​​waiting for a song I’ll never write
can’t find the thoughts to satisfy 
persistent waves keep pushing out
the motivation to even try

i’ve got a million lines
i've started with no end
phrases go unresolved
born just to suspend

i wish i could write songs like Pedro the Lion
but a prophet is no prophet in their own mind
i want that headspace of the Mountain Goats 
that anxious confidence of Rivers Cuomo

every thought rendered invalid 
before it even sees the light of day
consistently at an intersection
yielding the right of way

my fear is i’ll come off
sounding all pretentious
because it’s all been done before
i’ve got nothing new or inventive

maybe my voice won’t be heard till i’m dead & buried
volumes never dared to share, just carried
i write one line and feel like an artist
i write one more and i’m convinced it’s garbage 

maybe this is the struggle
for those who create at all
it’s likely i’ll never know for sure
if i cant break this dialogue

i wish i could write songs like Backwards Walk
but a prophet is no prophet in their own thoughts
i wish i could evoke the depths of Julien Baker
but i’m gonna guess these thoughts will only live on paper 

i’m thinking it’s past time
to forget it or risk it
Just sing these songs of mine
no matter who listens

A Prophet Is No Prophet In Their Own Mind

In 2001
You took my picture but I was a coward
who was way out of his league 

In 2002
I write you a letter on a paper towel
And so began our journey 

In 2003
I gave you a rubber band 
I got down on a knee

In 2004 
You took my name & I took your hand 
living the dream at only 20

In 2005
We ventured out on our own
just us in the bluegrass state

In 2009
Our little family grows & we move back home
and life just seem to accelerate

By 2013
We’re a family a five
living that mini van life

I can’t imagine a better timeline
than the one where you said yes
to being my wife 

Of course things haven't been perfect
but i wouldn't alter the slightest thing
in fear that it would disturb this
Timeline & current reality

I know all this multiverse talk
sure doesn't sound romantic
but let's not pretend
like this story has been
anything other than enchanted

It started with a sharpie
And a paper towel
The odds were surely not in my favor

But look at this life
That we’ve built now
Thanks for looking past my early behavior 

Not sure what you saw in me
Surely not the hat and cut off slacks
Thanks for putting up with the 
knee high socks and first date nap

I’m not sure what made you
wanna stick around
but I’m sure glad you did
because i can’t imagine
anything better than this
No i can't imagine anything be-tter-than-this

its 2021 now
the world’s a mess
It’s a full blown pandemic

Still I’m in love with that girl I met
All those years ago
I’ll never forget it

Timeline

I thought I had a handle on this
it’s clear it has its hand on me
thought it was under control
but sometimes I live at its mercy

some say it’s been
long enough to mend
but

It comes in waves
sometimes I ride it fine
others I just capsize

there are days
I can’t seem to fight it back
it comes leaking out of every crack

I never know just how its sparks
but the pilot light always seems lit
sometimes the effect is regret
but sometimes it helps to reminisce

some say it’s been
long enough to mend
but

It comes in waves
sometimes I ride it fine
others I just capsize

there are days
I can’t seem to fight it back
it comes leaking out of every crack

I can’t keep pace
but it’s not just the weight of grief
I’m like a puzzle with a missing piece

sometimes I want it to go
sometimes I don’t
I guess feeling like this
is better than forgetting

I thought I had a handle on this
it’s clear it has its hand on me
maybe one day it'll be under control
but today I’m at its mercy

Grief

A song about being on the beach during Christmas.

Christmas Day
Don’t feel the same
On the beach

The sand and waves
Feels so strange
Instead of snow under my feet

Christmas Day
Just don’t feel right
In the heat

Either way
its all ok
When I’m alongside
Family

So whether the snow falls
Or the waves crash
The temps drop
Or the sun basks

There’s   on one necessity
Only one thing I need
For this to be right
You by my side


I could be
Just about any place
On a holiday

If you’re with me
Don’t care where
It’s all the same

So whether the snow falls
Or the waves crash
The temps drop
Or the sun basks

There’s just one necessity
Only one thing I need
For this to be right
You by my side

We got Christmas
Traditions
A whole bunch

but without
all of us
They don’t mean much

I think 
what I'm
trying to say with this

snow or beach
cold or heat
if we're together
it's Christmas

Christmas on the Beach Feels Weird

A song about going back home for Christmas.

Its good to be back up north
Strange how the cold evokes the warmth

Though it falls in the midst of winter
I feel warmest here in late December
 
The clouds of breathe that form at my lips
Are mere reminders of what I missed
The frost that forms on my window
is little more than a sign, “welcome home”
 
It’s good to be back up north
I’ve missed it more than I bargained for

It’s the coldest I’ll feel all year
But my heart thaws when I’m here

ever since this newfound distance
I've missed this midwest Christmas
something here just hits different
I've missed this midwest Christmas

maybe I’m just nostalgic or maybe I’m just worn
But who needs the south when you got the warmth of the north

Its good to be back up north
even if the visit's short

midwest, My roots, I’ll return soon
I swear, i'll come back home to you

It's Good To Be Back Up North

just another guy with a microphone & a computer. nothing special. just sharing an outlet of mine. more about this forced midlife crisis to do something that scares me (like sharing original music) at brettryantalley.com.

Pastime