070421, memo 9. rishi, upright.  jaron, launchpad midisynth, monogram cc.  mike, pads midi, yelling.  brenda, kaosscilator, drums.   kaela, blahaj.  desi, barking. c':

foreverjuly

scrapped album intro track - felt necessary to release something while music remains difficult for me. working on reboot + new visual/musical direction

i'll put it on plats if you all enjoy it that much

guitar by soundcloud.com/maae-ko

is it my fault
that i feel like i'm the center of gravity
feel like everyone else has it out for me
that all my problems will resolve themselves naturally
the moment is magically
erased like its alchemy

why does everyone else seem afraid of me
have i always been some kind of enemy
am i afraid to be wrong or just scared to belong or do i want everyone else gone

crickets [jan 2023]

delusion3_chapter367

unused_1

janey E - mythical reel pull _heart_eyes_emoji_

New Hope, Chapter XX - hold It
Recorded 6.12.24

I need to say my needs, I couldn't hold It
doesn't even like something you would get, doesn't even like something you would get
doesn't even like something you would get, doesn't even like something you would get

I never knew why, I never knew why, I never knew why
baby, it seems like you don't have to try
I never knew why
seems like you don't have to try
I never knew why
baby, yeah it seems like you don't have to try
I never knew why, I never knew why, I never knew why, why
I never knew why
I never knew why, never knew why
yeah, I never knew why, never knew why
yeah it seems like you never have to try
I never knew why, no I never knew why
never knew why, seems like you don't have to try
oh,
never knew why, never knew why
oh I never seem to forget you

no I never seem to forget you
seems so grey without you babe
why does it seem so grey with you babe (no I never seem to forget you)
no I never seem to forget you (I need to say for what it was)
I need to say, I couldn't hold It
I need to say "I won't forget you"

New Hope

hold It

New Hope, Chapter VII - honest
Recorded 2.1.24

oh, don't let em take my breath away again
oh, I'll live forever if I could, if I could
death only matters anyway 
if you have someone to share it with
promise I won't put you on a pedestal
I'll only love you forever
and the sun's getting hotter, oh
but my hope's getting bright
one day we'll have a baby, my love 
one day we'll have a baby
in each other's arms, I love you still
oh, I could look at those brown eyes forever, and see you still

only I know how to love forever
if I could love you still
and only my friends could catch a glipse of the spark
only from the start
read your funny books
and tell me everything inside them
read your funny books
and tell me fuckin' everything

i know the music ain't perfect yet anyway
what the fuck does that even mean?
i'm recording into a focusrite
to tell you i'll love forever

baby I had a dream that you and I were in a library

-st

hmm? (do it anyways)

honest

New Hope, Chapter XII - guilt
Recorded 3.14.24

guilt, nah nah nah nah no (no)
guilt, nah nah nah nah no
guilt, nah nah nah nah no (no)
guilt, nah nah nah nah no

guilt

New Hope, Chapter X - Just go
Recorded 2.24.24

lyrics unavailable for transcription

Just go

Hell Canto

On 7.10.23, Palestinian forces, led by Hamas, broke down the fence separating the Gaza enclave from Israel and unleashed a savage day of slaughter and kidnapping that ended with 1,195 dead on the Israeli side and 251 taken as hostages. The Israeli response was just as savage but much longer lasting and much, much more devastating. It resulted (at the time of writing) in around 72,000 deaths (70,000 - most likely, many more - Palestinians, largely non combatants, and 2,000 Israelis, largely soldiers) in Gaza, as well as at least 170,000 Palestinians injured, compounded by a genocidal policy of starvation and destruction of civil order. A response that has destroyed most of Gaza and accelerated the expansion of illegal settlements in the West Bank - where there have been around 1,000 Palestinian deaths caused by Israeli settlers and the IDF since October ’23. There have also been many deaths and injured in Lebanon, Syria, Iran and Yemen.

The horrors of the Unholy Land felt near at home, and like the invasion of Ukraine, pushed me to give some kind of personal response - however pointless and inadequate - beyond following and sharing news and commentaries. Already far into Luna rising, a text and electronica album about Ukraine and Russia, I didn't feel capable of responding with texts so I embarked on a wordless album called Hell Canto.

The parameters are the same for each of the Hell Canto pieces. I’d call the methodology a way of comprovisation, of making sound poetry, derived from vocal improvisations and electronic manipulations. In November '25, having recorded 50 pieces, decided to stop adding more - also the fragile and unlikely October '25 ceasefire remains in place though in practice the word ‘ceasefire’ is a bad joke, with no sign of real peace and humanitarian and political solutions on the horizon. I’ve listened through the 50 pieces and chosen 27 that I’d like to be included in the album and 23 which are orphans for the time being at least. The 27 pieces come to a total of 80 minutes which might be too long for a CD. It’s not sure yet. Anyway, for now there are 2 Soundcloud playlists - the 27 in the draft order for the album, and the 23 which for now are in order of recording.

Raining Spiderling
Istanbul, December 2025

Plague (mix 1.1)

some ambient and addicting sounds I had forgotten about. listen and forget. forget you listened. let them repeat.

phoenixremix w/ lethaldisk

show light
member/cofounder @anythingcouldbehere

guilt

patchymate