Songs That Keep Coming Back

I shaved my head in your bathroom
Because I thought if I changed it would fix it
You said, “You look like someone
who listens to bands that hurt women”
So I put on a hoodie
And blamed the lighting
And told myself if I laugh first
It can’t count as crying

You made a saint out of silence
While I kept preaching in lowercase
Typed “I’m fine” so many times
My keyboard’s started to erase

I saw your new post
And yeah, I read into it
‘Cause if you didn’t want me to
Why would you quote lyrics I showed you?

I talked to God
And all He said was “dude, that’s on you”
So I packed up my guilt
In that box marked “don’t open til June”
I still hear your voice
Like it’s stuck in a voicemail loop
Saying, “I love you, but not like that”
Then ghosting me mid-truth

I keep checking the weather
Like rain might fix my timeline
Every forecast says “try again”
But I’m not sure what to retry
I stopped drinking
But I still keep the bottles
Because maybe someday
I’ll build something useful
Out of everything that broke me

You always said
I was too dramatic to be believed
But somehow you still cried
When I left your favorite hoodie
On purpose

You said I was intense
I said, “Thanks, that’s fair”
Then wrote five songs about it
Like I didn’t even care

I talked to God
And He said “man, that sounds rough”
But offered no advice
Just laughed and hung up
I still memorize the sound
Of your name in lowercase
You said it didn’t mean much
But it still lives in my ribcage

You said, “You need help”
Like it wasn’t already tattooed
Between my bad habits
And my Spotify queue
I lit a candle
Just to watch it die slow
Like every plan I made
That still included you

I talked to God
But I think it was just my voice in disguise
Repeating every dumb thing
You said the night you left my life
You said you’d always care
But from a safe and quiet distance
Now I talk to walls
’Cause they don’t interrupt my resistance

And if I see you again
I’ll smile like it never wrecked me
But if I dream of you tonight
I hope you wake up heavy
With everything you never said to me.

I Talked To God And He Said "Dude That's On You" - B Side

I still wear that hoodie, you said was too tight,
Leftover memories, tripping over beer cans at night,
Told myself I'd call you, guess I lost my nerve,
So I keep writing songs that you’ll never hear,

And my friends say I should move on,
But I still drive past your old front lawn,
Wondering if your porch light’s still on,
Yeah, I’m stuck in the same old song,

Skiing in July, was a bad idea,
Like having our first date, at that old pizzeria,
I still have those old CDs, that you left in my car,
Everyone else moved on, but I haven't went far.

Skiing in July, what were we thinking?
Knew we'd crash and burn, but we kept on sinking,
I replay every word, like a scratched-up tape,
Guess I never learned how to walk away.

Saw your name pop up, on my screen last night,
Heart skipped a beat, but it was just Spotify
You’re always somewhere between the lines
Of every song I try to write

And my friends say I should grow up,
But I still laugh at your old dumb puns,
Just a shell of who I was,
Still chasing what we lost,

Skiing in July, was a bad idea,
Like having our first date, at that old pizzeria,
I still have those old CDs, that you left in my car,
Everyone else moved on, but I haven't went far.

Skiing in July, what were we thinking?
Trying to outrun all the mess we were making
I still hear your voice on the late-night drive
Guess some mistakes keep us feeling alive

You loved the chaos, I loved the calm
We were fireworks in a parking lot
Now I’m just trying to connect the dots
But the map’s all torn, and you’re already gone

I walk past the diner where we used to meet,
Your laugh still echoes in the cracked concrete,
My friends all say I should delete your thread,
But I scroll back anyway, just to mess with my head.

Skiing in July, was a bad idea,
But loving you was the best kind of fear,
I still hear your voice in the back of my mind,
Like a mixtape stuck on endless rewind.

Skiing in July, yeah, we lost control,
But some mistakes still feel like home,
I replay every laugh, every tear we made,
Guess some goodbyes are meant to stay.

Skiing in July, was a bad idea
But I'd do it all again, just to be near ya

Skiing In July Was A Bad Idea - B Side

I drove past your street, saw the light in your room,
Half-expected you to wave, but you moved on too soon,
Your jacket’s still crumpled, on the back of my chair
Everywhere I go, it’s like you’re halfway there.

And my friends are tired of hearing your name,
I’m stuck in the reruns, everyday is the same,
Chasing the clues that you left behind,
But you’re always two steps, ahead of my mind.

Cause I still listen to your old voice notes,
You left my passenger seat so cold,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Maps on my dashboard, coffee stains,
Crossing state lines, just to feel the same
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Found a postcard from Portland, shoved under my bed,
A place we never made it, just a plan in our heads,
I laugh at the photos, but it stings when I breathe,
Cause you're everywhere, except next to me.

And my friends say it’s time to move on,
But I keep looking back like you’re not really gone,
Tracing your shadow in songs I write,
You’re the puzzle piece missing every night.

Cause I still listen to your old voice notes,
You left my passenger seat so cold,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Maps on my dashboard, coffee stains,
Crossing state lines just to feel the same,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Red trench coat, slipping through my hands,
You’re a runaway train, I’m a one-man band,
Flipping through pages of where we’ve been,
But every line ends with you leaving again.

Cause I still listen to your old voice notes,
You left my passenger seat so cold,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

Maps on my dashboard, coffee stains,
Crossing state lines just to feel the same,
Now where in the world, did you go, I don't know,
You're my Carmen Sandiego.

I never found out where you went,
I keep writing songs just to vent,
The preacher won't listen to me repent,
He says "son you've done nothing but waste the time we spent."

Carmen Sandiego - B Side

I hate your name
But I still repeat it to fall asleep
I deleted your number
Then try random combos to find it
I said I moved on
But I’ve been writing drafts
Of texts I’ll never send
While lying flat on the floor again

You said I was hard to read
So I made an analysis
And now you say I’m too much
For the book you never finished anyway

I told you I’m done
But I keep checking your feed
I said I don’t miss you
Then cried at a song we both used to scream

I want you to be happy
But not if it’s not with me
I want closure
But only if I can leave the last scene
I said I’m okay
Then blasted my own songs for hours
I meant every word
But I take it all back
I never want to hear from you
But if you’d respond that’d be nice

I said I’d never forgive you
But I believed your apology
I said I’d block you
Then made burner accounts
I don’t believe in fate
But I swear I see signs
And I hate romanticizing
But I romanticized the decline

You said, “You’re overthinking”
But how do I stop
When my brain’s a junk drawer
Full of your half-finished thoughts?

I said “I’m chill, it’s whatever”
Then didn’t sleep for a week
I told my friends you meant nothing
Then cried into my hoodie’s sleeve

I want you to be happy
But not if it’s not with me
I want closure
But only if I can leave the last scene
I said I’m okay
Then screamed into my sleeves
I meant every word
But I take it all back
Just please
Say something

I burnt all our photos
Then tried to reform the ash
I said “I don’t need reminders”
But I have a voice note stash
I’m tired of pretending
That I don’t still wait
For you to ruin a day
Just so I can feel anything

I want you to be happy
But I want you to regret me
I said I was healing
Then scratched off the scab at 3:03
I don’t know what I want
But I know it still stings
I meant every word
But I take it all back
Until I believe
I meant anything

You said I contradict myself
And yeah, I do
But at least I still
Feel something
When i say your name

I’m Starting To Feel Sick In The Back Of My Throat.  Got Any Bandaids? - B Side

I met a good thing in a thrift store dress,
She smelled like hope and a little success.
She said, “You could be happy if you’d just sit still,”
But I lit a match just for the thrill.

I’ve got a PhD in screwin’ it up,
Burning bridges just to warm my cup.

I ruin good things like it’s in my blood,
Turn gold to rust, love into mud.
You give me peace and I start a war,
Built to break—can’t help it anymore.

Gave her my heart with a ticking sound,
Like a timebomb gift wrapped, underground.
She tried to fix me with Band-Aids and grace,
But I ghosted her smile without a trace.

I call it freedom—she called it fear,
Guess I was gone before I got here.

I ruin good things like a punk on cue,
Take something real, then cut it in two.
She gave me heaven, I showed her the door,
Built to break—it’s my folklore.

I sharpen words like switchblades sweet,
Then cry alone in the driver’s seat.
I want the calm, but I chase the crash,
Trading slow love for a quick backlash.

So here’s to the mess I always make,
To the hands I held just to watch them shake.
If love’s a drug, I’ve built a lab—
Just to make sure it all goes bad.

I ruin good things—it’s my damn curse,
Write love songs backward, second verse worse.
She tried to save me, I pulled the cord,
Built to break—ain’t that what hearts are for?

If I call you tomorrow, just let it ring,
It’s only me, wrecking another good thing.

I Never Mess Up At Messing Up - B Side

I walk passed the venue daily.
Still remember the shows we saw,
Used to say, "your music won't work"
When you see me on TV, I'd have proved my worth.

You said, “these songs are okay,”
Wrote about you everyday,
You've been gone for so long,
You'll see me before too long

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

You laughed before when I played in basements,
Now my voice is in your weekday playlists
I saw your sister post a story last night
She was front row, screaming every single damn line

I remember,
you didn't think I'd make it
You smiled,
for my sake,
Just faked it,
I didn't need you,
to make me better,
Well that's a fucking lie,
I still cry,
On your cranberry sweater.

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

Fame won't make me feel better,
Your calls, a chain to my tether
I just wanted you, to hear my songs.
I'd do anything for you to sing along

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

I swear, when I get money,
I'll be able to help you,
They said when you have money,
They'll finally accept you,
I just wanted you to still love me,
Even though that isn't what this is anymore,
I know my music was always boring to you,
Like loving me was a chore

I just want you to believe
Yeah, I just want you to believe

When I Get Money - B Side

I left the lights on and locked the door,
Didn’t take keys, didn’t need ’em no more.
Wandered out past the cul-de-sac,
Where the trees don’t care if you ever come back.

Sky went blank and time went numb,
I forgot where I was—or where I’m from.

I’m disassociating where the silence stings,
Where the wind cuts deep and the sparrow sings.
The world don’t miss me, and that’s just fine,
I forgot my name in the pines.

I laid in the dirt ‘til the bugs felt kind,
Told the stars all the secrets I left behind.
The moon looked down like it knew the score,
But didn’t say much—just watched me ignore.

There’s no past out here, no future dread,
Just a cold breath and a hollow head.

I’m disassociating where the trees don’t ask,
Where the leaves write poems on my paper mask.
No one calls, and that’s a sign—
I forgot my name in the pines.

They say go heal, go talk it out,
But I’d rather scream where no one shouts.
I dug a bed from moss and shame,
And let the silence take the blame.

I’m not gone, I’m just… not here.
My body’s close but the mind’s unclear.
I didn’t run—I just dissolved,
Into the woods, unsolved.

I’m disassociating where the world goes mute,
Where the air tastes thick and the pain feels cute.
I’m not okay, but I’m not confined—
I forgot my name in the pines.

So if they ask where I’ve been—just lie.
Say I went home. Don’t say goodbye.

I Lost My Name In The Pines - B Side

I still drive past your street sometimes,
Just to see if your porch light’s on at night,
Your window’s dark, but I leave the car in gear,
Whisper your name like you’re still here.

I wear that old band t-shirt you left behind,
The one that never fit me right,
I play our song just to fill the space
But all it does is bring memories I can't replace.

And I laugh at things you’d never see
And wonder if you laugh at me
The little thoughts I tuck away
Come flooding in most every day

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to,
If you’re still wearing that worn-out blue,
If you drive too fast when you’re feeling lost,
If you miss the sound of my voice at all.

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to,
If you still hum along to our old tunes,
If you stare at the ceiling when sleep won’t come,
If you miss me when you’re drunk and dumb.

Your best friend posts pictures that I still see
A little window back into your world without me
You look okay, you look just fine
But a photo never tells the inside

I walk these streets with someone new
But half the time I’m thinking of you
I wonder if you ever feel the same
Or if I’m the only one still playing this game

And I laugh at things you’d never see
And wonder if you laugh at me
The little thoughts I tuck away
Come flooding in most every day

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you’re still wearing that worn-out blue
If you drive too fast when you’re feeling lost
If you miss the sound of my voice at all
Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you still hum along to our old tunes
If you stare at the ceiling when sleep won’t come
If you miss me when you’re drunk and dumb

Maybe someday I’ll stop this tune
Maybe someday I’ll stop missing you
But tonight’s not that night
Tonight you’re still on my mind

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you’re still wearing that worn-out blue
If you drive too fast when you’re feeling lost
If you miss the sound of my voice at all
Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you still hum along to our old tunes
If you stare at the ceiling when sleep won’t come
If you miss me when you’re drunk and dumb

I know you want me to say sorry,
The truth is I am,
But can't say it,
Sorry.
I still watch all your stories,
And laugh at our old jokes,
Just know I miss you sometimes,
Even if the words get lost sometimes.

Sometimes I Wonder What You're Up To - B Side

Just two guys who write songs you hum when no one’s around.

Songs That Keep Coming Back

PA 44