Welcome to my little gay mixtape. I'll be gradually uploading a chaotic collection of demos, half-baked ideas, and what some might generously call songs right here. These have all been recorded in my bedroom over the last couple of years, and so this is a very rough, very unpolished project. Expect a lot of dodgy mixing. But hey, if you’re a producer (or know one), hit me up - this could probably use some love.

little gay mixtape

Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay (cover)

You owned me for the night
But you told me let’s keep it light
As you played on your phone

I curled up right next to you
I want you to break me in two
But you’re not in the mood

Oooh
Oooh

You told me the grind up the green
But does it go well with Sertraline?
Doesn’t matter just hold onto me…

Can you spoon me stoned?
Can you spoon me stoned?
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Can you spoon me stoned?
Can you spoon me stoned?
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
X2 

So I’m not alone
So I’m not alone
Not alone 
Oh oh

Spoon Me Stoned

He only calls me when he’s drinking 
To get it wet, it’s wishful thinking 
Oh sorry boy you must be dreaming
Where is your girl now is she sleeping?

He plays the banjo in a folk band
You’d never guess he was from Clapton
Because he dresses like a farm hand
But does cocaine on every weekend

He asked me what it’s like to be gay
I told him it was “oh, so great.”
And that’s when he took my hand
“Oh sorry boy I’ve got plans!”

I won’t be your Gateway Gay
I know it’s never too late
To question if you are really straight
No, I can’t accommodate

Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh

I think he’s some sort of a broker 
And I can tell he’s not a smoker 
I see the ring upon his finger
Holds my stare and lets it linger 

Always trapped in conversation 
They’re everywhere across the nation
They were the bully back in high school
Now I’m the one that’s gonna be cruel
When..

He asked me “is it fun to like guys?”
I told him he should try it sometime
And that’s when he leant for a kiss
Wait, don’t you have a wife and two kids?

I won’t be your Gateway Gay
I know it’s never too late 
To question if you are really straight
No I can’t accommodate 

I won’t be your Gateway Gay
I know it’s never too late 
Not even on your birthday
Oh, maybe you should ask your mate?

Oh woah
Oh woah
Oh woah
Oh woah

Gateway Gay

We’ve tried
We’ve read 
We completed it, mate.

Boundaries 
And conversations
Left me a little depleted.

You’ve got a PhD 
In how to fucking annoy me
And I have mastered how to fail you

Where do we go from here?
We just go started
My best fucking friend
But feels like dearly departed.

But what if it ends?
And we’re different people now
We’ve stupidly grown
A whole lot since then

No, but what if it ends?
What if it ends?
But what if it ends?
You’re not even listening

I gave 
My therapist
Advice the other day 

I used to cry
But what’s the point in doing that
A selfish won’t bring you back

Cause I already see how it all pans out
So why even go through it?

Where do we go from here?
We just go started
My best fucking friend
But feels like dearly departed.

But what if it ends?
And we’re different people now
We’ve stupidly grown
A whole lot since then

No, but what if it ends?
But what if it ends?
Are you still listening?
What it ends?
But what if it ends?
What if it ends?
What if it ends?
What if it ends?


What If It Ends?

I went vegan cause you were too
But when you said you were leaving
I went on Deliveroo
 
I ordered some new interests 
Read a blog on how to be myself
And in the gaps where your books were
I tried to grow into someone else

‘Cause I’m not me I’m you
Everything I do
Is from your point of view
Oooh
I’m not me I’m you
I’m still walking in your shoes
And rocking your hair-do

You taught me how to meditate
And now every breath is yours
I perfected your skin regime
So now you even live in my pores

I drank a whole case of you 
But now I don’t like the taste
The audacity to say you don’t want this
I didn’t want it in the first place

I’m not me I’m you
You’re stuck on me like a tattoo
Etched into the soft tissue
Oooh
I hate you cause I’m not me
Even the scent of my body
Now I smell like Santal 33

Put you on a pedestal
Every single word of yours was edible
I guess I drank the coolade
And now I’m wondering is it too late
To say…

I’m now me not you
We were one and now we’re two
What you pasted I’ll undo
Oooh
I’m now me I’m not you
I used to think that you were cool
But now there’s nothing you can dooo

To change me
I’ll rearrange the flat the way 
I want to
I used to be 
So happy 
And I’ll be once I remember 
Who
I 
Am

I'm Not Me I'm You

Another guy has hurt you 
And there’s no one else in the world 
Who would take your drunk call for three hours
Or doesn’t put you on Do Not Disturb

Brat summer got you spinning
Shouldn’t say “got what you deserved”
You went home with the mid that bored you oh
Just feel like you’re somebody’s girl

Somebody’s girl
Somebody’s girl

Went home with the mid
You feel like div
And now you’re calling me
Just to tell me what you did
Feel like I should save you
But it doesn’t even phase you
We’re supposed to be friends
But you feel like my kid
Pseudo boyfriend 
I’m your pseudo boyfriend
In big subtle ways 
I’m your little gay pseudo boyfriend

We got a matching tattoo
And there’s no one who could dispute
There’s nothing unhealthy or toxic
Just two friends who are really quite cute

Bad dates and you ain’t winning
Boys not growing up in the Netherlands?
But while you’re looking for a husband
I’m the only one holding your hand

Pseudo boyfriend
I’m your Pseudo boyfriend
Pseudo boyfriend
Pseudo boyfriend

Went home with that dick
Why you like this?
And now you’re calling me
To tell me what you did
Feel like I should save you
But it doesn’t even phase you
We’re supposed to be friends
But you feel like my kid
Pseudo boyfriend 
I’m your pseudo boyfriend
In big subtle ways 
I’m your little gay pseudo boyfriend
Pseudo boyfriend

Somebody’s girl (pseudo boyfriend)
Somebody’s girl (pseudo boyfriend)
Somebody’s girl (pseudo boyfriend)
Somebody’s girl (pseudo boyfriend)

Pseudo Boyfriend

This time with the amazing Maimuna Memon!!! 
For Lewis Mackinnon, of course. 

Beneath Your Beautiful 2

Actor. Writer. Aspiring musical menace.

Currently throwing my demos into the void to see what echoes back. Testing out sounds, figuring out my vibe, and hoping to find producers who want to collaborate and help me shape whatever this is into something vaguely listenable.

Lolly

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