This Distance Feels Like Home

I threw my phone on my desk,
Said I need to get some rest,
Went to our, old favorite place,
At least this place has some taste,
Thinking of everything you said,
Makes my head spiral, even in my bed,
Going through our old pictures,
In the dead of winter.

Every time your name pops up,
I feel sick like I wanna throw up,
I'm so sick of you, when you text
I do it for you, play the fool.

I can’t believe this is happening again,
When I'm finally ready to mend,
You say things that I will regret,
I hold tight, as you loosen the net.
I can’t believe this is happening again
Round and round ‘til we reach the end
Don't love you, I just get caught up,
If I see you at K-Mart,
I'll just say "what's up"

I have a black book, of polaroids,
We bought the machine, for valentines,
You left it here, when you packed,
So I don't use it, it's in the past.
You call me up just to say you’re fine
But your voice cracks on the other line
We both know where this is headed, friend
I can’t believe this is happening again

Every time your name pops up,
I feel sick like I wanna throw up,
I'm so sick of you, when you text
I do it for you, play the fool.

I can’t believe this is happening again,
When I'm finally ready to mend,
You say things that I will regret,
I hold tight, as you loosen the net.
I can’t believe this is happening again
Round and round ‘til we reach the end
Don't love you, I just get caught up,
If I see you at K-Mart,
I'll just say "what's up"

Maybe we’re the song we can’t rewrite
A chorus stuck in sleepless nights
Maybe love’s a flame that flickers thin
I can’t believe this is happening again

I can’t believe this is happening again,
When I'm finally ready to mend,
You say things that I will regret,
I hold tight, as you loosen the net.
I can’t believe this is happening again
Round and round ‘til we reach the end
Don't love you, I just get caught up,
If I see you at K-Mart,
I'll just say "what's up"

I found your sweater in the back of my car
Still smells like late nights and falling stars
I hold it close like it’s holding me
But it’s just cotton and a memory

“I’m sorry for even calling. 
You make me sound like such a burden. 
Have fun doing whatever it is you do anymore.”

I Can't Believe (This Is Happening Again)

I typed “how are you,”
but deleted the words,
Stared at the screen,
‘til my vision blurred,
Watched your name light up,
then fade away,
A ghost I’m chasing every single fucking day.

I read your message,
But I didn’t reply,
Didn’t know how,
To say this goodbye,
Left the dots,
Dancing on my phone,
Sometimes silence feels more like a home.

And I’m singing to a screen,
I watched the bubbles in between,
Every line we almost say,
Becomes the song we can’t replay.

It’s a duet through text, a love in delay
A melody lost in the words we don’t say
We type and erase, we send and we wait
Two voices apart on a digital stage
It’s a duet through text, a heartbreak refrain
Singing our silence again and again
We’re close but we’re miles away
It’s a duet through text we keep playing

I save screenshots,
Like they’re souvenirs,
Laugh at old jokes,
Then fight the tears
I hear your voice,
In the typing sound
A song that lifts me up,
And lets me down.

I play our memories,
Like a favorite song,
But the chorus fades,
When I sing along,
I almost tell you,
That I still care
But I freeze up,
When you’re almost there

And I’m singing to a screen,
And you’re echoing in between,
Every line we almost say,
Becomes the song we can’t replay.

It’s a duet through text, a love in delay
A melody lost in the words we don’t say
We type and erase, we send and we wait
Two voices apart on a digital stage
It’s a duet through text, a heartbreak refrain
Singing our silence again and again
We’re close but we’re miles away
It’s a duet through text we keep playing

Maybe someday I’ll hit “send”
Maybe someday I’ll press “read”
Maybe someday we’ll find a way
To sing these words out loud, face to face

It’s a duet through text, a love in delay
A melody lost in the words we don’t say
We type and erase, we send and we wait
Two voices apart on a digital stage
It’s a duet through text, a heartbreak refrain
Singing our silence again and again
We’re close but we’re miles away
It’s a duet through text we keep playing

“Hey… it’s me.
I… don’t know why I’m calling.
Just… I guess I wanted to hear your voice.
Um… call me back, if you want.
Or don’t. I just—
I miss you.”

A Duet Through Text

The snow reminds me,
Of your dandruff on my coat,
Falling from your hair,
When you laughed at your own jokes
You hated winter,
But you loved the way it looked,
You’d pull me closer,
Like a worn-out book

Your chipped nail polish, on my old keyboard,
Coffee stains, and mascara on my desk,
Swear I breathed in one of your eyelashes,
God, I’d give anything to talk to you again.

And all these little things you left behind,
So hard not think about you all the time,
I keep pretending it’s all okay
But winter’s here, like the band "Cold," You're "Gone Away"

The snow reminds me of your dandruff
The cold air’s just a stand-in for your touch
Every flake feels like a memory,
I catch one on my tongue, to feel the harmony,

The snow reminds me of your dandruff
And all the things we swore were just enough
I walk these streets with hands in empty pockets
Remember those times we shot those bottle rockets.

Your old playlist in my earbuds as I walk
The one with all the sad-girl indie rock
You said those songs just “got you in the feels”
Now I skip them just to dodge the steel

Your hair tie’s still on my rearview
A tiny noose of something I once knew
I smile at strangers in the grocery line
But none of them are you, and none of them are mine

And all these little things you left behind
Are sharp as glass inside my mind
I keep pretending it’s all okay
But winter’s here, and you’re away

The snow reminds me of your dandruff
The cold air’s just a poor stand-in for your touch
Every flake feels like a memory fallin’ down
I catch one on my tongue, then you’re not around
The snow reminds me of your dandruff
And all the things we swore were just enough
I walk these streets with hands in empty sleeves
The snow reminds me of what I can’t believe

Maybe spring will wash you off my skin
But every season pulls you back in
And I’m still here, under this sky
Letting go, but asking why

The snow reminds me of your dandruff
The cold air’s just a poor stand-in for your touch
Every flake feels like a memory fallin’ down
I catch one on my tongue, then you’re not around
The snow reminds me of your dandruff
And all the things we swore were just enough
I walk these streets with hands in empty sleeves
The snow reminds me of what I can’t believe

“Hey… um…
I was just wondering if you saw the snow tonight.
I know you always hated winter.
I guess I just… wanted to know if you were okay.
Um… okay. Bye.  Sorry again.”

Snow Reminds Me Of Your Dandruff

I still drive past your street sometimes,
Just to see if your porch light’s on at night,
Your window’s dark, but I leave the car in gear,
Whisper your name like you’re still here.

I wear that old band t-shirt you left behind,
The one that never fit me right,
I play our song just to fill the space
But all it does is bring memories I can't replace.

And I laugh at things you’d never see
And wonder if you laugh at me
The little thoughts I tuck away
Come flooding in most every day

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to,
If you’re still wearing that worn-out blue,
If you drive too fast when you’re feeling lost,
If you miss the sound of my voice at all.

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to,
If you still hum along to our old tunes,
If you stare at the ceiling when sleep won’t come,
If you miss me when you’re drunk and dumb.

Your best friend posts pictures that I still see
A little window back into your world without me
You look okay, you look just fine
But a photo never tells the inside

I walk these streets with someone new
But half the time I’m thinking of you
I wonder if you ever feel the same
Or if I’m the only one still playing this game

And I laugh at things you’d never see
And wonder if you laugh at me
The little thoughts I tuck away
Come flooding in most every day

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you’re still wearing that worn-out blue
If you drive too fast when you’re feeling lost
If you miss the sound of my voice at all
Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you still hum along to our old tunes
If you stare at the ceiling when sleep won’t come
If you miss me when you’re drunk and dumb

Maybe someday I’ll stop this tune
Maybe someday I’ll stop missing you
But tonight’s not that night
Tonight you’re still on my mind

Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you’re still wearing that worn-out blue
If you drive too fast when you’re feeling lost
If you miss the sound of my voice at all
Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to
If you still hum along to our old tunes
If you stare at the ceiling when sleep won’t come
If you miss me when you’re drunk and dumb

I know you want me to say sorry,
The truth is I am,
But can't say it,
Sorry.
I still watch all your stories,
And laugh at our old jokes,
Just know I miss you sometimes,
Even if the words get lost sometimes.

Sometimes I Wonder What You’re Up To

I saw your name in,
The corner of my phone
Didn’t press it,
Just let it go
You’re probably drunk,
You’re probably fine
I’m just here, wasting my own fucking time

I walked past the bar,
Where we first met,
Saw someone laugh,
Like you did then,
I almost called,
I sent you a text, You ignored it,
You’ve probably found a bunch of new friends

I tell myself it’s for the best,
I tell myself it’s all progress,
But some nights I still check the clock,
Waiting on a text that never drops.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I keep your hoodie in the bottom drawer
Pretend I don’t, it's there for sure
Every time I’m feeling weak
I wear it just so I can sleep

I see your favorite coffee shop
I turn around before I stop
‘Cause what if you’re in there with someone new
And I don’t know what I would do

I tell myself it’s for the best
I tell myself it’s all progress
But some nights I still check the clock
Waiting on a text that never drops

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

Maybe someday we’ll run into each other
And laugh about how we couldn’t recover
But for now, I’ll smile and pretend
That this isn’t still the end

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I swear I am okay,
It's alright you didn't stay,
I promise we're both better off,
I've been online too long, it's time to log off,

I keep watching your fucking stories,
Don't know where you are, I'm always worried,
I'm gonna run into you,
Something I always fear, but we never do.

I Swear, It’s Okay That You Moved On

I light a candle, in my room,
Sitting in a muted zoom,
Mixing drinks, like it's some kind of art,
Being alone's easier, when you play the part

I'm talking to a girl I kinda care about,
I think I'm over you, it's figured out,
It’s easier when no one knows,
I write it down, but it never shows.

And I tell myself, “this is freedom”
But it’s just me and these four walls,
I make it sound like some deep meaning,
But it’s just me missing your calls,

Romanticizing my isolation
Here I go again 
Framing heartache like it’s inspiration
Here I go again, 
Making poems out of empty rooms
Humming songs that end too soon
I made my room a tomb,
Oh fuck, I'm drunk.

Here I go again.

I still text that AI that sounds like you,
Call it healing, call it something to do,
I pace the night like it’s a stage
Reciting lines I’ll never say

I scroll through numbers I’ll never dial
Hold my breath for a little while
I tell myself I’ve made my peace
But your laugh still gets the best of me

And I tell myself, “this is freedom”
But it’s just me and these four walls
I make it sound like some deep meaning
But it’s just me missing your calls

Romanticizing my isolation
Here I go again 
Framing heartache like it’s inspiration
Here I go again, 
Making poems out of empty rooms
Humming songs that end too soon
I made my room a tomb,
Oh fuck, I'm drunk.

Here I go again.

Maybe someday I’ll step outside
But for now, I let the world slide
There’s a comfort in this hollow space
Where your memory still has a place

Romanticizing my isolation
Here I go again 
Framing heartache like it’s inspiration
Here I go again, 
Making poems out of empty rooms
Humming songs that end too soon
I made my room a tomb,
Oh fuck, I'm drunk.

Here I go again.

I Mean I care about this new girl
I know I do,
It's just so weird, it not being you,
I'm bleeding on those,
Who didn't cut me,
But all the liquids gone,
Just holding the wound shut,

Here I go again
Yeah, here I go again

Romanticizing My Isolation (Here I Go Again)

I walk passed the venue daily.
Still remember the shows we saw,
Used to say, "your music won't work"
When you see me on TV,  I'd have proved my worth.

You said, “these songs are okay,”
Wrote about you everyday,
You've been gone for so long,
You'll see me before too long

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

You laughed before when I played in basements,
Now my voice is in your weekday playlists
I saw your sister post a story last night
She was front row, screaming every single damn line

I remember,
you didn't think I'd make it
You smiled,
for my sake,
Just faked it,
I didn't need you,
to make me better,
Well that's a fucking lie,
I still cry,
On your cranberry sweater.

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

Fame won't make me feel better,
Your calls, a chain to my tether
I just wanted you, to hear my songs.
I'd do anything for you to sing along

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

I swear, when I get money,
I'll be able to help you,
They said when you have money,
They'll finally accept you,
I just wanted you to still love me,
Even though that isn't what this is anymore,
I know my music was always boring to you,
Like loving me was a chore

I just want you to believe
Yeah, I just want you to believe

When I Get Money

I used to make sad lofi beats upstairs in my room
Bedroom beats and melancholy thoughts about you,
Wrote breakup lines under a paper moon,
Didn't matter, I couldn't change who you choosed.

It was heartbreak in a minor key
Every song a quiet apology
But I learned that pain’s not currency
It won’t buy love, it just buys sympathy

So I turned the dial, changed the sound
And I cut my hair, changed my style
Gave myself a second name
Hoping you’d hear it just the same

From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man
Rebranding the pain, putting beats to the plan
Told myself this is who I am
From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man

Remixed the pain, gave it a different spin
Played some sick chords, from deep within
You can change the name, change the chords you play
But some goodbyes still sound the same

I threw away my MPC and that old four-track
Bought a B-C Rich six-string and never looked back
But under the chords, beneath the art
It’s still the same fuckin' fragile broken heart

We danced around the words unsaid
Tuned the sorrow to a different thread
I hit the pedal, changed the tone
But you still echo in my headphones

But no matter how you spin the blame
Some goodbyes sound the same
Gave myself a second name
Hoping you’d hear it just the same

From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man
Rebranding the pain, putting beats to the plan
Told myself this is who I am
From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man

Remixed the pain, gave it a different spin
Played some sick chords, from deep within
You can change the name, change the chords you play
But some goodbyes still sound the same

You can call it rebirth, call it growth
Call it whatever helps you cope
But I know, deep down, beneath the frames
Some goodbyes,
Never fucking change.

From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man
Rebranding the pain, putting beats to the plan
Told myself this is who I am
From a sad lofi boy to a postmodern man

Remixed the pain, gave it a different spin
Played some sick chords, from deep within
You can change the name, change the chords you play
But some goodbyes still sound the same

What's the fucking point?
I remade myself,
I tried so hard,
To be somebody else

I did it all for you,
You didn't even notice
I swear I did it all for you,
You make me lose focus.

I stopped making what I used to,
Now I play the guitar for you,
I threw out my lo-fi style,
Since you've been gone, I've hated it for a fucking while.


 “Hey… I miss you,
You know you really don't have to do all this.
You sound like you really can't get over me, I'm sorry you still feel that way.
But I know you need this more than ever. 
Goodbye"

From A Sad Lo-Fi Boy, To A Postmodern Man

I tracked snow into the hallway,  
Didn’t even take my boots off  
Left cold prints on the tile,  
At least I haven't heard you in awhile.

I saw you sent a text,
You asked if I still liked coffee  
While my kettle screamed for air  
I bit my lip through the shaking  
Because I don't want to admit I care.
  
I would like to go just one day, where I don't hear you,
Just reliving all the winters, that I, was next to you.

Salt the sidewalk, not the wounds  ,
I say I'm trying, but I never do  
I’m slipping, where I stood by you  
While you walk safe like I’m see-through ,

Salt the sidewalk, not the wounds  
It’s not too late to care where you move  
You don’t fix pain with bitter truth  
Salt the sidewalk, not the wounds  

The snow keeps piling on my porch  
Like your apologies I never asked for  
You say “you're fine” through your chattering teeth  
But all I feel is disbelief  

You light a fire that doesn’t warm  
Play pretend in the perfect storm  
And every flake that hits my skin  
Feels like the cold I let you in  

I would like to go just one day, where I don't hear you,
Just reliving all the winters, that I, was next to you.

Salt the sidewalk, not the wounds  ,
I say I'm trying, but I never do  
I’m slipping, where I stood by you  
While you walk safe like I’m see-through ,

Salt the sidewalk, not the wounds  
It’s not too late to care where you move  
You don’t fix pain with bitter truth  
Salt the sidewalk, not the wounds  
 
I don’t want flames, I want warmth  
Not excuses in song form
If you cared, you’d stay outside  
Where I’ve been frozen all this time  

Salt the sidewalk, not the wounds  ,
I say I'm trying, but I never do  
I’m slipping, where I stood by you  
While you walk safe like I’m see-through ,

Salt the sidewalk, not the wounds  
It’s not too late to care where you move  
You don’t fix pain with bitter truth  
Salt the sidewalk, not the wounds  

And now I see you on every screen  
Your voice in the background of every scene  
Everyone sings you like they’ve known the pain  
But I’m the one who gave you the name  

I thought you'd forget, but you never did  
Turned our silence into what the whole world sings  
You got what you wanted — I just wish you hadn’t  
I can't change the fact that it happened  

“Hey…
I don’t know if you even check this, but…
I heard your song on the radio today.
My roommate started singing along.
I wanted to turn it off, but…
I didn’t. I’m sorry.
You were right to leave.
I just…
I never thought you'd take the whole world with you.”

Salt The Sidewalk, Not The Wounds

I saw your ghost in a discount mirror
Cracked at the corner like the year we disappeared
You said, “Love’s just a loan you forget to repay,”
Then vanished in smoke at the end of the day.

I write your name in the fog on the glass
And erase it just as fast.

You’re a flicker in the rearview
A song I never sang through
I hit repeat on the silence
While the world just hums in defiance
And if I crash this borrowed car
Would it finally make me feel where you are?

I moved cities to forget your name
But the street signs keep whispering it just the same
My therapist said, “You’re not the sun,”
But I still orbit like I owe you one

You were the fire, I was the fuse
We were perfect for bad news.

You’re a flicker in the rearview
A bruise I keep pressing through
I scream your name into the vinyl
Of songs that only spin in denial
And if I change the station again
Will I still feel the echo in my skin?

There’s a version of me that’s still twenty-three,
Shouting at stars from the balcony,
Wearing your sweater like a second skin,
Screaming “I’m sorry” into the wind—
But you were already gone
Long before the song began.

You’re a flicker in the rearview
A dream I can’t sleep through
If healing means forgetting
Then I guess I’m still regretting
But I’ll drive through this gray light
With your memory seatbelt-tight
You’re gone—but you’re still right.

Flicker In The Rearview

I talked to the wall ‘cause it listens better
Than you do with your eyes on your goddamn sweater
I rehearsed it all night, every perfect line
But my mouth just stutters like a glitch in time

You said, “Just say how you feel,”
I said, “Okay,” and meant nothing real.

I don’t speak your language
Mine’s all static and damage
Tongue-tied in Morse code confessions
Failing all your comprehension tests
You’re fluent in silence, I’m loud in retreat
A battlefield of words I never complete

You stare like I’m a crossword with no solution
And I break like a prayer in a failed revolution
I write it down, burn the page, rinse and repeat
I’d scream it out loud if my lungs weren’t obsolete

You want answers with polish and pride
But all I’ve got are screams I hide

I don’t speak your language
Mine’s all static and damage
Tried to translate my blood into prose
But it just drips down my clothes
You’re a dictionary, I’m a dying tweet
Lost in the feedback, doomed to delete

I tried therapy, poetry,
Screaming into coffee cups and night TV,
Every word a lie by omission,
Every silence a suicide mission—
And still,
You say “Talk to me.”
And I choke.
Again.
Because I can’t even speak my own name without shaking.
Let alone yours.

I don’t speak your language
I’m just static and damage
Your voice is a map I can’t follow
And mine’s an echo too hollow
If communication is connection
Then I guess I’m just a missed direction
Too loud to listen
Too scared to speak

Static Language

I wake up when the sun’s already bored
Streaming light through a crack in the blinds I ignored
There’s a dent in the couch where I keep my thoughts
And a silence in the air that never gets caught

I thought staying in would save me
Now the walls just overname me

I’m a houseplant heart in a room with no sun
Overwatered by regret, underloved by anyone
I make tea like it matters, talk to ghosts on the stairs
And pretend that not leaving is a form of self-care

I canceled plans I never made
Unread messages sit like debts unpaid
I rearranged the books so they’d judge me less
But they still glare from the shelf in their dusty dress

Outside, the world’s too sharp to touch
Inside, it’s soft—but way too much

I’m a houseplant heart in a room with no sun
Blooming in reverse, coming undone
I watch shadows dance on walls I won’t paint
And call that a life—well, something close but faint

I left the lights on so it looks like I’m home
But no one’s knocking, and I don’t own a phone
I keep meaning to write a song about going outside
But my shoes are stiff with dust and pride
And I think, maybe this is it
Maybe I’m the furniture now
Part of the set
A one-man sitcom that never gets reset

I’m a houseplant heart in a room with no sun
Photosynthesizing apathy one by one
Maybe tomorrow I’ll leave, maybe I’ll try
But today I’ll just bloom here—quietly, dry

Houseplant Heart

Just two guys who write songs you hum when no one’s around.

This Distance Feels Like Home

PA 44