MANGADEX

kissanime

Alternate mix/mastering by me. Available off the album Pop 3 by Diana Starshine on Bandcamp
https://dianastarshine.bandcamp.com/album/pop-3

Diana Starshine feat. MRBLGRL - Femmebot(prod. Nusagi) (Charli XCX Cover)

thank you both for letting me remix this song <3

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/4ZB5BdP2H48nuLY5kEqWkV
Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/monster-energy-girl-feat-ofear-cyberchase-nusagi-remix/1578270324

cyberchase feat. ofear - monster energy girl (nusagi remix)

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/2NO1WmVq8bg41jOSFoEvOG?si=679ee98b08454e8b
Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/black-hole-feat-diana-starshine/1579079224?i=1579079225
YouTube: https://youtu.be/GFgbqEYK_l4
Follow Nusagi: https://twitter.com/djnusagi
Follow Diana: https://twitter.com/DianaStarshine

BLACK HOLE (feat. Diana Starshine)

This is a song about having to live in hiding

Written, produced and performed by Nusagi
Guitar performed and recorded by Kealy Hatton / Korosound Audio
Bass performed and recorded by Nusagi

Lyrics:

You’ve never seen me out of costume
I stay out the way, and I promise I’ll be gone soon
Is it cute how I duck away from mirrors?
When you ask you friends they say “no one’s ever seen her”

Hiding in the edges of your eyes
And in the shade of corners
Can you keep a secret?
They’ll come after me if they ever notice

You’ve probably guessed by now
But I don’t quite think you’ve seen
Just keep it to yourself
I don’t wanna cause a scene
I bet you know by now
But you still don’t know me
But that’s okay, ‘cause no one does
‘Cause every day is Halloween for me

You’ve never seen me out of costume
I stay out the way, and I promise I’ll be gone soon
Is it cute how I duck away from mirrors?
When you ask you friends they say “no one’s ever seen her”

Hiding in the edges of your eyes
And in the shade of corners
Can you keep a secret?
They’ll come after me if they ever notice

You’ve probably guessed by now
But I don’t quite think you’ve seen
Just keep it to yourself
I don’t wanna cause a scene
I bet you know by now
But you still don’t know me
But that’s okay, ‘cause no one does
‘Cause every day is Halloween for me

October 31st, October 31st
It’s after dark and I’m lurkin, lurkin, lurkin
October 31st, October 31st
It’s after dark and I’m lurkin, lurkin, lurkin

You can’t see my fangs 
when I’m hiding from view
And you can’t see my face
When I’m bleeding the truth
I could sing you a song
That you already knew
But it’s too late, I’m burning
So what could I do?
You can’t see my fangs 
when I’m hiding from view
And you can’t see my face
When I’m bleeding the truth
I could sing you a song
That you already knew
But it’s too late, I’m burning
So what could I do?
You can’t see my fangs (Please don’t tell)
when I’m hiding from view (I can’t help it)
And you can’t see my face (I swear it)
When I’m bleeding the truth (Isn’t my fault)
I could sing you a song (Please don’t tell)
That you already knew (I can’t help it)
But it’s too late, I’m burning (I swear it)
So what could I do? (Isn’t my fault)
You can’t see my fangs (Please don’t tell)
when I’m hiding from view (I can’t help it)
And you can’t see my face (I swear it)
When I’m bleeding the truth (Isn’t my fault)
I could sing you a song (Please don’t tell)
That you already knew (I can’t help it)
But it’s too late, I’m burning (I swear it)
So what could I- (Isn’t my-)

It’s after dark and I’m lurkin, lurkin, lurkin
It’s after dark and I’m lurkin, lurkin, lurkin
It’s after dark and I’m lurkin, lurkin, lurkin
It’s after dark and I’m lurkin, lurkin, lurkin
It’s after dark and I’m lurkin, lurkin, lurkin
It’s after dark and I’m lurkin, lurkin, lurkin
After, after dark
After, after, after dark

HALLOWEEN! EVERYDAY!

HALLOWEEN EVERYDAY

TAILS DOLL (feat. HayleySparxx) #RAZORBLADEANGEL

special thanks to luv29, hayleysparxx, kid trash, and blind equation. EXTRA special thanks to blurry for the logo design.

keep away

ALONE (feat. Cyberchase)

razorbladeangel

NIGHTMARE! (feat. Kid Trash & Blind Equation)

(Did you hate dealing with people?
More or less
But I didn’t really care as much
However, I really hated my father)
And I see your name and my chest feels tight
And I breathe your air and my head feels light
And I see your face when I close my eyes
And I hear your voice when I’m up at night
And I see your name and my chest feels tight
And I breathe your air and my head feels light
And I see your face when I close my eyes
And I hear your voice when I’m up at night

(Why am I telling all this to Kaworu?
I think I may have been born just to meet you, Shinji Ikari)
The scent of your perfume
Still lingers in my room
It weaves into the threads
It’s filling up my head
The scent of your perfume
Still lingers in my room
It weaves into the threads
It’s filling up my head

(No, no, no!
It’s not possible!
I won’t believe that Kaworu’s an Angel!
It’s a lie!)
You make me lovesick
You make me lovesick

And I see your name and my chest feels tight
And I breathe your air and my head feels light
And I see your face when I close my eyes
And I hear your voice when I’m up at night
And I see your name and my chest feels tight
And I breathe your air and my head feels light
And I see your face when I close my eyes
And I hear your voice when I’m up at night
And I see your name and my chest feels tight
And I breathe your air and my head feels light
And I see your face when I close my eyes
And I hear your voice when I’m up at night
And I see your name and my chest feels tight
And I breathe your air and my head feels light
And I see your face when I close my eyes
And I hear your voice when I’m up at night

I think about you sharing love that I can never know
I think about you passing by my body in the snow
And as you walked by you wouldn’t even think to check my pulse
You hold each other closer as my body’s growing cold
Just please let me win one time
Give me one thing I know is mine
I could hold your heart and I’d never let it shatter
Thinking of the life that we could live, it doesn’t matter
I want you to worry about me
Attention seeking, my heart is bleeding
(Kaworu, don’t do it! Kaworu!)
I need help but can’t tell what needs fixing
I need you to be scared for my well-being
We don’t see each other often
Paopu fruit our promise broken
Keep a straight face and say it’s nothing
Razor blade my heart is opened

How could I ever mean as much to you as she does?
How could I ever mean as much as that to anyone?
No one could ever love me like that
You could ever trust me like that
I’m so ugly please don’t touch me
I’m so filthy I’m disgusting
(You betrayed me
You betrayed the trust I placed in you
You betrayed me just like my father did)
You try so hard but can’t get through to me
You tried so hard but I’m not moving, sleep
Nothing feels right anymore
I can’t love right anymore
Lying in my room sinking deeper into hell
Just know I’m not okay, I need help

You make me lovesick
You make me lovesick
(Kaworu, stop!
Why is this happening?)

And I see your name and my chest feels tight
And I breathe your air and my head feels light
And I see your face when I close my eyes
And I hear your voice when I’m up at night
And I see your name and my chest feels tight
And I breathe your air and my head feels light
And I see your face when I close my eyes
And I hear your voice when I’m up at night

(Humans cannot create from nothingness
Humans cannot accomplish anything without holding onto something
Humans are not gods)

you're so beautiful it makes me sick

listen to my new album please

https://soundcloud.com/nusagi/sets/kissanime

K1SS_M3_THRU_TH3_F0N3

B34UT1FUL_G1RL5

luv 2 cyberchase as always ! shoutout to the kween boxxy ! mangadex coming soon !

lyrics:

[Intro: Boxxy]
Okay hi! So, my name is
(N-U-S-A-G-I)

[Hook: Nusagi]
Hate this
Now I can’t remember where my face went
Face it
You can’t understand the situation
I can’t even see it
Cause I’m always fucking wasted
Yeah you’re in my DMs
But I’m in your fucking playlist
Hate this
Now I can’t remember where my face went
Face it
You can’t understand the situation
I can’t even see it
Cause I’m always fucking wasted
Yeah you’re in my DMs
But I’m in your fucking playlist

[Verse: Nusagi]
Breathe in green now I’m living in the matrix
Frosted leaves like it’s freezing on the pavement
Wanna say I’m tasteless but know that I’ll be a-list
Gucci Mane wasted I don’t know that I’ll make it

[Verse: Cyberchase]
Baby please don’t hate my cause I’m wasted
Doing what I want cause I know I am famous
I know what you’re chasing
Put you on my playlist
Baby we made it, baby we made it
(I don’t do drugs)

[Verse: Nusagi]
Hit it with the force that makes me sing like nightcore
Log off my computer but you’ll still be in my top 4
I’ve been going crazy need a pickaxe to my mental
Switch up my persona like a ruger to my temple

[Verse: Cyberchase]
Keep you on the A-list baby
Yeah my money moving fast but I be moving slowly
I don’t even check my DMs cause they all be trolling
I just bought a roflcopter cause they all be

[Interlude: Boxxy]
And like, and and then like
You people’s were all like “you is trolling!”
And I was like “I am not trolling!”
I am Boxxy, you see!
And, like, umm

[Hook: Nusagi]
Hate this
Now I can’t remember where my face went
Face it
You can’t understand the situation
I can’t even see it
Cause I’m always fucking wasted
Yeah you’re in my DMs
But I’m in your fucking playlist
Hate this
Now I can’t remember where my face went
Face it
You can’t understand the situation
I can’t even see it
Cause I’m always fucking wasted
Yeah you’re in my DMs
But I’m in your fucking playlist

[Drop: Boxxy]
I dunno

[Outro: Boxxy]
So that’s about it!
Bye!

HATE THIS ! (ft. Cyberchase)

This is a song about being in love with somebody you can never touch

Written, produced, and performed by Nusagi

Lyrics:

I can feel your touch a million miles away 
Without a voice I cling to every word that you say
When I fall apart you put me into place
I can’t even speak to you but I still hear your name 
I can feel your touch a million miles away 
Without a voice I cling to every word that you say
When I fall apart you put me into place
I can’t even speak to you but I still hear your name 

I can feel your touch a million miles away 
Without a voice I cling to every word that you say
When I fall apart you put me into place
I can’t even speak to you but I still hear your name 
I can feel your touch a million miles away 
Without a voice I cling to every word that you say
When I fall apart you put me into place
I can’t even speak to you but I still hear your name 
I can feel your touch a million miles away 
Without a voice I cling to every word that you say
When I fall apart you put me into place
I can’t even speak to you but I still hear your name 
I can feel your touch a million miles away 
Without a voice I cling to every word that you say
When I fall apart you put me into place
I can’t even speak to you but I still hear your name 

I can feel your touch a million miles away 
Without a voice I cling to every word that you say
When I fall apart you put me into place
I can’t even speak to you but I still hear your name 
I can feel your touch a million miles away 
Without a voice I cling to every word that you say
When I fall apart you put me into place
I can’t even speak to you but I still hear your name

Written, produced, and performed by Nusagi
Guitar and bass performed and recorded by Nusagi

Lyrics:

[Intro]
Now you know what time it is
The challenge is over
Cause I’m going out
Like a maniac, m-manic
N-Now you know what time it is
The challenge is over
Cause I’m going out
Like a maniac, m-manic

[Verse 1]
Lie lie lie, all you do is fucking lie
Controlling everything I do to keep me on your side
You use everyone you’ve ever met for personal gain
You milk other peoples pain for your money and fame 
You belittle what I love and all my work
I won’t be your punching bag, I want you to hurt
You’re such a princess, you’re such a diva, 
I don’t mean that in a nice way either
Work me like a dog, then you throw me in the garbage
You’re a bad friend and a subpar artist
You’re a bad person, you broke our promise
Now everyone hates me and I know who’s fault it is
Now I’m scared of everyone and don’t know who to trust
All I get is pain from everything I used to love
I can never never rid myself of all of my disgust
You and everyone who hurt me you can get fucked

[Pre-Chorus]
Now you know what time it is
The challenge is over
Cause I’m going out
Like a maniac, m-manic
N-Now you know what time it is
The challenge is over
Cause I’m going out
Like a maniac

[Hook]
So fuck you
Fuck your clique
Fuck all the internet bullshit
It all just makes me sick
You’re so desperate for clicks
I don’t wanna talk to you
And I’m not gonna take your shit
(Fuck you) Fuck your clique
Fuck all the internet bullshit
It all just me sick
(Fuck you) You’re so desperate for clicks
I’m not your friend anymore
And I’m not gonna be in your clique

[Verse 2]
So you’re too good for me now that you’re A-list
Oh give me a break, you just made it on a playlist
Talk a lot of big shit when it comes to politics
Girlboss extortionist, you’re a fucking hypocrite
You’re not able to care about other people
The only thing that matters to you is your ego
I want you to go away I never want to see you 
Thank god you’re so inept cause you’re just plain evil

[Bridge]
I think I’m better than you
I don’t need you anymore
Think I never really did
I just couldn’t see before 
Lying snake you copied me to gain my trust and clout
Is that why I keep hearing all my words come out your mouth?

[Pre-Chorus]
Now you know what time it is
The challenge is over
Cause I’m going out
Like a maniac, m-manic
N-Now you know what time it is
The challenge is over
Cause I’m going out
Like a maniac

[Hook]
So fuck you
Fuck your clique
Fuck all the internet bullshit
It all just makes me sick
You’re so desperate for clicks
I don’t wanna talk to you
And I’m not gonna take your shit
Fuck your clique
Fuck all the internet bullshit
It all just me sick
You’re so desperate for clicks
I’m not your friend anymore
And I’m not gonna be in your clique
(Fuck you) Fuck your clique
Fuck all the internet bullshit
It all just makes me sick
(Fuck you) You’re so desperate for clicks
I don’t wanna talk to you
And I’m not gonna take your shit
(Fuck you) Fuck your clique
Fuck all the internet bullshit
It all just me sick
(Fuck you) You’re so desperate for clicks
I’m not your friend anymore
And I’m not gonna be in your clique

[Outro]
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE
WHAT YOU DESERVE
YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!

'friend' is a 4 letter word

This is a song about feeling like you might not have to be alone anymore

Written, produced and performed by Nusagi

Lyrics:

(Verse)
My face glows when she lights up my screen
I can’t believe that she could look my way
I can’t imagine how she must see me
But when I saw that text it made my day
Don’t really understand these feelings I’ve endured
I get so nervous that I start to sweat
She’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen, for sure
I gotta tell you all about this girl I met

(Chorus)
I can't wait to tell you all about this girl
(Can’t wait to tell you all about this girl)
I can't wait to tell you all about this girl
(Can’t wait to tell you all about this girl)
I can't wait to tell you all about this girl
(Can’t wait to tell you all about this girl)
I can't wait to tell you all about this girl
(Can’t wait to tell you all about this girl)

(Verse)
My face glows when she lights up my screen
I can’t believe that she could look my way
I can’t imagine how she must see me
But when I saw that text it made my day
Don’t really understand these feelings I’ve endured
I get so nervous that I start to sweat
She’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen, for sure
I gotta tell you all about this girl I met

(Chorus)
I can't wait to tell you all about this girl
(Can’t wait to tell you all about this girl)
I can't wait to tell you all about this girl
(Can’t wait to tell you all about this girl)
I can't wait to tell you all about this girl
(Can’t wait to tell you all about this girl)
I can't wait to tell you all about this girl
(Can’t wait to tell you all about this girl)

thisgirl

Written, produced and performed by Nusagi

Lyrics:

[Verse 1]
Hi my name’s Nusagi
And no one wants to talk to me
Set on self destruct
Because no one here is stopping me
I don’t make friends
I play pretend on the internet
Tell me “be a man”
I was never too good at that
Hi my name’s Nusagi
I can’t stop saying sorry
Sorry that I said that
I wish I hadn’t started
Try to say my real name
And couldn’t stop stutter
I disappoint everyone
I can’t stop stumbling

[Hook]
I don’t wanna leave my room
It’s too much stress
I don’t wanna talk to you
You could care less
I don’t want the real world
It’s too much stress
I live in a daydream
That I read off mangadex 
I don’t wanna leave my room
It’s too much stress
I don’t wanna talk to you
You could care less
I don’t want the real world
It’s too much stress
I live in a daydream
That I read off mangadex 

[Verse 2]
Hi my names nusagi
And no ones ever loved me
Divorcees in my inbox
But they just wanna fuck me
Sneak me in the house
Because I make you ashamed
Love me for an hour
Then you throw me away
Hi my names Nusagi
And I don’t have a body
I can’t stop from sobbing
When I see pictures of me
Woke up from a good dream
And couldn’t stop crying then
Said that I’m girl yeah
Ain’t nobody buying that 

[Hook]
I don’t wanna leave my room
It’s too much stress
I don’t wanna talk to you
You could care less
I don’t want the real world
It’s too much stress
I live in a daydream
That I read off mangadex 
I don’t wanna leave my room
It’s too much stress
I don’t wanna talk to you
You could care less
I don’t want the real world
It’s too much stress
I live in a daydream
That I read off mangadex 

[Outro]
I wish that someone would ask how I’m feeling
You never noticed cause you never see me
I wish that someone could see how I’m feeling
I never told you cause you won’t believe me

This is a song about aging

Written, produced and performed by Nusagi
Arranged by Nusagi and Mafuba
Guitar performed and recorded by Nusagi

Lyrics:

[Verse 1]
Okay, no it’s fine, just another day
I don’t wanna have a cake, let’s just get this out the way
My conditions getting worse I don’t recognize my face
I been aging all wrong this is some kind of mistake
Okay, no it’s fine, just another day
I don’t wanna have a cake, let’s just get this out the way
My conditions getting worse I don’t recognize my face
I been aging all wrong this is some kind of mistake
If it hasn’t happened now I don’t think it ever will
Always break another bone if I try to scale the hill
Hear it crack so fast, it takes longer just to heal
And I try so hard but I know you never hear
Running trying to catch up, doors closing in my path
All the faces that I loved growing blurry as I pass
Got a head start, got stuck, so I come in last 
Just please just please don’t ask about the past

[Hook]
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost

[Verse 2]
Nothing left, no one cares any more
Times up, no life, nothing there anymore
Who would ever wanna listen to a single thing I say
Just a broken old man, he’ll be gone any day
No time for anything to get better
He has nothing left to give if you ever let her
Now you’ve arrived that’s it goodbye
This is all that you get no more goodnight
I regret everything I've ever said
Stay up every night wishing that I could forget
Every day I get closer to the end
Stay up every night slipping closer to the edge
Do you remember in the third grade?
You had the front row to all of my mistakes
All of missteps and all the regret
Everyone I know I wish I'd never met

(Hook)
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost

[Bridge]
Everything I do is wrong
I can never be enough
Everybody else is gone
I could never have kept up
Everything I do is wrong
I can never be enough
Everybody else is gone
I could never have kept up
Everything I do is wrong
I can never be enough
Everybody else is gone
I could never have kept up
Everything I do is wrong
I can never be enough
Everybody else is gone
I could never have kept up

Please don’t remind me of the time I lost
Please don’t remind me of the time I lost
Please don’t remind me of the time I lost
Please don’t remind me of the time I lost
Please don’t remind me of the time I lost
Please don’t remind me of the time I lost
Please don’t remind me of the time I lost
No I’m not happy today 

[Hook]
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost
No I’m not happy today
Just leave and give me my space
Please don’t remind me of the time I’ve lost
Please don’t remind me of the life I lost

i hate birthdays

ty for the verse izzy <3

lyrics:

[intro]
it’s medicine, isn’t it?
so I am sick
I was right

[hook: nusagi]
slits on my wrist got me itching like I’m tweaking
scars on my arms growing deeper every weekend
when I’m outside they look at me like a demon 
please don’t leave I can cauterize my feelings

talk talk talk talk talk
I don’t wanna hear it
block block block block block
all these people wanna
talk talk talk talk talk
just leave me alone you’re 
block block block block blocked

[verse 1: nusagi]
baby please don’t leave me all alone there
I can’t see those signs that you had posted
I can’t pick the phone up without feeling nauseas 
all the ports are froze up blockage from the vomit
I can’t go to sleep I feel sick
sheets stained leak from my wrist
I’m not like you we don’t click
I’m not even human like him

[hook: nusagi]
slits on my wrist got me itching like I’m tweaking
scars on my arms growing deeper every weekend
when I’m outside they look at me like a demon 
please don’t leave I can cauterize my feelings

talk talk talk talk talk
I don’t wanna hear it
block block block block block in
all these people wanna
talk talk talk talk talk
just leave me alone you’re 
block block block block blocked

[verse 2: foxparkk]
emotions in a twist, I never know how I’m feeling
and I can’t fucking sleep, im just staring at the ceiling
wondering if I’ll ever find any peace
in this world that wasn’t made for me, a world that won’t stop hating me
gave up staying sober for the 3rd time this week
think my liver tapping out, yeah my body feeling weak
everything is getting blurry, fuck im really starting to worry
that this might be the night that I die in my sleep

[hook: nusagi]
slits on my wrist got me itching like I’m tweaking
scars on my arms growing deeper every weekend
when I’m outside they look at me like a demon 
please don’t leave I can cauterize my feelings

talk talk talk talk talk
I don’t wanna hear it
block block block block block in
all these people wanna
talk talk talk talk talk
just leave me alone you’re 
block block block block blocked

[hook: nusagi]
talk talk talk talk talk
I don’t wanna hear it
block block block block block in
all these people wanna
talk talk talk talk talk
just leave me alone you’re 
block block block block blocked
talk talk talk talk talk
I don’t wanna hear it
block block block block block in
all these people wanna
talk talk talk talk talk
just leave me alone you’re 
block block block block blocked

[outro]
it stings because you cut off your feathers
just rinse them with cold water when you wake up tomorrow morning
that should make the black seem less noticeable

TALK (ft. foxparkk)

this is a song about losing control

[Intro]
my chest’s too tight to sleep in
start to sweat when the light creeps in
bolt the windows, the day still seeps in
nightfall, it all starts again
wash my face off, keep from the mirror
I don’t want to see something evil
I’m so tired that sleep can’t take me
Please just shut the door you might wake me

[Verse 1]
Red bands hidden all around my body
Bleeding everywhere, moving like a zombie
Nauseous, ghosts drip down my chin and haunt me
I can’t move at all, all your freedom feels like taunting
Dry heaving, I haven’t eaten
I’ve been edging death, I’ve been teasing
Can’t stop bleeding, I’ve been reaching
I’m dead living, transfixed by the ceiling

[Hook]
I stayed up late to watch the sun rise
I stayed up late to watch the sun rise
I stayed up late to watch the sun rise
(It’s 4am, it’s 4am)
I stayed up late to watch the sun rise
(It’s 4am, it’s 4am)

[Verse 2]
Body is stuck in place
My heart won’t stop racing
So still I’m panicking
Sweating I’m vanishing
Can’t move my body
My brain works at ten speed
I try hard to calm it
But each thought blurs into me
Turn on the bathroom sink
My face is fracturing
Clock face looks back at me
I hear him laughing
Hours keep passing away 
Stare at the night turn to day

[Hook]
I stayed up late to watch the sun rise
(It’s 4am)
I stayed up late to watch the sun rise
(It’s 4am)
I stayed up late to watch the sun rise
(It’s 4am, it’s 4am)
I stayed up late to watch the sun rise
(It’s 4am, it’s 4am)

sleep in

this is a song about family

woke up with your hands around my throat
spitting out the blood from the night before
what did you do to me when I was sleeping?
what did you do to me when I was sleeping?
I woke up with something in my throat
Coughing something up from the night before
closing my eyes and pretend I’m still sleeping
closing my eyes and pretend I’m still sleeping

old men think that puberty is sexy
I feel sick with you standing next to me
mommy hurry up and take the picture
in my bedroom the smell still lingers
I don’t come out of my room to talk anymore
I start to shake when you’re banging on my door
When I wear my dress am I pretty?
When I wear my dress are you horny?

woke up with your hands around my throat
spitting out the blood from the night before
what did you do to me when I was sleeping?
what did you do to me when I was sleeping?
I woke up with something in my throat
Coughing something up from the night before
closing my eyes and pretend I’m still sleeping

the boy you raised as your son
grows into something you’re scared you’d love
it doesn’t matter when you leave me
nobody believes me
hanging from a dead tree waiting to be plucked
rip apart the flesh, lap up all the blood 
it doesn’t matter when you leave me
nobody believes me
Does it make you angry?
Do you think that it’s sexy?
Does it make you angry?
Do you think that it’s sexy?
Does it make you angry?
Do you think that it’s sexy?
Does it make you angry?
Do you think that it’s sexy?

i don't feel safe here

this is a song about family

[Verse 1]
Isn’t it funny? You got what you wanted
But you wouldn’t take it when it came true
I was so disappointing, you had prayed for a girl
You were stuck with a failure, if only you knew

I still remember you held me in your lap at the piano
I wished I could be like you, I could play all the right notes
Take my hands under yours and guide them over and back
We had one or two good times, I can’t seem to forget that 

[Pre Chorus]
You can’t talk talk your son but you won’t speak to your daughter
Try as hard as I have, I can’t be him any longer
So I’ll stay in here quiet where no one has to see me
If I told you the truth I know you’d never believe me

No one would want a son that grows up to dress in drag
Nobody wants to raise a son that turns out a fag

[Chorus]
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted

[Verse 2]
I still want you to love me, I still want to forgive
But you don’t really love me if you only love him
And I still want a mom, but I keep biting my tongue
Because you don’t really want me, you just want your son

And I’d forget that you said I was a rapist
I’d forget all the things you said right to my face
And I’d forgive every time that you called me a monster
We can go back to normal if I’d be your daughter

[Pre Chorus]
You can’t talk talk your son but you won’t speak to your daughter
Try as hard as I have, I can’t be him any longer
So I’ll stay in here quiet where no one has to see me
If I told you the truth I know you’d never believe me

No one would want a son that grows up to dress in drag
Nobody wants to raise a son that turned out a fag

[Chorus]
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted

[Verse 3]
I felt so happy I could be what you want
After you put me away, to rot alone in a box
and then you met me with anger, what did I even do?
I wish that someone was proud of me for all I’ve been through

[Chorus]
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted
I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted

dissapointing

this is a song about being somewhere else

[Hook]
I’ve been floating, dreaming in the garden
I’ve been off him, dreaming in the garden
I been zoning yeah, next to nothing
I’ve been off him, dreaming in the garden
I’ve been floating, dreaming in the garden
I’ve been off him, dreaming in the garden
I been zoning yeah, next to nothing
I’ve been off him, dreaming in the garden

[Verse 1]
Someone pick me up cause I’m falling
Bad emotions, no names to call them
I zoned out who’s talking?
I think I’m missing something

I’m not really here right now
Float back up before I come back down
Hide all day up inside the clouds 
If I’m lucky my feet never touch the ground

Feels so warm from my head to my toes
When you pick me up don’t ever let go
When your arms dissolve it’s squeezing throat
I need you back my body’s so cold

Look at the mirror and it’s fractured
My body’s too weak for action

[Hook]

chao garden

this is a song about wanting to be somewhere else

you can never let them know
but you can maybe let them close
you can never let them know
but you can maybe let them close
you can never let them know
but you can maybe let them close
you can never let them know
but you can maybe let them close

if it’s not my choice then would I be less guilty?
(if it’s not my choice then would I be less guilty?)
if it’s for someone else then could I do it guilt free?
(if it’s for someone else then could I do it guilt free?)
I’ve seen the things they do to boys like me
I’ve seen the things they do to girls like me
is it normal if I start crying
when my legs start growing in
is it moral if I keep lying
when you ask my future plans
my persona’s going nicely
I don’t think they’ve caught me yet
they’d do worse than bruise my body
if they knew what’s in my head

you can never let them know
but you can maybe let them close
you can never let them know
but you can maybe let them close
you can never let them know
but you can maybe let them close
you can never let them know
but you can maybe let them close

How long can you keep pretending?
(It gets so hard to put on that face)
You get so tired from acting
(It hurts so bad to keep up that face)
How long can you keep pretending?
(It gets so hard to put on that face)
You get so tired from acting
(It hurts so bad to keep up that face)

I keep forgetting my lines
(I keep forgetting my lines)
I keep forgetting my lines
(I keep forgetting my lines)
I keep forgetting my lines
(I keep forgetting my lines)
I keep forgetting my lines
(I keep forgetting my lines)

soft boys with strange fantasies

this is a song about escape

[Verse 1]
Isn’t it odd?
You can’t get the feeling out of your guts
And isn’t it fun?
As if you were poison to the touch
Their clothes don’t fit right, you tug at the hemline
Until you start tearing at the seams
Get out of the sunlight, it burns when it’s so bright
It’s so much harsher than it seems

[Pre-Chorus]
If you can make it through the night
At least you’ll be free inside your mind
But where do you go when morning light
Creeps through your window?
It’s still there for you

[Verse 2]
Isn’t it odd?
When you leave your bedroom it stirs your guts
So why do you run?
You’re starting to use it as a crutch
You’d rather be somewhere else where you don’t have to feel
How you take up space and the thoughts you conceal
You’ve up for days at the soft warm glow
They can’t touch you here they don’t have to know

[Pre-Chorus]
If you can make it through the night
At least you’ll be free inside your mind
But where do you go when morning light
Creeps through your window?
It’s still there for you

[Bridge]
I don’t understand
I don’t understand what reality is
You can’t bridge the gap between your own truth and the reality of others
I don’t know how to find happiness
So you only find happiness in your dreams
Then, this is not reality? This world where no one exists?
No, it is only a dream
Then I don’t exist here either
This convenient fabrication is your attempt to change reality 
Is that wrong?
You were using fantasy to escape reality
Why can’t I dream that I’m alone?
That is not a dream, that is a substitute for reality

[Pre-Chorus]
If you can make it through the night
At least you’ll be free inside your mind
But where do you go when morning light
Creeps through your window?
It’s still there for you

this is a song about wanting things to end

Cold hands
Warm breath
Blood rush
None left
Cold air
Eyes red
Warm blood
Nothing left

Haven’t left the house in days
Mind is static, sleep depraved
Something wrong I can’t explain
Something’s getting in the way
All these years it stayed the same
I’m running out of friends to blame
Years of bodily decay
Takes it’s toll upon my brain
It’s late and I can’t seem to sleep
Passing out I never dream
Somethings telling me to leave
In the night I have to leave
Finally I’m active now
Final act I take a bow
Curtains closing on my chest
Finally a chance to rest
Press the gas, ignore the brakes
Yield control it’s far too late
Close my eyes and still my breath
Speeding to my final fate
Say goodbye to no one here
None around to shed a tear
Head to toe it starts to shake
Hovering above the brakes

But I’m still alive

crashingcars (prologue)

it’s still in my mind but it’s all in my head
I’m wasting my life but I’m better off dead 
I wasted my life I don’t know what you said
blurry eyesight I don’t have the right meds
you’re thinking too much I’ll be fine in the end
I don’t wanna get out when I sleep in your bed
I really don’t mind, I’m just keeping you fed
I’m thinking too much I don’t wanna fuck up I know 

there’s no one in the world like you
I don’t deserve the things you do
I couldn’t bear to see it through
the debt’s too great to pay my dues
there’s no one in the world like you
I can’t compete with all you do
there’s no one in the world like you to me
there’s no one in the world like you to me

I can’t breathe right you’re making me anxious
I can’t think straight reading off a blank disc
it gets real bad, swimming in the deep dark
i got real down till it put me in the ER
I got too geeked eyes like a cartoon
I don’t know where my heart goes I don’t choose
need to flush my soul clean like a vacuum
don’t worry promise I’ll be back soon

butterflies in my tummy till I throw up
I get so scared when I don’t know where you’ve gone
I get so worried when I wake up all alone
I guess love makes you sick when you find the the right one
need to flush my soul clean like a vacuum
don’t worry promise I’ll be back soon
I’ll be back soon, I’ll be back soon
I’ll be back soon, swear that I’ll be back soon

it’s still in my mind but it’s all in my head
I’m wasting my life but I’m better off dead 
I wasted my life I don’t know what you said
blurry eyesight I don’t have the right meds
I really don’t mind, I’m just keeping you fed
you’re thinking too much I’ll be fine in the end
I don’t wanna get out when I sleep in your bed
I’m thinking too much I don’t wanna fuck up I know 

there’s no one in the world like you
I don’t deserve the things you do
I couldn’t bear to see it through
the debt’s too great to pay my dues
there’s no one in the world like you
I can’t compete with all you do
there’s no one in the world like you to me
there’s no one in the world like you to me

no1 like u (for mayzie)

100 Gecs - Money Machine (Nusagi Remix)

GEEKED UP

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Listen on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4UpaeifGA4

Digifae - It's Love (Nusagi Remix)

Sleeping With Sirens - If You Can't Hang (Nusagi Remix)

razor blade angel
soundwave alchemist
flash player artifact
all tracks prod by me unless otherwise specified
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