i shine as bright as the stars

exploration

but I’m afraid, james. I’m afraid you don’t really want me to come home.
whenever you come see me, I can tell how hard it is on you…
I don’t know if you hate me or pity me, or maybe I just disgust you…
I’m sorry about that.
when I first learned that I was going to die, I just didn’t want to accept it.
I was so angry all the time and I struck out at everyone I loved the most… especially you, james.
that’s why I understand if you do hate me.
but I want you to know this, james.
I’ll always love you.
even though our life together had to end like this, I still wouldn’t trade it for the world. we had some wonderful years together.
well, this letter has gone on too long, so I’ll say goodbye.
I told the nurse to give this to you after I’m gone.
that means that as you read this, I’m already dead.
i can’t tell you to remember me, but I can’t bear for you to forget me.
these last few years  since I became ill… I’m so sorry for what I did to you, did to us…
you’ve given me so much and I haven’t been able to return a single thing.
that’s why I want you to live for yourself now. do what’s best for you, james.
james. you made me happy.

paw baby

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