This is alt version "I Lose Myself" (White Spell EP)
https://on.soundcloud.com/2Fnd8MDrFTt9U8BZ5q

★ Independent Artist in Winnipeg, MB, Canada ★

The music and lyrical form reflects the moments
in this crazy and beautiful world that I've either
experienced or have personally been witness to.

The stories I share deliver a rapturous, purple
and metaphorical depth within the lyrics to bring
a personal feeling and deep emotional connection.

Self recorded, mixed & produced @ home studio.

Copyright ©️ 2025 TJ Real ✪ All Rights Reserved.

Lose Myself

(Verse 1)
I dyed my hair that peachy-brown (mmm, peachy)
To remind you of the sweetness you forgot (yeah, babe).
You love when the night is full (full of it),
Full of the flowers I drown myself in (gardenias…).
Peonies running through my veins (ohh),
Perfume heavy like the summer rain.

(Pre-Chorus)
But you don’t see what’s inside of me (nah, nah),
You don’t see the pain, the quiet agony (baby).

(Chorus)
I once had a fire (I had a fire),
It burned like the sun (so bright, so bright).
I once had a fire (uh-huh),
But I killed it for your love (mmm, for you).

I once had a fire (I had it, I had it),
That lit up the night (all night long).
I once had a fire (fire, fire),
But I smothered it for your life (for you, baby).

(Verse 2)
They say I’m too fucked up to love you (fuck it),
And maybe they’re right (maybe, maybe).
Nobody knows the weight of the sacrifice I made (sacrifice).
Like a dying star fading from the sky (fallin’ down),
I’ll explode, turn to dust— (ohh)
Maybe then I’ll be someone you like (maybe, babe).

(Pre-Chorus)
But you don’t see what’s inside of me (inside of me),
You don’t see the grief or the tragedy (so heavy).
You don’t see what’s killing me quietly (quietly, quietly),
And you don’t want to (don’t wanna know).

(Chorus)
I once had a fire (I had a fire),
It burned like the sun (so bright, so bright).
I once had a fire (uh-huh),
But I killed it for your love (mmm, for you).

I once had a fire (I had it, I had it),
That lit up the night (all night long).
I once had a fire (fire, fire),
But I smothered it for your life (for you, baby).

(Bridge)
You never liked the way I spoke (never did),
Or the way I gasped for breath when I choked (ooh).
You don’t get it—no, you don’t get it (nah, nah).
You don’t wanna get it, or get me (don’t wanna, don’t wanna).
I won’t fucking explain it (no),
Love’s supposed to be soft, not a war (soft, not a war).
You’ll never get it, no you won’t get it (never, babe).
And when you finally do— (yeah),
I’ll be long gone, baby (gone, gone).

(Outro)
I once had a fire (I had it, I had it),
It burned like the sun (so bright, so bright).
I once had a fire (uh-huh, yeah),
But I killed it for your love (mmm, for you).

You don't get it

No Other But You (Hybrid, Lightened) 2 (Remastered) ver.B

We are all Sinners when the Light goes off

Late

IF I Made It to Heaven is Willa’s lyrical resurrection. Every track is a confession, a confrontation, or a coronation. She’s not begging for grace—she’s bartering with God, bleeding truth into every verse. The album flips gospel into grit, prayer into poetry, and survival into legacy.

The title track is a cinematic masterpiece—Willa imagining what heaven would look like if she made it, and what she’d say when she got there.
This isn’t about salvation. It’s about survival. Willa’s not asking for a seat at the table. She’s building her own altar.


No Choir in My Chest

In the Silence I Exist is a pop-hip-hop blend with soft R&B vocals and deep emotional resonance.
A late-night reflection about loss, calm, and rediscovery of inner peace.
Whispered ad-libs (yeah, hmm, aoa) drift over slow beats, warm pads, and vinyl textures — creating peaceful melancholy that feels intimate and real.

Artists, DJs, creators, influencers, producers, online radios — collab & revenue-share opportunities inside the bio 👀

In the Silence I Exist

UPGRADE _ HABIT INSTALL

Lyrics

Verse 1
I thought we were something rare
Maybe I just saw what I wanted there
You’d say my name, I’d come undone
Thought maybe I could be the one
But I fell too fast, I fell too hard
Now I’m left holding what’s been scarred
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope —
...love has weight

Pre-Chorus 1
It’s hard to fight when your heart won’t bend,
And all your reason says this pain won’t end

Chorus 1
’Cause love is a BIG word,... love has weight
When it’s not returned, it suffocates
You give it all, you lose your way
When their heart don’t beat the same
Love is a BIG word — love has weight
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope
Love is a BIG word —...
...love has weight

Verse 2
You said you cared, I know that’s true
But not the way I feel for you
It’s strange how hope can twist your mind
Keep rewinding, pressing “find”
And every night I talk to walls
Just to feel like I still have it all
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope —...
...love has weight

Pre-Chorus 2
And I keep learning the hardest way
That loving you won’t change a day

Chorus 2
’Cause love is a BIG word,... love has weight
When it’s not returned, it suffocates
You give it all, you lose your way
When their heart don’t beat the same
Love is a BIG word — love has weight
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope
Love is a BIG word —...
...love has weight

Bridge
It’s hard to breathe when dreams won’t fade
Every thought just calls your name
You move on light, I walk in chains
That’s what unreturned love became
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope — love has weight

Final Chorus / Outro
’Cause love is a BIG word,... love has weight
When it’s not returned, it suffocates
You give it all, you lose your way
When their heart don’t beat the same
Love is a BIG word — love has weight
Crushed by longing, crushed by hope.
Love is a BIG word —...
love... love... has... weight.

Lyrics by CJ, instruments and vocals created by AI.

Love Has Weight

[Intro]
When the only love I feel
is in my dreams,
I know by day I’ll suffer.

[Verse 1]
Pick two, got left with none,
scream and shout — my lungs gave out.
You took your breath and closed the door,
packed your stuff, you left a mess.

[Pre-Chorus]
Sometimes I fear there’s no one left.
They come, they go — you left.
I hold my words behind my teeth,
saving breath for the descent.

[Chorus]
I drift, drift, drift — not escaping this.
Weightless in the wreck you left.
I drift, drift, drift — edges blur like this.
Reach for you, the air resists.

[Post-Chorus]  (vocal chop idea)
“I drift… I drift… I drift…”  (chopped + pitched)

[Verse 2]
I’ll never feel what you felt.
I’m shouldering weight for benefits I can’t see.
Bedroom walls collect my breaths,
counting seconds quietly.

[Pre-Chorus 2]
Numbers in my phone turn gray,
every plan unravels halfway.
If healing’s just a waiting room,
I’m learning how to sit with gloom.

[Chorus]
I drift, drift, drift — not escaping this.
Weightless in the wreck you left.
I drift, drift, drift — edges blur like this.
Reach for you, the air resists.

[Bridge]
If the only love I feel is in my dreams,
let me sink where the silence hits.
But morning pulls me through the seams —
I come up slow, still saying this:

[Final Chorus]
I drift, drift, drift — not escaping this.
But every tide returns, then shifts.
I drift, drift, drift — until the static lifts.
Not escaping this… not escaping this.

[Outro]
I drift… not escaping this.

Drift

Can't get too integrated when you need all your parts to survive. Arguing with myself through verses—philosophical to revolutionary to exhausted. All voices present. No apologies.
Conscious hip-hop / IFS therapy disguised as bars / Underground

Can’t Get Too Well

redemption .mp3

All of my latest tracks can be found on these links ranging from different versions of the song that i have created

https://suno.com/invite/@nutropex
suno.com/@nutropex
suno.com/@ntpx
tiktok.com/@nutropex

No Other But You (Hybrid, Lightened) 2 (Remastered) ver.B

NuTroPeX NTPX(Shon)

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