decided i was going to start an emo band by myself and made this in around four hours

hope it's decent enough for the internet

yelling softly, speaking to you
i can read that expression that you do
it screams loudly towards my eyes
"either something's wrong or someone died"
i'm struggling with everyday things
like going to the bank or buying groceries for us
and it's nothing for you to brush me off like dust on your jacket sleeve
but something in you won't let it happen this week

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
how can i be such a
big fuck up?

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

asking questions you don't even know the answer to
it makes no sense, still it's the only thing that i can do
i wish i was invisible for just one day of my life
i'd be so much better off if i disappeared for eternity
late night phone calls, missing your touch
nothing says "i don't need you these days," quite like not answering does
i am sorry for my mistakes
i'm but a fragile addition to something uncouth, you're the nucleus of this whole world

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
how can i be such a
big fuck up?

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

day drink

<3

sleeping through weekends
sleeping through weekdays
sleeping through family events
i just don't care

sleep through the alarm clock
sleep until my heart stops
sleep until i don't wake
fighting my fear of death

fighting my fear of death
fighting my fear of death

sleeping in guest rooms
sleeping depressed, too
sleepwalk out to the bridge
i'll jump one day

sleep to avoid things
sleep and act dead
said you'll wake me up soon well
what are you waiting for?

what are you waiting for?
what are you waiting for?

sleep

passed out in some garage
someone broke my guitar
spilled beer on your friend's couch
but i'm not fucking sorry
i'll see you tomorrow
i've gotta sleep some more
and when i leave your house
you'll hear me slam the door

i woke up in the eve-
ning with you in my bed
i wondered what was going on
i wondered what we said
both of us high as hell
surprised that we could speak
said something fucking stupid
and then you said to me

i don't know where i'm goin'
and i don't know what i feel
and i don't know who i am
or what is real

got a gig tonight
don't think i have a ride
supposed to start at 6
i'll be there at 9
what the hell's my name?
i don't remember it
and who plays in my band?
oh, i don't give a shit

i might hit the town
like where's the party at?
and stuff my fucking face
until i have a heart attack
i'm probably better off
a memory or dream
but for now i'm here
at least that's how it seems but

olive jacket, magenta hair
pale skin with a piercing stare
you see through my eyes to my brain
swallowed whole by an empty void
wondered if i'd be destroyed
but somehow you saved me from it

speak in tongues through a speakerphone
never see what i need to know
i always just do at the end
question morals and need support
swapping spit in a pillow fort
i'm drunk on a sunday again

i'm fading out
but i'll open up
at least i would
but i'm frozen shut
god damn

white lies on the telephone
might cry if i make it home
but something tells me that i won't
water bottle of alcohol
on my teacher's desk in a middle school
we all must find our escapes

broken clasp on a cookie jar
empty cabinets, looking hard
for something to eat in this place
going hungry or maybe starving
myself because i hate who i am
oh, i do, oh yes, i do

i'm fading out
but i'll open up
at least i would
but i'm frozen shut
god damn

i'm fading out
but i'll open up
at least i would
but i'm frozen shut
god damn

frozen shut

sleep and showers beckoning
like knocks upon a door
heartache spreads like rumored news
but i still ask for more
staring through a keyhole
at the light that glows outside
like watching family videos
the night after your loved one's died

laying a puddle of my own sweat on the floor
i must let these demons out before they eat my core
cannot stand to be here that much longer, i am sure
why waste time living anymore?

i see my face
on your pack of cigarettes
i see your lungs
in every dying star

we lie awake at night
two owls in a tree
fading in and out
of our immortality
i question everything
from myself to the sky
i hope that i might learn
a fraction of it all before i die

praying in a huddle for a couple extra days
i can spend inside my house and use for coping with my ways
i imagine heaven as a room in which you stay
and i imagine hell as when you go away

i see my face
on your pack of cigarettes
i see your lungs
in every dying star

why must we lay here? 
oh, why must we lay here? 
oh, why must we lay here?
oh, why must we lay alone? alone?

i see my face
on your pack of cigarettes
i see your lungs
in every dying star
i see my home
in your fucking sillhouette
i see my loneliness
in your absence

absence

a song that functions as a coping mechanism

maybe i'll leave home today and drive or walk around
i could meet some friends for dinner at a restaurant downtown
but something tells me it's a bad idea to outside
that little voice inside my head that whispers "you might die"

maybe i'll get out of bed and go down to the store
i could buy a couple candy bars or bleed out on the floor
i'm so prone to accidents and awkward little habits
i don't wanna leave my room, i wanna hide out in my attic

i am afraid of everything
i run away from everything

i think i'll go out tonight, and maybe see a movie
'cause there's so much to fear in life, but also so much beauty
i know that my condition is difficult, alright
but i'm sick of letting all my friends believe that they're disliked

so i'm gonna leave my house today
i'm gonna say all that i need to say
and i'll talk to strangers and compliment them
to prove to myself that i'm strengthened again

i am okay with everything
i'll be okay through anything

anxiety; self-reliance

artwork was shot by mae <3 tysm

we keep drifting through these weekends
i keep wondering what's keeping
me away from ever speaking
properly in conversations

i can't swallow medication
you keep forgetting to take it
wonder how my name keeps ending
up in stranger's mouths

in all these conversations

nothing like anonymous comments
to make you feel like everything's fading out
i'm not waiting, i'm not waiting
for the sadness to go
too much time on my hands, yes
it's obvious that i am blessed
but something tells me i can't rest
until i find something good to do

i can't keep staying up all night
i can't keep waiting for daylight
i can't keep watching the sunrise
i can't keep hoping that something will rescue me

i can't keep staying up all night
i can't keep waiting for daylight
i can't keep watching the sunrise
i've gotta fix this shit now

been losing my friends and severing ties
we walked to the ending and said our goodbyes
but somehow, no matter the passage of time
they always fucking talk about me

pastor present

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