Facing My Darkest Fears

The first time I caught you kissing someone
In the parking lot
You said it meant nothing—just forgot.
But to me it meant a lot
The second time, you blamed the moon,
But it was 3PM and the clouds weren’t gloom

You said you tried to love, but that’s hard to believe 
Yet I'm still the idiot who keeps convincing myself it’s true

Third time’s a wedding, dress me in white,
Buried my heart where you left your tracks.
I gave you matches, you burned down trust,
Now I’m sweeping up ash and choking on dust.

You said, “It’s just a fling, don’t overreact,”
Like my heartbreak came with a money-back.
You tattooed lies on your lipstick grin,
While I played the fool with a guitar

You said I’m jealous—maybe I am,
Of the lies you fed to your latest scam.

Third time’s a funeral, no flowers please,
Just whiskey, spite, and STD’s.
I built a home on your sinking sand,
Now I’m mailing back your wedding band.

I carved your name in a bathroom stall,
Right next to “cheater” and “used up doll.”
I loved you hard—mistake one of three—
Now I’m ghosting your ghost like it’s haunting me.

You said forever—meant three weeks,
Between your lies and your latex streaks.
I’m done with chances, out of grace,
Your halo’s fake and your soul’s misplaced.

Third time’s a funeral, you dug the hole,
Laid me down with your self-control.
So keep your stories, your makeup tears—
I’m burning the past and shifting gears.

Here lies love—she died a cheat,
With lipstick lies and cold bare feet.
No need for prayers, no final glance—
Just one last shot, and a second chance.

Fourths Time's My Funeral

I met a good thing in a thrift store dress,
She smelled like hope and a little success.
She said, “You could be happy if you’d just sit still,”
But I lit a match just for the thrill.

I’ve got a PhD in screwin’ it up,
Burning bridges just to warm my cup.

I ruin good things like it’s in my blood,
Turn gold to rust, love into mud.
You give me peace and I start a war,
Built to break—can’t help it anymore.

Gave her my heart with a ticking sound,
Like a timebomb gift wrapped, underground.
She tried to fix me with Band-Aids and grace,
But I ghosted her smile without a trace.

I call it freedom—she called it fear,
Guess I was gone before I got here.

I ruin good things like a punk on cue,
Take something real, then cut it in two.
She gave me heaven, I showed her the door,
Built to break—it’s my folklore.

I sharpen words like switchblades sweet,
Then cry alone in the driver’s seat.
I want the calm, but I chase the crash,
Trading slow love for a quick backlash.

So here’s to the mess I always make,
To the hands I held just to watch them shake.
If love’s a drug, I’ve built a lab—
Just to make sure it all goes bad.

I ruin good things—it’s my damn curse,
Write love songs backward, second verse worse.
She tried to save me, I pulled the cord,
Built to break—ain’t that what hearts are for?

If I call you tomorrow, just let it ring,
It’s only me, wrecking another good thing.

I Never Mess Up At Messing Up

I only check your Instagram once a day
Just to see if you’re still in P.A.
I only to play your playlist when I drive
Just coincidence, I drive for life,

I sleep on my side of the bed
Your pillow’s still there, but it’s just for my head
I don’t dream of you, not every night
Okay, maybe twice — alright, maybe five

I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)
I’m fine, I swear, I barely even thought (It's totally a lot)
About that dress you left, or your coffee mug (The only cup I use)
I drink out of it, but not ‘cause I’m stuck (I swear I'm not)
I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)

I tell my friends I’m better off
That heartbreak just adds to my songs
I got a new girlfriend, put your ghost in the ground,
But I still play all of our songs, even when she's around

I’m not sad, I’m just introspective
I’m not lonely, just hyper-reflective
I’m not broken, I’m just bent
And writing this song is just… content

I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)
I’m fine, I swear, I barely even thought (It's totally a lot)
About that dress you left, or your coffee mug (The only cup I use)
I drink out of it, but not ‘cause I’m stuck (I swear I'm not)
I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)

It’s not love, it’s nostalgia
It’s not pain, it’s performance art
I’m not crying, this is punk rock
I’m not hurt, I’m just falling apart

I miss you but not that much
Okay maybe a lot
I’m cool, I swear, it’s all just a plot
For my next EP, for my mental health
For pretending I’m not someone else
I miss you but not that much (Okay maybe a lot)

Yeah, okay maybe a lot
Okay maybe a lot

I Miss You, But Not That Much (Okay Maybe A Lot)

Sheets smell like war and last night’s dread,
Been three weeks since I left this bed.
DoorDash priest brings wine and sin,
I leveled up apathy—again.

Pajamas stained like a dying flame,
Blame the meta or the endgame.

I’m rotting in bed with my cursed deck,
Planeswalker’s pride and a broken neck.
Hollow like a soul that lost its spark,
Rolling through life like it’s Blighttown dark.

My fridge holds rage and takeout rot,
The sun comes up, but I do not.
I shuffle guilt like a goddamn mage,
Draw one card—it’s another cage.

I used to dream, now I just respawn,
Estus empty, heart withdrawn.

I’m rotting in bed with a foil regret,
Deck full of death and unpaid debt.
Bonfire cold and my saves erased,
This is what defeat looks like, face to face.

Sword in hand, but I missed the swing,
Exiled myself for one more ping.
I tap out life for a swamp and pain,
Board wipe soul, nothing left to gain.

Black mana heart, red mana rage,
My bedroom’s a graveyard, turn the page.
The fire fades, but I stay still,
Drafting doom with zero will.

Rotting in bed like a cursed flame,
Dark Souls loop, just new name, same shame.
If life’s a game, I’ve lost the plot—
Untap. Upkeep. Decay. And rot.

Don’t send help—I’d counterspell it.
This is the only dungeon where I fit.

Untap, Upkeep, Decay

You said I was chaos in a denim jacket
My smile’s too sharp, my love’s too erratic
I laugh too loud in public spaces
And flinch when I hear your name in random places

I told you honesty’s my best flaw
You said I weaponize every withdrawal
I said I don’t mean to be a mess
You said, “That’s exactly what makes this a test”

She told me I’m a walking red flag and I said thanks 
I’ve got issues in layers like interest rates in banks 
I’ve been ghosted by girls I’ve never met,
I’m the emotional debt you won’t forget,
She told me I’m a walking red flag and I said cheers 
At least I’m consistent across the years
I might ruin your peace but I’ll leave a mark
Like glitter in the cracks of your broken heart

I bring flowers at the wrong time
Say “I love you” like it’s punchline
I overthink every silence
And treat minor guilt like it’s a siren

You said I hold on just to sabotage
Apologize with half a collage
I said I’m learning — you rolled your eyes
You said “Don’t you dare make this another line”

She told me I’m a walking red flag and I said thanks
I’ve got baggage that won’t fit in overhead ranks
I date like I’m fixing something broken
And kiss like I’m scared of what’s unspoken
She told me I’m a walking red flag and I said true
I’m the plot twist you wish you never knew
I might break your streak but I’ll light your fuse
And I’ll write three songs about your shoes

[Fast acoustic strumming, shout-singing]
I’m not perfect, I’m not fixed
I’m a playlist full of conflict
I’m the guy your friends all warn you about
But secretly still talk to when you’re out

She told me I’m a walking red flag and I said thanks
I’m the free trial love that always tanks
I burn too bright and end too fast
But baby, you’ll remember the blast
She told me I’m a walking red flag and I said cheers
I’ll be in your head for the next ten years
I’m not the one you’ll bring to mom
But I’m the chorus that still hits strong

Yeah, I said thanks
Yeah, I said thanks

She Told Me I’m a Walking Red Flag and I Said Thanks

I left the lights on and locked the door,
Didn’t take keys, didn’t need ’em no more.
Wandered out past the cul-de-sac,
Where the trees don’t care if you ever come back.

Sky went blank and time went numb,
I forgot where I was—or where I’m from.

I’m disassociating where the silence stings,
Where the wind cuts deep and the sparrow sings.
The world don’t miss me, and that’s just fine,
I forgot my name in the pines.

I laid in the dirt ‘til the bugs felt kind,
Told the stars all the secrets I left behind.
The moon looked down like it knew the score,
But didn’t say much—just watched me ignore.

There’s no past out here, no future dread,
Just a cold breath and a hollow head.

I’m disassociating where the trees don’t ask,
Where the leaves write poems on my paper mask.
No one calls, and that’s a sign—
I forgot my name in the pines.

They say go heal, go talk it out,
But I’d rather scream where no one shouts.
I dug a bed from moss and shame,
And let the silence take the blame.

I’m not gone, I’m just… not here.
My body’s close but the mind’s unclear.
I didn’t run—I just dissolved,
Into the woods, unsolved.

I’m disassociating where the world goes mute,
Where the air tastes thick and the pain feels cute.
I’m not okay, but I’m not confined—
I forgot my name in the pines.

So if they ask where I’ve been—just lie.
Say I went home. Don’t say goodbye.

I Lost My Name In The Pines

Oblivion’s remastered, I’ve been to Cyrodil before
Gears of War’s on PS5, what's a console war?
I saw a kid in JNCO jeans, holding a Sidekick phone
I asked what year it was — they said “bro, leave me alone”

Pop-punk’s back and so are bangs
Low-rise jeans and studded chains
I hear The Killers on the radio
It’s like Hot Topic never let go

Is this 2006?
Or am I just having another crisis?
I'm still wearing DC's,
My daughter has a vinyl of the Fugees
Is this 2006 again?
Or is nostalgia just a marketing plan?
I can’t believe we’re hyped for Nintendo again
And Grand Theft Auto’s still the biggest trend

Skate shoes, trucker hats, and Avril’s on a playlist,
Everyone’s romanticizing teenage aimlessness,
Said “New aesthetic,” like it wasn’t our past
Who's wearing Tappout, that guy is wearing Fox.

I drive an 02 Kia Optima,
Wanted to time travel, but not have the karma.
I wrote this song on a Motorola note
While waiting for a burnt CD to load

Is this 2006?
Or am I just having another crisis?
They remastered Dead Rising,
They even brought back Dead Space.
Is this 2006 again?
Or is nostalgia just a marketing plan?
Nintendo Games are 80 dollars like in 1995,
And Rockstar is making the most expensive game of all time.

I miss when friends had ring back tones
And status updates meant you were home
But maybe we never grew past the phase
Just dressed it up in different ways

Is this 2006?
Or am I just confused
Oblivion’s new, and we're hearing The Used
Gears of War just changed the name
Is this 2006 again?
Or just the past repackaged with a grin?
I can’t believe the world’s this thrilled
For the same damn games we’ve already killed

Yeah, is this 2006?
Because it feels like 2006
I'm pretty sure it's 2006.
It's 100% still 2006.

What Year Is It Again?

You blocked me on everything, even Spotify
Now I scream into songs just to feel alive
You said I was “too intense,” and maybe you’re right
But I learned Morse code just to say goodnight

I tapped a message on my coffee cup
Said “I miss you” in dots and dashes and dumb luck
I put it in a song no one will hear
Except maybe you, if you're still near

She blocked me, so I wrote her a love song in Morse code
Every strum’s a signal, every lyric’s a load
Of all the things I couldn’t say out loud
So I whispered them to the underground
She blocked me, so I learned a new way to ache
Dot-dot-dash for every heartbrea
I don’t know if she’ll ever decode
This love song in Morse code

I carved your name into a cheap guitar
Right next to all my emotional scars
Posted the chords with a sad little line
Hoping you’d see it just one more time

I mailed a letter with no return
Wrote your initials in signals that burn
My friends all said, “Dude, move on”
But grief don’t care if it’s dumb or long

She blocked me, so I wrote her a love song in Morse code 
Every strum’s a signal, every lyric’s a load
Of all the things I couldn’t say out loud
So I whispered them to the underground
She blocked me, so I learned a new way to ache
Dot-dot-dash for every heartbreak
I don’t know if she’ll ever decode
This love song in Morse code

Maybe this is punk or maybe it’s pathetic
But at least my heartbreak’s alphabetic
I don’t need closure, I just want proof
That you once felt what I still do

She blocked me, so I wrote her a love song in Morse code
Every beat’s a secret I never told
Maybe one day it’ll beep through the noise
And you’ll hear me in the static void
She blocked me, so I hit record
On one last track you might ignore
I don’t know if she’ll ever decode
This love song in Morse code

This love song in Morse code

She Blocked Me, So I Wrote Her a Love Song in Morse Code

I whisper how I feel, and no one responds
Then I yell it like a siren, the silence is gone
Told myself I’d chill, told myself I'd be brave
Then I write my feelings in all caps anyway

I text “I’m fine” like a bitter refrain,
Put a period at the end so it sounds like pain.
They said “ dude you're too much” and “you're way over the top”
But bottling up only works, ‘til it fucking pops!

Screaming is just talking in upper case
It's just honesty with a louder face
I’m not angry, I’m just clear
And I’m tired of no one hearing me here
Screaming is just talking in upper case
I'm quietly losing, shouting for grace
I don’t want war, I just want space
Screaming is just talking in uppercase.

Because being ignored, is always bad
I write “dear god,” in my notes app
But I'm not Matt Sanders, it got erased,
Tryna put down the words to give you a taste,
I scream at my ex in these songs,
I scream at my new girl on the front lawn,

You say “you don’t have to shout”
But you never heard me when I talked it out
I used to bottle it in for decorum’s sake
Now I uncork the pain before it breaks

Screaming is just talking in upper case
It's just honesty with a louder face
I’m not angry, I’m just clear
And I’m tired of no one hearing me here
Screaming is just talking in upper case
I'm quietly losing, shouting for grace
I don’t want war, I just want space
Screaming is just talking in uppercase.

You can’t claim peace and turn down the sound
You can’t preach love while you drown me out
I’m not the problem, I’m just the flame
In a house built on blame

Screaming is just talking in upper case
It's just honesty with a louder face
I’m not angry, I’m just clear
And I’m tired of no one hearing me here
Screaming is just talking in upper case
I'm quietly losing, shouting for grace
I don’t want war, I just want space
Screaming is just talking in uppercase.

Do you hear me now,
When I say it out loud?
In my chair I sink down,
Don't even make a sound.

Screaming's Just Talking In Upper Case

Saw a girl with black eyes in the hallway today
Said she eats kids for lunch and floats when she prays
There’s a kid in chem with silver teeth
Says nothing but stares like he’s counting my grief

The jocks howl like wolves in the locker room at night
And the preppy kids sharpen their smiles to bite
The art kids use blood from mason jars
And swear their heartbreak’s written in stars

These aren’t just people, they’re beasts in disguise
Wearing yearbook masks, hiding monster eyes
You think it’s hormones, I think it’s a curse
High school’s just folklore in reverse
They walk these halls with claws in their sleeves
Smiling like angels while plotting your grief
You can try to fit in, or you learn to run
When everyone’s fangs come out just for fun

The lunchroom’s a swamp, the cliques are tribes
Each table a cult, each friend a bribe
She said she loved me in invisible ink
Then disappeared faster than you can blink

There’s a phantom who takes your name
And spreads it like smoke ‘til you’re never the same
A shapeshifter called “Best Friend ‘Til Death”
Who vanished right before our AP Chem test

And someone keeps blasting Taking Back Sunday
From a backpack speaker in the hallway
While another kid hums “I Miss You” alone
Wearing eyeliner like it’s still 2004

These aren’t just people, they’re beasts in disguise
Wearing yearbook masks, hiding monster eyes
You think it’s hormones, I think it’s a curse
High school’s just folklore in reverse
They walk these halls with claws in their sleeves
Smiling like angels while plotting your grief
You can try to fit in, or you learn to run
When everyone’s fangs come out just for fun

They say “those were the best years of your life”
If that’s true, I’m afraid to age
Cause I barely made it out with skin
And Dashboard Confessional never kicks in

These aren’t just people, they’re beasts in disguise
Wearing yearbook masks, hiding monster eyes
You think it’s hormones, I think it’s a curse
High school’s just folklore in reverse
They walk these halls with claws in their sleeves
Smiling like angels while plotting your grief
You can try to fit in, or you learn to run
When everyone’s fangs come out just for fun

Just folklore in reverse
Yeah, just folklore in reverse

Hunting For Cryptids In A High School

Got the job interview, wore a tie, even smiled
Said all the right things for a minute and a mile
Then I joked about death like it’s small talk
The manager laughed—then didn’t—then walked

Almost had it, it was right in my hand
But I tripped on my tongue like I always can

Screwed myself over again,
Cucked myself, from getting a win
It’s not bad luck, it’s just me
Lemony Snicket wrote my tragedy,
Screwed myself over again
Same damn loop from beginning to end
No one else I can even blame
Just me and my own fucked up game 

Matched with someone, she was cool, kinda kind
We laughed about movies and existential decline
Told her I write songs, she said “that’s hot”
Then I sent five in a row and ruined the shot

Almost had it, it was feeling so new
Then I pressed too hard, like I always do

Screwed myself over again,
Cucked myself, from getting a win
It’s not bad luck, it’s just me
Lemony Snicket wrote my tragedy,
Screwed myself over again
Same damn loop from beginning to end
No one else I can even blame
Just me and my own fucked up game 

I swore this time I’d go to the gym
Bought shoes, made plans, even told a friend
But I hit snooze three times, then ten
Woke up tired and quit again

Almost had it, at least I tried
Then I ghosted my goals like an ex online

Screwed myself over a-fucking-ain,
Cucked myself, from getting a win
It’s not bad luck, it’s just me
Lemony Snicket wrote my tragedy,
Screwed myself over again
Same damn loop from beginning to end
No one else I can even blame
Just me and my own fucked up game 

I’m the architect of my own demise
A one-man band, just writing some lines
Break it, fix it, break it worse
My best intentions come with a curse

Screwed myself over again
Wrote the ending before I began
It’s not fate, it’s my own hand
Waving from a sinking van
Screwed myself over again
Guess I’ll do it tomorrow — and then
I’ll screw it up just like I planned
I’m the glitch in my own game plan

Screwed myself over again
Yeah, screwed myself over again

I Screwed Myself Over Again

You used to hum with the water runnin’
Off-key, no care, no curtain call
A punk rock siren in a tiled cathedral
Now the silence Fills my skull

It wasn't just the notes, it was your truth
Belting “Miss Murder” like it meant salvation
I'd sit on the floor, just outside the door
Grinning through the steam, no hesitation

I miss hearing you sing in the shower
Like the world didn't exist for an hour
You were raw, you were flawed, you were free
And I swear that was the realest you'd ever be
Even if the world stayed deaf to sound
I heard heaven when the water was coming down

You’d mess up the words, laugh through the beat
Murder “Mr. Brightside,” still make it sweet
You danced in puddles with shampoo in your hair
That girl is gone, but that ghost still lives there

And I know we burned too fast to last
But I still see you in that glass
Fogged-up mirror, middle finger high
Dripping wet, singing “Still Waiting” to the sky

I miss hearing you sing in the shower
Like the world didn't exist for an hour
You were raw, you were flawed, you were free
And I swear that was the realest you'd ever be
Even if the world stayed deaf to sound
I heard heaven when the water was coming down

Wasn’t the stage, wasn’t the crowd
It was your heart, screaming loud
Through the hum of broken pipes
You made those three minutes feel right

Now the drain just gulps and moans
No voice, no blink, just dial tones
If I could rewind, if I could beg
I’d trade it all for one more verse from the edge

I miss hearing you sing in the shower
Like the world didn't exist for an hour
You were raw, you were flawed, you were free
And I swear that was the realest you'd ever be
Even if the world stayed deaf to sound
I heard heaven when the water was coming down

I haven't heard heaven in awhile,
I sing myself to the quiet tile,
The silences is blaring,
So I sing in the shower pretending not to be caring.

I Miss Hearing You Sing In The Shower

Steel teeth spinning, morning haze
Boots in dew, just cutting away
This town grows wild with things we leave
But I trim the ghosts from under the eaves

You left in spring, your shadow stayed
In overgrown paths and ivy laid
I fire up the engine, pull the cord
Each pass a prayer, each cut a sword

A weed eater is a modern day scythe
Chopping through the lies of a small-town life
It hums like rage, it sings like grief
Sparks fly where I lost belief
Your name still lives in the thorns and vine
So I mow ‘til I forget that you're not mine

Neighbors nod, they don’t ask much
They hear the whirl, they feel the hush
You can’t drown pain, but you can trim its face
Make the land forget what it once embraced

And every weed’s a memory grown
From a root I should’ve never sown
But I swing like Death on a Saturday
Making peace with yesterday

A weed eater is a modern day scythe
Chopping through the lies of a small-town life
It hums like rage, it sings like grief
Sparks fly where I lost belief
Your name still lives in the thorns and vine
So I mow ‘til I forget that you're not mine

The Reaper don’t wear a hood no more
He’s out back trimming like he’s done before
Gas fumes mix with the scent of dread
A whirring death in green instead

I've cleared the yard, but not my head
You’re still alive in what I’ve shed
Maybe someday I’ll stop the sound
And let the wild just take me down

A weed eater is a modern day scythe
Chopping through the lies of a small-town life
It hums like rage, it sings like grief
Sparks fly where I lost belief
Your name still lives in the thorns and vine
So I mow ‘til I forget that you're not mine

Yeah, I mow ‘til I forget that you're not mine

A Weed Eater's A Modern Day Scythe

Just two guys who write songs you hum when no one’s around.

Facing My Darkest Fears

PA 44