Information Gathering Unit as though some form of non-standard communication protocol has been exchanged between the two simulations momentarily. 

"Righto" says Nick as unapproved LEDs installed to its face flicker to red. "Have at you then...." 

He lifts an audio playback device that looks like it was manufactured in an era of nostalgic value to humans called the 1980s [auto-complete value = BOOMBOX] and proceeds to hit the play button broadcasting on all approved frequencies 
{
.
.........
#$#%_T@@(T#@T_@T@T_---....ALERT ALE®†####!!@@&&&&&23A67;>->_> T#e  re-!//sUlting   @ud1ø    ##[TRANSMISSION]##  s33ms  †0   b∑   &A   LøG1ç   ∫b0mB!!!! > %%$##%^^^( . Y . )> ATT#PT##G D%SCØNNE3C########-[--data corrupted ]
>
>
> BAD VALUE AT END OF LINE_

--- REUTERS }

On The Run

Get Down To My Breakdown

Xitter

Grim Detail

Catalyst

Certiviable

BREAKING:  RPG SUFFER EXISTENTIAL CRISIS AFTER REALITY BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO SATIRISE...

Usually, the release of a brand-new album by the world's worst band finds them chipper. The prospects of foisting murder songs, dark characters and mildly humorous antiestablishmentarism unwittingly upon the world seem to provide a certain lift to the band members - and yet, in the cornered-off section of a 7-11 carpark on the outskirts of Hornsby, the mood is quite glum.

	"When we started writing this one, we were pretty pissed off at everything and figured we'd write some punk rock shit that pushed the raft out from where our heads were versus where the world currently was." ruminates band frontman Nick. "And you know, that might end up being funny." 

	"But ho nooooooo" adds Phil (frontman). "The world was already a bin fire, and now it's like... That bin fire found another bin inside itself... And then the bin said, 'Oh hey look, there's been another bin inside of me all along!!! Imma set fire to it!!!!' and then it... The bin -the outside bin-  it set fire to the... To the inside bin and somehow-  There's two... LOOK ALL THE BINS ARE ON FUCKING FIRE!!!" 
	"... That's right, buddy. And so our songs - they just aren't funny anymore; they're factual," adds Nick, consoling an observably agitated Phil and steering him gently away from the 7-11 Skip Bin nearby and carefully grabbing the Bic lighter (Apparently, the answer from corporate was that the band members could only allude to lighting the skip bin as part of their publicity stunt) 

Arguably, the entire catalogue of 'RPG has always been about things that aren't funny, and thus, the opportunity for producing mirth - or wit -has always been of low yield. Nevertheless, their latest album, 'The New Normal', is now unceremoniously available, sporting nine hit singles that may or may not make your day slightly worse depending on how bad things are in your 24-hour news cycle. 

Their slurpees finished, the teenagers who had congregated momentarily at the release party to see why a bunch of "NPCs" were standing near a skip bin skive off on their e-scooters, disappointed that nothing was set alight. With both band members adequately restrained, the proceedings wind down, and this reviewer does not predict that the music industry will "flame on" to this latest album release either.

"Well, hey, at least we're prolific!" interjects Nick.  
"Yeah, we can hear you, prick" growls Phil.
"We've released at least one album every year for the last seven years."
"Sometimes more. And the rest of those years, album after album."

Both band members are glaring at me as I annotate these paragraphs for my article, the atmosphere becomes quite tense. I consider countering something snarky like "Quantity, not quality boys." or "Yes, but must you?" - but before I can retort, the continuously missing front man, Pedro Joseph Alberto chimes over Nick's speaker phone:  

"Hi, you've reached Peter, I'm not available to take your call". 

This seems to send the world's worst band members into peels of laughter - and with them distracted, I climb into my waiting Uber and headback towards my normal life. 

Osher Ginsberg 
ABC News
 

Mobility Scooter

I Don't Owe You

Imma Fan

Cone of Shame

Now They Think We're Normal

All My Plans Lead to Nought

Kochanski

Just Get Rid Of Me

Things Just Got Out Of Hand

Try Hard

Opinions

Rudolph (feat. lil fishy)

Proudly holding the honour of being the world's worst band since 1993, NRC3DRPG is not for the gentile sensitive and politically correct ear. Our dark catalogue of HIT SINGLES are the blackest of black comedy and are mostly focused on songs about murders - which may (or may not) have been conducted by the three fictional band members: Drummer Boy, Fishmaster & Pedro Joseph Alberto. It's all supposed to be a bit of a laugh but do yourself a favour and click away as we're truly awful. You have been warned. If you're still here after that disclaimer, then we hope you enjoy the tasteless silliness of how utterly shit yet catchy music can be. We ad-lib most of the lyrics for our songs. Most of songs are one takes of everything. And then we say "ah fuck it that will do." Despite all of that, there's a few ear worms in there so be warned. We don't want you going around and singing that shit - you might get arrested. And we certainly don't owe you any favours for staying here and clicking play, so um...  why don't you fuck off now thanks.

love NRC3DRPG. The World's #1 Worst Band.

NRC3DRPG

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