Always Almost

[Intro]
They say God whispers in peace.
But He roared when I was drowning.
He didn’t send sunshine.
He sent fire.
And I listened.

[Verse 1]
Used to drink like the pain would drown
Fist through the wall, never backed down
Lost friends, lost fights, lost my soul
Held the Bible with blood on my clothes
I was rage. I was rust. I was rot.
Wakin’ up every day thinkin’ God forgot
But He didn’t…
He was quiet ‘til the world burned
Then He spoke—and my whole life turned

[Pre-Chorus]
I didn’t find grace in a Sunday seat
I found Him when I fell to my knees in the street
He ain’t just mercy, He’s fire and flood
He don’t just heal—He rewrites blood

[Chorus]
I’m not who I was, I buried that man
Under six feet of shame, with trembling hands
God didn’t whisper, He screamed through the smoke
Lit up my soul when the world went broke
I ain’t perfect, but I ain’t the same
Got fire in my chest where I once had chains
He burned me clean, I rose from the pyre
I’m not who I was—God spoke in fire

[Verse 2]
I cursed His name in motel dark
Heart full of holes, soul full of marks
Thought He left me in the dirt to bleed
But He let me break so I’d finally see
It ain’t always pretty when Heaven moves
Sometimes God pulls up in steel-toe boots
Not a dove, not a breeze, not a silent hand
But a voice like thunder sayin’ “You still can.”

[Bridge]
He didn’t save me in the chapel light
He found me deep in my third drunk night
I told Him, “You’re late.”
He said, “Boy, I’m right on time.
You weren’t ready for mercy ‘til it nearly killed you.”

[Chorus]
I’m not who I was, I buried that man
Under six feet of shame, with trembling hands
God didn’t whisper, He screamed through the smoke
Lit up my soul when the world went broke
I ain’t perfect, but I ain’t the same
Got fire in my chest where I once had chains
He burned me clean, I rose from the pyre
I’m not who I was—God spoke in fire

[Outro]
Let ‘em talk. Let ‘em doubt. Let ‘em stare.
They don’t know what it cost me to get here.
They think I’m crazy to still believe.
But they didn’t see what the flames showed me.
I’m not who I was.
And I never will be again.

God Spoke in Fire

“Maybe I Should Stay (God Hear Me)”
[Verse 1]

Maybe I should stay, or maybe I should die
I’ve been staring at the ceiling, asking God why
Every plan I make feels borrowed, feels wrong
Every breath just drags another mile long
I’m not the man I said I’d be
Just a ghost of the one you used to see
Ten years gone in a clouded view
And all I found was missing you

[Pre‑Chorus]

There’s no good things coming for me
No righteousness, no line I can see

[Chorus 1]

But if there’s a light I can’t define
Let it break this mess of mine
Maybe grace ain’t clean or kind
Maybe love’s just staying behind
But maybe — just maybe — I should stay this time

[Verse 2]

Every bottle, every night I chased
Left ashes where your memory’s traced
I built a home out of my doubt
Then wondered why the fire went out
I’ve prayed to God, I’ve cursed His name
I’ve worn both masks, they fit the same
But in the silence after pain
I swear I hear Him call my name

[Bridge 1]

Our Father, who art in Heaven…
Do You still listen when I’ve come undone?
Thy kingdom come… Thy will be done…
Even if it burns me in the sun.

[Bridge 2]

(Choir) Give us this day our daily bread…
(Lead) Give me a reason to raise my head
(Choir) Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them…
(Lead) I’ve failed that prayer, but I’ll try again
(Choir) Lead us not into temptation…
(Lead) But God, I keep finding my way there
(Choir) Deliver us from evil—
(Lead, breaking) Deliver me from despair

[Chorus 2]

I’m not who I was, I buried that man
Under six feet of shame with trembling hands
God didn’t whisper, He screamed through the smoke
Lit up my soul when the world went broke
I ain’t perfect, but I ain’t the same
Got fire in my chest where I once had chains
He burned me clean, I rose from the pyre
I’m not who I was — God spoke in fire

[Final Chorus ]

There’s still good things coming for me
Tiny sparks I still can’t see
If there’s a light, I’ll follow blind
Let it break this mess of mine
Maybe grace is rough and wild
Maybe love forgives the vile
And maybe — just maybe — I’ll stay this time

[Outro ]

Maybe I should stay…
God, hear me.

🎶 “Maybe I Should Stay (God Hear Me)”

“Crimson to Metal”

Placated; this rhythm bleeds,
Marked by the schism inside of me.
The wound keeps singing, the cage still hums,
And I taste rust on my tongue.

[Verse 1]

Placated, this rhythm; it beats like decay,
A lullaby soaked in the sins I obey.
The gash still gushes, my pulse is a drum,
I made this cell, now the walls come undone.

Castrated youth in a mirror of glass,
Ran from the pain but the pain ran fast.
The fissure still flows, the boy still screams,
Cut down inside his father’s dreams.

[Pre‑Chorus]

I can’t breathe inside this skin,
Every scar just pulls me in.

[Chorus – full industrial blast]

Crimson to metal, I burn through the frame,
Worship the hurt, baptize the shame.
Hollowed and haunted, I’m breaking the seal,
God made me bleed so I’d learn how to feel.

[Verse 2]

Cremated the message, ashes in wire,
Static and memory, holy desire.
A stab, a spurt, the essence of pain,
A sermon delivered through chemical rain.

Repleted vessel, the chalice of sin,
I pour myself out but it fills again.
Every hole I’ve dug, every truth I conceal,
I turn blood to metal just to feel real.

[Pre‑Chorus]

No redemption, no reprieve,
Just the body that I can’t leave.

[Chorus]

Crimson to metal, I burn through the frame,
Worship the hurt, baptize the shame.
Hollowed and haunted, I’m breaking the seal,
God made me bleed so I’d learn how to feel.

[Bridge]

Placated! Castrated! Cremated! Repleted!
Four wounds, four hymns repeated.
The boy, the man, the saint, the thief,
All hang together beneath my grief.

I took the sword, I took the blame,
Carved my soul in my own name.
No choir, no crown, no holy field,
Just the sound of metal and the blood that healed.

[Final Chorus]

Crimson to metal, I burn through the frame,
Worship the hurt, baptize the shame.
Hollowed and haunted, but now I can feel
God made me bleed so I’d know what’s real.

[Outro]

From crimson to metal…
From blood into steel…
I still breathe.
I still kneel.

“Crimson to Metal”

Title: “Black Mirrors”
[Intro]

Some days I can hear the world screaming,
Black mirrors in the way; and streaming.
Running.
And the boys are still bleeding,
And the women disappearing,
Their scheming, screaming.

[Verse 1]

Lived life like a dastard,
I’m a villain.
Arch‑fiending for a hazard,
Making killings.
Never moved west; too red in the ceiling,
Too blue in the talk, too fake in the feeling.
Been neglected by the leftward disposition,
I’m centered; lost in the indecision.
Tried praying once, but the algorithm listened,
Now my sins are monetized in repetition.

[Hook]

🎶Black mirrors, keep me bound in light,
Screens glow holy through the night.
Every word I say, they weaponize,
God’s gone digital; I’m televised. 🎶

[Verse 2]

See the preachers tweet repentance,
While the poor still starve for penance.
Every cause has merch, every soul a price,
Revolutions now come in byte‑sized bites.
They say “speak truth,” but censor tone,
Preach compassion from a borrowed phone.
Can’t breathe through the feed; it’s a war of ghosts,
And the loudest lie gets loved the most.

[Bridge]

There’s a sickness in this house,
A rot beneath our speech.
We’ve traded reason for reaction,
And empathy for reach.

[Verse 3]

I’m a bastard child of the age of spin,
No faith left; just data and sin.
Heroes canceled, villains crowned,
Empires built on common ground.
The world screams louder; the screens reply,
And I can’t tell if I live or lie.
But still I write, I fight, I bleed,
‘Cause silence is death, and words still lead.

[Final Hook]

🎶 Black mirrors, keep me bound in light,
Screens glow holy through the night.
Every truth I find, they sanitize,
But the pen still burns; it never dies. 🎶

[Outro]

Some days I can hear the world screaming…
And some days,
It sounds a lot like me.

“Black Mirrors”

“Six Feet of Shame”

MUSIC CREDIT - ELIJAH BLYDEN - elijahblyden23@gmail.com

Lyrics:
She listens closely to the words of her mother giving advice. 
She don't know if she can make it 
her mothers telling her try 
And if you asked her what had happened
The light'll go from her eyes
keeps bottling the pain
we see something inside her die

This world is cold
but there's light in this place
so listen close
we try to please 
the folks 
but sit back while our county chokes

know It's depressing 
and while we chat here
most the planets resting
we need to wake up
Do right by brothers, sisters, blessings

don't go alone
It's never safe on your own,
There something deep inside 
its evil 
it comes out as we're grown

She shoulda known
while we created equal
certain people
get they rocks off 
on human traffic
she starts to panic

Poor young Hispanic
she lived her life through the caine
she entertained
she sported
put some tar in her veins

Father and brothers 
protect but she began to estrange
How could they know that
Jose` and James was plotting away

She listens closely to the words of her mother giving advice. 
She don't know if she can make it 
her mothers telling her try 
And if you asked her what had happened
The light'll go from her eyes
keeps bottling the pain
we see something inside her die

Nobody knows 
how they could help this girl 
the fuckers froze 
standing idle beside a van
a sea of snowy domes

feels exposed

the bag n tape goes on
shes roughly thrown
blood runs down her face
she screams just let me go
their on the road

stays composed

thinking this gotta be a joke
She knows these fucking bros
they come to a stop 
and rip her clothes

amber rose'd
she'd been assault before
but this was getting out of hand
these dudes were outta control
she tries to go

They hit her
and shes out like a light 
5'2" and 90 lbs
she couldn't put up a fight


She listens closely to the words of her mother giving advice. 
She don't know if she can make it 
her mothers telling her try 
And if you asked her what had happened
The light'll go from her eyes
keeps bottling the pain
we see something inside her die

Her body's cold
but there's light in her face 
the blues are bold
they must of dumped her in an alley
yells its all my fault

tries to bolt
but now there's cops at her feet
they wasn't mean
while trying to count details 
she weeps

she's at the station
keeps to herself 
outta desperation
she tries simulate control
no hyper ventilation

defloration
she tried to keep herself clean
minus the drugs 
and maybe an occasional fling.

but that's the thing
some people are just venomous fiends
ya say treat everyone with kindness
they don't know what it means

Jose and James
they wit their boys
they trying to catch a train
get out town 
before the cops can learn their fucking name
all in vein
half the precinct is on the fucking train
laying in wait 
guess someone told the pigs
they go to state

then flash front 
its' been a couple of months
two gang grunts 
sit across from a mother 
the three with hearts sunk
stare and she stoic 
and ask why she's so heroic
how could she stand to see them
let alone
understand what its like to be em

and 
then
the mother pulls out a book
the boys are shook
king James across in golden letters
take a look


They listens closely to the words of her mother giving advice. 
They don't know if They can make it 
her mothers telling em try 
And if you asked em what had happened
The light'll go from their eyes
they see her daughters pain
we see something inside em die

Proof of Concept

Her Story (Prod By Elijah Blyden)

Psychotic (Prod. Muzz)

Happy new years. I decided to put this out now because I know in 2019 I will be taking my rap carrer much more serious and doing my best to improve and make a deferance with my art. Thank you to everyone who has supported me this far and to all that will in the future. Happy New Years!

Make it.

All the events of the last year have me in my head. Constantly thinking and overthinking things. I know the same goes for many others. We as a people need to find out what we are truly after. 

Sound bits are public domain.
Beat by (Don P. )

InMyHead

Just a young poet who found out he likes rapping more.
Take a listen!

InMyHead

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