Before Sleep

In recent months I have had new inspiration for life and creativity.  I found myself in a creative crisis while frustrated with music, unproductive days off and judgments of myself.  I knew change was coming but I felt powerless to enact it.  Inspiration came to me as I decided to let myself loose creatively and to begin a new habit of drinking coffee.  It sounds funny but this was a life-changing decision for me.

As I began writing in coffee shops every morning I quickly realized something.  One of the worst questions the artist can ask him/herself is this: "Is what I am making good?"  This question is useless for the person in the process of creation.  The only question to ask yourself is: "Does creating this give me joy?"

I have been releasing myself from judgment.  That includes judging others and judging myself.  This applies to insecurity as a man and as a creative person.  When you let go of judgment you are free.  Free to be yourself and let others be themselves.  Free to discover yourself and to let others reveal themselves to you.  We are so afraid of freedom!  

Art is a destructive force.  It's a holy destruction.  We build our lives on so many lies and standards and social judgments.  We are terrified to discover ourselves.  Spirituality and art remind us of our fragile state.  They tell us again of our need for love, an open mind and the possibility of being a better person...and a better people.  The artist is a prophet.

Sometimes that prophet is tortured and the pain of life is too much.  We have seen this with Ian Curtis, Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Kurt Cobain, Van Gogh and most recently Robin Williams.  Still these men and women made our lives better because of their expression.  I wrote this poem/spoken word while listening to Kendrick Lamar's newest album.  He is absolutely a prophet for our times with his compassionate social commentary.  I see him as a Bob Marley, Bob Dylan or Patti Smith for the 2010's.  We need that voice so badly in an American society full of racial tension, absurd police violence and continued obsession with consumerism.  

Everyone is an artist.  You are an artist in some kind of way.  Whether you are a "good" or "bad" artist is irrelevant.  Find your voice and share it with this world.  We need the artist to speak out and help us destroy our illusions.  It's like a muscle being broken down before it can become stronger.  

And with those thoughts I give you my newest spoken word/song.  The words are included below.  Also, thanks to Horace Horvath for contributing some singing on the track as well.  

Prophecy

Gravity with Chantel Bailey

Futility
Fear of eternal meaningless-ness
With no assurance found
Still…
Called forward
To some unknown space

Existential abandonment
The place of nothing
The Nothing
Nowhere

The mystery leads
You here
To light beyond the 
Night
Breaking through the ice of void
Surprised to find
Life

Listen to the death call
And be re-born

The Nothing

Arielle Heighton's musings on possibilities of heaven.

Moonlight (with Arielle Heighton)

Stars Open Up

Recorded with Frank Abreu years ago in Mexico.  More dream/electronic pop.  Backing vocals by Mimi Hansen as well.

Love in My Life

Ambient music for comfort on a lonely day.  

Alyosha

Backwards loops and ambient sounds.  Track ends with a sample by John Candy from "Planes, Trains and Automobiles".  

More

Instrumental music I made with Andrew Levi Hiller (Wizards of Time) in 2000.  We had some inspirational times making music together.  

Running Through Resistance

Andrew Levi Hiller and I recorded this in his living room while I read from some book about road walks in England.

Ohio Nights

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