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I woke up bleeding from a dream I can’t recall
The sky was black, the mirror cracked, the writing on the wall
I’ve buried friends, I’ve buried faith, I’ve buried every prayer
And still I walk, though every step feels like a dare
God wants me dead
That’s what the silence said
Not in fire, not in flood
Just slow enough to taste the blood
God wants me dead
But I ain’t gone yet
I’ve cursed the stars, I’ve kissed the ground
I’ve begged for peace that won’t be found
My body breaks, my mind betrays
But I still show up most days
The preacher said I’m not alone
But he don’t hear the undertone
Of every breath I drag through pain
Like thunder with no rain
God wants me dead
That’s what the silence said
Not in fire, not in flood
Just slow enough to taste the blood
God wants me dead
But I ain’t gone yet
Maybe He don’t hate me
Maybe He just waits
To see if I’ll keep walking
Through these rusted gates
Maybe love’s a test
And pain’s the proof
That I’m still here
And still got truth
I saw a child smile at me today
And for a second, I looked away
Afraid that light might burn my skin
But maybe that’s where grace begins
I ain’t asking for a crown
Just a reason not to lay it down
If He’s still watching, let Him see
What broken still can be
God wants me dead
That’s what the silence said
Not in fire, not in flood
Just slow enough to taste the blood
If He wants me gone
He’ll have to take me walking   


FYI: God saw me write this and did not stop me....songwriter Edwin H. Balder


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