i like getting burned by the sun
on the beach with a surfboard and a gun
the waves are always calling me closer
begging me to lose my composure
i'm a downcast loner
a fucking poser
i can't get lower

i love your smile
stay here for a while
an angel that was surely heaven sent
i hope you didn't hear what i just said
got my blood on the pavement
i wanna be your favorite
goddamned vagrant
i wanna be your favorite
goddamned vagrant
i wanna be your favorite
goddamned vagrant

tadaima

Pax Pacifica

corrupt, degrade,
descend, insane
crucify
antagonize
i dance in shadow
and in light
i never sleep 
i never die

fleeting joy
call of the void
splatter, abhor
it's such a chore
it hurts me more than it does you
i will close my eyes and see
just how bittersweet art can be

ごめんなさい
本当ですか？
おやすみ
さようなら

sorry i'm not allowed
in your house
anymore

sorry for making you leak
pools of blood
on the floor

i know it's permanent
stained the walls
a crimson red

but i think it's so beautiful
as it leaves
from your head

shatter, erase,
slaughter, kill, destroy, and annihilate
remove any trace
of imperfection left in your imperfect state
beauty lies on the inside
and inside of you are shining  scarlet streaks
i must present these
paintings of purity to everyone unclean

capture this moment
with magnificent strokes
for all eternity

Paintings of Hanako

in flower fields
that feel surreal
two angels will fight to the death
the clamoring
of swords will bring
one closer to their last breath

and when it does don't cry for them 
everything that starts must also end
quiet surrounds them once more
the silence becomes their mentor
give them only passing glances
they have no time for semantics
sold their soul no second chances
given to hopeless romantics
now

beauty
imbued on thee
such a blessing in disguise
rarities
that i can see
embedded into the centers of your eyes
bestowed upon you
from someone
long dead for millennia
buried
inside of me
covered in camellias

aspirations start to drown
and now it's harder to get out
of your sweet dreams when you're asleep
so then the heavens watch you weep
and send you flowers bathed in gold
of sunlight through the winter cold
choose your fate and pursue
the angel who had died for you

molly put a bad thought in your head
never could make lots of new friends
what were those words i said back then?
"dallas, don't cry when i leave again"

i miss, i crave
i lose, i hate
i kill, i wait
i contemplate
i think of everyone i've loved
return myself to the sky above

Camellias

we sing we smile
we laugh and cry
we run we fly
we crash and die
we thank the lord
and say amen
we lie and sin
and fall again

we sing we smile
we laugh and cry
we run we fly
we crash and die
we thank the lord
and say amen
we lie and sin
and fall again

i'm in love with the idea of
honorable men from days of old
killed myself and all of my friends
in search of glory and gold
why are we so far from heroes
maybe we're not meant to be
the mango tree grows when it's alone
i'm content with everything

and i hate that we're satisfied
with ash
we'll take what we like
and they won't get it back

ashamed of every earthly comfort that we utilize
convincing ourselves that we are perfectly alright
flawed human beings that are rotten to the core
cutting hands and arms and legs and simply living for the gore
struggle burned inside our minds
it's what we both crave
we're no better than savages
we're wicked and depraved

maybe the silence
is worse than the violence
"the horror! the horror!", one day we will exclaim

that's okay

when i wake up
you won't get me to stay
i'm leaving now
i'm going far away
don't ask me where
i won't be back again
i'll say goodbye
and that will be the end

when i wake up
you won't get me to stay
i'm leaving now
i'm going far away
don't ask me where
i won't be back again
i'll say goodbye 
and that will be the end

Glory (The Horror!)

i know a couple friends and family
that like to drink and drive
told me it's the only chance
they ever get to feel alive
they gamble with their life
and everybody else's too
told me that's the bet you make
when you've got nothing else to lose

i know a couple friends and family
that cry themselves to sleep
i see the salt from their tears
embedding stains into the sheets
they said they'll never be happy
'cause it's not what they deserve
i said nothing in return
i still haven't found the words

i know a couple friends and family
that like to play with guns
they like to pull the trigger
'cause it gives them such a rush
one of them were smitten
fell in love with the lead
i guess they loved it so much
they put a bullet through their head

i don't like this cold
cold like hokkaido
take me somewhere warm
let's go to war

Hokkaido

ittekimasu

crystal told me that she's skipping town
said "there's nothing left here, don't stick around"
going west towards the california 1
riding waves, perfect lefts in the california sun
i don't even know what she's gonna do
but she said no matter what she's gonna follow through
"probably find a place in north hollywood"
that i could come along and i probably should

said "i've got a soft spot for you, half japanese,
because i feel like you're a lot like me"
heroes stay unsung
cigarettes for blackened lungs
hopeless truth always comes with hopeless love

packed up every single thing she owns
"yeah it's not very much, i already know"
3 surfboards on top of the car
one almost fell, not a great start
she and i both have the same dream
only difference is that she's actually
going to accomplish it and won't back down
i was born in the pacific, surfing on the couch

but oh my god i dream of you every time i fall asleep
unfortunately for me that's all we'll ever be
and i don't care that you've been there so many times before
every word i've left unsaid, here today and forevermore:

i'm sorry that i keep fucking it all up
i'm sorry that i won't ever be enough
i'm sorry that i talk too much, i'm sorry i can't be your crutch
i'm sorry that i keep saying i'm sorry so fucking much
i just want to be that much closer to you
well i guess i will run away too
this is everything that i've ever wanted, right?
or will it all fall apart like i think it might?
i'm afraid to spread my wings and fly
'cause i'm afraid of failure and afraid of heights
the higher they are, the harder they fall
and when i'm not high i'll remember it all
18 years have passed since then
19 for you it repeats again
within this empty silent box
we have no time we've wasted it all

Gomenasorry

the birds are still chirping at 2 in the morning
i fell asleep with my head against the wood flooring
lick off the grime that builds up on the fingers
i hate the way my body looks so i'll sleep for dinner
there's statues of wasted angels swaying from ropes
on the ceiling of my room, cutting their throats
with daggers to see what will kill them first
the blood loss or hanging or dying of thirst

i don't listen to music much anymore
'cause it reminds me of you in some strange, abstract form
this is a lot higher than i thought i won't break the fall
my halo has dropped, i wish i never had it at all
but now it's too late, you'll only see the reject
banished from heaven for guarding a secret
a disgusting display of salt, zinc, and water
with the foreign anatomy of somebody's daughter

knife fight battle theme

(i think it kinda goes something like
ichi ni san yon go roku nana hachi
kyuu juu juuichi
juuni juusan juuyon juugo
one two ready? go!)

i haven't slept eight hours in
like nine or ten or eleven months
it's easy to fall down
the whole way

a hoax, a hack, a star, a champ
a fake, a fraud, a king, a god
i choke on words
they haven't said it's okay

an inconvenient time for
you held your skull against mine
too soon too late, i had died
with our fingers intertwined

an all familiar thought has come
planted there by somebody from
a time before the concept of the lack

paintings
of the same things
made before we
had ever been

watch the leaves
are you bleeding?
don't you touch me
fucking freak

how lucky they are to have so many options
amongst all of the heads that they have talked with
overthink all of the words i have been saying
oh my god what if they hate me
they definitely hate me

i don't believe in superstitions or whatever
but it's fun to pretend whenever we get together
that there's energy in crystals and meaning in the numbers
because i know that these things bring you a great comfort

beyond practical and pragmatism
i am dedicated to an idealistic caricature
of a body sculpted from stone and born from heaven
scornful, contempt, and so irreverent

october usagi

easter egg at the end

drink from the cup
swallow me whole
i don't wanna go home
i know it'll hurt
sorrow
just like the witch had foretold
that's when i was taught to
lay down and rot 'cause
it kills me faster than seeing the fire die
the flicker of the flame
brings no greater shame
than capitulation without sacrifice
i want to be amusing
so you would use me
for any type of thing you want to
i want to be eccentric
and so majestic
i want to be just like you

like you

wave witch kaori-chan (yōsei 999)

the final wager doth encroach
slash and stab, parry, riposte
the gods may show mercy, but i won't

because it's do or die when the fighting starts,
these homicides are performance art
channel madness from dionysus
regeneration through the violence

like your fathers and your brothers,
you must fight for your honor,
for your friends, for your wives,
for your sons and your daughters
your ferocity burns hot,
but your spirit burns hotter

and with heaven's strength, i would shake the land
where young men die, and where you stand
it is the gold of victory arriving in advance

so, march forth and bring the noise!
i shall give my all to destroy
i trust you are sure to join
do not disappoint!

it's a cruel world and you won't get far
if you don't forgo Venus and worship Mars
the cult of death hates cowardice...
ha!
fear not the end,
it's glorious.

Ares Invictus

HUGE THANKS TO YUKA SEKINE FOR SINGING AND HELPING ME WITH THE LYRICS!!! CHECK OUT HER YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!! https://www.youtube.com/user/melodylover0704

この辺はちょっと危ない
僕は家出をしました
お願い待ってください
疲れた

泣いてごめんなさい
毎晩僕は一人
雪が嫌い
気持ち悪い　

この辺は寒いね
夏だったらいいのにね
かじかんだ両手に
白い息

神様に祈る
弱いのは好きじゃない
もっと強くなる
助けないでください

ヘリオス太陽の神様よ
太陽が、太陽が、太陽が見たい
このままじゃ凍ってしまうよ
僕を暖めてください

this area is a little dangerous
i ran away from home
please wait a minute
i'm exhausted

i'm sorry I cried
i’m alone every night
i hate snow
i feel sick

it’s cold around here, isn't it?
i wish it was summer
i can see my breath
as I try to warm my numb hands

i pray to God
i don’t like being weak
i’ll be stronger
so please don’t help me out

helios, God of the sun
sun, sun, I want to see the sun
i’ll freeze if you let me be
please make me warm

Takeshi's Long Winter in Sapporo

ultraviolet ultraviolence, bleeding the full color spectrum
＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／

A collaboration between myself and And Cowboys (Canada). This originally started as one song (Kokoro) for a compilation album for Asian Glow's discord server. AC reached out to me after I had stated I was open to collaborating with someone and sent me his music. I was very impressed, and surprised that he was so underappreciated. We made Kokoro together last year, and the first version released on New Year's Day, 2023. The version uploaded then was largely incomplete and I wanted to redo it (you can still listen to it if you look for it), and whilst in the process of doing it I suggested that we just make a whole EP. AC sent me some of his unused project ideas and I built on them and sent them back, and he would build on those. This repeated until we had 4 songs done (both parts of Manta Raves were originally in one song). We had never met in person during all of this, and it was done entirely through Discord communication and Google Drive file sharing.

Ontan was one of my listeners a few years prior and eventually I found their art and followed them off of that. She offered to make me art for any type of musical project I need it for. Apparently, she knew about AC already from a Number Girl fan discord or something, so I thought she would be a great fit for this project. Small world huh?

I am very proud of how it all came together, and I'm forever grateful to AC and Ontan for their patience with me and contributions on this project!!! It feels like we all worked really hard together on a group project in community college and got an A+... 

ENJOY!!! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) <3

Manta Raves (二)

Manta Raves (一​)

(pronounced like "Achilles", kah-boo-kill-eez)

shooting stars across your arms
trust me with the sacred scars
on your pristine porcelain shell
i promise i won't tell
pretty boy, i melt into you
here we'll howl at the moon
and stay up all night hoping it will howl back too

rest your head upon my clavicle
i'll hold you by my side
at least this still feels magical
at least you're still alive

they've sent you here just to take you away
and enshrine your body into the paint
of a stunning picture with colors you could taste
but worry not, we're getting out of this place

still, if worse, worse, worse comes to worst
worth, worth, worth, know your worth
for you, i'd move the sun and the moon
all the stars and jupiter and mars and neptune!

where? where? where does it hurt?
why!? why!? why were you cursed!?
i wish it were me...
you don't deserve to die so unsightly

you're bleeding, conceding
at least your heart's still beating
slowly for the moment but i'm praying you get better
i hope you never die
i hope you live forever
a newly found beauty
i want to learn how to be holy like you
so show me how you do it
don't leave me alone
please, you have to live through this!
god was on the phone but i think the call dropped
where was he when the magic had to stop?
i don't think i'll go to heaven, i don't treat others well
so just let me take your spot in hell
the scars on your porcelain
the stars on your porcelain
the scars on your porcelain skin
you said that they were opening
you said that they were opening
you said that they were opening again

Kabukilles

oh, father sun, oh, mother moon, the children you have made
have started teaching one another how to lie and cheat and hate
and if they hate enough, they'll take their grudges to the grave
they're learning how to kill each other faster every single day
you'll find them shadowboxing until their hands start to bleed
covet what they can't have and taking as they please
father sun, mother moon, the children have grown older
it's too late now to get the chips off of their shoulders

oh, father sun, oh, mother moon, the children misbehave!
they say it's 'cause you didn't listen when they tried to pray
and though they've grown to spite you,
still they'll sometimes call for thee
"my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?"
a rabbit, a roach, a rat, a rose
bad habits don't tend to go away on their own, i suppose
i try to prove myself to them
i lose, i lose, i lose again
i'm not exactly sure if it's worth it, though

where angel wings are clipped and souls are sold
i want to die here, i don't ever want to grow old
dogs of war don't come back the same
i'm going to die here so i never have to change
they hate people like me back home
i want to die here so i never have to go
i want to stay for eternity
i'm going to die here so i never have to leave

War Devil

i got all dolled up just for this adventure
with wings of wax and war paint across my nose
to look my best when you're taking my picture
i never thought i'd have to stoop so low

i'm gonna bury you under the moon
i know i'm flying too close to the sun
but that's the thing that separates me from you
i do the things that still have to be done

it smells of smoke
it burns! it burns like flame!
it makes me choke
it hurts! it hurts like hell!
the fireworks are lighting up my face
don't tell heaven just how far i fell

i tried and failed to kill my own ego
all i know is that i'll never be a hero
sorry that i hurt everything i touch
i hate that!
i hate that i hate so much
pretty people don't act so violent
pretty, pretty people sit there in silence
i want to be loved like you
should i keep my mouth shut tight too?
what does it take to be respected?
what will it take for me to be accepted?
i'm full of fury and i know it
pretty boys don't feel these emotions

i don't deserve to be seen
i am not a human being
when i rot, i'll rot alone
harmonize with marigolds

would the flowers that i grow
from my flesh and blood and bone
be loved more than i ever will?
or would i be a villain still?
tulips don't cause any harm
and daisies won't leave you with scars
if that's true, i'll die in dirt
and become one with mother earth

orchids, lilies, dahlias, hydrangeas
chrysanthemums, poppies and camellias
sunflowers and lilacs, roses too
all peppered with the morning dew

Kokoro

for a moment, i'll be an angel
high to low then a bloody faceful
of concrete, gore, and filth and obscenity
while i'm floating i'll become capable
of being golden, gorgeous, graceful
and it's only for the time i'm flying, but finally

i will look so lovely
and then all of you will see
the way i saw myself
in the bathroom mirror
with a face covered in tears
it was half past midnight in hell
you will know my body
every scar that's written on me
all of the thoughts in my mind
you'll think they are so beautiful
and that you could have saved it all
that i was just too pretty to die

i tried to get to heaven
when i was close, i came back down
i would fall like that forever
but i'll have to hit the ground
i'll pierce straight through the planet
and i'll party with the pagans
i'll plummet through all nine circles
and land right next to satan

you'll listen to my songs
that i worked on for so long
at least somebody's hearing them now
you'll read all of my writing
hope that it makes you start crying
take the words right out of your mouth
i will live on in the inking
and the melodies you're singing
in your hearts and minds just as well
you'll think that i was lovely
then all of you will love me
the way only i loved myself

Ika-Ika-Ikarus!

Downhill

7.62 Play With Guns

Kill Me!

Year of the Horse

seven hours
field of flowers
butterflies on the moon
eastern kyoto
matsumoto's
i hope you get well soon
swimming pools full of chlorine
what the hell is that supposed to mean
im so sorry that i did that
at the end of the road theres a black cat

i broke my bones back in february
it gave me quite a fright
one year later and im surfing in hawaii
still having lonely nights
i just wish i could leave it all behind
and throw it all away
i just wish i could clear my mind
and enjoy everyday
my feet are in the sand and there's water on my body
i do the best i can to keep my brain from rotting
suicidal thoughts but i wont ever do it
i keep a loaded gun with me but im too scared to use it

seven hours
field of flowers
butterflies on the moon
eastern kyoto
matsumoto's
i hope you get well soon
swimming pools full of chlorine
what the hell is that supposed to mean
im so sorry that i did that
at the end of the road theres a black cat

is there a heaven
is there a hell
is there a purgatory
will i be there by myself
im not excited for when the day comes
that im lying in a hearse
whatever's waiting on the other side
surely can not be worse
my feet are in the sand and there's water on my body
i do the best i can to keep my brain from rotting
suicidal thoughts but i wont ever do it
i keep a loaded gun with me but im too scared to use it

seven hours
field of flowers
butterflies on the moon
eastern kyoto
matsumoto's
i hope you get well soon
swimming pools full of chlorine
what the hell is that supposed to mean
im so sorry that i did that
at the end of the road theres a black cat

Butterflies on the Moon

theres snakes in the grass with venom in their fangs
and tigers behind the trees
when the people you trust start to up and leave
then you'll see what i mean
molotov cocktails flying through the air
before they burst into flame
theres four horsemen always drawing near
and they all know your name

i take shelter from it all
with the sun and steel
i walk around empty halls
looking for something real
tell me something that is true
i have to keep my faith
i like the sky so blue
i like the ocean waves

theres snakes in the grass with venom in their fangs
and tigers behind the trees
when the people you trust start to up and leave
then you'll see what i mean
molotov cocktails flying through the air
before they burst into flame
theres four horsemen always drawing near
and they all know your name

i've got to get away
i've got to leave
i've got to escape
that's all i need
i hate all the fake
i hate the lies
all the steps that they take
to keep their disguise

theres snakes in the grass with venom in their fangs
and tigers behind the trees
when the people you trust start to up and leave
then you'll see what i mean
molotov cocktails flying through the air
before they burst into flame
theres four horsemen always drawing near
and they all know your name

Molotov

its just another day in the american wastes
its the greatest thing i've ever had the pleasure to disgrace
and i hate it here but what can i do
i used to love saturday morning cartoons
now i wake up on the weekends with nothing on my mind
and i just go through the motions while im killing all my time
the eternal grind and wasted years
its such a waste of life and a waste of tears
i hide my face everywhere that i go
cuz im so ashamed and everyone else knows 
theres a time and a place for everything
and i guess now is the time to be melancholy
and my red thread of fate was cut halfway through
it's a mistake that i made that i can no longer undo
i remember back at haleiwa beach
i wanted one moment to last eternity

and i know
yeah i know
theres no joy
when you reminisce about the past
and i know
yeah i know
theres no joy
when your life passes by you so fast

No Joy

theres a war 
somewhere for i dont know what
anymore
of this and i will shut
myself out from the world until the rapture comes
and i will come to terms with being comfortably numb

all of your heroes are dead
what more can really be said

i know its hard to run away
and i know its harder to stay
but theres no point in crying over the past
move on with your life or you wont last

its such a shame
that they were made of flesh and blood
when death came
donned in a mask and a hood
with a scythe of bones and knocked on their door while
they were trying to atone for their sins from before

all of your heroes are dead
so focus on your life instead

i know its hard to run away
and i know its harder to stay
but theres no point in crying over the past
move on with your life or you wont last

Dead Heroes

war and peace and death from above
i want a nice green lawn in suburbia
i want two strong sons a loving wife
i want a relatively simple but happy life
but i'll likely waste away gazing at the stars
because the path of the angels is one step too far
i like to play with guns so don't play with me
pax pacifica all across the sea
i've got thirty bullets loaded which one do you want
i'll make it really quick im not the type to flaunt
evil overlords with satanic dreams
i could blame them for my problems but i know its all me
and im not a good person im not one to talk
im exactly the type of loser people mock
i take shots of whiskey to forget the past
and i look at old pictures when i want to go back
im a mess fucked up beyond saving
not making good use of the life God gave me 
ak47s at waimea bay
im a songwriter with nothing to say
i've got stories from people more successful than i
and i'm so sick of wanting to die
i wonder how i'd be if i didn't waste all
the chances i was given to be normal

AK47s At Waimea Bay

i'll likely run away
back to the safety of my comfort zone
and im too scared to face 
the struggles of this world on my own
and if i could have been born
three thousand miles closer to you
i would trade the hawaiian shores
for a california coastal view

but there's a boy waiting for you 
with blond hair and tan skin
and i know he's your type
im sorry i cant be him

cover your eyes and pretend not see
everything wrong with me
tell me your lies, whatever you need
as long as you dont leave
cover your eyes and pretend not see
everything wrong with me
tell me your lies, whatever you need
as long as you dont leave

i have a fear of being emotionally vulnerable
but i'll say this right here this loneliness is insufferable
and i truly tried my best but my best just isnt enough
this is just a bad dream but i dont think i'll wake up

and you dont like boys, only men so how can i compete
theres a ton that want you and they're all better than me

cover your eyes and pretend not see
everything wrong with me
tell me your lies, whatever you need
as long as you dont leave
cover your eyes and pretend not see
everything wrong with me
tell me your lies, whatever you need
as long as you dont leave

North Hollywood

they say its always darkest before the dawn
but i got nothing really going on
somethings wrong i always feel like im about to cry
i rarely leave my room i rarely go outside
sometimes i feel like no one understands
my life isnt going the way i planned
im alone and i dont wanna be anymore
i know that when it rains it pours

bad luck bad news bad attitude
white lies no truth thats the devil in you
drywall phone screen whats wrong with me
i wanna sing like the birds in the trees
i feel like flying
i feel like flying
i feel like falling 
falling down

i've got nothing on my mind
all i do is complain and whine
i don't know what to do i don't know where to go
theres nothing out there for me but im sick of staying home
i'm my own worst enemy
that's all i am that's all i'll ever be
everyday's the same it keeps happening again
i hope something will change but i dont know if or when

bad luck bad news bad attitude
white lies no truth thats the devil in you
drywall phone screen whats wrong with me
i wanna sing like the birds in the trees
i feel like flying
i feel like flying
i feel like falling 
falling down

Falling

so full of sorrow
its a test of my faith
cant picture a tomorrow
cant handle the wait
dont look at me
i dont really like the attention
and i dont want or need
anymore teenage depression
in my life
and i wont lie
im dying inside
but boys dont cry

questioning God's plan
fill my heart with knives
its a teenage wasteland
what a time to be alive
intake propaganda
and dehumanize
yell out like a child
until help arrives

same shit different day
takes a toll on me
and i will always say
happiness will come eventually
but nothing
is guaranteed
for you
or for me

and boys dont cry
its a bad thing to do
boys dont cry
whats wrong with you

on a summer's day
with cicada hums
thinking about the man
i'll become
wondering about
life after death
and how i'll spend
my last breath

dont cry
boys dont cry
so i wont
i'll keep it all inside

Boys Don't Cry

cover art by @halfperfection on instagram

you're fed up with the world
looked up how to tie a noose
you're a child of the devil
and a victim of abuse
but that's okay because
i think that im a lot like you
i have my flaws and regrets
im imperfect too

when the knives start to rust
it will all return to dust

the streets are just echoes of fallen greatness
where the young and naive go to meet the faithless
passed out on trains that are going nowhere
baptized by fire in holy warfare

the flames of the underworld
are hotter than you think
the bodies of the damned 
perpetually stink
you're a product of your environment
so please dont blame yourself
but there's no point in blaming anybody else

you're obsessed with the moon
salvation wont be coming soon

strange ceremonies and blood rituals
evil black magic and dark crystals
pagans and witchcraft are your only hope
theres so many things you'll never know

songs of birds echo through my room at night
ballerinas made of glass await me in daylight
songs of birds echo through my room at night
ballerinas made of glass await me in daylight

i died long ago because i killed myself trying to rebel
and im sorry but im already so far gone i cant love anyone

Wicca Kids

lonely girl befriends ghosts

thank you eddie for playing the trumpet

she is a weeknight crier
and a screamer on the weekend
she wants eternal hellfire
triple six, no god in heaven

she's a lover of chaos
she might just perform a seance
really wants to feel less alone
she tries to become friends with ghosts
cause they care for her
and make her feel
like she is loved
and they're still
real to her
real to her
real to her
real to her

she saw the grim reaper
and he was dressed in white
only ghosts will keep her
she sees them every night

doesn't care about the future
she's running from the rumors
that she likes to talk to yokai
just wants see the afterlife
she cares for them
like no one could
and they love her
like no one would
ever again
ever again

Yokai

howzit!! o(^_^)b
人人人人　へ( ﾟｪﾟ)＿ 人人人人

Pacific Purgatory

Pinned to spotlight

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