my last physical relationship left me scarred and abused and all of my long distance relationships never work out
i am a hopeless romantic, i will never be loved again

the last month of my life i was happy
you gave me your time and let me give you mine
i wanted to take it slower, but our friend gave me no choice
so i put in my all and now i'm here, on the ground broken up and i'm still shedding tears
maybe now she can learn every so subtley 
i love you both, i want you to be happy

cuz i can't be happy with you, i can only be happy for you
look at you move on in your life, hating myself every night
i know it wasn't your intention, i just wanted your attention
you said "hold me oh so close" but you didn't love me most

"it's fine" why do i doubt that?
i life my live in a pain that always fights back
it hurts bad every time i'm lied to
and you lied to me every day

with "i love you ill always be there for you"
i think by that you meant "ill always haunt you"
the bruises you left on my back are still there
the constant abuse made me feel like it's fair

for all the mistreatment and all the arguments
fighting your partner and publishing documents
it's always my fault when the fuck is it not
i'm too fucking scared to ever shoot my shot

but i put in my all and now i'm here, on the ground broken up and i'm still shedding tears
maybe now she can learn every so subtley 
i love you both, i want you to be happy

cuz i can't be happy with you, i can only be happy for you
look at you move on in your life, hating myself every night
i know it wasn't your intention, i just wanted your attention
you said "hold me oh so close" but you didn't love me most

hopeless romantic

if you loved me then you would've just said it
collab with naku

cult <reesoo>

leave me to die, get me killed in a forest
collab with naku

i finally got away from you

prod. drma vocals by me

lyrics

wow, i dont know what took you so long
tried to run away, fuckin cried when saying so long
its getting hard to stay like this
but i guess that's just how it is

you think i'm overreacting?
do you care at all? are you acting?
do you mean it when you wish me the best
cuz you always turn around and fuckin call me a pest

im getting tired of it all
left to rot, not a lot will be lost
fuck 12, ion care about the laws
i just wanna run away from you.

you let it all out to rot
you left me without a second thought
you never cared that we always fought
ion know, maybe i'm just stupid

got a lot to do today
dont want it to fade away
i dont got much left to say
thanks for caring anyway

always bringing up the past
go and fucking kiss my ass
cuz i'm tired of the bullshit

you think i'm overreacting?
do you care at all? are you acting?
do you mean it when you wish me the best
cuz you always turn around and fuckin call me a pest

im getting tired of it all
left to rot, not a lot will be lost
fuck 12, ion care about the laws
i just wanna run away from you.

fuck you too! <drma>

my dream is to leave without a trace and have no one care at all

prod drma

lyrics:
they are haunting me
can you set me free? i am on my knees
memories, they are haunting me
can you set me free? i am on my knees

can you listen for a second, i don't like this
fighting all the fucking time, swing a right fist
get it down, beat her up, make her shut the fuck up
peyton needs to realize whenever she messes up

i don't wanna be here like anymore
i know i've probably said that before
but the words always rings true
except when i said that i trust you

i think i made a mistake
but it's hard to tell who isn't my friend
fuckin die in a lake
find a way to finally meet my end
but i dont wanna do it
i'm too scared in front of other people
then why the fuck do i try
for someone who's dead why should i be alive?

they are haunting me
can you set me free? i am on my knees
memories, they are haunting me
can you set me free? i am on my knees

i trust you, i promise <drma>

prod guda & swiftslash & me
written and sang by me

lyrics:
- part 1 -
never been the same since i was that day
i'm so tired of attention cuz i wanna run away
people always act out but they never wanna change
and my life is like a book the wear i'm tearin off a page

and i've never been the same since i was that day
i'm so tired of attention cuz i wanna run away
people always act out but they never wanna change
and my life is like a book the wear i'm tearin off a page

i know how it ends but i still really wanna give up
i hate that you're persistent, can you give me this and let up?
i'm always fucking hurting, always told to keep my chin up
so i'll just buy a rope and make a promise to keep it up

you know i'm tired, and i'm very unstable
i'm constantly looking for reasons to label
myself as dead and have no one bat an eye
cuz they'd never wanna question why the fuck i'd wanna die

i don't wanna make them sad
i always make my parents mad
i'm still hurting really bad
but i know how it ends up

- part 2 -
i need to sleep
i'm so exhausted from my medicine
why am i so weak?
am i really goin through it again

day five, i wont speak
i think it's probably cuz of medicine
why am i here?
i thought you said you'd never call them

pick me up, they throwin me into a small, brown room
another person says "hello, who am i talking to?"
i'm introduced and then they took my phone away
i'm fucking terrified of who i even was that day

they told me that i would recover here
and that they'd always lend me an ear
but when i tried to talk about my problems
they kept me round and told me that they'd solve them

do they think that i'd be happy here?
these fucking walls are stained with all my tears
they never even fucking cleaned my window
they kept me locked inside my brand new limbo

晚安

prod guda

go to sleep dissociated, are they even aware?
i fall apart when i'm alone, do they even care?
every day it's all the same, i never know my name
never wanna fucking know what's going on in my brain
don't like dissection, the sections i've locked away
important memories that still haunt me to this day

but should i try to move on?
they caught me dead like i don't know what i am doing wrong
i always give my all, i always try my best
but every time it fuckin leaves me with a broken chest
and i'm too scared to pull it back
cuz i don't wanna risk another fuckin heart attack
my heart is beating at a hundred-thirty bpm
if people loved me, i'd never know what i'd mean to them

and i don't know if that's a comforting thought or not
i just wanna fall asleep and not feel like i am an astronaut
in my own head, i still feel dead
i don't know if i am real because i felt like i had reached the end

soju

i just got here but i'm already gone (plxce)

i don't take care of myself (freddiexo)

(prod. lacuna)

got out of bed i woke up from a nightmare
scared of the monsters that i know are not there
what the fuck am i doin wrong?
cuz i know it ain't nothing i'm doin right

starin at my pc background
just for comfort
i need you right now
becuz im so fuckin scared without you

fuck this life cuz i can't ever
speak about anxiety to
anyone who's promised me
that they'd always be there for me
it's wrong

but i don't care much anymore
they showed me time and time before
that they are busy, i'm a nuisence
haven't had to tie a noose since
i was 15 years old

they'll pass it off until i'm gone

my cries for help constantly go unnoticed how much more do i need to scream (prod. lacuna)

i wonder what color my dying little heart is

pretty colors (01ashes)

music archive for peyton
documentation of a long-lost soul
2002-2026

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