The act of shaving one's moustache must be taken with a great deal of consideration - sometimes your face looks disgusting underneath. If you've had your moustache for ages then sometimes you can't remember if you look disgusting or not.

The jury's out.
The face is beige.

Poetry & Roll

I Moustache You To Leave

Spoken word poem about England FC reaching the World Cup semi-finals... We still believe (again)(now).


"Two stars on a shirt" by MWhatley:

Everyone seemed to know the score with us.
And before we went to the tournament assumed we’d be gone by the quarters.
And I was sorta guilty of the apathy admittedly, ‘cause it never goes as planned.
Self-preservation and reservation after decades,
Pre-empting an Iceland England.

Getting bad result after bad result’s had the mad result of being in the semi.
It’s left Ross Kemp naked with stiffies shouting louder than Lemmy.
But we were all just as ready, although a little a less sweaty;
Blaring swearwords at the telly, getting louder with each bevy.

But then news reports can hang heavy on the odd knob that makes Englanders look diarrhea.
Like that smashed twat that trashed that ambulance or those wankers that crashed IKEA.
We don’t all share the idea that football’s enthralled with violence, some of us are just Ross Kemp: 
Loving living with youthfulness at this ludicrous occurrence because this moment may be temp.

And some may be exempt and not care – think football’s just a game - and fair enough, you’ve got your stuff, we’ll still love it all the same.
But opinion difference doesn’t make this passion lame.

It’s more than a ballgame to us who choose to choose the choice
to share England memes and World Cup dreams and well-up to Baddiel’s gorgeous singing voice.
I’ll rejoice at being primal and mourn the flying beer.
I’ll get together with mates to shout and drop an octave when I cheer.
Fear impending hangovers, or remain on the sesh,
Or wake up alright, ring your mate about last night and question how you’re fresh.
It’s about Southgate’s vindication after Kopke in 96
And fielding a pretty decent team that don’t seem like total dicks.

So I’ll raise a Blue WKD to Vardy,
And a Rubicon to Maguire;
A glass of port to Vardy,
And a Fruit Shoot to Dier;
A cheeky Vimto to Vardy and a Ribena to Kane,
‘Cause whatever happens happens, whether football’s on the plane.

And if that Northern Rail knobhead received a knighthood, surely Southgate’s fate’s the same.
Make Dele Alli a CBE and Jesse Lingard a dame.
Turn Buckingham Palace into Fuckingham Palace for all those lads and lasses behind the scenes that made the insanity sane.
And it’s not about getting carried away, it’s about being the 12millionth man;
Getting behind your team, even if they’re overseas, is part of Barnes master plan.

So rub your eyes in disbelief or be a VARs-hole,
‘Cause whether you’re a doubter or a “bring Rashford on” shouter,
Football’s coming… y’know…

Mafu's Album

Two Stars on a Shirt [spoken word poetry]

A post-tournament update to my previous poem, "Two Stars on a Shirt".

Spoken word poetry

Two Stars on a Shirt '98 [spoken word poetry]

The Latie Hopkins: Katie Hopkins' Obituary

Doer of spoken-word poetry.
Here lies a few bits. Others are in videos elsewhere.